PART 6THE WEDDING
Truthfully, Katie wasn't able to sleep after going back to her hotel room last night. She tried, but she just couldn't fall asleep. Thoughts of Jessie kept running through her head over and over again. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she tried her best to stop it. Tad was getting married, and she couldn't come to her bestfriend's wedding looking scary and all. She wasn't sure how she managed to stop the tears from falling. Not being able to sleep, Katie used her time to start writing instead. She had a few ideas for a new fiction she's planning to release next year.
That morning, Katie prepared early and was thankful enough to have those concealers, and used it to hide the black circles around her eyes. She wore a new white tube gown by Gucci, and a matching pair of white stilletos that she bought on her short trip to Paris before flying back to the States for the wedding. She put on make-up, not too much, just enough, and she simply tied her hair. After looking at herself in the mirror, Katie decided that she's satisfied with the way she looked, and called the concierge to make an arrangement for a limousine. It wasn't long before the limousine came to pick her up.
Booklovers was already filled with guests as Katie entered. She saw Tad on the right side of the room talking to some people. When Tad caught a glimpse of her, he walked over to her. Katie gave him a big hug.
"So, big day, huh? Nervous?" Katie smiled. She reached out and fixed a messed up strand of Tad's hair.
"Nervous excited, but definitely happy. You" Tad grinned. He doesn't look nervous.
"Happy... But the painful kind." She sighed and looked around. Everybody's still waiting for the arrival of the bride. Meanwhile, Katie was rather waiting for Jessie's arrival. She was nowhere to be seen.
"Jessie?" Tad said knowingly. Katie nodded.
"We talked last night. It was like... Almost like nothing bad happened... Almost like we never stopped talking to each other years ago... And it feels good, you know. When I was in London, I kept convincing myself that maybe I was just delusional. That when I see Jessie again, I would realize that my feelings for her is not there anymore, that it was just my brain doing tricks with my heart... I actually wished that that was the case, 'coz that would be easier. But I can't fool myself. My feelings for her are still so alive, I don't really think it would ever die... Unless I die, of course. When my heart stops beating, maybe my feelings for Jessie will die too." Katie's face was somber.
Tad felt sympathetic towards her. Somehow, he was blaming himself for putting Katie in this painful situation again. He knew that she had been avoiding this situation. But, the prick that he is, he threatened Katie that if she stood him up on his wedding, he'd never talk to her again. So, here she is, standing in front of him, her heart obviously breaking again after ten years of trying to put it back together again. Tad wanted to punch his own head.
"Katie, why aren't you doing anything?"
"What do you want me to do?" Katie wasn't exactly sure what Tad was talking about.
"I don't know... I just want you to be okay. I want my friend back. I want the old Katie Singer back." Tad remembered how Katie was before she had her heart broken. Before she even realized her true feelings for Jessie, because she never had to force herself to smile, she never had to drown her problems with meaningless sex. That's how different Katie Singer is now. Sometimes, she'll just shut up and space out. It's not the like the Katie he had known. Tad sighed. "You know what, this is my wedding, not my funeral. So let's try to be happy as much as possible."
"You started it." Katie chuckled.
"There's something I need to ask you." Tad said, laughing with Katie.
"Oh, my answer is yes." Katie grinned at him.
"I haven't asked you anything yet." Tad frowned. That's the answer that he wanted but, does Katie even know what she's getting into?
"I already know." Katie said confidently. "I'm coming over the Manning's on Thanksgiving. You can forget your speech about trying to convince me 'coz I've already said yes to four people already."
"Oh… Okay." Tad said in astonishment after hearing that from Katie, and he was amused at the same time. Seems like the whole family is intent on throwing Jessie and Katie together at some deserted island and forced them to pick up the pieces. Then, he saw Lily, Rick, and Joshua coming towards them and he smiled a them. After giving each of them a hug, Lily spoke.
"Tad, Grace will be coming out soon. You and Katie should better get to your places now." Lily said while hugging Katie. Then, Tad offered his arm to Katie, and they walked side by side to the front of the room, near the podium. Tad let out a deep breath. Katie smiled while turning her head to see him.
Then the pianist started playing. Grace's half-sister Maddie walked first as the flower girl, then Joshua, who was the ring bearer, then the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, Tad's parents, Grace's parents Lily and Jake, and then Jessie…
Jessie was wearing a white tube gown, and when Katie saw her, her jaw almost reached the floor, the devastatingly charming beauty, capturing her mind in the most spellbinding sort of way. If you're a guest, you would have thought that Jessie was the bride without the veil. Her blond hair was fixed in big curls that framed her angelic face. Her eyes were bluer than ever. And she was smiling at Katie. Katie couldn't even blink. She just stared at Jessie, enthralled to see her, like the first time she saw her singing on stage back at Upton Sinclair.
Of course, no offense intended to Grace. Grace was looking equally gorgeous that day. Tad had a wide smile of his face upon seeing his bride. He stared at her, as she walked the red carpet to meet him.
