A/N First of all the best wishes for the New Year to all. I wanted to write a New Year's story. Which, unfortunately is taking me longer than I expected. I am off from work and busier than ever! I also wanted to wait until I had 2 chapters done, but promised to post it right away. So here it is Just for you! :')
Friday December 28th, 1990
Angela stretches her body behind her desk and then starts massaging her temples. She is happy that Christmas is over. Her mind automatically goes back to a couple of months ago. ~It wasn't even 3 months ago when Tony broke up with Kathleen.~ She thinks to herself. ~I am so happy that Billy came into our lives only 2 weeks later. He has slowly started to mend what has been broken between Tony and me.~ She sighs as she leans back into her chair, opens her eyes and looks at the spot Tony and remembers when Tony and she had 'the conversation' after finding out he slept with Kathleen. ~I meant every word and yet it still felt like BS to me, I just didn't want him to feel bad about wanting to date anyone and yet I wanted him to feel just as bad as I did at the moment.~ she shuts her eyes just to prevent herself from crying. ~Why didn't we ever speak about everything that has happened? We both just ignored what had happened and moved on. I didn't want to move on, why did I? Why haven't I ever told Tony how I felt about any of it?~ She turns to face the window and looks outside, another sigh. ~November was a better month.~ She smiles at the memories of the Starlight Ballroom and then their trip to Italy the Vineyard was lovely and the moments Tony and she had for themselves were ones she would never forget. Her mind wanders to the night at the Starlight Ballroom. Tony and she had been sitting side by side listening to Jenny and Nick's every word. Their story was almost like theirs. The way Tony took her in his arms and swayed around the dancefloor. For a moment she felt everyone disappear and it was just him and her but the real intimacy was when they were at home and Tony turned on the record and he held her. ~He really held me in his arms, he held me close. His face next to mine. It had been forever for him to hold me like that again.~ She can't help but smile. ~His arms still feel so safe. It always feels like that is the place I am meant to be. Why can't I just turn my feelings for him off? He clearly has no problems turning his feelings for me off. Did he ever really have feelings for me? I mean he told me..~ She softly sobs. ~In Jamaica he told me that when he thought about his future I was in it.~ A thick tear ran down her cheek. ~It felt like he made me a promise.. and then broke it.~ Another tear. ~He broke me. I never thought he would even hurt me. Let alone break me.~
"Oh Angela! Get it together!" she berated herself.
She thinks about their trip to Italy, the walks they had around the grounds of the Vineyard, how honourable Tony had been, giving the Vineyard back to the village. There were some scary moments with the villagers, but in the end they had a lovely time. Those were memories she was holding on to for dear life at the moment. The weeks after their Italy trip flew by. "Can't believe we lost Billy." She softly laughs. "Well we didn't lose him, in the end we misplaced him." She chuckles at her own words. Then that whole debacle of Tony and Samantha entering the race of becoming the sports caster for their college. She shakes her head and smiles.
Christmas had been okay, but not like the years before. She felt reserved, although no one had noticed or at least they hadn't spoken to her about it. She avoided the mistletoe more than anything around the house. The kids had unwrapped their gifts, somehow the pile kept growing every year. No matter what had happened over the last 3 months, she loves her family more than anything.
Tony did give her a wonderful gift, not only did he gift her some Micelli wine, he had also given her a solid closed-forever bracelet with two beautiful interconnecting heart-shaped stones as a centrepiece. She had looked at him not knowing what to say, he had blushed and slowly nodded, confirming her suspicion of his renewed promise. She had looked down at the bracelet and she felt the same warm comfort she had felt when he held her while they were dancing. Slowly she felt that little flame of hope grow deep within herself.
Her gift to him was equally personal and intimate. Her first gift to him was a small bottle with a flip top cap, filled with dirt. He had given her a confused look as she explained that it's a bottle she got from the local market in Sicily and filled it with the dirt around the vineyard. That's when he noticed the inscription on the glass. He had to bite his lip not to shed a tear. Her next gift to him was a small box, he opened it and looked at her. His eyes wide. "Angela this is too much." He had said. She gave him a loving smile and answered. "Not it isn't. It is to show my appreciation to you, my appreciation for all you do for us. And to remind you of the man you are and where the future will be taking you."
Mona's curiosity took the better of her as she peaked to see what Angela had given him. Her eyes grew as she looked at her daughter. "Those are more of less the same your father had." She said in shock as she fought back the tears.
Tony looked from Mona to Angela and then back at his gift. "Ange.."
"Yes these are almost the same as daddy had, when I was thinking of buying Tony a gift I wanted something to remind him of who he is and how successful he is going to be. That reminded me of daddy and his cufflinks. That's why I decided to buy Tony cufflinks with his own initials on it. Because I know he will be such a success once he finishes college." Tony had quickly wiped the tear that escaped his eye.
