Okay.
I am so, so sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I feel really bad about it, and I want to thank you all for being so patient with me.
Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, also. You guys are awesome.
Also, I've moved some events around a little- things aren't happening in the exact same order that they did in the book, but they will happen in close to the same order.
Chapter Five: The Jazz Singer
It had been three days since Jane and Elizabeth had left Charles's house.
This meant three days away from the Unpleasant Darcy. Elizabeth looked forward to more days without him; a happy panorama that unfolded itself before her. Ah yes, she could now do what she pleased without being criticized at every turn. She could sleep in late, not brush her hair, and more importantly- she could listen to whatever music she wanted without somebody snarking at her.
This is the life. Elizabeth happily snuggled deeper into her sofa, enjoying the freedom that she had never appreciated up until now.
The Beatles were playing in the background, and Charlotte, who was sitting on the floor across from Elizabeth, was humming along to the music. Charlotte had just gotten back from her mother's house, and had quite a bit of homework to finish before the break ended. Elizabeth had done most of hers in Charles's house, whilst hiding from the Unpleasant Darcy and the Snobby Caroline.
Jane was off with Charles again, as was to be expected. The two had been barely separated since they had met, and Elizabeth was very happy for her sister.
Who wouldn't be happy to see the Amiable Charles with a sister? Elizabeth flicked a piece of cereal at Charlotte and missed. He's probably the nicest guy I've met in a long while. Silly, too. A lot like a little kid.
Elizabeth had just flicked another piece of cereal at Charlotte when the doorbell rang.
"Elizabeth!"
Elizabeth stared at the visitor, unable to speak or really move at all. She just could not, would not believe that he had found where she lived.
"Elizabeth, I must say I am so happy to see you! You know, I've been trying to find you for a while but there was something going on at this apartment and you weren't here. And nobody could tell me where you were! The clubs you sing at didn't know, and I was quite at a loss at what to do. But now you're here again! This is rather exciting."
Collins pushed his way past Elizabeth into the apartment, and Elizabeth still couldn't find her voice to stop him.
"Oh, what a lovely little apartment you have here! It's nice what you've done with it. I don't think I could've done any better, and you know I do help decorate Rosings." The large manor was a historical site in Minneapolis, and the private home of a very rich old woman.
"Well. Yes." Elizabeth had finally found her voice, and she coughed loudly. "So, Collins, whatever could you be doing here?"
"Well Elizabeth, I have been thinking about you and me, and our relationship." Collins sat down in a chair smugly.
Elizabeth gave Collins an incredulous look.
"Our... relationship?"
"Oh yes. I know you've been refusing to go out with me for quite a while, Elizabeth, but I believe I have now discovered why you are doing so."
Collins's self importance somehow grew, and so did Elizabeth's confusion.
"Collins, I'm pretty sure I've told you several times why I don't want to go out with you."
Out of the corner of her eye Elizabeth could see Charlotte peeking around the corner of the kitchen door, engrossed in the drama that was unfolding before her. Elizabeth scowled at Charlotte, who barely constrained a giggle.
"Yes, but I know that you are not giving me the true reason." Collins stood up and gave Elizabeth what he thought of as a compelling and passionate look.
Elizabeth thought he looked rather ill.
"Are you okay? Do you need-"
"But dear Elizabeth, worry not! I should have discovered earlier this reason for our separation, but now that I have, we shall be united immediately!"
"United? What? Wait, no, what do you mean by-"
"For now I know, Elizabeth, that for you 'dating' is simply not good enough!"
With a dramatic flourish Collins fell to his knees. Elizabeth's eyes grew wide and she started to back up.
"Elizabeth, will you do me the very great honor of being my wife?"
In the other room, Charlotte found that she could not hold in her laughter any more started to giggle. Elizabeth clamped her mouth shut very quickly to keep a scream of dismay and shock from coming out, and wondered if the dizziness she was feeling meant she was going to faint, or if it meant she was going to be sick.
"I... er... what?"
"Would you marry me, Elizabeth?" Collins tried out his passionate look again, and once more Elizabeth thought he was going to be sick.
