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Alex tenderly held her face in his hands, and kissed her.
It felt so right, holding her, feeling her soft lips against his. This was all he wanted.
Alex was jerked back to the harsh reality of the situation when Izzie quickly pulled away from his grasp. He looked up to see tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Alex, I can't. Not now, maybe not ever. You've been great through all of this, and I thank you for that, but I just can't do this, especially with you. You hurt me. And when I was with Denny, I didn't hurt as much. And now Denny's gone too, and I hurt more than ever. I'm not ready to get hurt again. I don't deserve that." Izzie collapsed into a chair, her tearstained face looking down at the floor.
"Izzie, I'm sorry. I know I didn't say it before, but I am. You're right, you don't deserve to be hurt. And knowing that I've contributed to your pain, geez, Iz, it fcking sucks! All I want is to go back, and take back every awful thing I ever did that hurt you!"
There are tears in Alex's eyes too, and they began to fall as he takes a shaky breath and continues.
"I love you, Izzie. I never thought I would ever feel that way about someone, much less say it, but I can't help it. I slept with Olivia because there were no strings attached, not like you. You would've wanted to talk about it, to have a real relationship, and I wasn't ready for that."
"I'm Alex Karev, who could go out and get any woman he wants, get laid, do a couple of kick-ass operations, then do it all over again the next day. Hell, I probably slept with about half of the nursing staff in the first three months of our internship!"
"But the only girl that counts, the only girl that ever counted, is you. Because when I'm around you I want to be a good person. I want you to be proud of me. I want to impress you, and be the one to make you smile, to make you laugh. I want you to be the one I sleep with every night, and I'm not just talking about the sex, though it is amazing."
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I realize it's too soon. You just lost Denny, and you don't want to feel like that again right now. So I'm sorry I kissed you. I didn't mean to, not now. I wanted to wait until you were over Denny, and you trusted me again. And now once again I've fcked everything up!"
"I'm sorry Izzie. I promise I'll shut up in one second. But I want you to know that I'll do anything you want. It scares the shit out of me that I'm telling you this, because I know I'm going to get hurt. But I'm here for you. If you need someone to talk to, I'm a phone call away. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be here as fast as I can. If you need really good sex, you know I can do something about that."
"If you just want to beat the crap out of someone, I'm your guy. And don't worry about scarring my perfect face. I'll just get a little practice with my suturing skills. It totally turns Yang on. I'm leaving now, Iz, but as soon as you tell me to, I'll come back. Because I can't live without you."
Izzie kept her eyes trained on the floor as Alex turned and walked out the front door. She didn't know what to do. He had just laid his heart on the line for her, and she knew she still had feelings for him. But feelings weren't enough. She needed safety, and peace.
As the silent tears fell down her cheeks, she thought of everything Alex meant to her, both good and bad. She didn't know what to do. It was just another problem to add to her growing list.
Izzie looked slowly around the kitchen, and started pulling out the ingredients for chocolate cupcakes. She put her nose up to the bottle of coconut extract, and as the scent filled her nose, she felt a sudden sense of calm. No matter what happened, she'd make it through.
I'm not sure if this chapter (or even this story) is in character for Alex or Izzie. I'm trying my hardest, but sometimes I'm writing what I want their personalities to be like, not how the actually are. Suggestions and constructive critiscm are appreciated!
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