Conflict of Interests

Drabble 10: Chopsticks

By: Kigen

Unofficially entitled Bedtime Stories of a Crimson Nightmare. Another T rated one. And it's actually long enough to stand by itself as a oneshot! I still say it's a drabble though.

It's HaoLysergYoh with some Lyserg torture and a surprise ending. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: If it were mine, Lyserg would actually have this problem, making Shaman King a lot cuter than it really is.

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After the tournament, after he excepted Hao; Lyserg came across an incarnation of evil far more foul.

And it came in the form of two thin, wooden robs.

Yes, Lyserg decided; chopsticks were an evil more foul than the devil himself. He had grown up in England and had used forks all his life. He hadn't expected to know how to use the demonic chopsticks right away. However, after the second week attempting to use said evil utensils and failing, the dowser grew annoyed.

Lyserg didn't understand exactly how ANYONE could use chopsticks. How could someone use three fingers and two sticks to pick up and move suck tiny things? On he rare occasion he did manage to pick something up, it always, always fell before he could actually bring it to his mouth. So, Lyserg had taken to stabbing his food; which didn't work too well with rice.

It had come to the point that if Lyserg wanted to eat, Yoh or Hao or someone had to feed him. While the twins seemed to enjoy this, Lyserg did not.

One would thing the problem could be solved easily enough. All Lyserg had to do was simply buy some forks.

And that had worked… at first.

Then the metal instruments of his salvation began to mysteriously disappear.

Lyserg though Hao had been the villain behind it all. After all, Hao was usually the one to claim the 'right' to feed Lyserg. But nothing Lyserg did (even with holding sex) would make Hao admit to the crime. And seeing how miserable the fire shaman was halfway through the second week of the sex ban, Lyserg began to have his doubts.

Yoh had been his next suspect. After the nightie incident, Lyserg wouldn't have been surprised. Yoh recired a different form of interrogation though. Looking utterly miserable with tears in his eyes, Lyserg used his 'I'm so weak, I can't even feed myself, pity me' routine. It didn't lead to a confession, but it did lead to comfort sex.

…

The twins were far more similar than most would care to believe.

Horo was next on his list. It seemed like something the ice shaman would do for a prank. Threats of telling Ren the real reason why his favorite silk shirt had gone missing did little to sway the Ainu. One pissed and beaten Horo later, and Lyserg still didn't know who did it.

Then Lyserg had strait out and asked Morphine. The fairy seemed to think the situation was cute and enjoyed watching her master embarrass himself. Morphine answered no, and Lyserg was beginning to run out of suspects.

Chocolove was in America, which ruled him out. Jun was barely ever around; same with Pirika. Anna was… Anna. It seemed too bold for Tameo to do. Ryu didn't like Hao touching Lyserg, so he hadn't done it. None of the other spirits seemed too interested in the situation…

Ren maybe? But what would Ren be doing stealing forks? So, Lyserg asked and was promptly given a speech about wasting time, pointless questions, and learning new things,

Out of suspects, Lyserg went to look in the drawer. To his expectations, the last three forks were gone.

Swearing under his breath, Lyserg decided he was just going to carry around his own from now on.

"Ah! Lyserg!"

"hello Tamao. Do you know where the forks went?"

"I'm s-sorry Lyserg. I'm afraid I don't."

Sighing, Lyserg left the room.

Once Tamao was sure the dowser was gone, she pulled three forks out of her pocket, and quickly threw them into the trash. She knew she shouldn't keep throwing away Lyserg's forks, but she couldn't help it! Lyserg just looked so cute sitting next to one of the boys (and in Yoh and Hao's laps in some cases) and being feed!

Tamao Tamamura; closet yaoi fan girl.

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Crack, pure fluffy crack. If Tamao isn't a closet yaoi fan girl, then I'm a hetero loving RenPirika fan (no offense to those who like the pairing, but I can't stand it).

Dunno when the next update will be (I'm running out of drabble juice!), but I'll try and update soon.

Read and review please.

Ja manna-san!