Chapter 2: Pain Makes You Forget… Friends Make You Remember

A few minutes after Sam had fled from his office Jack seemed to regain use of his legs which had felt like lead paper weights as he'd watched her leave. He raced to her lab but she was nowhere to be seen. He jumped into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor, repeatedly pressing the button as if that would make the elevator move faster. As soon as the elevator stopped and the doors opened he ran for the doors turning sideways to get out of the door as quick as possible.

He raced to the airman on duty at the entrance.

"Has Colonel Carter left yet?" he tried not to seem too anxious… that would give rise to the rumours he knew circulated around the SGC about their relationship. The rumours had died down recently when word had spread of Colonel Carter's upcoming marriage.

"Yes sir, about four or five minutes ago."

Jack sighed quietly, trying not to show his disappointment. "Thank you airman."

"Yes sir."

Jack walked back to the elevator and it opened immediately and he stepped into it.

Midway through his ride back down to his office he suddenly swore loudly running his long slender fingers through his short silvery hair and without warning lashed his foot out and kicked the side of the elevator. The sound reverberated in the enclosed space like a gong and he immediately regretted it, the pain in his foot shooting through him, but for a second, the pain he felt in his heart dissipated a little. A thought flashed through his mind and he reeled his left hand back and smashed it against the side of the elevator. The pain shot through him but for some sadistic reason it felt good… well, not good necessarily… but it caused him to momentarily forget about the emotional pain inside of him. He hit the wall again… and again… and again.

After several punches to the metal elevator wall, he pulled his hand back and looked at it, there wasn't any blood but he knew he'd have a hell of a bruise there within a few hours.

He tried moving his fingers but they resisted, pain shooting up his arm. Jack turned and leant forwards and pressed his forehead against the elevator doors.

'when did life get so screwed up?' he thought to himself. He was so busy trying to place the time that he didn't register the elevator stop and the doors open and he fell forwards and landed in an ungainly heap on the floor… right next to Daniel's feet.

"Jack! What happened!" Daniel said as he reached down and helped his friend up. Jack deferred the offered hand.

"Ugh… I'm fine." He said softly. He tried to stand up on his own but his injured hand wouldn't let him and he gave a small cry of pain. Daniel ignored his refusal of help and lifted him to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked him.

"I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life Daniel." Jack confessed. Daniel looked at him and he was shocked by the pain and emptiness he saw in Jack's eyes.

"Come on, lets get some coffee and we'll talk."

"Okay" Jack mumbled and started walking with Daniel towards his office.

This really shocked Daniel. Over that past few weeks Daniel had tried to get Jack to talk to him but he'd always told him he was fine. What had happened to make him suddenly agree to talk to him?

About ten minutes later they were sat in Daniel's office. Neither of them had spoken so Daniel decided to break the ice.

"So… wanna tell me why you think you made the biggest mistake of your life?" Daniel spoke softly. He had an idea what this may have been about but wanted Jack to tell him first.

Jack was staring absent-mindedly into his coffee, seemingly not hearing Daniel so he raised his voice a little when he spoke.

"Jack!"

Jack raised his eyes to meet his then dropped them again to the steaming dark brown liquid in his mug. Daniel opened his mouth to speak but Jack got there first.

"Carter came to see me earlier… we… argued, she was mad at me for not telling her about Kerry… I was mad with her 'cos… well, you know…" Jack looked up at Daniel briefly.

Daniel didn't like where this was headed. He knew this was going to be a huge 'foot in mouth' kind of deal, there was no-way it would be physical… he knew Jack could never lay a hand on Sam in anger.

Jack looked down and covered his eyes with his hand, his elbow resting on the table.

"She asked me about 'us' and I told her…" Jack let out a breath, "I told her there wasn't an 'us' and obviously there never had been"

Jack moved his coffee away and let his head sink to the table with a thud.

"Jack… I can't belie…" Daniel started.

"I know" Jack interrupted and sat up again. "I don't know why I said it. I didn't mean it… I was just… I was just so angry. God I'm such an idiot!"

Daniel sighed. "Listen to me Jack… you guys have been through so much, I know that you really care for each other and that's why I hate seeing you both like this. You're both miserable."

"Carter is not miserable… she's getting married for cryin' out loud!"

"Yes she is Jack… you can't see it because you haven't been looking. There was a time when you'd be able to tell she was upset as soon as she walked in the door, even if the rest of us couldn't see it. I'm surprised Pete can't see it…"

"How do you know he can't?"

"I've talked to Sam… she says he doesn't realise, he doesn't know her… not like you do. She's surprised at herself that she's even going through with the wedding…" Daniel confessed.

"What!" Jack spoke, stunned.

"She doesn't want to marry him Jack… she's doing it because she thinks it's the right thing to do… and she also told me she thought things were over between you both. When she came to you after Pete proposed…and now…"

"Well it's not like I could do anything! Have you forgotten about the rules and damned regulations!" Jack spoke, his voice rising.

"I know Jack…" Daniel paused before he spoke again.

"I want you to tell me the truth, not talking about rules or regs… If you had the chance for you two to be together, would you take it?"

"Of course…" Jack said softly.

"Then go, talk to her."

"She's marrying Pete…" Jack spoke, almost as if he couldn't bear to say his name.

"For god sake Jack she doesn't want to! And as far as the whole rules and regulations thing goes… I know you've thought about retiring… they've hired civilians to run the SGC before so you'd still be part of the programme, still be able to do what you're doing now… but you'd be happy…wouldn't you?

"Yeah" Jack whispered.

"Now go talk to Sam before I drag you there myself!"

"How? What am I supposed to say to Pete? 'Hi Pete, how you doing? your fiancée in? I just need to have a word with her tell her not to marry you because I love her…'" Jack retorted.

"He's in Denver tonight visiting friends… will be for the next couple of days." Daniel told him.

Jack looked like he was mulling things over in his head and slowly a small smile crept across his face… it felt good to smile, something he hadn't done in nearly a month.

"Thanks Danny-boy." Jack clapped him on the shoulder and ran for the door.

A lone figure emerged from the shadows of the room.

"I believe you were successful in convincing O'Neill of the right thing to do Dr Jackson." Teal'c spoke warmly and hopefully.

"Yeah I hope you're right Teal'c… either that or we just royally screwed everything up."

"Well for both their sakes let us hope it is not the latter."

"Yeah, I hope so."

TBC