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Chapter 13

Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye,

As we dance with the devil tonight

Trembling, crawling across my skin

Feeling your cold, dead eyes, stealing the life of mine

I believe in you,

I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies

I won't last long

In this world so wrong

-Breaking Benjamin

Present

Obi-Wan

He took a deep shuddering breath. It seemed so much more real when he recounted it to Bant. So much more final when he recounted the ending.

Bant's wide eyes watched him as he ran a lazy finger over his bandaged arm.

"The medics said that it would heal fine, and without scarring," he mumbled, then as an afterthought, "They're liars."

A hand encased his good one. "They weren't talking about your heart."

He smiled bitterly. "That's a little damaged too."

"I'm so sorry."

"Yes, me too," he said softly. "But I…"

He leaned forward and rubbed his face with his hands, wiping away the remaining tears. "I just wish that I had told him I loved him."

Bant leaned forward and hugged him tightly. "He knew, I'm sure he knew."

Obi-Wan clung to her tightly, feeling comforted by her warm presence. Bant had always been there for him without fail. Bant was the only one who still cared about him at his worst moments.

"Are you going to tell Qui-Gon?"

He was silent for several moments. "He'll never look at me the same."

"He'll never look at you the same either way; if you don't tell him he'll always know that you're holding something back, but maybe he can pull you through this," she sat back, smiling at him gently. "You're here with us now, that must mean that you're supposed to be here."

"And what does that make Tarria? A big cosmic joke?"

Bant shook her head solemnly. "A lesson, maybe."

Obi-Wan scoffed. "And what exactly did I learn?"

"You'll have to decide that for yourself," She sighed and laid her head on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

"Do you really think I should tell him?"

"You know I do," She sat up and stared at him with watery eyes. "You should go tell him right now. He might not understand, but he'll try."

He used the edge of his sleep couch to stand on wobbly legs. He hadn't been eating much lately, the pain still blistering in him like an infected wound made it hard to keep anything down. Maybe talking to Qui-Gon would help.

"I hope he doesn't hate me," he said softly, resting his palm on the door.

Bant stood and touched Obi-Wan's hand. "He'll never hate you."

She reached past him and pushed the mechanism, letting the door open with a slight rush of air.

The hallway was empty in the late hour, but Obi-Wan had begun to prefer the loneliness. He wasn't sure if he could handle too much life. Like before, when he had first returned from that horrible mission.

"Can I ask you a question before you go?" Bant said softly from behind him.

He turned slightly to look at her, nodding.

She immediately looked down at her hands, knotting them together. "If Xanatos hadn't died, would you have come back here? To us?"

It was clear that tears were brimming in her eyes, and she was trying to hold them back.

"Bant…" He responded in a whisper. "You know I love you, and everyone else here, right? This is my home, and it always will be."

She nodded solemnly.

Obi-Wan smiled at her. "Good." He turned on his heel and walked down the hall.

And Bant stood there, stiff as duracrete.

"I never knew you were such a good liar," she said to the floor.

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Qui-Gon

"You're absolutely sure?" He asked into the comlink crisply.

After he had gotten Obi-Wan back they left Tarria immediately, sending in another Jedi team to finish up the investigation and arrest the bounty hunters. He didn't want to keep his apprentice there another second.

"Positive," the voice on the other line crackled faintly. "There's no trace of a body anywhere, but that's no reason to be nervous. He fell into a fire, his body could have simply burnt up."

Qui-Gon shook his head, even though he knew that his fellow Jedi could not see him. "There should be something, anything. I assumed that he was dead before, and look what happened."

The line was silent. "We can look again Master Jinn, but there's no benefit from paranoia, except for unnecessary stress. That's not what you or your apprentice need right now."

Irritated and exhausted, Qui-Gon had to fight to keep his voice level and calm. "I would appreciate one last check, may the force be with you." He quickly cut the communication.

I am not a Padawan, who is he to lecture me?

He rubbed his temples, trying to clear away the headache. In the back of his mind he knew the Jedi was right, that he should be focusing on helping Obi-Wan, but the thought of Xanatos still out there drove him insane. He had gone to the room of a thousand fountains to calm himself for the talk with the investigative team, but it had not helped.

