Her Sweetness: Why is it that whenever I'm working on A Tale of Two Kings/Idiots/Bunnies, my work is interrupted by computer troubles? That always happens with these fics. I think they might be haunted.

Run! Run for your lives, readers!

… No, wait, come back! You still have to read!

A Tale of Two Bunnies

Chapter 5:

Seto Kaiba sighed as they clock ticked away on the wall behind him. He had stopped his flustering about the busy laboratory and stopped to take a few deep breaths. Back when he was CEO of Kaiba Corp, he knew that his scientists weren't exactly the brightest of the bunch but on his good days he could tolerate them for the most part. Now though, as he and his staff were trapped in this place for the time being, he found that they were the most idiotic and useless bunch of Stephen Hawking wannabes he'd ever laid eyes on.

He let out his recently acquired deep breath. "I said it belongs over there," he pointed. "Are you freaking deaf?"

The man in the white coat shook his head. "No, sir."

"Then follow directions!"

He nodded and began to walk away but stopped and turned around to face Kaiba. "… But sometimes, I have this awful earache and I think I might be losing my hearing—"

"I said get!"

"Yes, sir!" he yipped and ran back into the crowd of Kaiba's incapable personnel.

Kaiba shook his head indignantly and turned back to the long white counter behind him. The counter itself ran halfway around the large fluorescently lit room with not a bit of free space on it. Mostly covered in test tubes, clipboards chockfull of data and the staff's cocoa, Kaiba had to set a few things on the ground to make room for the large tub of nitroglycerine that Number Twenty-four placed next to the counter.

(A while back—when Kaiba Corp's entire staff had quit due to a rumor that had spread about the lobby's snack machine's being haunted—Kaiba was forced to hire an entirely new team of scientists. After driving himself and everyone else completely insane by calling the new staff by the old staff's names, he figured to hell with the whole "name" thing and gave them all numbers. Coincidently, he couldn't remember their numbers so well sometimes and got them confused. A few weeks later, he came up with the brilliant idea of telling his workforce the following: "Whenever I say someone's number, everyone just look at me." They hadn't run into any problems since.)

He sat the nitroglycerine down carefully. Scooting some other chemicals out of the way, he found an ammoniac mixture sitting next to a test-tube of similarly colored cocoa.

Kaiba blinked at the two. "I'm not going to lose my temper…" He paused. "Number One."

Everyone looked up.

"Come over here now."

Everyone shuffled over, their ears drooping.

Kaiba pointed to the two containers. "Who the hell put their cocoa next to the ammonia? Huh? I told you all at the beginning we were going to leave our tasty beverages in the freezer! I almost couldn't tell which was which! I could've ingested ammonia!"

Numbers One through Eighty-seven looked at each other, probably wondering what would've been the problem.

Kaiba groaned. "Listen to me, you pitiful excuses for sentient beings! I don't like being here anymore than you do but we're behind schedule and if Ryou comes in here and we haven't made any progress, he's going to go totally sick-house on our asses. I like my ass, gentlemen."

"Yes, sir! We like your ass too, sir!"

"… Oh. Well thank you."

"No prob."

Kaiba blinked. "Okay, well… Um, yeah, let's get to it. Teamwork, determination and all that crap… Number Seven, you come with me."

A man followed Kaiba out of the lab. Someone from the crowd called out, "Hey, I was Number Seven just last week!"

"Shut the hell up!" the new Number Seven called back.

They walked out of the lab and into the hallway just outside of it. After making sure the rest of the free-loaders were still working and not paying attention, Kaiba turned to Number Seven and dry-sobbed loudly.

"Nothing's going right!" he cried into his hands.

Number Seven jumped away, gasping at the sudden surprise of Kaiba's breakdown. He stuttered for something to say. "N-No, Mr. Kaiba, it'll be alright. I know we're a bit slow in production but I'm sure Mr. Ryou will… hey… um, I know this isn't really the time but… should I say Mr. or Ms.? I mean… heh… the dress, you know?"

"There's been no progress since this morning!" Kaiba wailed, ignoring Number Seven's query. "Sure, you people can run around with happy faces all over you 'cause guess who's got to take the blame? Me! Ryou's gonna drag me out by this god-awful white coat and probe me again with that magic wand of his!"

"… Magic… wand." Number Seven tilted his head. "Well, I guess everyone has a different name for it."

"Not that, you twat! This… this stick he has!"

"Oh. What's it look like?"

"It's blue and white with a—Wait a minute, I'm not answering that! I have a feeling you're not so interested in what's going to happen to me as you are about stupid old Ryou!"

"Sorry, sir."

"Sorry, sir," Kaiba mimicked, pulling a face. "Listen, don't you tell anyone in there about what I just said. This is classified information."

