Forgotten but never forgiven Chapter 4: You held me in your hand, an inuyasha fanfic

Chapter four: You held me in your hand…

Like the village Miko said, winter thawed into spring quick enough and planting season was yet at hand. Now was the time to walk the village grounds, play with the children and water whatever food they had planted. Birds now flew close enough to almost touch you, and the grass grew as tall as your hip. Due to the great Miko's foreshadowing and promises, a magnificent dinner was held for the whole village when the food grew within a few weeks. The Miko say with her people, and clapping her hands to bless both the cuisine and the people. The hanyou however watched from a far, mouth drooling over the vast amount of food being eaten. He half resented her at that moment, her being able to finish a plate and a second later having it filled again. Her eyes would dart in his direction, showing she did feel bad he could not jump from that tree and enjoy the many delicious treats.

After the fest she came to me, smiling lightly and holding yet another basket of food, the Shikon-no-Tama hung gently around her neck. "Inuyasha" She called and looked up at me, we no longer use formalities. I jumped from the tree and she hugged me for a second before pulling back and placing the basket in my hands.

It hurt so much to know he was there; watching me eat yet could not join. I heart sunk and I could not fully enjoy my food, so I stopped eating early to save some room and eat with him. We walked to the hip long grass field and ate in an easy silence. After the food had left, we just laid in the grass, enjoying everything.

The jewel shone on her neck and damned if I haven't already fully hated that thing. It was the only thing that was keeping us fully apart, always Miko and hanyou. If she didn't have that, would we still have met? If she wasn't bounded by that, would we be together? Really together?

We kept our unwilling distance between each other, always having the idea of how nothing could really boil between us, but it had already begun. It had started when we talked, not threatened. Our eye met and locked, we just stared without words spoken.

Suddenly the idea came to me, like an awesome wave is washed over my brain. "Kikyou… what if, the jewel… a demon could use it and make it disappear right?" She nodded softly, questioning eyebrows raised. "Well… can it use for good?" I asked and she seemed to mow it over in her mind. "Yes, it is a jewel of four different souls, Inuyasha, and all those souls represent something that makes a great human" She said and placed her hand on my cheek with care.

"Could it be used then… to bring two people together?" He asked and I felt my stomach knot. What was he asking? He brought me him that second and held me so close and tight that I could not dare push away. He kissed the top of my head and asked the question slowly, savoring the moment. "Would you use the Shikon-no-Tama to turn me into human, and together we… could be wife and husband?"

I felt her loose her breath. She shook for a moment, and her hands gripped the jewel tightly. I heard her sob and I experienced a pain in my side, I didn't mean to make her cry. She pushed back and looked into my eyes, two tear rolling down her cheeks. She was smiling! Even her eyes! They were tears of joy!

I couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth. He really loved me… and I loved him more then my heart could contain. "Yes, it can and we could" I said his eye lit up, kissing my forehead then my lips, my neck. "Inuyasha… my Inuyasha, can you meet me here tomorrow at dawn?" I asked and he kissed my lips before replying.

"Why must we leave already?" I asked, seeing it was only mid afternoon. "No no my Inuyasha, I'm just asking so you know what time we are… to wed" She said and played with my hair. "Yes my Kikyou" I replied then suddenly a playful smile grew across her lips. "Inuyasha… may I touch your ears? I've always wanted to and now that you're turning human… for me" She asked shyly and rose her hand to my head.

He pulled away, then gave in and let my fingers guild across the pointed ears. They were so warm! They gave off their own heat and felt like warm silk under my fingers, which I ran up and down his ears. He jerked away and then smiled but I could tell he wasn't enjoying my indulgence. "Sorry" I said and he shook his head. "Pef, don't be" He said and we looked at the over passing birds, clouds and fireflies. I kissed him then, and cloths were painfully slowly shed, each of us wanting to see more but scared to. After a little bit I kissed him and whispered, "Tomorrow we are to be wed, and no more Miko and hanyou taunting us. Can we not pretend that day has already come?" That's when we fully committed to each other, and love was made.

"Miko… what is under those robes? No doubt a body any man would die for" He asked and I felt my skin crawl; yet Oneesama continued her work on his wounds. That was too much. "How dare you speak to my Oneesama like that!" I screamed and threw the bowl of water on the ground in fury as I stood. "Keade" Kikyou said with surprise. "Don't worry little girl, I'm sure that 'Oneesama' of yours enjoys those kinds of compliments," He said and slim dripped from the words. I cringed and ran out of the cave. Kikyou didn't follow until ten minutes passed; I sat in the field and waited for her. When she found me, she placed her hand on my shoulder and told me to look into her eyes, which I didn't.

"I don't like him! He is sick! He says awful things and treats you like a piece of flesh he cannot wait to have, despite the fact he never will. His stares at you in such a lustful way, it makes my gut knot up! We should leave him to die! He probably deserved the fate he was dealt!" I scream and tears dropped from my eyes, one after another. Kikyou hugged me closely and stroked my hair, I was sobbing onto her shoulder. "Shhh, Keade, listen to me. He will never move from that floor, his arm will never move, his legs will forever be motionless. All he has is words, is looks, take that not away from him. No man deserves such a fate, where there it no meaning to time and all to wait for is death" She said all this with no resentment in her voice. She was so pure, so untouched. I couldn't never even think of being as forgiving and kind as she.

"Keade, I have news, me and Inuyasha, we're going to be husband and wife, using the Shikon-no-Tama Only with your blessing I mean" She said and was about say something before I cut her off. "Oneesama! Really! You and Inuyasha are to be!? Oh, Oneesama, please do so!" I yelled hugged her and grinded my eyes into her shoulder, drying the tears of hate and wiping away the new ones of joy.

