Can't Forget You

By Carrie

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Okay, so the Branch Closing episode caught me a little off guard. For the purposes of this story, I'm going to say that things went pretty much the same as they did in the show, with the additions made in the fic. Nothing should change too drastically, but let me know if something doesn't make sense. Thanks everyone for the fabulous reviews!!

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Chapter 4: Real

Pam took a deep, shaky breath and glanced in her rearview mirror again, willing her face to look brighter. A continuous state of nervous anxiety over the past three days had made her look pale and grey. She smiled at her reflection, trying to bring some life to her face, and smoothed down her hair.

"I hear Jim's coming back," Phyllis's words rang in her mind for the hundredth time since she arrived in Jim's driveway.

The events of the past few days had been swirling around in her head constantly and were about to drive her to the brink of madness. Stamford—not Scranton—closing for some unknown reason, Jim moving back maybe, Roy's strange behavior…But out of everything she could be focusing on, she just kept thinking about the cryptic email she'd gotten from Jim on Friday.

Hey Pam –

Everything's pretty hectic around here so I don't really have time to talk, but I'm still coming this weekend and to meet with Michael on Monday. I hope you'll still come to the party tomorrow – I think there are a lot of things we should talk about.

See you soon,

Jim

"There are a lot of things we should talk about?" What did that mean? He wants to talk about the branch closing? Him coming back? Us? She dared to hope. Michael's words to her days ago still plagued her and she was terrified that when she finally saw Jim, she would be so overwhelmed with what to say that she would just burst into tears.

She shook her head and let out a frustrated sigh as she got out of the car. She wasn't going to get any of the answers she was looking for just sitting there. She walked up to the door and thought about last time she'd been here – laughing at Jim and Michael's karaoke, joking around in his room. Things were so much simpler then. Sort of…

As she approached the door she could hear the noise from the party well under way. A final deep breath and she rang the doorbell. She didn't know why she'd expected Jim to open the door when he didn't even live there anymore, but she was caught off guard when she was greeted by his former roommate, Mark.

"Hey! Pam, right?" Before she even had a chance to answer, Mark had placed an arm around her shoulders and directed her inside. "So glad you could make it!" He said enthusiastically. Pam could tell he'd definitely already had a few drinks, as had most of the people at the party from the looks of things.

"Yeah, me too, thanks," she said, feeling slightly awkward seeing as she didn't know anyone there.

Mark continued to guide her through the crowd. "I know Jim'll be excited to see you," he said, a knowing smile on his face.

Suddenly, there he was, talking animatedly to a group of people about five steps away from her. If she hadn't frozen the moment she saw him, she probably would have crashed right into him. "Jim!" Mark caught his attention, "Your girl's here!" He gave her a light pat on the back and disappeared into the crowd, leaving her stuck in place, eyes locked on Jim.

She watched him as if in slow motion. His hands dropped to his sides as he gave Mark an exasperated glance. He excused himself from the conversation and began to scan the crowd for her, surprised when he saw her right in front of him. He gave her an easy smile and her dear-caught-in-the-headlights expression relaxed into a grin of her own. He closed the distance between them in one large stride and paused in front of her for a moment.

There they were, together for the first time in months, neither able to do anything but give each other goofy smiles. Finally, Pam spoke. "Hey," she said so quietly she didn't even know if it came out. In less than a second, Jim had gathered her up in an all-consuming hug. His long arms wrapped all the way around her so his fingers practically grazed her stomach and he held her so tight she thought that if he straightened up, he'd take her with him.

"It's really good to see you," he said softly, still holding her.

"You too," she replied, the intensity of the moment already causing her eyes to well. Enveloped in his arms she reveled in everything that was Jim. The smell of his clothes, how tiny she felt in his arms, the feel of him. She didn't know if she could stay this way much longer without completely falling apart. She pulled back slightly and just as quickly as he'd taken her, he released her.

The stood with not more than six inches between them and took each other in, not knowing where to start. "So, want a drink?" Jim offered, thinking he needed something to take his attention off of her before he completely lost it.

"Definitely," Pam said eagerly.

They made their way through the crowd into the kitchen and Jim grabbed a couple beers. He cocked his head at her and she nodded as he opened them both and handed one to her. "Thanks," she said, "What should we drink to?"

"Hmm," Jim scratched his head, "how about to Dunder Mifflin Northeast," Pam raised an eyebrow and tilted her bottle towards his. Jim continued. "And, the new Managing Supervisor."

