People have been asking me to create the sequel to Edward's Jam Fetish...so here it is. Hope your satisified gives out evils

(Oh, BTW, you have to read Edward's Jam Fetish before you read this one. Thankies )

(WARNING: Contains VERY disturbing graphic stuff...like boldpatches...and stuff...)

The return of the Gingerbread man

Ahhh. Stupid sunlight...it's...killing me. Remember when I said that one day I am actually going to become blind, and use Edward as my coach? Yeh. Well...I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon...as much as I would absolutly LOVE to...so Edward...can...show me...stuff...hehe..

Soo, I've got a plan up my sleeve. I am going to go out in the sunlight (today it's quite sunny

here in Forks) and blind myself. Purposfully. Wait...but then..I won't be able to see my beautiful Edward...and I won't know how to wipe my ass after I do my stuff...and...I would probably put in my tampons in my school bag thinking they're pens. Gah. You know what? Fuck it. I'm NOT becoming blind.

I got up off my bed, only to see a very amused looking Edward staring at me. What?

''What?'' I asked.

''Nothing. Just that...you look as though an elephant has just farted on you.''

Did he just say that? What the fu-. Then I saw IT. I was standing in front of my mirror in no time, and to my disbelief, I looked like a pile of haystack, blown by the wind. I had under eye bags, bloated face, fucked up hair. Now I see what Edward ment by the 'Elephant fart'.

So, I took a blitz shower, brushed my teeth so quick I thought the toothbrush was gonna break, I combed my hair so fast and hard, that it broke and got stuck in my hair. GOD! I tried to cut it off my hair with scissors, but I couldn't see where I was cutting, because It was on the back of my head. I walked over to Edward, and asked him to do it.

''Tsk tsk. Bella, what is wrong with you now a days? You never seem to do things right.''

He was practiclly pulling the hairbrush of my head SO hard, I thought my scalp would rip off any minute. Then I felt IT. Shit it hurt. But he eventually took the remaing hairbrush of my hair, only to start laughing.

''What?'' I kept on asking.

''Hahahaha. OMG, you should take a look at the back of your head! HAhahaha. Omg, I'm soo sorry.''

I grabbed a small hand mirror, and faced my back to the big mirror. Then I looked at the small hand mirror, which reflected my reflection off the back mirror, displaying a fat-WHAT!

And that's when I had enough and blacked out.

20 minutes (and snores from Bella) later...

Ahh...my head...dizziness. I woke up in my bed, to see Edward standing there above me, watching me in a slightly bemused way.

Wait, what happend? Ok...im slowly retreiving my memory back...morning sunlight...elephant fart...shower...comb in my hair...BIG FAT BALD PATCH ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh well. I could always wear a hat till it grows back. Anyways, It's always cold in Forks.

I slipped on some clothes, wore a basketball cap, and slowly walked downstairs to the kitchen.

Grabbing a bowl of cereal, and orange juice, I noticed Edward starring at the jam jar again. Lovingly. Jeez louis. Will he ever get over it?

Anywhoos. I took a seat on the table and started munching away so quick I kept on biting my spoon. That is until IT happend. I chipped my tooth. WHATS WRONG WITH ME TODAY?HUH?

''Ouch!''

''What?'' Edward exclaimed.

''Look...'' then I sheepishly smiled, revealing my chipped tooth.

Edward looked as though he would blow up from laughter if he didn't let it out anyminute.

''Oh shutup.'' I said, pissed off at myself. Edward shrugged, and disappeared in a whizz. Somewhere...

Without another word, I got up, and decided today I need NO ride to school, and I'm not even gonna risk driving...just incase...

I walked outta the door, and started to make my way towards school. That's when things started getting weird. There was not a person alive on the road.

I started to pick up on my pace, that is until IT happend.

My cell phone started to ring. I took it out of my pocket, answerd it, only to be replied with a...

''Hello. Now, lithen here young lady. You will keep on walking, BUT take the firthst thortcut to your right, into the woods. Or elthe thomething...thomething...err...'' Mumbling in the backround. This dude, had a severe condition og lisping.

''Or elthe we would have to drag you into the woodth. Capeeth?''

''Sorry, who's this. And do you even know who your talkin' to?'' I asked. Flabbergasted, at how a guy with a lisp could sound so...dare I say it...intimidating.

''Yeash. Ithabella Thwan. Your name ith Ithabella Thwan. Am I right?''

''No your not. My name's ISabella Swan. Not ITHabella THwan. CapeeSH?'' I put empahsis on the words with S's in them.

''Ok, Ithabella Thwan-'' Here he goes again with the lisp.

''Yes?'' I asked, getting tired.

''You will lithen to me and go into the woodth. Hokey?'' He couldn't even prounounce OK properly. Jeez louis.

''Fine.'' I hung up, and took the goddamned shortcut into the woods. Lets see who's waiting for me...

Then I IT happend. God, why me? I felt a quick, sharp pain hit the back off my head and I blacked out.

Half an hour later(Starting from this point is where the story starts to get serious...1..2..3..NOT!)...

I awoke...IN MY ROOM? Wasn't I in the woods a minute ago...or more like...half an hour ago? Hold up. I was TIED UP! My hands were tied behind my back, my mouth was gagged, and my feet were tied up also. I was lying on my side, on my bedroom floor.

Suddenly, I heard shuffling from across my bedroom. I looked up, and saw on my rocking chair a small brown thing...my kidnapper?...a...WHA-?

A GINGERBREAD MAN? WTF? Noo...I think I'm still asleep. This is NOT heppening. First I get a boldpatch, then I chip my tooth off, NOW I get kidnapped by a Gingerbread!

''What the hell do you want?'' I asked, but it sounded more along the lines off ''Eumph...uff..nuff..euff..wennf?'' Thanks to the stupid scarf tied around my mouth.

''Oh you thee...onthe upon a timeth, there wath a thtupid girl called Ithabella Thwan who dethided to eateth a Gingerbread man!'' Hah, its the man-er gingerbread- with the lisp! Hahahaha. I couldn't stop laughing. He gave me a stern look and asked ''Whath the matter thtupid girl?''

I shook my head.

''Tho, after the ateth the gingerbread man-'' Mumbles something under his breathe along the lines of ' Rest in peice Bob'

''uth Gingerbreaderth dethided to take revengeth on you, on behalf of Bob. The gingerbread the thtupid girl ate. Namingly YOuuuuu.'' he pointed his little dough finger at me.

I started struggling to undo the nots, but to no avail. Meanwhile, the Ginger dude was trying to get off the rocking chair, and actually did! That was until, a crow flew into my room through thru my window and bit his head off. Yey for the crow! Woo.

Suddenly, more gingerbread started marching in through my bedroom door, surrounding me. That is until ofcourse my hero/angel (cough) came -Edward- and started to undo the knots, as little Gingerbread-ers started to climb on his back and try to attck him. All he did as grab them, and crunch them in his fist.

When I was finally free, I started to do as Edward do: Grab, Crunch and Blow. (Blow, meaning blowing away the crumbs...)

We finally killed..er...crunched all of them to death..er..to...crumbs...

Suddenly, out of nowhere ''We are the champions'' by Queen started playing. Huh?

The

End

Hahaha. I had fun writing that.