Weariness of Minds
For disclaimer, see chapter 1.
A/N: This is the last 'official' part of this little shipper-fix story. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy…
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It is just past five when I wake up. My mind starts churning right away and a quick calculation tells me that I got, wow, seven hours of uninterrupted sleep. Things happened so fast last night that I'd wonder if all had been a dream, were it not for one tall Navy Commander draped around me. He's spooned up against my back, his chin resting on the top of my head, and one arm draped across my waist, with his hand on my tummy. I can't help the silly grin that spreads across my face; I think we might finally get it right.
I lay like this for a long time, just listening to his even breathing and feeling his chest moving up and down, until nature calls and I reluctantly extract myself from his embrace to go to the bathroom. For good measure, I also brush my teeth while I'm there, and then I climb back into bed where my Sailor is still lying in the same way I've left him.
I'm wide awake now, and I feel brave and loved, and daring and sexy (yes, sexy, in all my morning glory with messed-up hair and no make-up on… I couldn't care less), so I scoot back into his embrace, but now I'm facing him. I align my whole body with his so we end up front to front, yet I lean my upper body back a bit so I can see his face, because I really need to look at his face, his beautiful face. Just then, his eyes flutter open though.
"Hey Squirmy," he rasps at me. Guess my moving around woke him after all. The combination of his heavy-lidded gaze and croaky I'm-barely-awake voice is so sexy; my tummy takes a nose-dive and I feel this silly grin on my face once again.
"Hey yourself," I whisper, just before placing a soft good-morning kiss on his lips. He's playing with strands of my hair, tucking them behind my ears, and his gentle ministrations flood me with a warmth that is almost overwhelming and makes my eyes well up.
"You should get back to sleep for a bit."
He's got to be kidding me, right? My whole body is humming in anticipation, and he thinks I'd be able to sleep? And I can clearly feel the evidence that sleep is probably furthest from his mind as well. But one look at him tells me that he wants me just as much, yet is holding back – so we don't go too fast, so we do the right thing, so he's not overwhelming me, so I can set the pace. God, I love him so much. I know, between us, it's never going to be just sex.
Ok, time to bring out the big guns. Nine years of waiting is quite enough. I don't see myself as much of a seductress, but I'll give it my best shot. I gaze up at him from under my eyelashes, smile, and lick my lips for heightened impact.
"But I don't wanna sleep anymore." I state, and even I can hear that my voice has turned all throaty and deep. Immediately, his eyes turn shades darker and his breathing more labored. I tingle all over, my insides are fluttering, and within a heartbeat, he's pulled me flush against his body and his mouth is fused to mine.
We kiss with a hunger that has been years in the making. I pull at him; I can't get close enough. Suddenly I find myself on my back, and he's on top of me, settled between my legs. His mouth is trailing hot, fiery kisses over my chin, down my throat, and I feel like I'm melting. Harm's on top of me, I suddenly realize, my Sailor, my Flyboy, my soul mate, my love.
"I love you," I sigh, and it was the easiest thing I've ever said, because I've finally discovered what love is. He looks at me now, gazing into my eyes with a solemn expression that is to tell me that whatever he's going to say now is of major importance and not to be taken lightly.
"I love you, too."
First my breath catches in my throat, but then I can't help it, I'm grinning at him again like an idiot. And I don't care; I'm just so happy.
"Good." I'm trying to sound smug, but I ruin it when it comes out followed by a giggle.
"Now continue what you've started!" I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively, but have to giggle again. Oh boy, guess my no-nonsense Marine image is effectively ruined.
"Yes, ma'am," he mocks, and zeroes in on my neck again. I burst out laughing when he blows a succession of raspberries on my collarbones. Laughter gives way to moans when he starts kissing me again. It's just as passionate, but gone is the desperation that was driving us last night. We've finally assigned a name to 'that thing between us' that has been around from the get-go, and we both know it is there to stay.
Clothing just melts away between us, at last we're touching skin on skin, and I'm floating in the sensations his hands and mouth create in me. I'm exploring all of him, every hard plane and soft hollow of his body. We're soaring higher and higher and I briefly wonder how we can get this so right so easily, before all coherent thought leaves and I can only cling to him as I tumble over the edge, and feeling him right there with me.
When I can think clearly again some time later, I notice that he's flipped us over and I'm now lying on top of him, we're belly to belly. My limbs still have that delicious, satisfied heaviness to them, and I want to enjoy this moment as long as I can.
The gloomy light that filters in through the windows tells me that dawn is finally breaking and with it comes the awareness of all the stumbling blocks life keeps throwing our way. I hate to have these thoughts intrude on our moments of bliss, yet there's somewhere I have to go today, and suddenly it is the most important thing that he knows about it. But there's something else I need to clear up first.
I stack my hands on his chest, and then rest my chin on top of them, looking up at him.
"I've been pushing you away. I'm sorry." God, I never meant to hurt him. I thought I should deal with all that had happened on my own, at least until I knew what I was feeling, and I didn't think that things would spiral so out of my control. I'm welling up again.
"You had some stuff to figure out, I understand."
I just take that in; my mind is churning with this information. Yeah, he would understand, he of all people. In that regard, we are actually quite similar… He's dealt with many of his problems much the same way; internalizing them until he was ready. I can't believe I've never consciously made that connection. I realize that he never meant to push me anywhere. He would have understood right away, had I just told him what I needed, instead of avoiding him. I feel so stupid; we've lost so much time. And I wouldn't much dwell on the past; it's usually no use because what happened cannot be changed, merely learned from, were it not for this very overwhelming reality that could have been different if only we had gotten our heads screwed on right earlier.
"Do you realize that we've made a deal more than five years ago to have a baby together, yet we never even addressed the issue of how this child would be conceived? And now that we figured out that part, we might never actually…" Great, now I actually am crying. Jeez, leave it to me to ruin a perfectly romantic moment. I bury my head in his chest, trying to regain control. I mean, there was a reason I brought up this topic, and I still haven't gotten to it.
But he lifts my head back up, and in this way so unique to him, he wipes my tears away with his thumbs and cradles my face in his hands.
"Hey, you don't know that for sure. And there are other ways we can still explore. Look, I still mean what I said at the Admiral's Dining Out. What matters is that things happen with us, everything else will be icing on the cake. And together, we'll figure out along the way whether our icing will be entirely home-made, or might need some help to become icing, or if it needs to be found outside the home, and where to find it…"
My eyes are still watery, but by now, we're both smiling. This was just too cute.
"And let's not forget, it is some pretty amazing cake…," I scoot up and kiss him, "downright delicious…" I'm getting side-tracked again by his lips, and I indulge for a few minutes before I settle down on his chest again, looking at him.
"So, about this icing…" I start again. Time to leap. Suddenly, it feels so much easier because I know that things will be alright eventually. "I have a doctor's appointment about… it… this morning. Would you come with me?"
Next thing I know, he wraps his arms tightly around me, enveloping me in his strength and support.
"Of course I will." He simply says. I realize that it means as much to him that I asked as it means to me that he said yes. I snuggle deeper in his embrace. I know there's still lots I have to deal with, many things we have to talk about, but it can wait until later. All that matters now is that I've just been given the greatest, most wonderful gift of my life, and I don't intend to ever let it, him, go again.
FINIS (well, almost…)
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A/N: Yes, I know, some lines at the end here sound familiar – well, I figured that if this had happened, they wouldn't have needed to use them at the end of The Four Percent Solution, and I didn't want them to go to waste, coz they simply fit so well at this point. I hope you enjoyed this little journey! An epilogue is in the making!!