Pam's smile faltered. "You?" He nodded, slightly nervous to see her reaction. "Oh my gosh! That's amazing!" She lit up and without even thinking she threw her arms around him. "Congratulations!" Jim was surprised but gave her a squeeze before letting her go.

"Well that's definitely something to toast to!" Pam said. Their bottles clinked and they each took a long sip, contemplating their next words.

Pam spoke first. "So, you're moving back?" she asked, not really believing that this was happening.

"I'm moving back," Jim replied, nodding, but keeping eye contact as if daring her to challenge this fact. Pam knew she should say something now.

Tell him you're happy he's coming back. Tell him these months without him have been miserable. Tell him that this is what you've been dreaming about since he left. Tell him you made a mistake. Tell him everything you've wanted to for the past five months. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you love him.

In the end, all she managed was a "It'll be nice having you back," and a smile. The look on Jim's face told her that it wasn't really what he wanted to hear. She gathered up more courage than she knew she had and added, "I've really missed you." She couldn't even look at him, and concentrated on pawing at an invisible piece of dirt with her shoe.

Jim's heart thudded loudly in his chest. He couldn't even speak, he just watched her, remembering everything he loved about her. Still love. "I've missed you too," he told her. She braved a glance at him and her heart broke when she saw the hurt, longing, fear, but most of all love in his eyes.

He just drank her in, noticing every subtle difference about her. The image of her in her blue dress on casino night would be forever burned into his memory, but he thought this one might just be as well. She'd traded in her Keds for a pair of simple flats, her jeans were tight, but not too imprudent—just enough to flatter her small frame. Her shirt was a deep red and he didn't think he'd ever seen it before. It was lower cut than he'd ever seen on her, but she toned it down with a black shirt underneath. Her hair was straighter and shinier than he remembered, and she wore it down instead of pulled back in a barrette. As she continued toeing the floor, he noticed the small smile on her face and he didn't know if she'd ever looked more beautiful.

Suddenly she looked up and Jim was embarrassed to be caught looking at her. She noticed his gaze, "What?" she asked.

He smiled, "You've changed."

She looked confused for a moment. "What do you mean? No I haven't," she said, not knowing whether he thought she'd changed for the good.

"You have. I don't know what it is, but you have." He said, trying to figure out what it was about her that was different. "You look great, Pam," he told her earnestly. "You look happy."

She met his eyes and his gaze hit her like a truck, emotion flowing over her. "I am," she said simply. "You look good too." She tipped her bottle all the way back and finished off the last of her beer.

"Woah there, Beesley," Jim warned her, "We have a strict policy not to over serve here and I will not hesitate to cut you off."

Pam laughed, glad that the mood had shifted. "Suck it, Halpert," she quipped, grabbing another beer from the bucket.

They stayed in the kitchen, talking, catching up. Jim told her about what had happened with Josh and Jan's fit. Pam told him about Michael's plan to confront the CEO. Jim talked about Andy from Cornell, Pam caught him up on Dwight and Angela. They kept the topics light, not mentioning broken engagements or transfers or dates.

Eventually, Mark stumbled into the kitchen. "Jim, man, this is ridiculous. Where have you been?"

Jim laughed at his drunk friend, "Right here, man."

"You gotta get out there. I mean, Pam, you're beautiful, but this guy's been gone for five months and has been hiding in here for the past two hours," Mark complained.

"Alright, alright, I'll go be social," Jim caved. "Sorry," he told Pam.

"It's fine," she assured him. "Go – talk to your friends."

"Yeah man, I'll take care of her," Mark told him, putting an arm around Pam and giving Jim a shove out of the kitchen.

"Don't listen to a word he says!" Jim shouted as he left.

Pam laughed and wriggled out of Mark's arm to get another beer. "So is Jim going to move back in here?"

Mark nodded, "Yeah, I guess so. Most of his crap is still here anyway – he got all new stuff when he moved."

"Hm," Pam leaned against the counter opposite Mark, "How come?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Wanted a fresh start, I guess." Pam nodded, thinking about it words. "I'm actually kind of surprised he's coming back," Mark said, his tone saying more than his words.

"Why? It's a great opportunity," Pam stressed, not wanting to think about the reasons behind Jim's transfers.

"Yeah, I guess. He just—" Mark stopped and looked at Pam for a moment, as if deciding if he wanted to continue. Through his drunken haze, he managed to find some clarity. "You know that you're the reason he left, right?"

Pam's heart plummeted. This was not what she wanted to hear, especially from Jim's drunk roommate. "Well, I mean," she stumbled over her words, "not the only reason," she tried to rationalize.

