The birthday song echoes in my mind, and I can't help but notice how much Ava has changed in these last few years. She bends over a piece of cake, a smile and a laugh spilling across her face; one hand reaching out to her grandmother, who is doubled over in laughter. I am lost as to what has just happened; Ava must have said something to make her laugh, but I have missed it.

The deck is lit with dozens of candles, and Ava and Hegbert and my mother's faces are all lit up with the golden light. A firefly whisks about Ava's head, and as she lifts her eyes up to the sky, I am suddenly reminded of another night, another star-filled sky.

"It's not exactly a house-of-dreams…" I whispered, coming up behind her. Jamie turned, catching my lips with her slim fingers. Her eyes shone in the dark, and I made an effort to smile back. I had so wanted to find a home for us; a perfect house with rosy shutters and a bower of flowers growing 'round about it. I had wanted a large front porch, complete with a swing and welcome mat. But instead I had to settle with a dilapidated bungalow; a white, peeling affair that needed a lot more work then I would ever be prepared for.

Jamie let her fingers glide over my lips, across my cheeks, and back again to the center of my mouth. "No," she murmured, stroking my mouth. "It's beautiful Landon. I don't care where we live; just as long as it's you… and me, together." She smiled shyly and I let out a soft laugh, catching her up in my arms.

"And anyway," she murmured, staring about the yard, "we could never have this much privacy anywhere in town. It's nice out here… look! Look at the stars!"

I lifted my eyes and smiled.

"Landon, look how clear the skies are out here… the air is so clean, and fresh; look, there's the Southern Cross!" She laughed, hugging her arms and stepping out of my embrace. I slipped an arm about her shoulders.

"I'll ask your father to bring the telescope tomorrow. We can set it up right on the little porch out back."

She smiled, nodding her head. I traced the outline of her face with a fingertip. She turned her head and surprised me with a soft kiss.

"You're smiling funny," I whispered. She laughed; a soft lilting noise that ticked my ear.

"It's because when I kiss you I see stars." She took a breath, a wave of emotions spilling across her face. "I love you so much, Landon--- so much…"

I closed my eyes and drew her closer. My fingers entangled themselves in her dark curls and the flimsy veil. With one hand she took my hand, entwining her fingers with mine. The veil was set loose, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw it blow free and settle upon the waiting fingers of a nearby tree.

"You know, it's taken me a few years to realize it, but I now understand that I actually like celebrating my birthday with you and grandpa and grandmother," Ava says in the dark. We are walking home from Hegbert's, having chosen to leave our cars at his house for the night. The air is cool, crisp, with hints of autumn just arounf the corner. Beside me Ava keeps on a running commentary, heedless of my silence. "I remember the time you made me invite all the girls from my ballet class. I hated that birthday party. And grandmother thought that it would be so wonderful if we all dressed up in our recital outfits."

I laugh, remembering. Ava had been so furious that halfway through the party she had stormed outside and jumped into a puddle. I can see her in my mind, that impish face, those impossibly long legs. And what a defiant expression!

"I remember that too. You were such a little spitfire. And I was so angry with you!"

Ava chortles and puts her arms through mine. We walk in silence, and I wonder about how I am going to give her her birthday present. On her wrist is the small tennis bracelet I have already given her, and I warrant that she's not expecting anything else.

"Landon?" She says in the dark, leaning her head against my shoulder. With a start, I realize how tall she is. I also realize how much it hurts when she doesn't call me 'dad'.

"Yes, hunny?"

"How come…" She stares off into a row of trees and begins to bite her lip, a nervous habit she must have picked up from my own mother. She breathes in slowly and smiles, then frowns to herself. She stops, and takes my hands into her own. I know what is coming, or what I believe is coming, and I wonder if I am ready. "…How come you never talk about my mother?"

I close my eyes. A slow sifting of emotions passes through me, leaving me with an empty, vulnerable feeling. I think of the box waiting for us at home; of all the letters stored away so neatly. I think of the promise I broke so long ago… and I wonder if Jamie will ever be able to forgive me.

"Will you do something for me?" I had once asked her. She had smiled, wondering to herself if it was necessary to answer.

"Anything…"

The memory is a beautiful one, but also a painful one. I cradled Jamie's hand in my own, and wondered where she had gone. Where was my beautiful Jamie, and who was this thin girl staring back at me?

"Landon?" She whispered, her voice intense and filled with pain. "You have to promise me."

I stared down at her linked hands, then at her round stomach. I was angry with myself--- why had I let this happen to her? Why had I not listen to the doctor? Jamie's body was not prepared for a full-term pregnancy… and yet there she lay, so close to leaving me.

"I know what you're thinking, Landon Carter. I know you too well." She closed her eyes; "I know you like the back of my hand." With what little strength she had left she brought my hand up and kissed it. "…So don't go berating yourself on my sake; don't you dare. This was as much of my choice as it was yours… more so."

Can a person cry without realizing it? Can tears be shed without feeling them?

I watched my tears fall down upon her face, her neck, her open hand. Tears from heaven, I thought numbly to myself. I had been so strong all along, but with each passing minute I felt that strength ebb away.

"Landon… promise?"

What else could I do, or say?

"I promise."

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