Fly to the Angels
Summary: Dean has to face his own memories, a trip home, an estranged father, and his own mother.
PG13- language warning.
Prompt: Pat Benatar (Love is Battlefield)'no promises, no demands'.
Disclaimer: Supernatural and them guys are not mine. This is not for profit

A/N: I giggled buckets of crazy over one line (I'll let you decide if it's any good) but it did make me wonder how would Mary react 'to Dean's sexual predatory thinking process.'?

Tis a good question!

And to all of you lovely peeps who have reviewed, faved' and alerted the story… I love you all very much. Purehalo – you may slap John now, if you want…

Chapter 7

Sam remained standing outside Missouri's ground floor bathroom. He was pushed up to the door, his body pressing tight against it, as one hand rested flat, palm splayed out, face turned so his ear lay tightly there. A blatant attempt at picking up and detecting his brother's movements.

"Dean, open the door" Sam instructed, for the seventh time, panic and exasperation playing at the edges of his voice, "Please".

There was silence again. To Sam it felt like the longest period of time – not being able to hear or see Dean – painful and overpowering, when in fact it was probably all of one minute.

"Goddammit Dean!" he shouted, hand pulling back before thumping the door with a heavy thud, "I just want to know if your o.k."

He knew it was a stupid thing to ask, of course he wasn't o.k., otherwise he wouldn't be standing here trying to coax Dean out of a bathroom.

"-M o.k." came a muffled reply through the door, "Just leave me alone Sam".

"I can't Dean" Sam replied, slowly turning his head, never loosing touch or connection, so that his forehead rested against it, "You're stuck with me".

Again silence remained and his eyes closed as he imagined Dean on the other side of the door, lost and alone, so he chose to continue.

"You don't want to talk" Sam observed the silent door between them, "That's fine, don't. Just listen to what I have to say then".

"Sam" Dean warned in a muffled pissed off voice.

"Let me talk!" Sam snapped, "I know this is hard. I get that this is difficult, weird, freaky… painful. And you're not in this on your own" he paused letting the words seep through the sturdy and unrelenting door, "What hurts you, hurts me bro".

No words were spoken in reply, but Sam wondered if the small, non-descript, noise he thought he heard, was possibly Dean sniffling his tears back.

"I'm not going to make excuses for him" San continued, "I'm sorry you missed, he deserved it. In fact, I'll go and finish it for you – I'm pretty sure I saw some dangerous looking vases back there" he pushed away from the door, letting his feet carry him backwards.

Just as he turned on his heel, away from the door, towards the direction of the living room, there was a small click of a lock being released, and Sam smiled, knowing he had pushed the right buttons. He turned back to the still closed door and pushed it open, revealing a stiff and tense Dean, shoulders up high, and arms and hands down low, into his pockets.

He was blinking, eyes slightly bloodshot, as if he had been trying to chase the unwanted sting of tears away.

"Hey" Sam said attentively, stepping over the threshold and joining his brother in the bathroom, "You o.k.?"

"Just freaking peachy" Dean mumbled, moving over to the tub and sliding down the porcelain edge, one hand coming out of his pocket, to wearily rub at his hair, "I'm an overly emotional freak. A new one for me".

Sam closed the door lightly behind him, before taking a few steps closer to Dean, before sliding down next to him, their shoulders touching. The coldness of the tub was sharp and nipping through his shirt.

"None of this is your fault" Sam said as they both stared out across the bathroom towards the white spotless wall, "You heard what Missouri said… there's no control over it".

"Right" Dean snorted, hand moving from his hair until his palm rested against the side of his head, "So it's all mom's fault?"

"I didn't mean it like that…" Sam began, realising Dean still was in his throes of said uncontrollable emotions.

"No" Dean said quietly, voice small, "I didn't willingly invite her into me, you know?"

Sam snaked a hand up and squeezed his arm tightly.

"A lot of it was words" Sam reassured him, "It's not an exact science, you know that".

Dean didn't shake away from the touch; instead he pulled his legs up, knees tight against his chest, arms hugging them into place.

"Maybe I've gone Bipolar" Dean muttered.

"You're angry and pissed off" Sam chuckled lightly, "Not manic".

"Premenstrual then" Dean muttered, head down, words mumbled into his knees, "Whatever dude, same thing".

"You're not a girl" Sam said rolling his eyes.