Mark just shrugged again. "Yeah, well, he was just in a really bad place when he left—kind of a mess actually—and I thought he was really serious about starting over," Mark theorized. Pam just nodded along, afraid that if she spoke, she would just burst into tears. Mark shook his head and refocused. "Well, whatever, I guess he's over it."

"Yeah," Pam breathed, feeling a little shaky.

Mark noticed her unease and regretted his words. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just – well, you knew how Jim felt about you," he said. Pam just nodded back. "Look, Jim's right – don't listen to me. You guys seem fine now."

Pam didn't have the strength to reply. She just stayed in place as Mark made his quiet exit. Across the room, she saw Jim laughing with some of his friends. He looked happy enough. Had she really hurt him that badly? As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she knew that she had.

Suddenly she was assaulted by memories: every longing stare he'd ever given her, his support when she wanted to pursue art, his face when he confessed his feelings, the hurt she'd seen in his eyes tonight, his kiss. They all hit her like a ton of bricks and she felt like such a hypocrite for even being there that she had to get out.

She dumped her beer in the trash and headed out of the kitchen. Her eyes already tearing, she just caught Jim's eye for a second and motioned she was leaving. His wrinkled brow of concern just made her move faster. She bumped into a guilty-looking Mark as she was opening the door and thanked him for the party. She could tell that he was going to try to apologize again but she brushed him off and launched herself out the door. The cold air attacked her lungs and she finally allowed her tears to flow freely.

She was halfway to her car when she heard the door open, followed by his voice. "Pam!" Jim called after her. She didn't stop. She had just reached her door when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Pam, what's going on? Why are you leaving?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

She wiped at her eyes furiously, failing miserably at concealing the evidence since she knew her eyes must be beet red. "I'm tired," she said, slowly turning around, but refusing to look him in the eye. "Go back to the party – really, I'm fine," she urged, trying to wish him away.

Even in the dark he could see that she'd been crying. He ducked his head to her level, drawing her eyes to his. He shook his head in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, trying to move away from him, "I'm just tired," she repeated.

He wasn't buying it. "Pam, come on. Tell me what's going on. Did Mark say something?"

Pam hesitated for a second. "No, Mark's fine. I just have to go."

Jim was starting to get frustrated. "It was Mark? What'd he say?"

"What? Nothing!" Pam insisted. She moved away from him and started digging for her keys adding, under her breath, "…nothing I didn't know already."

"What? Pam!" He went after her, trapping her between himself and her car. "What are you talking about?" He was practically shouting now.

Pam snapped. "I'm the reason you left!" she yelled.

Jim was stunned. "What?" He took a step back from her. "Did Mark tell you that?"

Pam looked down, not wanting him to see her tears. "And Michael," she said softly. Jim didn't speak. She squeezed her eyes closed and asked softly, "Is it true?" He didn't respond so she looked up at him. Now it was his turn to stare at the ground. "Am I the reason you left?" She couldn't handle his silence. She touched his arm lightly, "Jim," she pleaded.

He stepped back from her, breaking contact. He walked a little ways away from her before pacing back and meeting her eyes. "What do you want me to say, Pam?" He asked her softly.

She just shrugged, not daring to ask for what she really wanted to hear him say. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, walking away from her. He stopped a few paces away and tried to reclaim his calm. He realized that the alcohol they'd had tonight probably wouldn't make this conversation go very smoothly.

He still had his back to her when she spoke. "So why are you coming back?"

He laughed a little, still wondering that same thing himself. He turned towards her and noticed she was now sitting on the hood of her car. He walked over and joined her.

"As much as I hate it, my career is paper," he laughed slightly at how depressing that sounded. "I just couldn't turn down this opportunity. It has nothing to do with you."

Although she knew that he'd been trying to reassure her with his words, they only made her feel worse. She just nodded. "Right," she said sadly.

They sat for a moment, breathing off their little fight. "So I don't think Mark likes me very much," Pam said hesitantly.

Jim just shook his head and glanced toward his once-again house. "That's not true," he said, trying to find the right words. "He's just a little surprised that I'm moving back—especially so soon."

"Yeah, he said that."

"Look, don't worry about whatever Mark said. He doesn't know what he's talking about," Jim told her, sliding off the car. He started to walk away and Pam knew she couldn't leave it like this. She got off of the car and went after him.

"He also said that you were in a really bad place when you left," she baited him.

He stopped where he was and turned to face her with a defeated expression. "Let's not do this," he said, trying to reason with her.