"I have no words Angela, these are beautiful and probably one of the most expensive things I've ever owned." He joked.
Angela smiles at the mere thought of their Christmas. She thought Christmas had been okay, but in reality it had been lovely. She was with the people she loved most in the world.
Turning back to her desk, she opens the file in front of her. "I have to get this work done." She reprimands herself, knowing darn well that the weekend is ahead and Monday is the 31st. A lot of her employees had asked that day off as January 1st was a holiday. So she decided that they could all take the day off. Secretly looking forward to being alone in the office that day. She softly shakes her head to clear it and starts reading.
A soft knock takes her out of her files, she takes off her glasses before answering.
"You ready Angela?" Her mother's voice echoes through the room.
"Ready? No. Why?" Angela is clearly confused.
"Angelaaaaa.. it's almost 5:15!" Mona's annoyance seeps through.
"PM?" Angela frowns her eyebrows.
"You really think I'd be in at 5:15AM?" Mona laughs.
"I still need to finish all these files." Angela taps the files next to her. "About 6 more. Can't you wait?"
"HA!" Mona laughs as she throws her head back. "Just take the files home. You can work at home, you always do that."
"Of course.. and Tony's probably got dinner ready soon." She shakes her head again. "I swear I started on these files at 1pm and all of a sudden it's past 5!" she says as she quickly starts packing the files and grabbing her coat and purse.
"You work too hard Angela." Mona can't hide the concern in her voice.
"Well I will have Tuesday off to do nothing." She smiles.
"And then you'll probably hide in your home office all day." Mona raises her eyebrow. "prove me wrong." She slowly cocks her head awaiting her daughter's answer. "OH speaking of New Year's Eve. I won't be celebrating at home. Spencer is taking me out for the night. I might not be in on the 2nd either." Mona's smile turns into a smirk.
"I don't even want to know mother. Let's go. Would you be so kind to lock up the office." Angela walks out ahead of her mother.
Mona quickly puts on the alarm and then locks up the office as her daughter patiently waits.
"Ready?" Angela asks with a smile.
"For the weekend? HA! ALWAYS!" Mona laughs, making Angela smile and just shakes her head slowly.
"Okay let's go." Angela walks out in front of her mother.
They quickly make their way to the train station. Angela is asking her mother about her plans with Spencer for the coming New Year's.
"Oh I don't know, we might just stay in." She gives her daughter a sly smile. "You know, just him and I. Maybe you should try the same.. I hear Tony doesn't have any plans." Angela 's back immediately stiffens when her mother uses Tony's name.
"Well.. Jonathan, Samantha and Billy will also be there, too bad you won't. It would be lovely to have a family New Year's Eve." Mona opens her mouth but Angela stops her. "I get it mother. I do." She smiles a sad smile.
"Oh Angela, I just wish you would have a wonderful New Year's Eve as well.. I mean kinda like mine." Mona wiggles her eyebrows. Angela rolls her eyes at her mother.
"Well mother, we are all different. We all want different things." She stiffly says.
"We all know what you want dear. Too bad you both are way too stubborn to go for what you want." Mona side-eyes her daughter, she sees her face turn sad. "I know dear." Mona places her hand over her daughter's. Angela watches her mother's hand on top of hers, chewing her lower lip not to cry. She knows when she opens her mouth, the tears will flow, so she watches their hands.
"Oh Angela.. why wait this long? Why not give in? Ask for what you want?" Angela her mother's directness. "Well Angela? You know I know what you want and frankly need!"
Angela still stares at their hands. "Oh mother.." is all she can muster saying.
"No more beating around the bush dear, tell mommy the truth. Am I wrong? Is he not what you want? I can't imagine that you are sad about losing Doctor Andy." Mona keeps pressing.
Angela shifts her attention to the window as she watches the scenery fly by. She honestly did like Andy, he was attractive, kind and smart, but he wasn't.. ~Tony.~ she thinks to herself. ~He wasn't Tony. He wasn't the one she really wanted .. wants.. to be with. But he was so perfect on paper.. but he wasn't Tony. She wants to raise Billy with Tony. She wants to be with Tony.~ She sighs. ~Why can't I get Tony out of my head?~ She shakes her head.
"Well Angela.." Her mother's voice brings her back. "Can I expect an honest answer from you? Do you love him? Do you want him?"
"Do I love him? Do I want him?" Angela repeats the questions.
"I know what I asked dear. I am waiting for your answers." Mona smiles.