"We'll I feel like one" Dean grumbled, "A freaky emotional one".

Sam moved his hand up gently, from Dean's arm, leaving it to rest across his shoulders, wondering if Dean was just being over-dramatic because of the inability to suppress his emotions or if he really did feel like a woman, with their mother's energy roaming through him.

"This is like a fucking hallmark movie" Dean continued, "The weirdest freaking one ever. They better get the right girl to play me. I'm not having a dense chick that spends her time screaming and crying on the bad guys shoulder".

Sam glanced at him and broke into a smile – this was not one of their usual conversations, but then this wasn't a usual situation.

"Nobody fugly either" Dean continued, "Should be someone like Faith from Buffy. Kicking ass and looking good all the way. Man she's hot".

Yep, Sam thought, Dean's all man as he was pretty sure that if he was still thinking with his downstairs brain in a situation like this, it confirmed it. He briefly wondered if their mother's presence reacted to Dean's sexual predatory thinking process.

"Right" Sam said, shoulder's shaking with self-restrained laughter, "So who'd play me?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Dean said, glancing up at him, "You're already there – all you need is a hit of mascara and some blusher" his hand reached up and half-heartedly swatted at Sam's face, "You've got beautiful eyes Sammy".

"Shut up" Sam said, slapping his hand away, "You're giving me make-up advice now?"

"Someone has to" Dean smiled back at him in a look that Sam could only describe as an annoying 'I'm having the last word' look.

"Was it expensive?" Dean suddenly asked, returning back to the position he was initially in.

"Was what expensive?" Sam asked, arm still resting across Dean's shoulders.

"Whatever I threw" Dean clarified, "I didn't stop to see what it was".

Sam shrugged, arms rising, before making a noise in the back of his throat.

"Gurh is not even a word Sam"

"It was… small" Sam said unhelpfully.

A bubble of laughter broke out of Dean, light, as it fluttered across the bathroom.

"Does Missouri do credit?" he joked miserably.

"You seriously need a collateral damage warning" Sam said, quietly beside him, "The words Bull. China. Shop, ring any bells?"

"No, how about Annoying. Kid. Brother?" Dean grumbled.

"I wouldn't worry" Sam reassured him, "I'm pretty sure someone would have done the same thing if you hadn't".

They fell into a stretched silence as neither moved, sitting tucked up against the side of the tub, one tense, knees bent, body hunched, the other with long legs spewed out. Sam couldn't remember the last time they had sat this close together without in entailing one unconscious brother and it warmed him at how natural it felt.

"When are you going to actually talk about it?"

"There's nothing to say Sam" Dean stiffly replied, "It was all pretty much said anyway".

"You can talk to me about it if you want" Sam continued, "You've got nothing to be embarrassed about".

Dean shook his head, face swivelling across his knees, as he hunted Sam's eyes.

"I'm not embarrassed" Dean said, eyes flashing, "I was angry. I lost control. Nuff said".

"Dean…" Sam warned.

"Dude, seriously" Dean snapped, "I said it all in there, like a freaking girl. I don't need to say anything more, not to you".

"I'm sorry" Sam said quietly, words spoken carefully.

"Don't" Dean commanded tiredly, before looking away and pushing his face into his worn jean's again, "You've done nothing wrong Sammy".

He stared down at the tip of his boots, visible just beyond his knees and studied the scuff mark, that littered over his left foot. It was soft with light white and grey shading like a rain cloud receding in an already darkening night. His anger and ever changing current of emotions appeared to be fading in a similar fashion.

"Do you think I should apologise?" he whispered, glancing at Sam, unsure of the words that had fallen out of his mouth, especially since Sam had adopted a wide coke-bottled-eyed look.

"I think… I think… you should talk to him" Sam said, "Both of us, civilly, if that's possible" he laughed at his own choice of words realising that his own reunion with his father today had, in fact, been an almost continuation, physically, of the last time he had seen him, the day he had left for Stanford.

"Sure" Dean said, lifting his head, so it was leant backwards, trapping Sam's arm as he looked up at the ceiling, "And when was the last time that happened?"

"I'll give it ago" Sam said, catching the quick sideways glance and raised eyebrow Dean threw at him, "We're in this together" Sam said, repeating his words from earlier.