When Katie finally realized that she's practically drooling at Jessie, she forced herself to look somewhere else. When she saw Grace, she gave Tad a little nudge.
"So, this is it, huh?"
"Yeah… This is it." Tad replied, without taking his gaze off his future wife. Katie smiled.
At least some people are actually happy.
So, the wedding started. She and Jessie were standing in opposite sides of the room. Jessie in Grace's side, and her in Tad's. As the ceremony went on, Katie could barely focus. How can you focus when the most beautiful girl in the world is standing in the opposite side of the room and she's looking at… She's looking at me? Oh my God, why is she looking at me? And indeed, Jessie was. She wasn't smiling, just looking. You can't really read the expression on her face. Katie tried to divert her eyes somewhere else, she kept getting a glimpse of Jessie, and she's still looking at her. Katie was fidgeting right where she stood, and that wasn't even like her. Jessie was the only person who could make her feel so conscious. Maybe I have grease on my face. But Tad would have told me. Or maybe there's something on my teeth. But I haven't eaten anything yet! I brushed my teeth this morning, didn't I? Katie snapped out of her thoughts upon hearing the applause from the guests. So the wedding ceremony was finally over. Grace and Tad were now facing the guests, holding hands. Jessie's attention was finally on the newlyweds, and Katie now had the chance to look at her without being noticed.
Wow…
Jessie was clapping, smiling widely at Grace and Tad. When the two went down the podium, they gladly accepted the greetings from their guests.
The celebration started right away. Grace's friend Janine was the one who caught the bouquet, and Ajay caught the garter. During dinner, Katie and Jessie were sitting side by side, but they barely talked. But Grace noticed the way the stole glances of each other. And she just had to roll her eyes.
They've been doing that since last night. I can't believe how dense both of them are.
As Katie and Jessie sat in comfortable silence, Jessie's celphone beeped. She immediately read the text message. It was from her brother Eli. Grinning, she got up. The she leaned down and whispered at Katie's ear.
"Are you gonna be okay?" Jessie said, concerned, and at the same time, afraid that Katie's not going to be there when she comes back.
Upon feeling Jessie's warm breath on her ear, Katie almost fell from her chair. That familiar fiery feeling shot through her whole body again. Swallowing the lump in her throat and trying to act normal, she joked.
"I'm 28, I can take care of myself."
"That's what I'm afraid of." Jessie joked back. Then, without warning, she kissed Katie's forehead, her lips lingering in her skin longer than it did last night. Katie swore she could have passed out, and that would have been embarrassing. When she watched her walk away, she wondered where Jessie was going.
Minutes later, Jessie still hasn't come back. Katie began to worry.
"Hi." A voice said on the mic. And after hearing that soft, familiar voice, Katie's head snapped to the direction where it's coming from, in the center of the room. Jessie was standing there, holding a microphone, and beside her was Eli. He was holding a guitar.
He changed a lot. Katie thought to herself as she looked at Jessie's brother. He was better looking, has better fashion sense, and had grown more mature. They were both facing Grace and Tad. Jessie continued.
"Grace, Tad, congratulations. We would like to sing something for you. Eli and I don't do this often, and I hope you'd like it. I love you guys. Here's to forever." Eli then started strumming his guitar. Katie wasn't aware of that song, but Jessie mentioned it entitled 'No Frontiers', by an Irish group called The Corrs. Everybody's attention focused on the siblings performing at the center of the room. Jessie's voice was so soothing, Katie felt like her heart was having a special spa treatment of its own. When the two finished the song, there was a loud applause. Grace mouthed a thank you to her siblings, and when she turned to face Tad, he gave her a kiss. Jessie and Eli smiled at each other. After hugging each other, Jessie walked back to the table and sat beside Katie. Katie was smiling at her.
"That was great, Billie." For the first time in years, Katie was able to use the nickname on Jessie again.
"Thanks Billie." Jessie grinned. She was so glad to hear Katie calling her Billie again.
The band started playing songs, and it was right about time for the father and daughter dance. Jake offered his hand to his daughter, and after kissing Tad, Grace took it. They danced in the center of the room, where an area was provided for dancing. It wasn't very long when Tad decided to take over and have his first dance with his wife. Jake gladly turned his daughter over to Tad, and the two swayed on the floor as if there was no tomorrow, and kissed as if they were the only people there. Soon, Lily and Rick were dancing too, then Jake and Tiffany, Judy and Sam, Karen and Henry, and some other couples. Katie stared at the direction of the dance floor, but she wasn't really seeing anything. She was picturing herself there, dancing with Jessie, with their arms wrapped around each other, their foreheads touching, and whispering to each other...
"Katie, would you like to dance?" Jessie asked nervously. She had brought her hands together. She does that everytime she's nervous. But Katie kept her eyes on the dance floor. It seemed like Katie didn't hear her. So, Jessie put her hand on Katie's right shoulder and gathered all of her guts again. "I was asking you if you would like to dance."
Katie, just stop imagining things, will you? She reprimanded herself. Katie felt Jessie's hand on her shoulder. When she turned her head, Jessie was looking at her with a smile formed on her lips. Katie opened her mouth to say something, but refrained.
