Self Preservation Chapter 2
Disclaimer: they are not mine but as long as I can play with them I don't care, ownership is over rated.
Rating: T for language and sexual situations.
Temperance's tone was completely clinical; she recounted the events in detached detail leaving out only how she felt about it all. When she finished Russ just stared at her for a moment, taking a long drink of his beer. He hadn't interrupted her with questions, silently acknowledging her need to be cathartic, to verbally work her way through it all. If the story had come from anyone else in his entire life's experience he would have said they were crazy, but this was Temperance. Despite her lack of emotion he knew she had been scared and he also knew something had happened but exactly what still remained a mystery to him.
"Well, I don't think you're crazy, but I have to tell you, I'm having trouble coming up with a rational explanation. You went over the system with Angela and she assured you it could not run on its own, there was no other system in the building with the program and there is no audio attached, correct?" He arched his brow in her direction
"Yes and she said that once I unplugged her computer there was no way the projection table could have run on it's own." She was watching him expectantly, wanting another opinion, wanting him to come up with an explanation, really just wanting him to believe her.
"Let's pretend for a moment that it was mom's face talking to you and assume she needed to get you a message, what do you think was the message she came to give, what felt most important to you?"
"There was an odd sense of urgency and I almost expected her to look over her shoulder, it was strange, it wasn't anything she said specifically. Russ, a ghost isn't running from anyone, are you sure this is productive?"
"Tempe you asked me to come and help so let's pick this apart and see where we end up, it can't hurt. Now no matter how it sounds, let's keep going. Why isn't Booth here, couldn't he help us with this?"
Her expression turned dark, "Let's just say I've lost my respect for Booth, this is family business, he doesn't need to be involved."
He was obviously shocked, "did he put you at risk or damage a case?"
"No, Russ, it's personal." She wouldn't look at him.
"Tempe, did he hurt you? Because I thought you two were getting along really well, I sort of expected you would be dating him by now."
She really couldn't deal with this right now, even if she wanted to tell Russ she wasn't sure how she would explain it, she didn't completely understand it herself. "I'm fine, let's just get back to mom's message. She wanted us to know they couldn't come home without putting us in danger. She said she wanted us to stop looking for dad because they were going to kill him and then us, she said that twice, that we should stop looking for him. I think she said we could be in danger twice too but I'm not sure. She said she loved and missed us. Those felt like they were the most important messages, to her." She couldn't help it, her eyes teared and he took her hand, when she spoke again her voice was quivering with the strain of trying to maintain control. "She looked so real Russ, she had her eyes open, she blinked and smiled and moved her lips. It was her voice, not something close, it was her voice."
"Tempe, we'll figure this out. It has to tie to dad; it bothers me that mentioned twice that we should stop looking for him."
"She sounded genuinely concerned for us. Russ, she called me bug. Who knew that but us? She hasn't called me that since I was a child and I never told anyone about it." She was crying softly and he pulled her against him, letting her cry, feeling awkward for only a second. As he squeezed her shoulder it seeped back into him, that feeling of being connected, with their parents gone there would never be anyone in the world that really knew him, except her. All those times his mother had said to him, she's your sister Russ, suddenly meant something to him and his heart ached.
"We can figure this out, I know we can. Tomorrow morning I want to go with you to the lab and look at the machines, I don't even know why or what I'm looking for, I just think we should."
"Okay, I was planning on taking you over or letting you sleep and going for a few hours myself, I did have a few things I needed to get done. There may be some people there in the morning; do you want to go over tonight? I hesitated to back by myself. I can't decide if I never want it to happen again so I can convince myself it was a fluke, or if I want it to happen again with a witness so I can prove it took place."
"So, let's grab dinner and then we can go over and look at the equipment."
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Cam was surprised by Seeley's invitation, she knew he had Parker the next morning and had originally told her he had plans tonight. She briefly wondered if a date had cancelled on him and she was second choice. She had wanted to see him because, well the sex was good but she felt she needed to clarify with him exactly what it was they were doing, especially since she was sure Dr. Brennan had found out about them. Her plan was to have sex first and talk later in case things got ugly and also it was her personal experience that if you disarmed a man first all conversations were easier.
