The scene in the dining room was uncanny. Reza was charming Anci, naturally; Raoul was studying Christine for clues as to what had passed between us. Masson dashed to Reza, but suddenly realized that he did not know Anci. He fell silent and shoved several fingers into his mouth, reverting to a shy, big-eyed baby. Reza said something comforting and tried to lift Masson into his lap, but the boy squirmed and ran back to Christine. It was then that I noticed Christine eyeing Anci, who looked like a cornered rabbit.
Christine executed a deft maneuver placing her and Masson next to me at the table, rather than in her usual seat. As I helped her to her chair, she glared at me. I felt as if I'd opened the door of a blast furnace. I scrupulously avoided eye-contact with Anci throughout the meal.
Eating was challenging once Masson discovered that he could monkey back and forth between Christine and me if I held my right arm a certain way. The third time he attempted the move, Christine murmured, "We do not play at the table," and gave me a withering look. Fully aware that I had no good will to trade on, I stopped immediately, but Masson was undeterred. Tugging, jerking, pulling, swinging; nothing he tried convinced me to cooperate again.
"PAPA! PAA-PAA!"
I looked at Christine helplessly; Masson appeared to be working up to a fit. She glanced at the boy, frowned at me. "Tell him no, Erik," she sighed, exasperated. I very much felt like an idiot.
"No, Masson; not right now. We can swing later, hm?"
The child threw himself to the floor, shrieking. In a flash, Christine scooped him up and off to the parlor, excusing herself.
Reza cleared his throat. "I am glad to see you, my friend."
"Daroga, I've missed you," I smiled awkwardly.
"I understand Budapest is a delightful city; what did you get up to?" he asked innocently.
I all but choked on a bit of mutton; Raoul sneezed red wine.
"Besides the obvious," Reza added, grinning wickedly. Anci grazed away in oblivion.
"Sadly, I didn't explore much." I replied flatly.
"Much of the city, you mean."
I relented and pretended to be absorbed in my asparagus. I wondered how long the public floggings would continue, or if I was actually going to be permitted to stay.
Anci fired a Hungarian salvo into the silence. "You said she wasn't your woman anymore."
"Later."
"Did you tell her about me? She's too skinny."
"Later."
Christine returned and foisted Masson upon me.
"I'm sorry," she smiled breezily. "He's overtired with all the excitement." She pitched into her food as I sat motionless like a fat masked marmot, terrified of waking the sleeping giant.
After dinner, Raoul pressed Christine for a moment alone. The old familiar feelings of homicidal rage and incoherent jealousy returned as if they'd never been away. I greeted them warmly and slipped into the back garden for a cigar with Reza.
"Erik, what happened?" he demanded; not angrily, rather baffled.
"Long story, Daroga. I went to see the Creole's brother, and I realized what a hopelessly tainted creature I am. It seemed an atrocity that Christine should be having a child with me, or that she should want me for her husband. I felt I'd poisoned her mind. I don't know…She said today that I was terrified and couldn't face up to my responsibilities, and Raoul said the same thing in Budapest. I thought I was doing right; I thought it was a good thing to set her free and let her not be saddled with me. Have I been fooling myself? Daroga, am I that far off the mark?"
"I don't think so. Or if you are, I'm sure it isn't intentional. Perhaps it is a bit of both, Erik. Perhaps you get frightened, and this sets your mind wandering in places it shouldn't go, searching for reasons why you don't measure up."
"Speaking of places one shouldn't go, what the devil does she mean, giving that goddamned fop a private audience! It's indecent!" I spat.
"I beg your pardon? You're speaking to me of indecent, when you—"
"I didn't know she was that much of a child, Reza! Does she look fifteen to you?" I grumbled.
"Would it have mattered?" he asked, gently.
"Goddammit! Why do you ask me that? Help me get rid of her!"
"I thought Christine might shoot a lightning bolt out of her eyes when she got a look at the girl," Reza admitted.
"Yes, which is precisely why I want the girl gone. I'm not convinced that Christine will fire the bolt at Anci. She's pleasant, but not worth dying for."
"Oh really? She looks worth dying for."
"Please help yourself, Daroga. I saw you working your ineffable Persian charm before dinner."
"On the other hand, a bit of jealousy on Christine's part may be helpful to you in your current situation. Ah, what is your current situation?"
"I have no idea," I confessed. "Reza, is Christine alright?"
"She fell ill when you left," he sighed. "She lost a great deal of her will, simply gave up, and so the difficulties of her condition weighed that much more heavily. The birth was hard; the boy was just over ten pounds—a tremendous baby. It took her two full days, two nights, and into the third day to be delivered of him. She has been frail ever since," he shrugged.
We smoked quietly for several minutes.
