Sam sat curled up on the sofa in a black tank top with black sweat pants on watching the television, but she did not see what was on it. To her, it was all flickering lights, rushes of colour and inaudible low mumblings. She had sat down with the intention of watching something to take her mind off the morning's events. Not that there was much on at twenty to four in the morning. She couldn't sleep… there were too many things on her mind, and every time she closed her eyes she saw Jack's face as he told her there had 'never been an 'us''.

She knew deep down that he hadn't truly meant it. He'd just been angry, the tension of the past month's events finally causing him to loose it… and in all honesty she didn't blame him for it one bit.

She had hated herself for what she had done to him. Ever since she had told him about Pete proposing he had barely talked to her and she wished she could go back and give him more of a chance, try to talk to him asking him more than "what about you? If things had been different…" Thinking about it now it was practically a rhetorical question. It had been her subtle way of asking him, 'have we got a future together?'.

She hadn't come out and asked him directly because she was afraid of what the answer might be. Even though they had been through so much together, after everything they had confessed, she had a feeling deep down inside that she couldn't shake. A little voice in her mind spoke up every time she thought about asking Jack if they had a future together, the main thing she kept thinking was, 'was it better to hold onto the fantasy, dream about the possibility that there would be a future for them both… or ask him and risk destroying everything she had been dreaming about for the past eight years on the chance that he would say they couldn't ever be together'.

When she had found out from Daniel about him seeing Kerry, she had been hurt for more than one reason. She felt hurt that Daniel and apparently Teal'c knew about their relationship, but Jack had obviously decided not to tell her. She felt hurt by the mere fact that he was seeing someone… and then felt overwhelmingly guilty and angry at herself for thinking that… she was seeing Pete, hell, she was marrying Pete, and he had every right to see someone else. But the thing that hurt most, was that she was sure they no longer had a future together.

She hadn't expected him to still be on base this morning. He was the one usually making jokes about how she never left. When she found him in his office after going to inspect what the crash had been and he had given her the cold shoulder she had lost it, finally asking him everything she had wanted to ask.

When she had asked him about 'us' and he had responded the way he did, she felt emotionally and almost physically sick. It was one thing to tell them there wasn't an 'us'… but to say there never had been… suddenly the room had become too small, too claustaphobic and she had fled dismissing his attempts to apologise.

Now she sat, eyes red from crying. She was glad Pete wasn't here to see her. How would it look if he came in and saw her in tears. How could she explain that her CO had just broken her heart… and yet… she still loved him.

In that instance she knew what she had to do… she'd been thinking about it for the past couple of weeks but realising how much she had hurt Jack, how every time she thought of marrying Pete she felt guilty inside… like she was betraying Jack somehow… she realised that she had to call off the marriage to Pete. Even though she and Jack apparently had no future together, she realised that she would rather be alone the rest of her life, than be married to someone other than Jack.

Pete was due home in two days time and she knew that she would tell him then that she couldn't marry him. She didn't know what to tell him though, she couldn't tell him the truth for fear that he might tell someone at the SGC and she couldn't risk Jack getting in trouble or at the worst being court-martialled.

As she sat mulling over in her head what she would say to Pete she heard a knock at her door. Looking at the clock atop of the fireplace she saw it was just gone 4am… Thinking it was Pete and that he had forgotten or lost his house keys she got up and went to the door, checking her appearance in the mirror for the obvious signs that she had been crying. Her eyes were a little puffy and red but she could say it was because she'd been woken up. Pete had seen her after she'd been crying on a couple of occasions in the past but hadn't noticed. That was something that caused her to think hard about how well he knew her… he couldn't even tell when she'd been crying for god sake!

She went to the door and opened it gently and was shocked to see Jack standing on her doorstep, partially hidden by the darkness that still resided as the sun began to rise on the horizon.

"Sir!" she was shocked she'd managed to keep with the military protocol.

"Hey" he spoke softly and paused before stepping out of the shadows. His face was soft and gentle and for the first time in over three weeks he looked into her eyes the way he used to. "I'm sorry." He spoke with such tenderness and regret that Sam felt her heart constrict.