Temperance Brennan didn't strike her as the type of woman to have run to Booth after their confrontation in the office; she was the type to handle things herself. Cam couldn't decide how much of the conversation she should repeat; after all, she took some liberties giving Brennan the impression that she and Seeley were actually a couple. Wow that woman had made her angry, she found herself clenching the steering wheel just thinking about it. When Booth told her she couldn't be intimidated he had not been exaggerating. It was rare that Cam across a person she couldn't control through one method or another, she had tried stepping back, she had tried calling a truce, she had tried being intimidating and even threatening her job but nothing seemed to get through to her. Cam had been dealing with power struggles and office politics for many years, she was astoundingly good at the game and she didn't like loosing. If the circumstances were different Cam would be complimenting Dr. Brennan on her ability to remain so non-reactive, so completely cool and removed.
Then there was the relationship with Booth. It was never quite clear what was going on between the two of them, they weren't sleeping together and from what Cam had gathered, they had never even gone out on any kind of a date, but there was definitely something there. It had disturbed her greatly when Booth had stated that he was with Brennan 100 and at first Cam was going to close herself off from him all together, but instead she decided to pursue a relationship with him. She figured at least it would divide his loyalties and a small part of her took satisfaction in thinking it would make a statement to Brennan. So why hadn't there been fireworks when she asked her about it this afternoon? It had been disappointing and anticlimactic for Cam when the reaction she had been hoping for didn't come. She took a deep breath and cleared her head, she was almost to Booth's apartment and she wanted to focus on him and leave all this behind for the weekend.
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Seeley was pacing in his apartment, he felt like his life was spinning out of control and he couldn't figure out when it was he had let go of the wheel. He hated being introspective, but he hated being unsure of what was going on his own life even more. He had royally screwed up the situation with Bones and he knew it, but he had no idea how to fix it. He had let her be put in a situation in which she felt all her friends had betrayed her by lying for him, it was a sin of omission but he knew that distinction wouldn't matter to her. Now she was in some kind of trouble and there was no one she could turn to for help. How had he let this happen? He scolded himself for his thoughts, Angela was right about one thing, he was equally to blame, Cam may have been willing but he did take her up on her offer. It was stupid on a grand scale. He tried to imagine how he would take it if she came by the FBI building all the time to bring him cases and then he found out she was sleeping with Cullen, who had been hired in over his head and everyone there knew it and had not told him. The thought made his stomach turn and his fists clench and it was only then that he realized the full impact of what he had done. He didn't deserve her forgiveness, it wasn't just about the sex, it was the act of betrayal. He had worked harder to win her trust than he had anyone in his life and then he had broken it without a second thought. His chest hurt just thinking about the fact he may have lost her and the irony of it was he hadn't told her how he felt because he was afraid of ruining what they already had and now he may have done that anyway.
The knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he realized he was facing the first step in making things right. Cam stepped up against him as he opened the door, placing a kiss on his cheek and then pausing to look into his eyes.
"I was glad you called, I didn't expect to hear from you." He was looking at her with such an expression of sadness that she was caught off guard. "Seeley, what's the matter?"
"Cam we have to talk. Why don't we start with how your day was at work today?" He could see the flicker of surprise jump across her features and felt her pull away from him.
"My day was fine, why, did you hear otherwise?" Her eyes narrowed and he shut the door and turned to face her. This was not going as she had planned. "If there's something you want to discuss why don't you get us a drink and we'll sit down and discuss it?"
He walked to the fridge and took out two beers, he handed her one, forgetting that she really didn't drink beer, that was Temperance. As he realized his mistake he noticed that she was opening it anyway and as he took his first drink he struggled to push down his anger. "So let's start this again, why don't you tell me about your conversation with Bones today?"
Hearing him say Bones irritated Cam immediately, raising the hair on the back of her neck and matching the bitter aftertaste of her drink. "How about because it's none of your business? That is my work environment and I'm her boss whether she likes it or not, and conversations between us do not concern you." Her eyes were flashing despite her calm tone and he knew she was pissed.
"Well then you can just tell me about the part that did concern me and had nothing to do with the Jeffersonian or your position there but did have to do with your position in my life." For a moment she had a flicker of triumph, if he knew this much about the conversation then she had actually upset Brennan enough to force her to call Booth and complain.
