Focus on the pain

Cassie had been looking for a present for Jack and a friend had suggested a recent Johnny Cash album.

"You sure this isn't going to be too twangy, you know all railroads and prisons, or too depressing."

"Watch those stereotypes! Really, I don't know if your friend will like it. But what I do know is, it's an old guy singing with a scratchy voice, but, you know, you can feel it. I don't know just how to explain it. His wife was real sick and he was real sick and all of that just pours out. It almost hurts to listen to it."

"Hey, that sounds great, geeze."

Still wondering if yet another Simpson DVD might make a better gift, Cassie took her friends advice and bought the album. She thought she would give it a listen before giving it to Jack. A Nine Inch Nails song sung by this 'old man' blew her away. Matter of fact, it made her cry, no, not for Jack but for herself. Sam was getting married and there would, in Cassie's opinion, be no place in her in Sam's life. Sam barely had room for Pete.

'You are someone else
I am still right here'

And Jack, who would have thought, he was carrying on with some willowy CIA agent.

'I will let you down
I will make you hurt'

Cassie was on the verge of adulthood but she had no family to rely on. She so stupidly thought she could paste together the parents of her choice and form an instant family, a family to celebrate holidays with, to share joys and grief, a family to provide that confidence that you are loved and can accomplish almost any thing. Instead she heard:

'Everyone I know
Goes away
In the end'

She had never felt so alone and so numb, wondering if physical pain would at least make her feel something else and would distract her from the pain in her soul.

'I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real'

'Full of broken thoughts' the pain welling up from deep inside the girl overwhelmed her and she cried.

She cried for the need to belong.

She cried for the family she wanted but couldn't have.

She cried for her foster mother Janet Frasier whose loving arms and gentle heart she missed so.

And she cried for her birth mother whose face was fading from her memory.

'Everyone I know
Goes away
In the end'

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American IV: The Man Comes Around
Johnny Cash's version of Trent Reznor - "Hurt"