Chapter 3

Part 4

"Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide"

I'd only gotten through the door of my dorm five minutes ago when I heard a thud in the hallway that I'd unfortunately assumed was Megan looking for her keys. I swung the door open forcefully expecting her but was only greeted by Sean standing with his hands resting simply in his pockets and his shoulder pressed against the doorframe.

"You left," he said simply standing straighter then flopping back against the frame causing him to do this ort of bounce.

I looked at him with the most evil glare I could possibly muster and pierced my lips. "Yes," I shot at him coldly and he winced catching the venom in my voice.

"Why?" he asked again almost as if making a pointed attempt to ignore my anger while I plotted where the most painful place for me to kick him might be.

I stepped back from him as the urge to do him bodily harm became overwhelming and he took this as an invitation to come inside instead. "No," I practically barked as he attempted to step closer.

He held up his hands in confusion as if he had no clue what a horrible person he was. "What'd I do?" he asked feigning innocence and I glared practically snarling at him. "Okay, okay I get that you obviously don't want to talk to me at the moment but the thing is that you're horrible."

My mouth dropped and his seemed to catch when he realized what he'd said.

"I mean you're not horrible but it's horrible that I could have any girl I want and yet you're the one I can't get out of my head. Why won't you get out of my head? You're not the sexiest girl I know, you're not the wittiest but my god there's something about you that has implanted you into my brain," he stated talking quickly, almost as if I wasn't even in the room, and ground the heel of his hand into his forehead. "I would do anything to forget about you. I would do anything to be able to have a casual hook-up again because since you came around I haven't actually been able to look at any girl in quite the same way… so I give up! I give up! Just go out with me because I can't handle this anymore," he bobbed his head with every syllable, and he finally looked me in the eye after what I hoped was the end of his degrading monologue.

I took a deep and very soothing breath trying to calm my anger. It didn't work. My intense glare intensifying as I processed exactly what it was he'd just said.

"Fuck. You," I pronounced harshly and vulgarly.

"Excuse me?" he asked almost as if he was shocked by my statement. I have no clue why he would be.

"God Sean you walk around here like you're a fucking god, but despite however good you play on that football field when you step off it you're nothing but a self-absorbed prick," I began gaining momentum and speed with every word. "Well you know what I'm not fooled.

"You say you can't get me out of your head but the only reason that's so is because I'm the only person in this damn school that doesn't cave in to your wishes. I'm the only person that isn't impressed merely by how well you throw a football or how you look in your uniform. You don't want me you just want the whole world to love you and I'm just a chink in your chain that you feel this overwhelming need to fix."

"I don't-" he began but I was on a roll now and not one thing he could say to be could change my current mood.

"Oh yeah you don't what? Control people's lives?" I asked quickly. "Well what about Charlie and Megan? Why did you feel the overwhelming need to stand in the way of that, because you thought maybe you might loose a few games or perhaps because Charlie was truly happy an no longer under your control?"

"Charlie's a big boy he can do whatever he damn well pleases," he responded and I could tell his own anger was starting to bubble to the surface.

I scoffed at him. "Yes whatever he damn well pleases besides date my best friend."

Sean bit his lip his face quickly purpling. "He's the one that broke up with her, not me," he said with an icy composure that contradicted his face. "I retract my earlier question. I no longer want to ask you out."

I smiled sardonically my eyes still shooting daggers. "Question? No you mean statement. You're such a cocky bastard that was so sure I'd leap into your arms at such an opportunity arising that you didn't even ask me out. You stated it." My voice and heart rate suddenly slowed. "Well you know what Sean, even if you had asked, the answer would be no. Not now. Not ever would I consent to going out with you," I shot slowly and coldly annunciating and emphasizing my statement into its most simplified and comprehensive form, then, without bothering to wait for an answer or read his expression, I swung the door closed in his face.

For about five minutes after Cam closed the door in my face I just stood completely still and in complete shock.

I honestly had no clue, what so ever, had just happened. In fact it didn't really even register until I'd made it down the third flight of stairs and turned her harsh criticisms over in my mind. Had I really given her the impression that I only cared for myself? And as for Charlie, was that really all my influence?

I was so caught up in my own thoughts I barely noticed the girl I passed in the stairs until she stopped beside me. "Sean?" she asked looking a little perplexed at my trance-like state.

"Megan, oh hey," I replied a bit too eagerly as she snapped me back to reality.

"What are you doing in a girl's dorm at one in the morning?" she asked with an innocent look of happiness consuming her face.

"Oh-uh," I stuttered awkwardly wondering exactly what I should say. Getting rejected by your roommate perhaps?

She held up a hand and waved it in front of my face. "No, no I don't want to know anymore," she said smiling genuinely. I stood there awkwardly not able to join in on her little joke or even force myself to fake a smile. Megan shifted uncomfortably. "So, um, how's Charlie?" she asked looking generally interested and not as if she was asking merely as a formality.

It seemed to suddenly strike me what Cam had said about Charlie breaking up with Megan. Why was I so set on their relationship ending? Was that a purely selfish thing or did I really believe Charlie's football reputation to be in danger?

I finally realized I'd been standing there silently while Megan looked at me awkwardly; eyeing me with that same alien look I used to always give her. "Charlie's fine, well not fine but okay I guess," I muttered all of a sudden and Megan just seemed all the more worried about my behavior.

"And you Sean? Are you okay?" she asked slowly still eyeing me oddly.

I exhaled slowly and bit my lip. "Can, um, can you just tell Cam she's right about… about everything?" I asked hesitating.

Megan half-smiled at me and bobbed her head. "Okay Sean," she said politely and headed up the stairs without asking any questions but seeming generally concerned and it struck me exactly why Cam would want to be friends with someone so totally honest and loyal, and I felt gut-wrenchingly guilty for cheating Charlie of that.

At that moment I'd never felt so ashamed in my life. I understood why Cam said no. I felt like a horrible ass. For the first time in a long time I felt inferior.

Then all of a sudden it hit me. I wasn't good enough for her. Not the other way around.

Oh wow. Serious revelation there.

Soo um riight... sorry it toook so long. I should have another up tomorrow.

Happy Halloween.

Instead of Candy I'd much prefer reviews. :)