Chapter 12: Out in the Open

About five months had passed. Things were still tense, Conner was still a little freaked about the new baby's arrival. Kira was trying to make things go the best she could, but Conner would try to find excuses to stay away and it was killing her. She wanted him part of the baby's life, but she knew he was afraid. She knew he was afraid of losing this baby the same way they lost Colin.

Kira was decorating the nursery when Kimberly came in to see a pregnant Kira trying to paint the walls. "You need help?" She laughed. Kira looked over with a smile.

"I'd be grateful," Kira replied.

Kimberly smiled as she helped Kira decorate the nursery. "So, where's Conner?" Kimberly asked. Kira sighed.

"The soccer field where else?" Kira answered with another question.

Kira sighed as she stopped and wiped the sweat from her brow. She sat down and placed a hand on her stomach. "Conner hasn't been around much since I told him I was pregnant," she informed. Kimberly looked at Kira in disbelief.

"You're letting him stay away?" Kimberly asked.

"I can't force him to stay," Kira replied.

"But he should be here, I mean you didn't make this baby by yourself."
"I'm not dumb, Kim, I know."

Kira shook her head and she rubbed her forehead. "Kim, you never had to feel the kind of pain Conner and I had to endure. Losing Colin tore us both apart. He's not the only one scared. I'm scared too. I'm scared to come up to the playground or something to see police and an ambulance. I'm scared to find my husband on his knees holding our dead child in his arms," Kira explained. Kira let out a sob. "I can't lose another baby, Kimberly…I can't…" Kira trailed off. Kimberly wrapped her arms around the young woman and Kira cried against her.

After awhile, Kira calmed down and she sat back. "But I decided when I first found out that I was pregnant that I was going to be the best mother there could ever be. But to keep Colin in my memory and in my heart forever," she informed. Kira placed a hand on her stomach when the baby kicked. "This baby is our second chance and I'm going to keep him or her," she added. Kimberly nodded and patted Kira's shoulder.

Later that evening, Conner came home from the soccer field. "Kira, I'm back," he informed. He pulled off his jacket and threw his keys on the coffee table. Conner set his duffel in the hall closet. "Kira?" He called. He walked upstairs to see if he could find his wife.

Conner heard Kira talking in the newly finished nursery. He stood by the door. "You have nothing worry about, sweetie. Your daddy loves you, very, very much. He's just very, very scared," she stated. Conner leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. "I know you're out there Conner," she informed. Conner opened his eyes and he went into the nursery. Kira gave him a half-smile. "Kimberly and I just finished the nursery this afternoon. What do you think?" She asked. Conner glanced around the room.

"Looks good," he replied.

Kira let out a sigh and she rubbed her stomach and jumped. "What?" He asked. Kira smiled.

"The baby kicked," she replied.

Kira stood up and she walked over to Conner. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. "Feel," She told him. Conner stood there frozen when he felt a kick under his hand. Kira smiled, but then Conner pulled back. "What is it?" She asked.

"Nothing," he replied.

He turned to leave again. "Conner please don't leave again," she told him. Conner stopped when he was halfway out the door. "You're not abandoning me like this," she snapped. Conner looked over at her.

"Abandoning you?" He asked.

Kira crossed her arms over her chest. "I didn't get pregnant by myself, Conner McKnight. You were a BIG part of it," she snapped. Conner leaned against the doorframe.

"What do you want me to do? Just drop everything and play daddy all over again?" He asked.

Kira walked over and held his hand. "I want you to be part of this baby's life, Conner. This is not only my second chance, this is yours too. This is your chance to be the dad you've always wanted to be," she told him. Conner shook his head.

"No," he answered.

Kira felt a lump rise in her throat and she felt the anger rising in her. "Damn you, Conner James McKnight," she hissed. Kira looked at him with the anger and hurt showing on her face.

"I'm just not about to forget about the son we lost," he answered.

Kira was stunned and watched as he turned to leave again. "CONNER!" She shouted. Conner ignored her, grabbed his keys, his jacket, and he walked out the door. "CONNER YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME LIKE THIS!" She shouted. Kira heard the door slam and she felt so many emotions hit her at once. Kira grabbed the nearest picture and she threw it across the room. However, when she threw a few more things, she suddenly felt a sharp pain hit her stomach. She gasped and she held her stomach with tears pressing against her eyes. "No!" She gasped. She reached for her phone and she called Kimberly and Tommy.

"Hello?" Tommy asked.

"Tommy…I need help," she answered.

"Kira? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I need to get to a hospital, please, Tommy, I need some help. Conner's not here."

