Silently waiting

Sam said she would be alright alone and Jack left. She wished he had stayed but she didn't want him to feel obligated and anyway she wasn't in the mood to entertain anyone. But he wasn't like that and he wasn't acting awkward like he sometimes did. Almost all the arrangements for her father's funeral had been made thanks to the general. Funny, she still thought of him as her colonel; the stars on his collar always seemed out of place. They distanced him from her, from all of them, as once the stars of the heavens had brought them together.

So here she sat, alone, thinking that it would be nice to gather together some photos of her dad to trace his life: the boy of so much promise, the confident young man, the loving husband, the doting father, the Air Force officer, the general, and in his last years as the Tok'ra - host of Selmak. She wanted others to see the man she knew and loved and admired.

As she got up to collect the family photo albums, Sam turned on the radio to dispel the loneliness she felt. It was still tuned to one of Cassie's stations and mid song she caught a few of the words before she turned it off. It made her think of her current situation.

"Won't hurt anymore" - well that was going to take time, right now the pain of her father's death was down right physical. The emotional turmoil of her disaster of a love life was waiting in the wings to bring her more grief.

"Silently waiting
For a moment with you…
I can't live with or without you"

And that was how she felt about Jack O'Neill. Here, mourning her father and preparing for his funeral, she was thinking of Jack O'Neill. It seemed totally crass. Yet it was her father, who in his final days, wanted her to think hard on just what she wanted out of life and to go and get it, to overcome the obstacles that she took as insurmountable. But what she wanted… was it just a desire for the forbidden, just simple lust or hero worship? Did she know this man well enough to throw everything away just to find out they were incompatible?

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Endo – Simple Lie