Did I hear right? Had it been said? My woman Kikyou was to be with a dirty Hanyou? This one Inuyasha, no word had been spoken of him before. No matter, I'll kill him, I'll rape her, and I'll have the jewel yet. Demon feast for willing flesh, my soul is no better then a beast so better just become one.

I prayed late in the night, making sure the jewel was a pure as could be. I trusted that Inuyasha wanted to be human to the pit of his very soul, and wanted to be with me. I'm sorry mother, I'm in love. I'm giving up the years of purity, of being a servant of god, to be with a man I love. I love you father, I know you'd understand my need for love. The Shikon-no-Tama glowed with a pure light, white with hints of pink. It strange, that jewel gave my life as a Miko true meaning, but it was my jailer. My breathtaking jailer. I hadn't ever pictured myself being held by a man, being loved, and now that it had happened, it was almost too good to be true.

I was sad however, for he would no longer be a hanyou. He would yet be a human, different in skin then than his other self. But I loved him still, it didn't matter for he would still be Inuyasha. He would still be the one I fell in love with, the one that gave love in return. I reached into my shirt and pulled out his brush and placed it by the jewel. When I did that the temple grew a little lighter, then a littler darker. An omen, maybe, or it could be the Gods detecting their flawless miko being touched, and falling in love. The jewel however didn't glow any darker, meaning it wasn't an omen. It had to be a blessing, from my ancestors.

I hated waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Time ticked so slowly that it didn't even seem it was moving. At least I had something truly wonderful to look forward to. Kikyou as my wife, me as a human. I couldn't help but grin there, I was waiting, hoping to become a human. Before the thought would have detested me. Sesshomaru would never have known it was me when I became human, when I'm with a wife and maybe one day kids. He knows me only as the hanyou, the very one that tainted the family name.

I watched the moon guild slowly across the sky, and then I felt sad. No human would be able to see the slight change in the moon in the sky only over ten minutes. I would miss myself, my hanyou self. To be able to smell a flower from fifty feet away, to be able to focus on it from a mile away. All these would be lost, and my long years. My demon years, which could span as long as I wanted. I shook my head at these thoughts. This wasn't fair to being thinking of. Kikyou would be giving up her powers as a miko, and I would be giving up my powers of a hanyou. Besides, my eyes wanted only that of Kikyou, and my long demon years would be meaningless without her in them.

Tomorrow, Kikyou and I wed, and will be together. Keade will live with us for a time, and a family we will be. Happiness have no bounds.

I didn't dare think wrong of you, not once. Had you never thought good of me? Not once?

All I could feel was the sharp pain that didn't just run down my arm but rather all across my body. The jewel flew from my now limp hand; it hit the ground and bounced even further away from me. I hit the ground with a thud but I heard my blood splatter across it long before I reached it.

How could I not see his attack? Had I really been so lost in my own thoughts, thoughts of a better life? I barely felt when he stepped on my hand, but his cruel words hit me full force. It was all a lie; everything I thought my mother was wrong about was true. I coughed up blood and could only yell my new found hate; hate I thought would never flow in the veins of me, the purest miko. That right, I'm not the purest miko, only a woman untouched could call herself that.

So, that is how I was struck down, that was the reason for my end and my inability to connect with the jewel. I had made love. I had been dirtied, tainted. If I had only waited… would my blood still cover me or his?

I won't die like this, and I cannot let him kill the innocent. Oh god, Keade! Blood dripped behind me as I took a step every few second, I could already feel my lung filling with blood. I tried to cough it out and tears sprung in my eyes when I was able to. I… I was dying.

How could you? I love you. I love you. I loved you.

The Shikon-no-tama hit the ground less then a second after I was pinned to the tree. There Kikyou stood, bow in hand, hate in eyes. So, there was the true Kikyou. That cold glare gave away everything I could not detect. I grinned with this, sadly enough. I swore never to trust, never ever again, yet I did. Promises are not meant to be broken.

So Kikyou, why'd you do it? I know you did, but why? What did you have to gain, to lose? Your purity is gone, only shame is that you gained. So why then?

Do I hate you? I mean really hate you? No. I cannot hate you, I don't know why. Even if you did it, something doesn't connect. Even as I die now, my world slipping far away from me forever, something isn't right. But still you did it; you shot that arrow and murdered me.

I feel warmer then normal, my eye lids heavy. Aren't I suppose to be cold? I don't want to close them; I know if I do my eyes will never meet yours again. I don't want to face death, not now. DAMNIT! I LOVE YOU! Why did it end like this? Why did you even end it? Please Kikyou, don't hate me, please never hate me.

I saw him fall asleep before my eyes, leaving him pinned there as a constant reminder. I fell to one knee and Keade's little hands gripped my numb shoulder, I only saw it not felt it. My world is now a blur and I feel life leaving me, death entering in it's place.

Burn the jewel with me, leave no evil to taint it and the burden placed upon the shoulders of yet another girl. I love you yet Inuyasha, detest you still. I feel one of Keade's tear touch the tip of my fingers, I looked down to see the pool of blood and tears. I cried then too, for Keade more then me.

I didn't want my young sister, my wonderful sister, to see her Oneesama, her mother, to die before her eyes. I hear her cry my name, I hear her curse Inuyasha. I'm sorry you saw this Keade, I'm so glad your not hurt by him. I try to lift my arm to hug her, but I can't. My body is numb, I'm dead. I'm sure I have only seconds.

I'm so cold.

Then I see my world zipping by me as if I'm falling, but I never ever feel the walkway.