"Mom said that we would love a new school, that it would be all normal and crap once we get into it." I muttered mutinously to my brother, Josh , slamming my locker shut with a vicious, practiced kick, "My goodness was she wrong."

"If I have a normal day here at this school, I will run home and kill myself." My slightly older, and slightly taller twin said as we headed down the hall towards out first hour class. It wasn't even morning break, and already here at James K. Polk I had seen three teachers staggering out of the teachers lounge, several sheets to the wind, drunk on root beer, had narrowly escaped death or severe injury from one of Gordy the Custodians wild and bizarre traps to snare the infamous weasel. Oh yeah-not to mention that it was a Monday, so I had been snapped and snarled at by a vast number of people with sleep still on their minds, and pillows still glued to their heads.

"Hey, Darlene! Josh! Wait up!" I knew that voice. I turned around, and came face to face…well, no…face to forehead with our friend Ned Bigby. His round face was alit, and he looked genuinely happy to see us after the long weekend. That was one of the things that were still relatively normal about James K. Polk. The friends are friends no matter what, even if it starts raining mustard in the cafeteria, like it did last week.

"Hey, Ned, how was your weekend?" Josh asked him kindly as we headed up the stairs to Sweeny's biology class. Josh is really tall, so he has this thing where he tried to make himself seem shorter around Ned..i dunno. Ned has first hour with us, which is pretty cool. I sit next to him towards the middle of the classroom.

"It was a blast. Susie and I went out and…." He let his sentence trail off.

I shifted my books under one arm was we joined the throng of students lining up outside Sweeny's room, and grinning like a fox at Ned, "Oh, come on! What happened?"

"Nothing! We went out for a movie, what do you think happened?" Ned gave his most dazzling smile of ignorance, which he does really, really well. I looked over his head, and saw Suzie Crabgrass coming down the hall towards us with Jennifer.

"Hi Ned!" Suzie called. It was like the sound of her voice lifted him up in the air, and twirled him around. I could practically hear the love music in the back ground as she and Moze approached.

"H-hi Suzie!" Ned sputtered, looking like a complete idiot.

Moze and I traded knowing looks as she and Suzie passed, heading to wood shop. I don't even know where Cookie was, I think he's down on the first level with ninth grade level math, or something. He is such a loser, but one of those losers that you can love.

"Darlene!" Moze called, turning on her heel.

"WHAT?" I hollered back, cupping my hand to my ear. The waves of children were starting to sweep her and Suzie away, a mad crowd of Monday rabid middle schoolers

"WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TAKE YOUR NORMAL WAY TO SECOND HOUR!!! GORDY IS SETTING UP ANOTHER TRAP, AND UNLESS YOU WANT TO FIND YOURSELF MISSING A FEW LIMBS, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU TAKE THE LONG WAY!!"

"OK, THANKS!"

"Oh, great, I wonder what he has up his sleeve this time." Josh sighed, sending meaningful eyebrow messages to Ned.

"I hope they won't have to evacuate the entire downstairs this time." Ned said wearily.

All at once, Sweeny yanked his door open. If there was a soundtrack to my life, you would hear horror music and screams right about now.. Sweeny looked positively mad with..i dunno, power? After all, we did have a quiz today.

"Come in, class, come in!" My insane teacher wheedled, wringing his hands together evilly, and once again I wondered what my mom had gotten me into, sending me and my brother to this lunatic school.

After coughing a little against the swirling, ominous grey fog that had suddenly rolled in from nowhere, Ned, Josh and I passed across the threshold, into the realm where Sweeny is king, and we are merely his livestock.