Sam looked around and realised they'd hardly moved, bodies close, brother to brother, no promises, no demands. This, Sam thought, was pretty assuring amidst all the chaos. Sam and Dean had spent countless times comforting the other, through the sudden appearance of a day old breakfast or the rare over-indulgence of alcohol and then of course there was the DIY patch-ups and hastily implemented first aid.

Although at ease with Dean in a scenario like this, Sam's legs suddenly felt heavy and laden and all he really wanted was to stand and shake the crampy feeling from his legs.

"It's you and me. I've got your back and you've got mine" Sam said.

"I know that" Dean said, next to him, quietly.

Sam wasn't sure if Dean was aware that he was doing it, but he felt him press a bit harder, his side leaning, just ever so slightly, into him. He didn't miss the wince of pain and the hand at his head either, fingertips at his brow, touching lightly.

"You want me to get you something for that?" Sam asked with concern, hating the pinched and pained look emanating from Dean's tight face.

Dean shook his head, hand remaining in place, eyes shut tight.

"Dean, if you're in…" Sam began.

"I don't want to mask her" Dean cut in, voice sounding strained.

"What?" Sam asked, studying him, he desperately wanted to tighten his arm around Dean's form, but wondered when Dean would suddenly revert out of his funk and slap his arm away with 'dude, that move is so old'.

"I don't want to take anything that will mask her" Dean repeated, his own voice becoming steadier, "I want to be able to hear her. I want to be able to feel her. It hurts like a bitch, but I haven't felt her, not like this, for 22 years".

"You do realise" Sam said slowly, voice low, gentle, careful, as if he was a doctor who was breaking bad and unwanted news, "that she can't… I mean her energy… stay in you".

When Dean didn't reply, Sam shook him hard, "Dean!"

"I know" Dean said with a sigh, "I just want this connection while I still can".

"Yeah… sure" Sam said unsure of Dean's words, they didn't hold the same conviction they had held only minutes before, "But if it gets worse I'll be forcing it down your throat".

Dean glanced at him, eyebrows fully rising, as he smiled bemusedly.

"Dude, didn't realise they did 'Dictatorship' at college" he retorted.

"You're mistaking it for Dean Winchester 101: Stubborn Big Brothers Who Have a Penchant for Face-planting Before Taking Action" Sam snarked back to him.

"You're a funny guy Sammy" Dean laughed dryly next to him, "My sides are splitting".

"It's Sam" Sam shot back, "And at least I'm not funny looking".

"O.k. I take it back" Dean said, eyes growing wide, "You're funny in the head".

"Listen" Sam said, letting their painful banter slide, "Can we get out of here? My ass has gone to sleep".

Dean let his arms slide down his body, fingers resting on the floor, taught.

"Sure" he said, pushing himself up, realising he didn't have the leverage to continue. His hand shot out and caught the rim of the tub, bracing himself, as he embarrassingly felt hands push at his backside, until he was straightened.

"Dude, I know I have a cute hiny" Dean exclaimed, turning to face Sam, "But that's just wrong".

"I think I can resist you Dean" Sam said, reaching his own arms up and behind as they sought out the tub.

"That's what they all say" he said, rolling his eyes. His own hands clasped around Sam's elbow, tugging hard, so that Sam came up in one swift movement, "We should go talk to Missouri and Dad. Find out what…" he paused, his lips trying to form the right words, "I have to do".

"We" Sam corrected, "And, yes, we should".

Sam walked the few steps to the door, clasping the handle as he opened it, and headed out into the hallway.

Dean slowly followed, watching his brother stride in front of him, one giant step to every two of his own, and he wondered when his baby brother suddenly became so strong.

Sam slowed slightly, closing the gap between them, until they were only a fingertip touch away from each other. He paused, stopping so that he remained in front of Dean, behind the closed living room door, enabling Dean to get a hold of himself, as they both prepared to face Missouri and their father again.

Just as Sam was about to reach for the door handle he felt his arm suddenly get pulled back, Dean's fingers tight in his sleeve.

"Dude" he whispered, leaning into Sam's stalled body

"What is it Dean?" he whispered back, concerned.

"I just wanted to let you know" he spoke quietly, breaths tickling Sam's ear, "that you've used up all of your chick-flick moments to last a life time".

Sam rolled his eyes and didn't respond.

"Come on dude" Dean suddenly exclaimed, giving him a shove, "Do you need to be wound up or something… open the door"

And they braced themselves as they re-entered the room that they had hastily left only half an hour ago.

tbc