"I supposed you didn't hear me... Katherine Singer, would you like to dance?" Jessie smiled. It was only now that Katie was convinced she wasn't dreaming.
"What would your parents think?" Katie loved Jessie's family. They have been good to her. She even thought of them as her second family. And she was concerned about what they would think seeing their perfect and straight daughter dancing to a slow song with her estranged bestfriend. Katie's openly gay, well, to her friends and family anyway. But none of Rick, Lily, or Karen knew. She was afraid to let them know, she never wanted to lose their trust, let alone let them know about her feelings for Jessie. And the two of them dancing to a slow song together would probably look pretty weird to them. And besides, she's not worried about herself. She's more worried about Jessie, knowing how insecure she is.
"What are you worrying about? Come on, let's go." Jessie reached for Katie's right hand and led her to the dance floor. Now, Kelly Clarkson's version of You Make Me Feel was playing. They stopped on the dance floor. Katie wasn't sure on what to do. She had dance with a girl before, but never with Jessie. Seeing her hesitation, Jessie took Katie's hand and put it around her waist, while she wrapped her arms around Katie's neck.
Talk about surreal.
Katie kept throwing glances everywhere, trying to see if people were watching them. Rick looked at their direction and to her astonishment, he smiled and even waved at them. She got the same reaction from Karen and Lily. Was that Eli standing by the door sporting a stupid grin on his face? Is he actually grinning at us? And the weirder thing was, Jessie doesn't seem a bit concerned about it. Maybe Jessie wasn't as insecure as she was before. Katie finally focused her attention on Jessie's face, which was only a few inches away from her. Her eyes fell on Jessie's thin red lips. She stared at it for a moment, and then forced herself to look away. Or she might get tempted...
"Katie, can we talk?" Jessie's voice brought her back to earth again.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"About us... About what happened." Jessie said seriously. Katie fell into silence. First, she didn't know what to say. Second, what was there to talk about? Their fate had been decided long ago. And besides, they're starting to be friends again, though Katie wasn't really planning on continuing on with that friendship when she flies back to London. But this improvement in their relationship was good for her now. And talking about what happened in the past would just bring things back to what it was...
To nothing...
"Jess, what for?" Katie sighed, almost begging Jessie to drop the subject.
"We need to talk." Jessie said firmly this time. Katie looked at her in the eyes.
"Jessie..."
"Katie, I'm sorry." Jessie said with a pained look on her face. "I'm really sorry."
"It's okay."
"It's not okay. Look at what happened between us." Jessie was sounding more and more frustrated.
"Well, things are looking up right now. We're starting to be friends again, aren't we?" Katie said reassuringly. Of course, she's not going to tell Jessie the part when she decided to totally cut her out of her life when she goes back to London despite of how great this friendship is mending.
"Friends?" Jessie repeated in almost disbelief.
"Yeah." Katie was starting to get confused.
"Is that what you want?" Jessie was starting to loosen her arms from Katie's neck. Katie wanted to have those arms around her as long as it's possible but this conversation is driving them apart.
"Isn't that what YOU want?" Katie was starting to get annoyed.
"I don't remember saying that." Jessie matched Katie's annoyance.
"Right, you didn't want friendship. In fact, you didn't want anything at all." Katie's sarcasm cut through her voice.
"You didn't know that." Jessie whispered harshly, trying not to create a scene.
"Yeah, sure, that's why you stopped talking to me and avoided me all year and then a couple of more years after that." Katie whispered back, even harsher than that way Jessie did.
"You're the one who stopped talking to me first!" Jessie's whispers are becoming louder and louder.
"Only because you started avoiding me! I was contented just being your friend Jessie, but you're drifting away and I was so scared to lose you so I wrote that damn letter! Did I get any reaction from you? No! You didn't even bother to call me or confront me about it! I mean, weren't you even interested to know if it was just some prank I did or if everything I wrote there was true?" Katie exploded. Noticeably, Jessie's expression softened. She paused before speaking again.
"Did you... Did you mean everything that you wrote?" Jessie was hopeful.
"Of course I meant everything... Look Jess, I wasn't asking you for anything. I was just trying to tell you how I feel in the best way that I could... Because I was so afraid to lose you... I wish I could say I didn't mean any of it, and it would have made things less complicated for both of us... But I do, and I'm sorry I wrote that letter."
"You're sorry?" Jessie could feel the tears forming in her eyes.
"Yes, I am."
"Why?" Jessie stared at her in disbelief. Is she saying that she's sorry for writing the letter that changed her entire life? Katie's the only one who could make her heart flutter this way!
"Because after everything that I wrote to stop my greatest fear from happening, it still happened. I still lost you, Jessie." A tear fell from Katie's eyes. Jessie wanted to reach out and wipe if off Katie's somber face, when Katie hastily did so herself. Then she made a step back from Jessie, untangling themselves. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It hurts too much. I'm really sorry." Katie left the dance floor.
Jessie could hear her heart breaking into pieces right now.