"I can't believe she called you upset over that." She was baiting him.
"She didn't call me, but I have to ask myself why you don't want to get into this conversation. Why do you feel some disturbing need to try to break her and why did you tell her we were together when that is clearly not true." He was staring at her, seething now with anger.
"Dr. Brennan shows no respect for me or my position at the Jeffersonian. She seems to think she has free reign to do as she pleases and really has to answer to no one and that is just no longer true. I am not trying to break her, I'm trying to get her to follow some semblance of protocol and chain of command. As for the rest, I was under the impression we were picking up where we left off, I guess I didn't realize I was just a mindless fuck for you." Her eyes were stinging but she refused to give in to the sensation and let herself blink or cry.
"You were the one who said it couldn't happen again and that is was a mistake that was better off forgotten, so don't stand there now acting all emotional like you have been invested because I know you better than that and I won't be manipulated in all this. I have seen you exactly twice, even if I did have intension for a relationship with you we were hardly at that point. You said that to hurt her and for no other reason, hell you probably slept with me just to hurt her."
"My question at this point is why do you care so much about what happens to her? She certainly seems to be able to take care of herself. You aren't going out or staying in with her so just what is the situation between you and the sacred Dr. Brennan? And so help me God Seeley Booth if you say she is just your friend I'll hurt you."
"There is no situation between us and there never will be. The truth is that she deserves more, she's a better person than you or I will ever be Camille, she's all self defense without the killer instinct. With or without the paycheck she would do what she does everyday because she actually cares about every one of those bodies."
"Spare me the details; she's a cold calculating socially retarded self serving bitch and it's going to be a long fall off that pedestal you have her on. As for us, we're done."
"That's what you didn't get Cam, there was no us."
"Fuck you Seeley."
"No thanks."
She slammed the door so hard on her way out that he checked the window to see if it had cracked from the impact.
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Temperance finished securing a guest pass from security and she and Russ headed to her office. The building looked the same as it always did to her and for a moment she wondered if she hadn't just imagined the whole incident. She unlocked her office and dropped her files on the desk.
"Let's go take a look." Russ nodded and they headed down the hall. Once they had the door open Russ approached the computer, it was on and seemed to be running some type of defragmentation program, but everything seemed strangely normal.
"Maybe Angela is running it to make sure everything is working correctly. They don't usually take that long, let's go back to your office and I'll take a little nap on your sofa while you get some work done and then we'll come back and check on it." He was starting to look tired, she forgot that he had traveled today and that always seemed to sap your energy.
"You look like you could use a nap, I have at least a couple of hour's worth of work anyway." They went back to the office and Temperance got herself organized at her desk, by the time she looked up Russ was fast asleep. She smiled over at him, glad he was with her.
It was several hours later when Temperance shook Russ lightly awake.
"Come on Russ, I've done as much as I'm going to do tonight, let's go home." He sat up and stared at her for a moment, disoriented by his surroundings and confused by Tempe's voice waking him. It had been years since he had heard her call his name from sleep. He ran his hands through his rumpled hair and rubbed his face, clearing his thoughts.
"Let's go look at the stupid computer one more time before we go, that is why I came with you tonight." He stood and stretched his body which popped and cracked in protest.
"Okay, let me get my things packed up first so we're ready to go." She busied herself packing her things, much as she had done the night before, setting the bags by her door when she was done.
They walked to the office in silence, their steps echoing softly in the large hallway. As they reached the door they could hear the hum of the system, still running.
"That program should be finished by now, I don't…" Russ' words halted in his throat as Temperance opened the door. The program had finished running and there before them was the face of their mother. Temperance grabbed his arm, her nails sinking into his flesh.
"Tell me you see her Russ." Her voice was shaking slightly, this was the moment of truth, either something was going on or she had gone completely and quietly insane.
"I see it." His voice was a whisper and he looked as though someone had drained all the color from his face. They slowly walked forward, watching intently. She could hear Russ gasp as the image of their mother opened her eyes and looked at them.
"Temperance, you brought Russ, I couldn't be happier to see the two of you together." Her voice filled the silence like a melody.
"You can see me? You can actually see me?" Russ' voice had gone up an octave in fear and Temperance looked at him strangely, the panic was etched into his face.
