"Reza! Pssst! Get in here!"
"Erik! What's wrong?"
As soon as the daroga was close enough, I snatched him into the parlor and locked the door.
"What the devil are you doing up so early this morning?" he asked, astounded.
"I need help." I wrung my hands. "I need help, and if you laugh at me I swear I'll choke the life from you right where you stand!" I crumpled onto the sofa, wailing like Masson.
"Of course I won't laugh at you!" He patted my shoulder helplessly and bundled me into his arms. "Great day, what's happened to you?"
I clung to him and poured my horror out. "I don't know what's wrong with me; I think I've finally gone mad. The only woman I've ever wanted married me yesterday, and I feel dead inside. Why can't I be happy?"
As usual, the daroga was not one to get upset. "You're not going mad, Old Friend. After all, how would anyone feel if he realized a life's dream?"
"Thrilled! Ecstatic!" I insisted.
"Yes, but you're not anyone, remember?"
"It's not funny!"
"I'm not laughing," he said softly. "One could also feel empty, purposeless, lost. Of course it's not an end now that you've got Christine for your wife, but it's a hard habit to break, after living for it all these years. You're being too hard on yourself."
He sat with me patiently.
"Daroga, you're not much for women…" I ventured.
"Women are fine, Erik," he chuckled. "You're such a Frenchman."
"Did you ever…" I fidgeted. "If something was really important to someone—someone you loved more than anything—"
"Erik, I think we both know who you're talking about."
"Right," I nodded. "Christine was feeling quite well last night. I mean, really, really well. It's been a long time, you know; you'd've thought…I don't know what's wrong. I just didn't want to. It's nothing to do with her, but she'd never understand that."
"Probably not," he agreed.
"I tried to make myself want to. I kept thinking about how important it was to her, and I'd never want to hurt her like that!"
"Of course you don't. Erik, there's really nothing wrong with not feeling in the mood, it's not a crime."
"On my wedding night? The devil it's not! Christ, Reza!"
"Let me finish," he scolded gently. "I was about to say that under the circumstances, I understand you'd feel that that it was a crime."
Suddenly it critical that I make an important distinction. "I didn't say I couldn't, Reza! I just said I didn't feel like it. I could if I wanted!"
"I understand, Erik," he assured me.
"Really?" I demanded skeptically.
"Absolutely. And it only confirms your devotion to Christine that you would open such a delicate topic for conversation."
That finished it. I dissolved in tears again. "How could she marry such a wretched creature, Reza? She's going to regret it every day!"
"You're an extraordinarily sensitive man, Erik. We men can't really pretend we're interested when we're not. Women have us at a distinct disadvantage there. Once again, you're being too hard on yourself—if you had the luxury of time, I'd say it would all sort itself out, but I understand that you don't feel you have that luxury."
I was so mortified at having this conversation; I thought I might keel over on the spot.
"We should be able to sort this out to everyone's…ah, satisfaction," Reza soothed. "Let me have a quick cup of coffee, and then I'll see what I can do."
I took tea and soda crackers to Christine and bid her a guilty good morning with a kiss.
"You look like you don't feel so badly this morning," I noted, stretching out beside her.
"No, I don't," she smiled hopefully. She tried to cuddle as I prayed for Masson to awaken.
"I'm glad of that, Angel."
"Are you worried about the baby?" she asked. My heart broke, realizing this incredible woman was making excuses for me, trying to understand. I wanted to tell her the truth; she said I should tell her the truth, but surely she didn't mean I should do so when all it would do is hurt her?
I nodded. "I suppose I am." Maybe that's what it was; I didn't know.
"Oh, Angel," she smiled, "you're not going to hurt the baby, or me. Pregnant couples do it all the time."
"I'm sorry about last night, Christine. I love you, I do!"
"I know you do, Erik," she stroked the face no one but Christine could love. "Do you want to slip back in bed now? Masson may sleep a bit later today," she whispered, catching my earlobe between her lips.
"Christine, don't," I tried to squirm away, but it wasn't easily done as she chased me around the bed.
"MAMA! PAPA!"
Ooohhhhh, thank you God; my first full day as a genuine Catholic and I was already praying like a nun. I flew up to fetch the boy, avoiding Christine's wounded eyes again.
Masson and I reconciled after breakfast and went off to feed his ducks. We'd not been there long when Reza appeared. I discovered I didn't want to look at him anymore.
"UNCLE REZA!" Masson leapt into his arms. I watched my dear friend kiss my baby. I was so glad Masson had so many people who loved him. Reza set him down and he ran off chasing his ducks with Christine.
"I thought I'd find you here. Here." He slapped a small vial into my hand. "For God's sake, be careful with this, will you? I'm only doing this because I don't want you to go mad thinking you're mad. Six drops in a glass of wine about an hour before bedtime should, ah…"
"Ah."
"Erik, it'll make you sick, kill you if you overdo it. Promise me, just this once to get you, ah, over the hump, so to speak? Promise!"
I nodded. "I promise."
"Now, look." Reza looked around to see that Masson wasn't hovering too close. "You understand what happens when we get older, don't you? There's nothing the matter with you if you don't pop instantly to attention when you see a pretty girl. You need a little rub as you get older, that's all."
I nodded and turned bright pink.
"Here, I'll take him back to the zoo. Go home and have a nice game of show and tell. If nothing, ah, develops, break it off and have a glass of wine." He smiled and slapped my shoulder in a brotherly way. "You'll be alright—both of you."
"But Reza, I still don't…feel like it," I admitted, ashamed.
"But you want to feel like it, don't you?"
I nodded. "I must feel like it."
"Well, make a start and see if you don't feel like it as things progress," Reza smiled knowingly.
I caught up to Christine in the library again. Just knowing I had the little vial of magic in my pocket made gave me courage to approach her. As I knelt beside her, watching her doze, I felt my heart overflow with love. I brushed my lips against her cheek and she started awake.
"Hello," she purred happily. "Where is Masson?"
"Reza met us at the park. They went to the zoo, and I brought Christine home."
"Mmm. We're all alone?"
I clutched her hand tightly as she led me upstairs. Once inside the bedroom, she pressed me against the door and removed my mask and wig. She captured my death's head in her hands and teased my lips with her own. Her tongue darted between my teeth, flicked my tongue awake as she removed my shirt and scraped her nails across my chest. I shuddered and hissed.
"I don't know what's come over me all of a sudden, Erik," she whispered. "I can feel myself getting wet," she confessed. She bit my lip and rubbed her hand across the front of my trousers roughly.
I reached for her, but she slipped from my grasp. She paused halfway to the bed and removed her drawers. She moved onto the bed and waited for me, on her hands and knees. Apparently I did not respond quickly enough for her. She tore her skirt up impatiently, exposing her backside.
"Jesus, Christine."
She turned around and stretched out with a sigh. "Tch, Erik. I suppose I'll have to take care of this by myself." She slipped a hand between her legs and closed her eyes.
It was no longer a question of whether I felt like it or not. Watching her pleasure herself—ignoring me—was infuriating. I was fit to burst as I fell onto her with a roar.
"Oh, Christ, you are wet," I groaned, slipping inside her.
"I need my husband," she panted, wrapping her legs around me.
"You're my wife, Christine!" The realization had the most startling effect on me. "I'm fucking my wife."
"You're fucking your wife," she echoed as we began to rock together.
It seemed I might enjoy married life after all.