A/N: So this is it. Last chapter. I'm pretty happy with myself just for finishing it, considering how long it took, but also I'm pleased with the ending. I think it's true to the story I've been writing.

Buffy spent the night in the hospital at her father's bedside. They'd come a long way in the past year, so to lose him now…Buffy didn't want to think about it. Not after she'd just walked out on arguably the best man she'd ever had in her life or ever would have.

"Buffy?" Willow stepped cautiously into the room. "I brought you a change of clothes. Dropped your bag off at your apartment, too. How's he doing?"

"He's alive. Just waiting for him to wake up now, see how badly it affected him."

"Well, alive is good at least. So, listen, Riley's called twice since you've been back. I, um, well, I thought maybe you didn't want him to know, since you didn't want him to know where you went in the first place, so I just let the machine get it. He's really worried about you, Buff."

Buffy turned then to look at her friend, her pale face streaked with old tears. "That makes two of us, then," she smiled wanly.

"Oh, Buff, it's totally normal to get freaked out over a marriage proposal. It's a big life change, and you've already had plenty of those."

"I don't love him, Wills."

That rendered the redhead speechless. For a minute. "Oh, see, good reason to freak. I think I might have ran all the way to Zimbabwe, so good for you for staying within the continental United States."

Willow always could get her to giggle. After graduating from high school, their friendship had only strengthened, until there was no one Buffy was closer to. No one except Spike, she realized now, but she'd actually given up on that friendship after she'd freaked out on him for showing up after Angel's funeral. It was funny, though, how much time you could spend apart from a person and still find that your relationship hadn't changed at all. This was the kind of friendship she had with Spike, and the kind she had with Wills, too. She'd just destroyed one, so she was going to cherish the other as best she could.

"Thanks for being here, Wills." Buffy settled back into the wooden armchair as best she could. "It really means a lot to me. I don't have many people in my life that would stick by me through all my craziness."

"Oh, you have more than you think. But the gratitude is dually noted. So, since we're playing the waiting game, do you wanna talk some more about this Spike/Riley thing? Not to push or anything, but Riley's gonna wear out my machine before much longer, and it seems like you've got a pretty big decision to make."

"That's just it, Will. I don't."

"You don't?"

Buffy shook her head and reached up to redo her ponytail while she searched for the words to explain. "I just…after these past few days, it's very clear to me that there is no choice. I don't love Riley, therefore I can't marry him. Actually, I can't continue to date him, period."

"Ok. That makes total sense. But…" Her friend hesitated, her eyes flickering unsurely over Buffy's face.

"But what?"

"But what about Spike?"

This is where things got sticky. Her eyes filled with tears and she started to get a headache even at the mention of his name. She exhaled a shaky breath and willed her to continue. No more shutting people out. "I don't know about Spike. What we have is so…so, so wonderful. And scary. No one should know me that well after, what? Seven years? It's been seven years since we really spent any quality time together, Wills, and yet…it's still so easy with him. No like at Angel's funeral, I was so messed up then that I didn't know what I was saying…"

"I seem to remember it was something about him being an opportunist, showing up when Angel was out of the picture again."

Buffy winced. "Yeah, that. Like I said, I was messed up. And I didn't want him to be so good to me. I didn't feel like I deserved it. I mean, Angel had just left me. Sure, he was manic depressive and it really, really wasn't my fault, but it still had me completely fucked over. So to have this wonderful man come back into my life at that moment, it was like some sort of cruel joke. Like whatever powers that be were taunting me with what I could have had, showing me what I didn't deserve to have."

"Oh, Buffy…"

She held up a hand to silence her. "No, I know. After several thousands of dollars of therapy, believe me, I know I deserve to be loved, and loved well. I just never believed I'd find it again. What I'd found with Riley was…comfortable. He was nice, and sweet. And very stable. That's what I wanted, the comfort and stability. I didn't think the love and passion could be part of the package. But it is with Spike. It's all part of the package with him, believe me. Twenty-four hours with him has rocked my entire world, and let me tell you: if I thought Riley's proposal was freaksome, this is completely off the freak-o-meter."