How did I let this happen? He asked himself for the thousandth time. Even in death, Xanatos still found a way to ruin his life. Qui-Gon found himself unable to think of anything else, and wondered if he would ever be free of the dark Jedi's ghost.

"Qui-Gon?"

He quickly turned to Obi-Wan's voice. The boy hadn't approached him in days.

"I need to talk to you."

Qui-Gon sighed in relief. This is what he had been waiting for. Obi-Wan was holding back, keeping some hidden pain inside of him, and it needed to come out.

Then he realized that Obi-Wan was shaking.

"Obi-Wan?"

"I need to tell you about Xanatos."

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There was no comfort to be found in the pink rays of dawn over the once serene lake. He had no words to seize, least of all something to comfort his Padawan.

"Bant said that if I didn't tell you it would linger between us forever," Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm sure that she was right."

It took Qui-Gon several moments to get four words out. "I'm glad you did."

Obi-Wan nodded. "There was more I wanted you to know," he said hesitantly.

Not more. I can't handle more.

"I hoped you would understand that Xanatos wasn't completely what he seemed. Near the end you seemed to hate him so much, but he wasn't a horrible person… you should know that his love's why I'm still here. He did save my life."

Qui-Gon nodded stiffly. "I see."

The boy stood with a slight rustle of clothing. "Bant's most likely anxious for my return." He seemed hurt but Qui-Gon's detached, apathetic words.

The older Jedi caught Obi-Wan's arm as he started to retreat. His apprentice looked at him nervously.

"This is going to be alright," he said in a whisper. "We'll get you through this."

Qui-Gon waited until the boy was out of sight before he collapsed on to the grass.

"Xanatos," he said aloud, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I guess I really will never be rid of him."

That night

Obi-Wan

Why did Coruscant seem so cold?

Tarrian nights had killed the burliest of men, froze them straight to their hearts. Coruscant was comfortable. Average.

So why was Obi-Wan shivering under his thermablanket?

He pulled his icicle fingers under the covers, rubbing them together. Rolling over in an attempt to get warm, he realized the problem. The only body heat was his. It's strange how quickly you grow accustomed to pleasant things.

Though he was chilled, he soon felt his eyes start to droop. His room vanished before him, and he fell into a groggy half-sleep.

For the moment.

Fingertips brushed his cheek, almost so softly he thought he'd imagined it. He opened his eyes, only to catch the side of his open window, and the corner of a cloak blowing in the breeze.

The thermablanket tangled around his legs as he shot off his sleepcouch. He kicked it aside and ran to the window, leaning against the bottom and looking out.

"Xanatos?" He asked pleadingly. His voice was soft, afraid that if he spoke too loudly he would wake up to find that this was a dream.

No one responded.

His heart sank as he realized that he had imagined it. No one could balance on that ledge, especially not at the high Coruscant altitudes. The window must have malfunctioned. He pressed the button beside the square and watched the glass slide closed.

Depressed all over again, he trudged back to the sleepcouch, collapsing on it. A thin durasheet floated into the air.

Too thin.

Obi-Wan watched it fall for a moment before grabbing it, and unfolding with shaky hands. The texture was strong. There was no writing on the note, just a symbol.

A broken circle.

Shock overtook him. He felt like his brain had registered everything the symbol meant and nothing at all in the same moment. He wasn't sure whether he should cry in relief or take the note to Qui-Gon immediately.

Hesitating for a moment, he rolled the note up and clutched it tightly. He grabbed up his utility belt and tore a small hole on the inside, shoving the rolled up durasheet inside the leather lining.

They were his memories, and he was going to keep them locked up. Whether Xanatos was alive or not didn't matter.

I've returned to the temple for a reason, I'm suppose to be here. But I'll have the memories.

And I intend to keep them.

To Be Continued in Shattered Love

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A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed and stuck with me throughout this story. Looking back on it I see some things that I could have done better, like I want to add more detail, but I think that I'll leave it alone. Shattered Love should be up in a few months at the longest, so I hope all of you will come to read the sequel. I'm excited that this story ended on Chapter 13, like the number for bad luck. It made me really happy. Thanks again, and please review this chapter!