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Chapter Thirteen
Claire was looking at Harry Potter, who was on the opposite side of Severus' bed. Was he as nervous as she was? Due to the potion she had slept very well that night and had woken only to her daughter's insistent demands for food in the morning. No dreams, no nightmares for the first time in months. She was beginning to like the world of magic and the possibilities it offered. What a wonderful potion!
Breakfast in the great hall with all the other residents of Hogwarts had been rather subdued an affair with everybody being apprehensive about the outcome of the morning's endeavour.
And now they were here in the hospital wing, ready to help Severus come back to life or to die.
"Each of you must take one of his hands and then you must join hands as well," Madam Pomphrey read from the instructions she had received from Remus Lupin. They obeyed, sitting down on the bed. Claire was uncomfortably aware that her hands were cold and sweaty; Harry's hands were warm and soft, Severus' were, dry, rough, calloused and surprisingly warm. Madam Pomphrey took Susanna and watched them from her seat next to the nightstand.
Nothing happened. The patient remained as lifeless as before. The minutes passed. Claire and Harry remained silent, their eyes on Snape, willing him to respond. Nothing happened, there was only the steady rise and fall of his chest. Minutes stretched into hours.
"Why do you love him?"
Harry finally dared to ask this question. Claire started at his voice and considered for a moment.
"I don't know," she answered slowly, "it all started with the blood transfusion, then everything just happened, he seemed to be the right person for me."
"But he's awful, he's evil, sarcastic, cruel, unfair, he doesn't even look good."
Claire smiled sadly.
"These characteristics are part of the wall he built around himself to keep other people away. He's cruel, because life has been cruel to him, he has never been really accepted, I doubt if he has ever been happy. He played the role your world wanted to see him in. It determined a large part of his personality, I didn't know about the role, I was able to see the man behind the mask of sarcasm and bad temper, I think, a sensitive and caring man with a good sense of humour."
Harry looked doubtful.
"He was a Death Eater, he killed people."
"And has regretted it all his life. He paid for it with horrible nightmares, he paid for it with loneliness and self-loathing."
"He killed Dumbledore!"
Harry had become more and more agitated, raising his voice and causing Madam Pomphrey to get up and shake her head reprovingly.
They fell silent again, concentrating on their joined hands.
Suddenly Snape's breathing became quicker and louder. His body began to shake, his limbs twisted. His face was contorted as if in terrible pain. Claire and Harry had to grab his hands hard to keep up the connection. Claire cast a panicky, questioning look at the witch behind her.
"Is this all right, is he supposed to react like this?"
Madam Pomphrey shrugged helplessly. "I've never done this before, I don't know." There was also panic in her voice.
A film of sweat began to show on the patient's face, he made horrible gasping noises. Claire wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but she didn't dare let go of his hand and Harry's. Harry stared at his former teacher with a mixture of horror and pity. Then suddenly it stopped. Snape again was motionless in the bed.
Claire and Harry looked at him and then at each other. A horrible idea began to form in Claire's mind.
"Is he dead?" Harry spoke her thoughts. They looked at each other.
A hoarse croak made their heads snap back to the patient again. It definitely had come from Snape's mouth. He tried to clear his throat. His lips moved and they could see that he tried to swallow. And then, croaking, but full of malice, "No – no, Potter - just to spite you, I've chosen life." He pulled his hands out of their grasps.
Claire let out an exasperated sigh, a mixture of relief and anger, "Honestly, Severus!"
He swallowed painfully and coughed.
"Claire - you - stubborn woman, I told you - to forget me."
Claire looked at Harry and grimaced.
"It's not that we expected gratitude, but you could at least be civil. You know I love you, you silly wizard." She was crying with relief. He was alive, he was able to make sarcastic remarks!
Madame Pomphrey handed Susanna back to Claire, ordered them aside and started examining her patient.
He caught her arm. "Will you kindly remove the blindfold from my eyes."
The witch shrugged and complied. He blinked, raised his hand and tentatively touched his lids.
"I can't see," he whispered.
Madam Pomphrey looked anxious, but made her voice sound cheerful.
"What do you expect? You got in the way of an Avada kedavra and survived where other people would have died. You must allow some time for your body to heal. And you need those bandages, the skin is still infected."
