Land of my heart

The ride to the cabin was long and by early afternoon the chit chat of the morning was depleted. There were things that needed to be said. Neither knew how to give voice these potentially damaging or potentially healing thoughts that swirled around in their minds. Jack needed to know. He wondered if he shouldn't have spoken before they started out. But here in the cab of the Ford, staring out at the highway, he felt safer to bring up the problem they were so very good at avoiding. After a long silence he asked.

"Have we waited too long?"

She wanted to brush it off with an 'Oh I though we got off early enough this morning' but by the timber of his voice she knew this was serious territory.

"I don't know. We... kind of like... had the seven year itch – we've scratched…"

"Never got to scratch what I wanted too." He smiled at her.

"…and we've found each other again. Don't you still want to try?" She tried not to sound desperate.

"Do I want to…hell yeah… but can I? Should I? And I'm not just talking about permission here or regulations and reputations. Maybe we have waited too long or maybe I've always been too old for you. If I were younger but I'm on the downward slope and you're in your prime. Why should you be saddled with an old man?"

"Why shouldn't I have what I want, what I need?" Her anger flaring up. "Should I be stuck with someone I don't love or wind up alone and bitter because you're so damn noble?" Her anger turned to anguish.

"You love me?"

"How could you doubt it?"

The minute the words were out of her mouth she saw the flash of pain across his face.

"I'm so sorr…"

He reached over and sought out her hand.

"Don't! You have nothing to apologize for. If I had stepped up sooner all of this could have been avoided but I…I couldn't. I wondered if I didn't love you enough and loved the job too damned much. Devotion to duty… cowardice… stupidity… take your pick, I just don't know.
I know I was afraid of what you would see if we got together, someone who's shallow and selfish and too domineering. It was easier to be admired from arms length than despised up close."

"You really are an idiot. Do you think it was all just a daddy complex or an adolescent crush?"

"Do we really know one another?"

"Eight years of working…"

"It's not the same…"

"Close enough, I think.
But I'm willing to do more research… some very serious research."

"All right, as long as it doesn't involve dissection."

"I'm making no guarantees."

"You know, you scare me sometimes, Carter."

She smirked and held on to his hand.

Jack inserted a disc in the CD player and cranked up the volume. For some reason he could not fathom, given his other musical preferences, he love the first few seconds of this group as they prepared to hurl themselves into the piece. This was the music of warriors; the band was raw and unpolished but what they lacked in finesse, they made up for in their fierceness.

Sam woke up with a start, wide eyed and adrenaline pumping.

Jack looked over innocently.

"What the hell was that? I thought you ran over a cat"

"Hey, that's my heritage you're insulting."

"I thought O'Neill was Irish."

"They play pipes too, and there's a whole branch of Campbell's on mom's side. Anyway I was just trying to keep alert with all the snoring."

"I don't snore. Why don't you stop of you're tired?"

"Have you looked out the window lately?"

There was nothing for miles.

"I could drive."

"There's a place about 15 minutes from here. We could stop for a bite and the night if you want."

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Scotland the Brave – Traditional Melody