Willow nodded her assent. "So that's why you turned down his offer to come back? You were freaked?"

"Beyond the telling. And so what do I do? The same thing I always do when Spike's amazingness freaks me out, I tell him I don't need him in my life. God, what is my damage?" Buffy was up and pacing now, too agitated to endure the torture of hospital furniture any longer. "I drove him away when we were eighteen. I should have known then, after graduation day, when we slept together and it was the most incredible night of my life. But you know, I thought that would be enough. I mean, he went all the way to the other side of the country. I thought I was rid of the one person who dared climb past my walls. But then Angel died and he came running back to my side. I should have known then, after I screamed at him and accused him of all sorts of awful things and still he held me when I broke down crying. But he left the next day when I asked him to and I thought that would be enough. But no, three years later I call him up out of the blue and he says 'Don't worry love, I'll be at the airport waiting for you.' And then he is. And he's amazing again, and the sex is amazing and then he tells me we can talk about everything with Riley. I mean the man is a saint, a god. So what do I do? I run. Because I think he's the One, I really do. But I've used up my chances. I think that's it. I mean, third time's a charm, right?" She was crying full out now, tears streaming down her face and neck. She even felt snot running from her nose, but she was too caught up to care.

"Ummm, Buffy," Willow said, her eyes wide with surprise, "I don't…"

"No, Wills, that's it, I've pushed too far this time."

"I think you've sorely underestimated just how thick my skull is, pet." Buffy gaped at him, frozen in her tracks. "Come on, love. Have you ever known me to give up that easily?" Spike sauntered into the room, suitcase in hand. "I came here right from the airport. Traded in my ticket for a later flight."

"Spike…why?"

"Well, firstly, I rarely come back to SunnyD. I figured it was time for a trip out here. Uncle Ru's getting on, you know, I can't expect him to always be the one doing the traveling. Besides," he said, ducking his head shyly for probably the first time in, oh, ten years or so, "I had to see about a girl. I love her, you see, and I finally realized how much, so…" He was cut off by one hundred and fifteen pounds of Buffy Summers launching into his arms. "Hey now, pet," he reached into his pocket for a tissue, "I meant what I said. And believe me, I've put up with far worse than what you can dish out. Listen to me: Last night was the best night of my life. And I'm not talking about the sex, bloody amazing as it was. I'm talking about after you fell asleep. I've never been so close to anyone, and I just held you. Watched you sleep. So yeah, forgive me if I don't give up after you walk out on me. I couldn't leave it at that. I know you, Buffy. I know men have left you before, and I know you're scared that this might be real. Believe me, I'm terrified, too. But I've been in love with you since that night on the beach and since I only just found out myself, I couldn't let you go that easy."

"Oh, Spike," she said, muffled against his chest, "I don't know how to begin to apologize…"

"Well, just don't try to send me packing again. I came out here cause I had to make sure you were ok, but if you asked me to leave again, I would, Buffy." He cradled her face between his hands, wiping away tears with the pad of his thumb. "I couldn't bear to think of you going through something like this again without me being here for you, but if you really and truly wanted me out of your life, I'd go."

She shook her head violently. "No. Nuh-uh. Don't you dare. I need you, mister."

He chuckled at that, and leaned in for a chaste kiss. "Ok then," he agreed. "That's that."

Buffy snuggled her head against his chest again and breathed in deeply. Spike smell. As dear to her as home. Because he was home. She got that now, and she wasn't going to forget. "I love you, Spike."

"I love you, too, Buffy," he said as he bundled her into his lap, settling down to wait with her in the hospital room. "I won't leave you."

"I know." Her head resting in the crook of his neck, she took another deep breath. "You're home."