Hermione tries to come up with the perfect rap song for her music video debut but a prison escapee interferes. Contains some language and absurdity!
"Did you hear? He's back."
"Who's back?"
"You know...he who should not be named."
"Again?"
Two senior girls touched up their makeup in the school lavatory while gossiping about what was making it through the halls about a certain Deatheater that had plagued their school for what seemed like every year. Hogwarts had been getting dull lately, it was really saying something for a school that's whole purpose was to teach the world of magic arts.
One girl stopped talking when she thought she heard someone muttering to themselves, they could see boots tapping under one of the stalls; it sounded like someone mad, talking to themselves.
"Who is it?"
The girl with finer tuned makeup groaned, she knew exactly who it was, someone that had trouble follow them wherever they went, "Let's get out of here."
When the two were gone the stall door opened, Hermione Granger held onto notepad paper, she'd been coming up with rhythms all afternoon, "Finally, some privacy!" The ginger haired young woman let out a sigh; she went back in the stall and continued. Many thought the idea of an underground rap battle at school sounded absurd but Hermione managed to find a lot of interest from people in all the different houses; some questioned why she was so obsessed, after all, shouldn't she be in the library or something for extra credit? No, book work aside, she'd grown tired of the scene there, she craved something more.
"But why?" Ron asked for the billionth time at lunch.
"It's what I was destined to do."
"Rap?" Harry sneered.
"I think it's cool," Luna was maybe the only one encouraging her, maybe Ginny but they got into an intense rap battle that might as well have ended with hair pulling and a mic drop by Hermione, "My camera would love to film your music video!"
Hermione ignored her quirkiness, "It's not just about the rapping it's also about creating a new image for myself."
"It must feel good to win though," Luna smiled, thinking back to all the students from Slytherin House she destroyed with only her words.
Hermione smiled all humble, "Well it is rather tight," Hermione was also still trying to learn slang, she's exposed herself to a lot of different music but rap was the only one that spoke to her. "What I need now is a name and a video. Put myself out there."
"Do you even have any songs written?" Ron asked, only to regret this with one dirty look by her.
"I have a couple real songs, they just need some polishing is all," she said pointing her nose high in the air, "I also need a grill and a chain."
"A chain?"
"Grill?"
"Duh, I have to have street cred, do keep up."
"So are you done with Voldemort?" Luna asked without thinking.
Everyone shushed her, bad luck right now to be bringing up that noseless freak.
"Oh...sorry..."
Hermione was still in her own head, grades had been slipping, "I need dancers, lights, someone with a good camera, background. I need to get cronked."
Harry, Ron and Luna couldn't hide their laughter, it was hard when she spoke like this; she just rolled her eyes at them, they would never understand.
Hermione sat on her bed jotting down what came to mind, she wanted these songs to make a statement. Ginny rushed into the room and got her attention, "Hermione! You have to come quick!"
"Ginny? Can't you see I'm busy? What? You want me to make you cry again?" Ginny ripped the notebook out of her hands and tossed it, "Hey! I was expressing myself!"
"That Death Eater, Bellatrix Lestrange has escaped from Azkaban! We have to hurry I saw her down in the boiler room!"
Hermione groaned, where the hell were Ron or Harry? She followed behind Ginny with her wand ready like she was holding a glock, "Fine!"
The door to the lower levels was opened, no candle lit, it was pitch black down there; Ginny was frightened when she heard the cackling of Bellatrix echo. Hermione rolled her eyes and made Ginny go first, this girl needed some tough skin. Wands on the ready they used them to light their way. Hermione forgot just how advanced it was down there with its tunnel system, she shined her wand along to see if she could find any trace of this hag.
She stopped when a white face jumped out in front of her, "BOO! HAHAHA!"
Ginny jumped behind Hermione while the older girl remained unfazed by the Death Eater.
Ginny squeezed Hermione's hand and said, "Let's go tell Dumbledore or someone!"
"No way we're into deep," Hermione said, as if they were two hardened cops, "Let's go ice this bitch!"
Ginny was slow following Hermione, "What if she leads us into a trap?"
"You're worse than your brother!" Hermione laughed.
In no time the girls found Bellatrix Lestrange at a dead end, the weird creature felt the wall with her hands like she was trying to find a secret door.
"Drat!" She exclaimed when she realized the two pests had her cornered, wands out like they were ready to shoot her dead.
"Step away from the wall," Hermione ordered.
Bellatrix did so, no wand in her hand but she obviously had it on her, "Ginny go get her piece."
"Huh?"
"The wand," she snapped.
"Oh."