"Yes." Angela closes her eyes not to cry. "I love him, I want him.. but he's hurt me so bad. He's cut me so deep. I've bared my soul to him in Jamaica, I've showed him how I felt and he.." her voice breaks as she swallows hard. "He told me he needed time. And I gave him that time. He knew mother, hell he knows. He knows how I feel and he still slept with Kathleen. Even when I gave him a way out and told him he had made a mistake and that it was over now. He said he didn't know mother, he fu.." she takes a sharp breath not to swear. "Didn't know. I wish I didn't want him anymore, I wish I didn't love him anymore, I wish I could disconnect all my feelings for him. But I just can't. And now I cannot open up to him anymore. What if he hurts me again? I cannot go through that again." Tears are now streaming down her face.
Mona watches her daughter with a mixture of pity, sadness and anger. She never realised how much Tony had really hurt her baby girl. Hearing and seeing the pain makes her heart feel so heavy. "Oh Angela.. why didn't you ever tell me all of this?" she softly squeezes her daughter's hand.
"What good would it have done mother? You might get angry with him. I don't want you to be angry with him. I am not even angry with him. I just never knew love could hurt like this. Everything has always been so natural between us. I never saw this coming, After Jamaica I stopped dating anyone because of his promise to me. At least it felt like a promise, I don't know anymore." Angela softly shakes her head. "I will not be the one to open up to him again, I will not be the first to tell him how I feel. This time.. he needs to step up to the plate. He needs to tell me how he feels, what he wants. And funny enough, he has had the time. Kathleen and he broke up months ago, but he hasn't said a word. I am happy we've found a level of comfort with each other again, how we are raising Billy together. Jonathan and Samantha are going their own ways now and it's so nice to kind of start anew." Angela gives a sad smile. "I know raising him has brought us closer together again. And for now, this is all I am willing to give in to. I love him, I know he loves me. I just don't know if he loves, loves me. If you know what I mean." Angela was staring outside the window again.
"I do. And I know he does, he loves you Angela. I know it. I see it. But either he is too blind to see it himself or to unwilling to give into his feelings because he is afraid."
Angela gives her mother a surprised look. "Afraid? Tony? HA! Why would he be afraid to give in to his feelings for me?" Mona opens her mouth, but Angela puts her hand up. "And don't tell me I am to scary to deal with, please mother." Mona lets out a small huff.
"I was not going to say that dear. I think Tony is afraid of the same thing you're afraid of." Angela gives her mother a quizzical look.
"Oh pray please enlighten me what we are, seemingly both, afraid of?" She raises her eyebrow.
"Rejection." That one word from her mother cut deep into Angela's soul. "I see that I am right. Angela you've always been afraid of rejection. And after Tony did what he did.. now he is afraid of rejection as well."
"Why would he be afraid of me rejecting him? As I said, I know he loves me and I do know he loves me too. I am just not sure if he is in love with me." Angela squeezes her hands together.
"Like I said, Tony loves you, he is in love with you. He is just afraid that you will reject him after what he did with Kathleen. And seeing the pain in your eyes by just mentioning her name… I think he has every right to be afraid of rejection." Angela sighed, knowing her mother has a point. "I see I have a point there. You two need to get your heads out of your .. well you know what I mean. This dancing around each other is driving everyone crazy." With those words spoken they pull up to their final destination.
"No, no.. I understand." Tony paces while on the phone. "I will make sure of it Mrs. Napoli. Yes, yes, two weeks. No I understand, missing Christmas with Billy must have been hard." He sighs as he listens to Mrs. Napoli. "You want Angela to come along? I don't know Mrs. Napoli. She is very busy, she might have to work this weekend." He listens again. "I will ask her Mrs. Napoli, but I can't be certain.." Mrs. Napoli yelled something as Tony holds the receiver away from his ear. "I will make sure of it Mrs. Napoli. Thank you.. see you tomorrow." Tony hangs up the phone and closes his eyes. "Shit." He softly says as he leans his head into the wall. The front door opening makes him leave the position he is in as he makes his way to the living room.
"Good evening ladies!" He has a big smile on his face.
"Hey Tone!" Mona says with a big smile.
"Hi Tony." Angela gives him a small smile as the conversation with her mother plays in her head like a movie.
"ANGELA!" Billy runs down the stairs.
"Watch it buddy!" Tony smiles at his enthusiasm.
"Hello sweetheart." Angela kneels down to give him a hug. "How was your day today?"
"It was great! Tony took me to the playground, then we went grocery shopping." Billy starts his rant. "And then Sam came over for lunch and we did the piggyback ride. Then Jonathan took me to the arcade with him.. he gave me coins and we played for ever!" Angela looks up at Tony who smiles at her and mouths 'one hour', she slightly nods. "And when we got home.. Tony and I did a work-out. Like real men do." He says with a deeper voice, making Angela chuckle. "And after our shower, we prepared dinner, also like real men." He grins at her. Angela chuckles again and gives him a warm, loving smile. Tony watches her look at the young boy, he feels this warm ball forming underneath his chest. She loves this little boy, even though he hasn't been in their house that long. She loves raising Billy with him and he loves raising him with her. ~I do really love her.~ His own thoughts shock him. He knows he loves her, he loves their family, but he just realises he truly is in love with her.