"No…" Sam said in a whisper. Jack was just about to speak, getting the wrong impression from her 'no', thinking she didn't want to hear what he said but she placed her finger on his lips and stepped back so he could come inside. She shut the door behind her and turned, leaning back against it for support before speaking again. "… I'm the one who should be apologising…. You had every right to say that to me."

"No I didn't… I shoul…" Jack stopped abruptly and then stepped closer to her. "Have you been crying?" He placed his hand to her cheek and brushed his thumb under her eye. Sam closed her eyes as soon as he touched her cheek, the feel of his hand on her cheek was warm and soft and she gently pressed her face into the warm embrace of his hand.

She brought her hand up and took his hand in hers, she brought it round to her lips and placed a soft kiss to his palm. She opened her eyes and they immediately locked with his.

"You had every right to say those things to me because I deserved them… I know that I hurt you when I told you about Pete proposing to me. I never meant to hurt you. You have to know that I wanted to give us a chance to be together but… I knew it wasn't possible, not while we were both still in the military. We'd waited eight years and I guess I was so scared Jack… I was scared that if I asked you outright if we had a future together and you said 'no'…" a tear slipped down her cheek and Jack brushed it away with his thumb.

"Hey… hey, hey. Shh. Please don't cry… it kills me when you cry." Jack whispered and pulled him to her in a tight embrace.

Jack spoke while holding her, his mouth just above her ear. "how could you think that? You know I'm not exactly the brightest star in the sky, and that day when you asked me 'what about us, if things had been different…' i know my reply wasn't exactly clear, but i didn't know whether you were being… well… subtle and asking me if you wanted to be together." Jack felt Sam smile briefly against his shoulder.

"Then I saw the invitation and I knew I'd lost you for good."

Sam pulled back slightly so she could look into his eyes.

"Tell me the truth…If I had said to you then, 'do you want us to be together... do we have a future?' what would you have said?" Sam asked him tentatively.

"I would have said 'yes'. I would have told you that that was all I dreamed about, how all my dreams were filled with you. How every time I saw you I wanted to tell you how beautiful you are. I wanted to tell you how often I dreamed of kissing you, showing you how much I wanted you, how I wanted to go to sleep every night with you in my arms, and wake up with you still in my arms every morning."

Sam was crying silently now as Jack reached up and placed both his hands on the sides of her face.

"I would have told you that I love you… I have done ever since you walked into the briefing room and that I would always love you, even after I die I will never stop loving you."

Their foreheads were resting against each other and their lips were so close they could feel their breath's mingling but Sam stilled them both with a soft "wait"

"Nooo," Jack crooned but pulled back faintly, "No waiting… we've waited eight years…" Jack spoke, pouting slightly.

"I want to… god knows I've dreamed about it. But I want to tell Pete the engagement's off first. I want to be able to tell him that nothing happened between us while we were together." Sam told him.

"Mmmm, okay." Jack whispered. "Hey, we've waited eight years… wants a few more days right? I should probably go then, I don't know how much longer my restraint is gonna last" Jack said with a sly grin, their arms still wrapped around each other.

"That's what you call restraint!" Sam whispered, smiling. "Well I can't wait to see what it's like when you finally loose that so called restraint!"

"I'll bet you would" Jack said with a smile pulling her body closer to his but not trying to kiss her.

"Okay… I'm gonna go…"

Sam closed her eyes as she spoke. "Okay" then opened them again.

"Pete gets back the day after tomorrow… I'll tell him then. I'll meet you in the park down by the river about sixteen hundred hours?"

"Okay…" Jack placed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll see you there. If you need me… just call." Jack opened the door and headed out.

"Jack wait…" Sam yelled after him in a hushed whisper trying not to wake the neighbours.

"How did you know Pete wasn't gonna be here?" Sam questioned.

"Daniel told me…" Jack said with a sly grin.

"Hmmm… remind me to thank him." She smiled at him as he got in his car and mouthed 'I love you'.

'I love you too' he replied silently with a soft grin as he turned and backed out of the drive.

TBC

1 more chapter to go! (and then possibly an epilogue)