Number Seven blinked stupidly. "What? Ryou's magic wand or you being poked with it?"

"B-Both!"

"'Kay."

Kaiba eyed him wearily and before he could say anything else, a loud voice rang through the halls. Kaiba recognized the high-pitched cheeriness almost immediately and pushed his companion into the shadows of the hallway. Number Seven started to began to ask a question but Kaiba hurried to shush him.

When he peeked around the bump of the door's jamb, Kaiba was able to see two silver-haired teens walking down the way. He squinted and was nearly K.Oed to see that it was Bakura in the blue dress walking beside Ryou. They came closer, Ryou seeming to do most of the talking, and then they stopped in front of the laboratory. Ryou peeked his head inside.

"Hey, anyone seen Kaiba? I need to talk to him."

Bakura looked around. "So this is where Kaiba is. Mokuba's gonna be pissed when he finds out, Ryou."

"Mokuba? Ha, you think I'm scared of a kid?"

"The kid can bite."

Kaiba's ears perked up. He released Number Seven and walked into the room. "I'm right here," he said.

Ryou turned around. His eyes brightened as he spoke: "Oh, good! So tell me what good news you have for me!"

"… G-Good news?"

"Yes, good news." Ryou's eyes narrowed.

"GOOD NEWS!" Number Fifteen shouted, holding up a Bible. Someone slapped him.

Bakura starred. "What… was that?"

Kaiba shrugged. "He converted to Christianity recently. It can't be helped."

"… I see…" Ryou sighed and waved Kaiba over, dismissing the other scientists back to their tasks. Kaiba trotted over, more or less aware of what was coming. "Kaiba, have you people been doing anything today?" Ryou asked sourly.

"Sure, yes! We've gotten all the groundwork done and…" Kaiba stopped suddenly. "Um, listen. This is a little harder than you think. I mean jeez, look around! I'm crippled here!"

"I thought you were supposed to be the best."

"Who said that?" Kaiba looked around.

"You've had two days!"

"That's not nearly enough time, Ryou—"

"Hello. What did you just say? Did you just call me 'Ryou'? No, you couldn't have. Even you would not be that stupid. Are you that stupid, Kaiba? Could you really have just called me Ryou?"

Oh shit, Kaiba thought, alarmed. He waved his hands frantically. "Empress Ryou," he shouted. "I meant Empress Ryou whose eyes are so big and beautiful and whose yami has a nice rack!"

Ryou instantly relaxed and smiled and poked Bakura on the cheek. "Hear that? We just got a complement, 'Kura."

"Joy."

"Well since you're being so kind today, Kaiba," Ryou began and Kaiba tried to ignore the obvious sarcasm, "I'll overlook your crew's incompetence."

Bakura started to laugh insanely. "What? T-They can't control their bladders! Ha!"

Everyone looked at him for a few seconds while he continued to guffaw hysterically. Ryou elbowed him lightly after a minute. "'Kura, I said incompetence. Not incontinence. There's a difference."

Bakura stopped. He looked around and Numbers One through Eighty-seven and Kaiba were staring at him intently with looks of a certain amount of expectation. He suddenly cried out, "I-I'm not stupid! I'm not stupid, okay?"

Ryou patted him. "Come along, 'Kura," he said and headed down the hallway. "Kaiba, you follow us, please."

There was a groan which Ryou recognized to belong to Kaiba but he and the less-than-mollified Bakura followed along grudgingly. As they treaded down hallways, ultimately finding themselves in another glass elevator and going up a few floors, Ryou spoke without interruption. "… unfortunately Marik wasn't on board. I went there specifically to pick the both of them up along with Mister Man back there"—Ryou giggled at Bakura's flustered state—"and then came back without one of them! I supposed I'll have to send someone out later to pick Marik up before anything… unfavorable happens. Until then, you have Malik to work with, Kaiba."

"Work with?" Kaiba asked with the faintest of interest.

"Of course. I mean you can do that, right, Kaiba?" Ryou's voice darkened. "In-between your oh-so-busy schedule, I mean. If you could fit me in, I would be ever so grateful."

"Er, no, I mean… um… what am I supposed to do?"

"Not much," was all he said and it was silent until the elevator stopped and they were confronted with a hallway at the end of which was a lone door. They were at it in no time and the doors slid open for Ryou, recognizing his form and he motioned for the other two to follow in. Inside the large room was a ten by twelve foot pedestal about three feet off the ground, bordered on all sides by three white steps. On the pedestal was a cage, the bars themselves made from neon-colored light and a red cushy pillow beneath the person inside.

Malik Ishtar still had the bag over his head only with two holes cut out so he could breath. His voice was less muffled due to the openings. "Who's there?" he asked, sitting on his knees.