"Where is he?"

Kira let out a sob and she held her stomach. "I don't know," she replied. Kira let out another sob. "Tommy, please help me," she added.

"I'll send Kimberly. I'll find Conner," Tommy assured her.

"Thank you."

They hung up and Kira just laid on the floor holding her stomach. Five minutes later, Kimberly was there and she got Kira to the hospital.

(Soccer Field)

Conner was kicking a few soccer balls into the net. The anger rising up inside him as he kicked the ball into the net. "CONNER!" A voice shouted. Conner looked up to see Tommy running up to him. "Kira's in the hospital," Tommy informed. Conner stood there for a minute.

"What happened?" He asked.

Conner kicked another ball into the net. Tommy stood there in disbelief. "You don't even care?" He asked. Conner ignored him and went to kick another soccer ball into the net when Tommy took it from him.

"Tommy, this has nothing to do with you," Conner told him.

"Kira's in the hospital, she might lose the baby and all you're doing is kicking soccer balls into a damn net?" Tommy asked.

Conner took the soccer ball from him. Tommy was in shock. "You don't care if she loses this baby?" He asked.

"I don't know what I think anymore, Tommy," Conner replied.

Tommy shook his head. "That stunt might've worked when you were seventeen, but you're not seventeen anymore Conner. You're married with a kid on the way," Tommy reminded.

"I know I'm married, I know there's a kid on the way," Conner answered.

Tommy grabbed Conner's arm and had Conner face him. "Then why don't you start acting like you're a husband and a father?" He asked. Conner pulled his arm from his grasp.

"Because I'm bad at it and I'm not going to watch another car hit my kid when he or she is three. I'm not going to watch it happen again," Conner replied.

Tommy stared at Conner in shock. "You're still…" he trailed off.

"Yes, I'm still hung up about what happened to my son. You will never know what it's like to lose a kid," Conner snapped.

"No, but I don't know what will happen if you don't get to that hospital."

Conner tossed the soccer ball back and forth between his hands. Tommy sighed. "If you don't get there, you could lose another one. You know that would just kill Kira as well as you. Deep down I know you want this baby. I know you want a second chance at being a father," Tommy pointed out. Conner stood there for a minute. "Please, just go there for Kira, she needs you," he insisted. Conner sighed and he walked by Tommy and towards his car.

(Hospital)

Conner came down the hall with some flowers in his hands. He came into Kira's room to find her asleep. She was hooked up to a fetal monitor and he saw the baby's heartbeat. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he set the flowers in the vase by her bed. He sat next to the bed and he waited for her to wake up. Kira slowly opened her eyes and she looked over to see Conner sitting there. "Hey, Rock Star," he told her. Kira felt a lump in her throat.

"You're here," she murmured.

Conner nodded and she hugged him tight. Kira buried her head into his shoulder and let out a small sob. He sighed and kissed the top of her head with tears threatening to fall down his face. "I'm so sorry," he told her. She placed her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"You're here now, that's all that matters to me," she assured him.

Conner pulled back and he held her hand. "Kira, I was talking to Tommy earlier, trying to get me to come here," he told her. Kira stared at him for a minute. "I wasn't going to come, because I was afraid and I still am," he added.

"Conner…" she started.

"Let me finish."

Kira nodded and Conner held her hand. "But every night while you're sleeping, I just sit up in bed watching you sleep, but I'd always put my hand on your stomach, just hoping to feel a kick, just a sign that this baby was for me. That this second chance is what I wanted," he started. Tears pressed against his eyes. "Then today when you had me feel the baby kick, that was all the sign I was waiting for and it scared me so badly. Every part of my memory was shoving the images of Colin dying in my arms at full force. I can't do that anymore, Kira. I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night hearing Colin say "Bye bye." I don't want that anymore, Kira. I don't. I don't want it to happen again. I'm scared that when this baby is three he or she will die just like him," he explained. Kira kissed the top of her his hand.

"You and I are in the same boat, Conner. I'm afraid of going to a park when this baby turns three to find police and ambulance surrounding the place. I'm scared to find you on your knees holding his or hers body in your arms," she told him.

Conner closed his eyes and she placed her hand on his face. "I never blamed you for what happened to Colin. I loved him too," she added. Kira sat up more and hugged Conner tight when he finally broke down completely. Something she was waiting for since Colin's death. Conner calmed down and he pulled back.

"I love you," he told her.

Kira smiled and she placed her hands on his face. "I love you too, Jock," she answered. Conner smiled and kissed her. He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled into the kiss to feel another kick under his hand.