"Let me take of my coat sweetheart, then we can talk some more on the couch." Angela gets up and takes off her coat, Tony immediately takes her coat. "Thank you." She gives him a warm smile, warming him to his core.
"You're welcome." She feels the warmth of his words near her ear and for a second closes her eyes, taking their closeness in. She takes Billy's hand and leads him to the couch.
"So did Tony and you make our dinner for tonight?" She asks as the little boy wildly starts nodding. "Oh, will you tell me what you made for us?"
"Well Tony said that you really like linguine alle vongole. So he wanted to make that." Billy scrunches his nose in disgust. "But I told him he should make you something else, because the things in the shells smelled really bad!" Angela raises her eyebrows in surprise.
"Oh really?!"
"Angela, if you could smell it." Billy makes a gagging sound. "I don't think these shell things were good. Eating it might give you food poisoning." Tony laughs.
"Clams Billy, the shells are called clams. And they weren't bad, that's how they really smell." Billy looks up at Tony.
"You've been feeding the family that? With that smell?" Billy gags again. Angela can't contain her laughter.
"Well Billy, to be honest I do really love clams. But what did Tony and you end up making?" She moves her hand through his hair, Billy looks up at her. He gives her a warm smile.
~That kid is crazy about her, almost as crazy as I am.. Almost. Billy could easily be our little boy. Looking Italian like me, with her eyes and smile.~ Tony thinks, knowing that the boy isn't theirs as Mrs. Napoli just reminded him.
"Well I convinced Tony to make pasta Carbonara. It's my favourite. I helped cutting the pancetta and with the salad and garlic bread." Billy looks up at her in pride. "Are you proud of me?"
Angela is slightly taken aback by his question but quickly cups the boy's face. "I am always proud of you Billy." Then kisses his forehead.
"Billy? Did you finish your homework?" Tony asks.
"I'm almost done with my math homework." He looks up at Tony. "Only 10 more." He blinks his big brown eyes.
"You made me a promise buddy, go upstairs and finish your homework. I need to talk to Angela for a second. Okay buddy?" He smiles at Billy who frowns.
"Okay, okay.." He gets up and walks back upstairs.
"I made you your favourite drink Friday drink." Tony nods towards the kitchen. "It's on the kitchen table."
"A Dry Martini?" She can't supress her excitement as Tony grins and nods. "Why is it in the kitchen?" she asks while getting up and walking towards the kitchen.
"Olives." Tony shrugs. "I'd forgotten to take them with me, then the phone rang and I got distracted." He says as Angela sits down and enjoys her first sip. He watches her in amazement, enjoying her drink. Her eyes closed and a soft humming coming from the back of her throat.
"Perfect, as always." She looks up and smiles at him. He just stares. "What is it?"
"What?" He asks.
"What is it? You have this weird look on your face. Is there something going on?"
~Yeah.. I want to ravish you on this table.~ is what he thinks, but his responds is different. "Yeah.. the phone call."
"Who was it? What was it about?" she frowns.
"Mrs. Napoli.. Billy.." He simply says.
"Mrs. Napoli? Billy?" she repeats. "What about Mrs. Napoli and Billy?"
"Mrs. Napoli called, she wants us to bring Billy to her tomorrow. She wants to spend New Year's Eve with him." Tony's voice filled with disappointment.
"Oh." Angela can't hide her disappointment either. "I.. oh.. I.." she sighs deeply. "I guess I understand. He is her grandson. She already missed Christmas with him and if she feels well enough to take of him.. who are we to stand in the way?" She looks up at Tony. "Right?" He notices the sadness in her eyes.
"I guess." Tony sits down next to her. "But it would be weird him not being here. I mean what if she wants him back for good?" Angela sits up straight.
"No! She is older and fragile. I mean I can see her wanting him for the holidays or vacation time, but taking care of such a young and wild child fulltime at her age? I don't think that will happen. We will just have to miss him this New Year's Eve. But maybe next year." She gives him a hopeful smile.
"I don't know Angela. It feels like.." He swallows. "It feels like the beginning of the end."
Angela places her hand over his. "Let's hope for the best." She says before softly squeezing his hand. He just looks at her hand, burning on his.
"You're right." He looks up at her. "Why stay negative? What good will it do? So I guess New Year's Eve will just be Jonathan, Sam, Mona, you and me?"
"Mother won't be here. She's got a date." Angela averts her eyes.
"Of course Mona has a date." Tony jokes.