Ginny really didn't want to get close to her, she was afraid of being in one of those standoffs she'd see on TV where she'd get grabbed easily but luckily, she didn't do anything, Ginny found her wand tucked into her tight leather belt, it was all black, knobby and crooked. Bellatrix surprised Ginny by grabbing her arm, Ginny let out a scream. A quick blue zap hit Bellatrix in the hand she was holding Ginny with, nothing that could really harm her but enough to let the girl go.
"That was just a warning shot," Ginny ran back to Hermione with the wand, they both kept aiming their wands at Voldemort's number one girl.
Hermione looked Bellatrix over without loosening her grip on her wand, something intrigued her, something she couldn't put her finger on right away.
Bellatrix grew weary, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Stand still."
Ginny kept her wand on Bellatrix as Hermione walked closer to the dangerous woman.
"Hermione, what are you doing?"
Hermione didn't answer her, she made Bellatrix nervous the way her eyes were taking her in, she walked behind her, "Wow! It's uncanny!"
"What?" Bellatrix asked, thinking this little witch was asking for an early funeral. Hermione lifted up the back of Bellatrix's dress, "AH!"
"Hermione?" Ginny exclaimed, still pointing her wand.
"DAAAMMMMNNN!" Hermione declared looking at Bellatrix's big and fully round behind.
"What are you doing back there?" Bellatrix shouted, stomping her foot.
"I think I just found my dancer," She put the dress back down, she gave one cheek a little tap before walking back over to Ginny.
Bellatrix's jaw and eyes were wide open. HOW DARE SHE.
"Are you insane?"
Hermione lowered her wand for a moment and rubbed her chin looking over Bellatrix, "Hmm. I'll level with you Lestrange, I'm shooting a music video once I finish the perfect song and I'm in need of a back up dancer."
Bellatrix scowled, "I'll dance on your grave you little..."
"Now. Now, that will be enough of that," Hermione sneered, "You know what twerking is?"
"No! What is that some kind of Muggle slang?"
"A matter of fact it is."
Ginny grabbed onto Hermione's arm firmly and angry whispered, "What are you talking about? She's an escaped lunatic! We have to turn her over and lock her back up!"
"Later," Hermione said, not wishing to discuss it any further, she continued her little business talk, "Now, Bell-a-Bitch, as of this minute you're my prisoner, I will free you and return your wand to you once the video is shot."
Bellatrix spit on the floor right at the young witch's feet, Ginny could tell she was aiming higher to ger Hermione in the face.
"I'd rather die!"
"Oh really?" Hermione raised an eyebrow with minimal concern, "I suppose that could be on the table."
Bellatrix laughed, "Stupid child! You don't have it in you!"
"Oh really? You don't think I've ever iced someone before?" Hermione's wand sparked bright, Bellatrix backed up into the wall, she actually looked a little frightened.
Hermione smiled and said, "Now that I've got your attention, follow me."
Hermione walked Bellatrix to what looked like a little jail with a barred door but it was apparently used to store old boxes; telling by how much dust they collected, no one had been down this way in a very long time.
"Get that ass inside!" Hermione slapped Bellatrix's butt harder than before and the obedient prisoner obeyed and stepped into her brand new cell, "I'll take it you're useless without your wand so I shouldn't have any trouble from you."
Bellatrix reached through the bars to grab it from Ginny but she was too far out of her deadly grasp, Ginny held it up and taunted her with a wave, "Foolish children! Voldemort will have you!"
"He'll have to catch us first. Sleep tight down here, I'll come check up on you in the morning."
"Night. Night."
"I may not have my precious but I do still have my lungs!"
Bellatrix only got a slight peep out, she was cut off by Hermione, she waved her wand and said, "Silencio!" Bellatrix was muted in real time like she was an annoying TV show, no matter how hard she forced herself, she couldn't get anything to come out of her mouth; you could see veins as she stretched her neck out. Bellatrix picked up a box and threw it but that too produced nothing, not only was her voice gone but her entire body couldn't do anything to get anyone's attention.
The girls waved to her one last time and went back up to the main floor.
"Hermione this is bad," Ginny tried so hard not to laugh, seeing Hermione taking charge like that and actually slapping the older woman like that was too much, "You can get into serious trouble you know that?"
"It will all be worth it!" Hermione said, optimism at max, "I mean did you see the size of that dump-truck on her!"
Ginny cackled, her friend really had become a loon. Speaking of...
"Hey, what are you two up to? Did I miss a funny joke?" Luna almost bumped into them running at full speed; like she had to stick her nose into everything
"Say, Luna," Hermione said, putting her arm around her shoulder, "You still have that camera?"
To be continued!