"Um." Elizabeth's mind had suddenly gone into slow motion, mostly out of shock and disgust.
"Um! No."
Collins faltered.
"No? But Elizabeth-"
"No! No, I will not marry you. I have no desire to marry you whatsoever. None at all. Nope."
Collins looked confused, but then something seemed to click in his mind and he smiled.
"Of course, I realize that it is in the tradition of ladies to appear reluctant to marry in order to not appear to be too... easily won. But Elizabeth, between us, there need be no pretense-"
"I'm not pretending!" Elizabeth grew annoyed. "I really don't want to marry you, Collins. I'm sorry, but I don't think I could be happy with you, and I certainly don't love you. And I don't believe you even love me!"
"Well!" Collins sputtered. "Well! That just... that... you..." He jumped to his feet and walked very quickly to the front door of the apartment, and almost ran into it when it suddenly opened.
Darcy, Charles, and Jane all stood in the hallway, looking incredulously at the fuming Collins.
"Sirs! I must tell you not to trust the girl Elizabeth who lives here! She leads on men and taunts them only to cast them aside like garbage! She is a wicked, wicked woman who cannot be trusted! Remove yourselves from her immediately, for she has no morals nor any concern for the emotions of her fellow human beings!"
With that, Collins brushed by the three people standing in the doorway and practically ran out of the apartment building.
There was a long silence after he was gone, and then Jane started to laugh.
"Oh dear, Lizzy, whatever did you do to that man?"
"I didn't do anything to him!" Elizabeth waved her arms around in the air in indignation. "He's a psycho stalker! He asked me to marry him! I said no, of course."
"I can tell, after that tirade." Jane tried to muffle her laughter, but without much success.
Darcy looked amused.
"He asked you to marry him?"
"Yes! He did! It was frightening and disgusting and-"
"How does he know you?" Charles piped in curiously.
"Oh, he's one of Lizzy's groupies." Jane smiled.
"Groupies?"
"Yes. Elizabeth works as a singer at a couple of cafes around the neighborhood, and she's actually gotten quite popular. Collins, who is the person who just ran out of the room, is one of her most persistently annoying fans."
"You sing?" Darcy turned towards Elizabeth, looking at her curiously.
"Yes. Yes I sing. That's what Jane just said."
"What kind of music do you sing?" Charles also gave Elizabeth a curious look.
"Oh, jazz mostly."
Darcy made a scoffing noise, and Elizabeth gave him a look.
"Is there anything you'd like to say, Mr. Darcy?"
"Nothing." Darcy said loftily, and looked up at the ceiling, avoiding Elizabeth's gaze.
"Could you sing for us please?" The idea of Elizabeth being a jazz singer seemed to have excited Charles to some degree, and he gave her a very hopeful and pleading expression.
"I would, Charles, but I really need a pianist or an instrumentalist to play with me. I don't do a-cappella quite so well."
"Oh." Charles looked downcast, but then an idea occurred to him and his enthusiastic demeanor returned.
"Darcy! You can play, why don't you-"
"No. I do not play jazz piano. You know that, Charles."
"But can't-"
"NO."
Elizabeth started to laugh then, and Charles gave her a pitiful expression.
"You can always come to see me sing at a club or something, Charles. I have a performance to do tomorrow, in fact."
"Really?" Charles brightened considerably. "That's great! I'll do that then. You should come too, Jane!"
It was Jane's turn to laugh now.
"Of course I will. We could make an excursion out of it. Do you want to come too, Darcy?"
Darcy looked at the ceiling again.
"I'm afraid I have a prior engagement. So no. I can't."
"Oh, that's right. You have that thing at the-"
Darcy glared at Charles, who immediately shut up.
"You have a what?" Elizabeth's curiosity was piqued.
"Nothing." Darcy snapped. "And if that's all, I believe I'll be leaving you here, Charles. Have fun."
At that Darcy stomped out of the room, his mood suddenly and mysteriously much worse than it had been.
Jane looked at Charles inquisitively, and he shrugged.
"I don't know what his problem is. Anyway, let's get something to eat!"
Thanks again for reading!