She didn't know if it was the alcohol making her bolder, or just knowing that she didn't have much to lose, but she kept pushing. "You were a mess?"

He didn't understand why she was doing this. "Pam, come on. I don't want to do this. Yeah, last spring wasn't a great time for me, but can we just put it behind us? Move on?" He was practically begging her.

"Have you?" She asked.

"What?"

"Moved on?"

Jim just stared at her. Should he lie—tell her he's been dating someone? Should he tell the truth—that not a second's gone by that he hasn't thought about her? "Why are you doing this, Pam? Why can't we just go back to the way it was before? I promise, I'm over it."

Pam nodded, but something about the way he was trying to throw her off told her that he didn't really mean his words. After all, he'd told her he was over her once before and that turned out to be a lie. She watched him running his hands through his hair, looking so unhappy. She went for it: "I'm not," she said softly.

Jim froze. He slowly looked up to meet her eyes. "What?"

"I'm not," she repeated. "Over it—over you."

He was stunned. Never in a million years had he expected this. "What are you saying?" He asked her tentatively, considering his penchant for "misinterpreting" things.

She was silent, not really knowing what should come next. She took a step back and bumped up against the side of her car.

"Pam," he took a step forward her, "What did you mean by that?" He had to know.

Suddenly all her brazen courage was gone. She hadn't expected it to come to this, and she suddenly realized that she had no idea what she was doing. "I—," she couldn't form a single word. Jim's gaze seared into her as he took another step forward. His eyes demanded answers she couldn't give him and she simply looked away.

He let out a defeated sigh and moved away. He started to turn around and panic struck her at the thought of him leaving. Instinctively she reached for his hand. "Jim, wait."

He looked down at their adjoined hands. "What?" he asked softly.

Not knowing how to tell him how she really felt, she reached and took his other hand in hers, pulling him slightly towards her. Only inches away from her, she found herself eye level with his second button. She released his hands and placed hers on his chest. "I'm sorry," she said softly, "I never should have let you go."

Finally looking up at him, she saw all the hurt and pain she'd seen all night had been replaced with a hunger she'd never seen before. Before she even knew what was happening, his lips were on hers. His mouth claimed hers with all the passion of their first kiss, but with less hesitation. She kissed him back with all she had – telling him with her kiss what she couldn't with her words. Her hands moved up around his neck and she ran her fingers through his hair before moving them down to his back, pulling him tighter to her. His body was firm as it was flush to hers as he pushed her back against the car. His hands seemed to be everywhere and if it weren't for a serious lack of oxygen, she would have kissed him forever.

Reluctantly, she tore her lips from him and tried to catch her breath. He leaned against her, placing his hands on the car to brace himself and ducking his head to rest it next to hers.

"Please don't tell me you're getting married," he joked, only half kidding.

She laughed—hard. A different kind of tears were streaming down her face by the time she composed herself to speak. She pushed him back so he'd look at her. "I'm not getting married," she told him.

He smiled, "Thank God."

She reached up and pulled him in for another kiss, feeling his smile against her lips. The second kiss was light and quick – as if to reassure each other that the first one actually happened.

"This can't be real," Jim said as he pulled away from her.

"Feels pretty real," Pam responded, threading her fingers through his.

"So is this—?" He didn't even finish before Pam answered.

"Yeah, I think so."

They were quiet for a moment, just content to be with each other.

Jim broke the silence. "You know that I'm your boss now, right?" His light tone overshadowed his serious words.

"Does that mean I have to call you Mr. Halpert?" She teased.

He shook his head, "No. Wait—actually I kinda like that."

She slapped him playfully on the chest, and let her hand rest there. He picked it up and kissed the spot where her thumb met her hand. "Do you want to come back in?" He asked hopefully.

She glanced behind him at the house and shook her head. "I think I should probably get going. I don't want to tempt fate."

"Fair enough," he agreed. He walked her around to the driver's side of the car and opened the door. "You're okay to drive?" he asked.

"I think at this point I'm pretty sober," she assured him, pleased at the smile she saw on his face. She reached up and gave him another kiss.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" He asked, still a little unsure of what they were doing here.

"You better," she told him. "Goodnight, Mr. Halpert."

He laughed. "Goodnight, Pam," he said before closing her door.

He watched her drive away before heading back into the house wondering how his night had turned around so drastically. He wasn't really sure what'd they'd started tonight, but it was something. All he knew was he couldn't wait to find out.

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TBC…? Please review! I have some more written but I'm not sure if I should keep going…let me know!