First of all, I'm soooooo sorry for the delay. This chapter just would NOT be written. I struggled for weeks to get it set out, so here it finally is.

CHAPTER NINE - LIFTING THE BURDEN

When Julien came to himself the next morning, the first thing he registered was the blinding pain in his head. He'd never felt anything so intensely painful in his entire life. Blearily, he fought to find some memories of the night before, but they completely eluded him.

The next thing he realised was that he was not on his own. His head was pillowed on someone's shoulder and there was a pair of strong arms firmly around him. Only one person could care enough to be here for him in his despair.

"'Tienne?" he murmured, realising that his voice was hoarse and cracked. Then he winced as another spasm of pain shot through him.

"Mmmh?" Etienne stirred, then ran a gentle hand over Julien's smooth blond hair. "Are you feeling the after-affects, mon ami?"

"I feel awful!" groaned Julien, laying his head back down on Etienne's shoulder before he realised what he was doing. Once he realised, he blushed vividly and tried to pull away. Etienne just smiled and held onto him.

"Just relax will you?" he said softly. "In five minutes, you're not going to be so eager to move, trust me. Just take it easy for a moment."

"I'm sorry." mumbled Julien. "You must have had no sleep. I'm sorry I made such a fool of myself!"

"Don't be so silly." Etienne chided him. "Julien, you know I'll always be here for you! I just wish you could talk to me instead of shutting your heart away!"

"I just…" Enjolras suddenly leaned over the mattress and vomited into the strategically-placed wash-basin. "Oh Christ…"

"This, my friend, is what it feels like to be hungover." said Combeferre gently. "Now, come. Just talk to me."

"I don't know why I did that last night." Julien replied in a small voice. "I don't even like alcohol. I just had to find a way to make it stop."

"You could have come to me, you know." Etienne chided him softly. "Or to Rene. You need someone with you at a time like this, mon frere, you can't get through it alone!"

"I should be able to, though!" protested Julien groggily. "I should be able to control my emotions."

"Why?" asked Etienne softly. "They do you no discredit, my friend, they simply make you human! All you are showing, Julien, is that you have a heart."

Whether it was these words, the gentle embrace, or simply the effect of the hangover, Julien buried his face in Etienne's shoulder and started to cry. Finally.

Etienne shut his eyes momentarily in relief and pulled him closer, listening to his friend sobbing; not through drink, not through anger, but simply through grief. Julien cried uncontrollably for a very long time because he'd lost his sister, because he's lost his brother and because he'd never had parents there to lose.

Etienne could hardly blame him. Julien was so used to being looked up to, to being treated as a leader, to being looked to for guidance, that he had forgotten what it felt like to feel vulnerable. He had simply got used to putting other people's feelings before his own, but at a time like this, his own emotions had simply refused to be quelled.

And still the young blond cried, in the security of knowing that Etienne was there; that his friend thought no less of him and would still be there to stand by his side when they returned to Paris. Speaking of which…

"I want to go back to Paris as soon as possible." he said through his sobs. Etienne was hardly surprised. He doubted very much that any of his family, save Rene of course, would make Julien feel the slightest bit welcome for the remainder of his stay.

"If that's what you want." he nodded supportively. "That's what we'll do."

It would be for the best, too. At least that way Julien would be surrounded by the amis – people who genuinely cared about him – instead of his cold-hearted family.

As for Julien himself, his mind was racing; not the best of combinations with a spinning head. He could remember very little of the night before, but he knew that he had wept like a child. He had cried inconsolably for what seemed like hours, but Etienne had never left him, never laughed at him, never sneered at him. So was he truly not weak for expressing his emotions? It seemed to be that way…

"Julien, trust me, I do not think you are weak or childish." said Etienne, once more showing his uncanny knack of reading his friend's mind. "I would think less of you if you hadn't cried, believe me. That you weep for her just shows that you loved her. Louis and Antoine don't cry because they don't care. Would you really prefer to hold back your emotions and be like them?"

"No, I suppose not." replied Julien, his sobbing diminishing now to hitched breaths and occasional hiccups. He looked so young like that.

