Ew.
After 30 minutes of screaming, cursing, and threats from the room next door, Gaara had sanded up the door to silence the noise.
Abruptly, Gaara stood.
"The baby is here."
Kisame turned, bewildered. "Wah-?"
With a sweep of his hands, the sand flew away, revealing a clinical white door. A couple of seconds later, the doctor (with a slightly dazed expression on his face from the extreme sharinganing he had received from Itachi) entered the room, a blissful smile on his face.
"Con…mmphfgratulations…it's a boy…and a girl! There's two!"
Gaara and Kisame exchanged looks, before freezing as they heard a midwife (also sharinganed) say, "There you go, Itachi-sama. Now, who would you like to hold first? Your boy, or your girl?"
"KISAME!!!"
Kisame reluctantly shuffled into the room, while Gaara followed, smirking slightly.
They were faced with the sight of a flushed, glaring Itachi on a bed, and an oblivious midwife holding…two babies…
"Kisame…" Itachi began, glaring at Kisame. "Why are there two…? I was told there would only be one…"
Gaara coughed. "Well, there is a boy and a girl, meaning that…2 separate eggs were fertilised…"
Kisame froze, having already been faced with the Itachi-babies, was now faced with the though of Itachi's…eggs…so was staring into space.
"Doesn't this improve the likelihood of a clan-expansion?" Gaara asked, trying to make the situation seem less than dire, while also trying to ignore the baby he swore was hissing at him…
Itachi still glared at Kisame, as though he held him solely responsible. (Kisame was lost in his own world, where Itachi had no offspring, and most certainly did not possess eggs.)
"Doesn't matter anyway." Gaara reasoned. "Naruto and your brother will be looking after them."
Itachi frowned. "True…Kisame, my things! …Kisame. KISAME!"
Itachi glared at the frozen-Kisame. "Slap him for me." Gaara backhanded Kisame, who was brought back to reality cruely, faced with the prospect of a swollen cheek, pissed Itachi, and offspring from Itachi…
"Kisame…Get. My. Things."
Kisame nodded, scrambling to grab Itachi's cloak, and then handing it over to the Uchiha, who took it and stared at him expectedly. Wah-?
"I have other things."
Kisame blinked and looked around the room.
Gaara nudged Kisame and pointed at the midwife who hadn't blinked for a while.
Kisame's eyes bulged. "Th-the babies?"
"Yes. Get them." Itachi commanded, before cloaking himself.
Swallowing, Kisame eyed the midwife and babies.
"Umm…Gaara…could you…?"
Gaara took pity on the fool, and carefully picked up the baby in the midwife's left arm who, after a quick peek under the blankets, was confirmed to be male.
Kisame held the girl like she was some kind of foreign object, extremely aware of the fact that she had been in Itachi's…something not so long ago…
He was brought back from his zone-out by a strange noise.
Did…did the baby just hiss at him?
"Now…" Itachi began. "We have to find my brother and demon-boy."
"We could just dump them at the Hokage's office with a note."
Itachi nodded. "That could work."
Kisame frowned. "What about Orochimaru?"
Itachi and Gaara shrugged. "C'mon, lets go."
Epilogue- Or 'How Sasuke and Naruto found themselves dumped with the offspring of two of the most evil ninjas EVER'
"Tsunade, why'd you call us back? You know we're in hiding."
"Errrr…yes…well…something came for you…"
"…what?"
"Sasuke…it's addressed to you…"
"…what's that, Sasuke? A note?"
"Yeah…it…WHAT?! NO!"
"Wait, lemme…WHAT?!"
"AH!"
"Yes…Sasuke, Naruto. You are now the proud parents of a boy and a girl…"
"…no! Your brother can't do this!"
"…"
Dear brother,
I had 2 babies. Care for them and raise them as Uchiha babies.
Despite my protests, I begrudgingly accept that you are topped by the blond demon, thus, you shall be 'Mum' and the blond demon can be 'Dad'. (Gaara says hi)
Bye
Itachi
PS. Watch out for Orochimaru
PPS.
Watch out for the girl. She bites.
It's...over...I feel a sense of satisfaction. :D Anywho, there are definite plans for a sequel, unnamed at the moment (Hell Teens? Hell Toddlers?) as I'm not entirely sure of the details yet :P But, look out for it :D
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You all RULE! I loved all the Itachi-baby ideas, but me and Lucy (other-half of this account) thought that evil!girl and angelic!boy would be fun...I also have no names. Suggestions? I'm open to thoughts. Though I do have an urge to call the boy something really butch...
ANYWAY, please review the last chappie! Thanks to everyone!