"You are a good friend, Reza."
"And you are a good deal of trouble," he chuckled.
Anci tracked us down; she stood apart making cow eyes until Reza excused himself. I urged him to stay, but he reminded me it was inevitable that I face her.
"Is it later now?" she asked.
"Oh, god." I groaned.
"I want to stay with you."
"Anci, I told you; no. I'm not going to leave you stranded. I'll see you settled somewhere, but you can't stay with me."
"Because of that skinny woman?"
"No; not entirely."
She pressed against me and smiled. "You still like me, Sir."
"It doesn't matter, child. I told you, no more."
I lurched past her and rejoined Reza in the parlor. Raoul was still lurking, though I had no idea why. Likely, he was wondering the same thing about me. Reza served brandy all around.
Christine arrived shortly with Masson fresh from his bath. When he came to me for a cuddle, he smelled clean and wonderful. I squeezed him tight, gave him a big kiss, and smiled as hard as I could. When Christine took him to put him down for the night, I felt as if my lungs were being torn from my chest. It felt like love inside me. I marveled at how quickly the boy had gotten under my skin.
After several minutes, I excused myself. I was about to climb the stairs when Raoul called out.
"Wait a minute," he demanded, approaching too closely. "I didn't drag you back here so you could re-ingratiate yourself and break her heart again. You nearly killed her last time."
"Things have a way of spinning out of control when we insinuate ourselves into situations which don't concern us," I observed.
He came nose to nose with me. "It doesn't concern me? Where have you been this past year?"
"Aren't we getting a bit ahead of ourselves?" I asked. "I have no indication from Christine that I have re-ingratiated myself."
"Well, I have, and I want you to know I don't like it!" he shoved me backward onto the stairs. I regained my footing and shoved him, rattling the umbrella stand.
He got to his feet, removing his coat. I nodded and did the same.
"Stop it!" Christine demanded. She descended the staircase swiftly. Raoul and I dropped our fists like guilty nine-year-olds.
"Look at you, puffed up like a couple of roosters!" she hissed. "I don't know how you can stand yourselves with all this ridiculous posturing and snorting! I don't belong to you!" Crrrack! A bright pink handprint glowed on Raoul's cheek.
"Or you!" Crrrack! Ouch. It was a glimpse of the old Christine. "I should just let you beat each other senseless! Raoul, go home."
"Where is he sleeping?"
"It's none of your business! What do you take me for, anyway? Go home!" she snapped.
She turned quickly enough to see me tossing a smug look at Raoul. "Erik! Act your age!"
"Raoul, wait. Take Anci," I suggested. I know; I have a lot of nerve.
"WHAT!"
"Surely you need another servant," I weaseled.
"I'll thank you to remove your own refuse, Sir." He huffed. "Goodnight, Christine."
Christine turned to me. "That's not particularly stylish, is it; trying to foist your granddaughter off on Raoul?"
"Christine! She could not be my granddaughter!"
"She could if you'd gotten an earlier start. Really, Erik…" she made an indescribable face.
"Really, Christine," I echoed. "Does she look fifteen to you? Honestly?"
"Maybe, maybe not; but I can promise you that I'd find out for certain before I--"
"Yes, yes, yes." I silenced her, embarrassed.
"Erik, I can't just make the decisions I'd like anymore." She said suddenly. She was looking at her hands, as if she couldn't bear to speak to my face. I was about to cry; I felt it. "I have to think of Masson, all the time now," she continued.
I reached for her hand. "Christine—"
"Don't touch me," she said softly. "Erik, if it was just me, even after all this, your pull on me is so strong…" She sighed and turned her back to me. "You've been a lousy fiancé, but I can't allow you to be a lousy father."
"Christine, I love that baby so much," I confessed.
"You love me too," she reminded me.
I nodded, though she couldn't see it. "So, it's no, then? Or maybe?"
Christine hid her face in her hands and cried silently. How I wanted to embrace and comfort her, though I understood why I couldn't.
"I don't know," she whimpered. "Maybe I just haven't the strength to make you leave."
"Let me be with Masson until you know for sure. Let me stay?"
Christine looked up at me with frightened eyes full of pain. "You know you can charm me anytime you like," she pointed out.
"I won't. I promise—and I know I've no right to ask you to believe me."
"I don't know when I'll know," she worried.
"I understand; I'll wait."
"You room is the same; your piano, your coffin, your books."
"Thank you."
"Do you think your little bed warmer will stay with me until we find a place for her?"
"She can't stay here," I insisted.
"Erik, I know; but where can we send her tonight?"
Christine and Anci bedding down together were too much to contemplate; Darius generously offered his bed, and he stayed in the parlor. My first order of business in the morning was to find that girl a place.