Itachi sat on another rock in another desert. He was throwing various sharp objects at anything that had the nerve to move.

Mainly Kisame.

It hurt. He was in some serious pains in his lower regions, okay. He didn't understand why people had sex. But, he had been right to choose Orochimaru. He had tried to kill the man loads of times, and every time his attacks were blocked.

-f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k-

Itachi froze as he felt something touch his ass. Things weren't meant to touch his ass. He reacted before he even thought, and managed to draw a bit of blood from Orochimaru's chest; but his attack was stopped. Orochimaru sat on him, smirking at him. Bastard.

"Kukuku…You liked it before, Itachi-kun…"

Itachi tried to stop the mantra currently going through his head of 'die die die'

Orochimaru licked him

'DIE'

He was pushed to the bed.

'DIE DIE DIE'

"My, you're active Itachi-kun."

'DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE'

-e-n-d-f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k-

He frowned. How did babies come out anyway?

…hmm…it wasn't exactly something they taught you at assassin school. Where did it come out of? Itachi dismissed it. Presumably, they popped out somewhere, somehow.

But it would be best to get a book on it, just in case.

"Hey, we're going. Get up." Itachi glared when he got no response. He refused to drag Kisame around again. It was far too much effort.

"Oi…oi…oi…oi…oi…" Itachi kept on repeating himself, each time delivering a swift kick to Kisame's side. As time went on, Itachi got more and more annoyed, until he was drop-kicking Kisame into mountains and hills and such.

After about an hour, Itachi decided to leave Kisame a note. He got a marker from within his cloak and wrote on Kisame's cloak, 'Gone to buy book.' He didn't really think that summed it all up, so he stabbed Kisame for a little while with the pen.

He arrived in Konoha about a day later. He always went to Konoha to buy things, as they never detected him, plus, he knew his way around from before he went totally psychotic.

Itachi saw his local bookstore on the horizon, and began to make his way towards it, but then a sight came into his view.

It had been a fairly good day, Itachi mused, as his eyes twitched. His brother appeared to be on top of the blonde demon.

Of course, they weren't just in the middle of the street, they were in an alley. Alas, Itachi is omnipotent and can see through walls.

But he could probably use this…rather…unsightly situation…he would have to tell his brother at one point he had sold him to an evil overlord for a night with the evil overlord to create spawn.

It was the damn child's fault for deciding to be gay. Bastard.

Pregnancy books long forgotten, Itachi made the blonde demon fly into a wall with a flick of his wrist.

"AHHH! BROTHER!" If you just looked at it, Sasuke could have yelled that in happiness.

Except this is Sasuke, angst-expert, so the yell was a combination of fear and anger.

Mostly fear.

This pleased Itachi.

"Foolish little brother. Can't you control your OTT PDA's?"

Sasuke blinked, his anger temporarily clouded with bewilderment.

"Huh?"

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Fool. It means over the top public displays of attention."

Sasuke's jaw dropped, and Naruto spoke from the floor, "How do you know that!"

Itachi looked at him and Naruto fell to the floor in pain.

"I know all…"

Ahhh….

"Leave Naruto alone!"

Itachi glared harder at Naruto, and kicked Sasuke. "Fool, it's this boys fault I had to give you to Orochimaru…"

Sasuke blinked and stopped. Itachi waited for the inevitable.

"WHAT!"

Itachi sighed. How many times would he have to explain this?

"You are gay, so I have to carry on the clan, so to…persuade Orochimaru to sleep with me, I gave him you."

"WHAT!"

"And my cloak."

Sasuke took a step forward in anger, and then back again when Itachi made a slight movement in his direction.

"But…but…NO!"

Itachi shook his head. "It was a sacrifice I was willing to make."

"I'M NOT YOURS TO GIVE AWAY!"

Itachi rolled his eyes and mumbled, "That's what you think…"

"But…why Orochimaru anyway!"

"Do you want to know about my sexual escapades?"

Sasuke twitched violently. "NO!" Sasuke then realised amongst all the revelations he had forgotten Naruto, who wasn't really moving much…

"GET OFF HIM!"

Itachi stopped sharinganing Naruto, and turned to face Sasuke.

"Just thought I'd give you a…'heads up' so to speak. Orochimaru will probably come soon to retrieve his property."

Sasuke, from the floor where he was cradling his broken lover, glared and spat out, "Bite me."

Itachi shrugged. "Orochimaru probably will…"

Sasuke yelled many other things, but Itachi only caught the last one.

"WAIT! Does this mean…YOU'RE PREGNANT!"

Itachi turned and sharinganed Sasuke, making him collapse.

Too many questions…

A very vague plot is coming in! YAY!

Review!