Resignedly he let her renew them. Then she helped him into a sitting position and held a glass of water to his mouth. He grasped it and drank thirstily.
"And now you need some food," she announced.
"I can't eat if I can't see what I'm doing, and I certainly won't be fed like a baby, " he protested.
"Professor Snape, will you stop behaving like a baby and let me do my job?" Madam Pomphrey was angry.
"Talking about babies" Claire interfered, "it's time to meet your daughter Susanna, Severus." Carefully she put the baby on his lap, trying not to touch his injured side. Then she took his hand and guided it towards his daughter, making him feel the soft hair and warm body. Susanna seemed to like it, she made happy gurgling noises and grabbed her father's long fingers with her little plump ones. Severus shook his head, overcome with surprise and emotion.
"How – how did this happen?" was all he was finally able to say.
"Well," Claire winked at Harry, "I thought a grown-up man like you would know how these things happen."
He scowled at her under his bandages.
"Stop making fun of me. I mean – is she really my daughter?" His voice became an insistent whisper. "At that Death Eater meeting – I mean – did they…?" his face contorted with the painful memory.
"No, they didn't. The Aurors came first," Claire said quietly. "She definitely is your daughter.
"She's got your hair and your eyes, but I don't think she's got your nose. And" – Claire hesitated - "she's three months old and if you count back you may remember…"
His mouth twitched. "Oh, yes, I do."
Harry had watched the scene in silence, surprised about the fact that there seemed to be a human side of his former professor. Now he couldn't restrain himself any longer.
"Professor Snape, uh, what I'd like to know – why did you protect me?"
Severus turned his head in the direction of the voice.
"Why did I protect you?" his voice had lost all warmth. "Momentary loss of mind, I presume."
"I don't want any of your sarcasm. I want the truth. You hate me, you are a Death Eater, why did you prevent your master from killing me?" Harry shouted.
Snape leaned heavily back into the cushions and shook his head.
"I told you, loss of mind."
Harry stared at him furiously and stormed out of the room.
"Severus, this was uncalled for," Claire reprimanded him softly. Snape hoisted himself into a half-sitting position. His face was hard, his voice weary. "Yes, it was, I know. But I can't stop hating that boy. I hate him, because he is the very image of his father and is responsible for his mother's death."
"And yet you saved his life."
"He was the only means of destroying the Dark Lord. That's why."
Claire sighed and got up. Arguing with him now would be a waste of time and energy.
"Right then, let's get some food into you."
This time he didn't protest. She took a bowl of soup Madam Pomphrey had put on the bedside table and started feeding him. He managed only a few spoonfuls before he complained about nausea. So Claire left him to Madam Pomphrey and her potions, picked up Susanna, who had grown restless and was feeding her, when the door flew open and Shacklebolt and two other Aurors entered the hospital wing.
"Well, well, Snape, so it's true, you've chosen life. Whatever your plans for the future are, don't forget to include Azkaban. We're here to take you there immediately to await your trial," one of the two unknown Aurors said.
"No, you won't", Madam Pomphrey resolutely stood in front of them. "He's just come out of a coma, he's weak, his wounds have not healed properly, if you take him away now, there won't be a trial, because he'll die first. He will have to stay in medical care for at least another week"
The Aurors looked at the man in the bed suspiciously.
"We'll keep him under surveillance," the Auror finally gave in.
"Are you afraid of me? I haven't got a wand, I'm blind, I can't sit unaided, let alone stand and walk." Snape uttered a bitter laugh. "Why don't you chain me to the bed?"
"Not a bad idea," the Auror muttered.
"Leave him alone," Shacklebolt said, "we can take turns keeping watch."
They left. Snape sank back into the cushions wearily, his breathing fast and ragged.
"You are exhausted." Madam Pomphrey stated. "You must sleep."
Claire expected some angry protest, but there was none. The witch removed the cushions and helped him lie down.
"Claire?" he enquired weakly. Claire took his hand.
"Sorry for being such a bastard. I'm glad you're here. I love you."
She kissed him gently.
"I must change Susanna's nappy and put her to bed, too. We'll be back as soon as you are awake."
He squeezed her hand for an answer and his features relaxed.
Thanks to J.K.Rowling for the inspiring characters