Bakura blinked again. "What the hell? Why the cage?"

"Bakura?" Malik recognized the voice. "Help me, get me out of here!" He crawled foreword blindly and fell onto the glowing poles. A shock of electricity ran from the poles into him and he screamed and coughed and hacked as he lay on his stomach.

"You shouldn't touch those, you know," Ryou said almost casually. "They'll hurt you."

"Well no duh!" Malik shouted. "Ryou, I want to know what's going on! I want the bag off me!"

There was a pause. Ryou nodded and walked behind the cell to the control panel, his fingers flying over the light-pad. The bars dissipated around Malik's dizzied form and Ryou, along with Bakura and Kaiba, came up to him. Ryou took the bag off the Egyptian's head.

Malik gasped and coughed. "Ryou! What the hell is up with you?"

"Now," Ryou said to Kaiba, ignoring Malik, "take him into that room right there." He pointed to the left, an open door to the side of the control panel. "Inside, there's an open mask made of steal. Put Malik's head in it and then lock it with the key beside it. Then bring him in here and give the key to me. Alright?"

By the end of this little tutorial, Malik's face was all eyes.

Kaiba raised a brow. "Why can't you get one of your freakish heavies to do it?"

Ryou stared at him.

"Okay, okay! I'll do it."

Malik screamed, "No you won't! Stop it! Help me, Bakura!"

Bakura looked from Malik who was currently trying to scramble away from Kaiba and then back to his hikari. "Ryou, what's going on?"

"I'll tell you later. Kaiba, get him out of here."

"NOOOOOOO!" Malik howled as Kaiba dragged the teen by his blond locks to the other room and let the door shut slowly behind them. From the other side, both Ryou and Bakura could hear a stream of words that neither of them were aware Malik knew.

"Well that was freaky," Bakura said after a moment of near-silence. Near because of Malik's still muffled screams in the next room.

Ryou looked at him with sad eyes. "Oh poor 'Kura. You're a bit lost, aren't you?"

"Stop calling me poor! I'm not a kitten! And yeah, I'm lost 'cause you're not telling me a damn thing! I'm in a dress! Why am I in a dress?"

"It's a little complicated. Well, first of all, I guess you figured out that I am now ruler of the galaxy."

Bakura blinked. He suddenly gasped, "No shit?"

"… You mean you didn't know?"

"No way! Freak! When did this happen?"

"Like… um… I guess two days ago, if you're on Earth. But out here, time is different. It's way slower so we have more time to do things. It was pretty strange, actually. I didn't right off plan to do any of this. I was pretty disorientated after Joey threw that football at me. Then everyone ran away so I went into the Shadow Realm, walked around for a few hours then popped out on Mercury!

"At first, I thought I still was in the Shadow Realm because these funny thingies were running around. I didn't even take two steps before I realized that I couldn't breathe. Everything went black and the next thing I knew, I was being hovered over and all these weird eyes were staring at me. After a lot of rigmarole, Sunny Bunny was built and—"

"Oh, what the hell is Sunny Bunny, huh?"

"You're standing in it."

There was a pause. Bakura made an 'oh' sound and looked around. "The castle, right?"

"Yes, 'Kura."

"Well what's with the sissy name?"

Ryou twisted his mouth. "What would you name it?"

"… Hmmmm… Ummm… Well…"

"…?"

"…"

"…"

"… Uh…"

"Yes?"

"No, wait..."

"…"

"…"

"Yes?"

Bakura went blank for a few seconds then snapped back into action. He pointed his index finger towards the ceiling and shouted out, "Tallywhacker Palace!"

This time it was Ryou's turn to stare at his other half. "What the… But why?"

"Because this place kind of looks like one."

"It does not! Shut up!"

"Hey," Bakura said and sidled up next to Ryou. He lowered one eyebrow and gave Ryou 'the look'. "You know I'm not going away until you agree, right? I mean, as I see it, half this place belongs to me. I am Empress Bakura, aren't I? Or is this dress just for nothing?"

"Well…"

"We can compromise, can't we?"

"I'm not sure I—"

Suddenly the door to the other room opened and Kaiba came in, scowling.

Ryou perked up. "How'd it go?"

"That little monkey bit me!"

"Oh, Kaiba, shut up," Bakura sighed. As Kaiba continued to huff around the room, Bakura continued his conversation with Ryou. "Now. How about this… We rename the castle and I don't squawk about whatever you plan on doing to Malik. Sound good?"

Ryou eyed him for a bit. "Alright… but under one condition!"

Her Sweetness: Thanks for reading, please review on your way out. Oh and in case any of you are wondering just what a 'tallywhacker' is… it's slang for… well, if you don't know, you probably shouldn't be reading this. Heh heh.