"Well it's more like I can sense you Russ than actually see you. In my current state it's hard to explain. I take it you're here because your sister called you? I'm so glad to see you two have reconciled your differences because it's important that you have each other. She's the only family you have now." She smiled at them, a gentle smile and Russ could almost feel her reaching to stroke his cheek like she had in the past when calming him with her words.
"We have a father." Russ was so mesmerized by his mother's voice that when Temperance spoke it startled him and he jumped, finally turning to look at her. Her eyes were wide but she was less shocked, more focused on the actual conversation. He on the other hand felt lost and overwhelmed, unable to function within the short circuits snapping in his mind. This could not be real and if he had been drugged this was the best hallucinogenic in the history of the world.
"Your father can no longer be with you, you need to live the rest of your life without him. He can't risk it and he won't. It's not his life I'm worried about, it's yours." Russ blinked and rubbed his eyes as he watched her speak, trying to assure he was awake and fully functional.
"I've come this far alone, I can take care of myself. I don't need you to worry about me. I would, however, like to see my father, to talk to him. I have questions that I'd like him to answer. I don't think even you knew everything that happening back then." Temperance was speaking as though there was a real person in the room; she was pausing and waiting for a response. Even more amazing to Russ was that the face of his mother was answering.
"Temperance I knew this would be hard for you but you have to accept that you may never have all the answers and looking for them will have too high a price. You and Russ have already paid so much; I'm asking you to walk away from this, please, just walk away. Do this one thing for me."
"Why? Why should I do anything for you?" Russ turned to look at his sister, not fully aware that tears were moving down his cheeks, he was chilled by the cold tone of her voice.
"What can I say to convince you that this is important? I don't have much time; this window of opportunity to talk to you will only be open to me for a short while. I understand that you're angry and hurt and even that you would be willing to risk your own life but are you willing to risk Russ' too? Have you thought about what it will do to Russ if something happens to you? You're a brilliant woman Temperance, think this through, think it all the way through, the risks are not going to go away. When is it going to be over? When all of you are dead? Let your father live with his sins and move on with your lives. Russ, talk to her."
Russ was just staring, still in shock, the sound of his mother's voice poured over him and his brain was flooded with memories of her, of his life. He was barely registering the conversation.
Temperance walked over and placed her hand on his arm, "Russ, look at me." She waited for him to absorb the request and turn to her, "are you okay?"
He shook his head no and she slid her hand down his arm and took his hand. They stood for a moment just watching the face together, unified by all the emotions swimming within them.
"We need a couple of days to talk about this and figure out together what we want to do. Can we come back here in a couple of days and let you know what we've decided?"
There was a long pause, "Okay but only a couple of days, I hope I can arrange to come back by then. I'll try but even if I do it will be the last time you see me, it'll be good bye. Please think carefully, I love you both so much, there is so much more that life has to offer, you should both be living for your future not digging through your past. I'll see you in two days. Goodnight." As soon as the last word left her lips the image dissolved and the projector shut off, throwing them into the darkness of the office. Temperance squeezed Russ' hand and led him to the door and out into the hallway.
"Tempe, what the fuck was that? We can't both be crazy. I just don't know what to think, you were right, she was so real, and the sound of her voice, even though you told me I was still unprepared for it to be so exactly her. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"
"Russ, calm down, I don't know what it was yet but I know it wasn't our mother." His eyes were wildly darting about and he was pacing in the hallway, his hands clenched at his sides. Temperance had never seen him so afraid. "Russ, listen to me. It sounded like her but the phrasing is wrong. Our mother would have referred to our father as 'your dad', not 'your father' and she would not have said he had sins to live with; she was not religious in that way. Think about it Russ, the verbiage is off, that's her voice but not how she spoke. I want to come up with some questions that only our mother could possibly answer for Sunday night. I know in my heart that isn't her speaking to us which still leaves us with the questions of who is doing this and how."
He knew she was right but there was just too much information in his head. "Let's go home and get some sleep, we can sort this out in the morning when I can think clearly. Right now I can't get past the fact I just spent 10 minutes watching you talk to a floating head that looked and sounded like mom." He gave her a weak smile which she returned before they went to gather their stuff and headed out of the building.
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In the distance a pair of eyes followed the siblings as they climbed into their car and left the parking lot.
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