"It does not make you worthless that you cried for her. Or that you cried for Nicolas." said Etienne again, determined to get his message across. "Julien, do you honestly think I would refrain from shedding tears if something happened to you?"

"Not really." Julien confessed, blinking as the room spun a little.

"Of course I wouldn't. I would be distraught, let me tell you! So does that make me some weak emotional child, or does it mean instead that I care about u and love you like a brother?"

Julien hid his face again, moved to more tears by Etienne's words.

"Why are you always right?" he asked in a quavering voice. Etienne smiled and leaned his head against the blond one.

"Because I am. It's as simple as that!" he laughed, relaxing as Julien hugged him in return. "Do you feel any better now?"

"I feel awful!" Julien groaned. "But I do feel a little better, I suppose. My chest does not feel like it's going to explode anymore. That sounds juvenile, but…"

"No, it doesn't." Etienne reassured him. "I know what you're trying to say. You've let the weight off your chest. You let it out when you cried."

"I still miss her." said Julien quietly. "But I think I am happy she is at peace now. She will be with Nicolas. He will look after her."

"Of course he will, mon ami." said Etienne softly. "Of course he will."

ooo

"Are you ready?" asked Etienne, hauling Julien to his feet and slinging his own bag over his shoulder.

"Oui. Let's go home." the blond agreed, gathering his coat and satchel.

"Are you going to tell your parents that you're leaving?" the curly-haired medical student enquired. Julien shook his head.

"No." he answered quietly. "I have said all I ever want to say to them now. I only came here to say goodbye to Christine…and I've done that now. There is nothing to keep me here. I'd far rather be in Paris with the others."

"Me too." said Etienne comfortingly. "But we'd best be heading off soon if we intend to catch that coach."

"I couldn't agree more. Let's just get out of here!" Julien shook his hair out of his eyes and they headed for the door…

To be confronted by Louis and Antoine.

"Leaving so soon, little brother?" sniggered Louis scornfully. "With no word to Papa? Dear me, your manners are slipping!"

"Just get out of my way!" snarled Julien. "I've nothing to say to you!"

"And just where did the two of you disappear to last night?" leered Antoine, ignoring him. "Did you go up to bed and writhe in each other's arms? Did you let Etienne kiss your tears away, you pathetic little weed?"

Julien went pure white with fury. As one, he and Etienne brought both his sniggering brothers to the floor with one punch. The identical idiots hit the ground with blood spurting from their noses.

"And this…" said Julien, kicking Louis in the stomach. "Is for what you said about Christine!"

And so the two students strode down the stairs together.

ooo

"Leaving without saying goodbye, petit?"

Shamefaced, Julien started and swung round to face his eldest brother.

"Forgive me, Rene, but I really have to leave. I've had enough of this place. I just want to go home to Paris."

"Julien, stay another couple of days!" pleaded Rene, gazing worriedly at the pale face of his younger brother. "Please, you cannot be fit to travel!"

"I am fit, Rene, I assure you." said Julien unhappily. He felt slightly ashamed of himself for running away like this and leaving his elder brother – whom he had not seen for a year. But he simply could not bear to spend another day at home.

"I'll look after him, Rene. I promise." said Etienne and Rene was quick to notice the look of understanding that flashed between his little brother and his friend.

Julien looked better than he had done yesterday. Though his face was white, his eyes still bearing a lingering red from his morning's weeping; he was no longer dazed and withdrawn. It seemed like the burden of grief had been lifted from his heart.

Reluctantly, Rene gave in with a sigh.

"All right. If that's what you want, I won't stop you." he conceded. "Write to me and let me know you got there safely…and keep out of trouble!"

"I will." said Julien quietly, casting his eyes about his home. He doubted he would return again. There was nothing left to return for now. "When you are next in Paris, come by our rooms. I'll be glad to see you. You know you're always welcome."

"I know. I do understand why you're doing this. I just wish I could be there for you." said his brother, clasping his shoulder. Julien actually smiled.

"Don't worry." he said. "I've got Etienne."

Finis