Frank
I was hit with a shocking reality tonight. Here I was, living the past few years as freely as if nothing had ever happened, and then I had my world explode around me.
You see, today started out as a great day. Vanessa was out of town working on a computer-related case, so I invited Nancy to spend the day with Noah and me. The three of us decided to go to the zoo, and all day long Noah dragged the two of us from exhibit to exhibit, his mouth going a mile a minute.
It was a lot of fun and I know it was good for Nancy. She's been working herself ragged. She reaches the office before me and Van and often doesn't leave until hours past us. I get the feeling that more often than not she falls asleep on the couch in her office.
After the zoo we went back to my house and I cooked us dinner. Don't laugh; I'm a surprisingly good cook. Nan and I patiently listened to my son's yammering as we ate, until he eventually feel asleep right in his pasta.
By the time we got him cleaned up and in bed it was after eight. Now, I was convinced on keeping your wife from going back to the office, so I used some of the Hardy charm to con her into watching movies for the rest of the night.
The first movie had just ended, and we were contemplating what to put in next when she suddenly burst out, "I haven't cried today."
I have to admit that I was confused at first, and when I asked her to elaborate she calmly explained that today was the first day since the funeral that she hadn't cried.
I was in shock, but, not wanting to set her off in any way, I decided to improvise. I proudly declared that we needed to celebrate and I went into the kitchen to raid Vanessa's "emergency" chocolate stash.
Once we were settled back down with enough sugar to put us in a coma, I put on the stupidest movie I could find. The two of us laughed hysterically for the next two hours.
When the movie finished I took a glance at the clock and then turned to give her a big hug. "Congratulations, its 12:23. You just made it through a whole day."
She looked very pleased for a moment, before her face crumbled and she was silently crying into my chest. She choked out that she was a horrible person if she couldn't take the time to mourn you everyday.
Eventually she cried herself to sleep, and I carried her to the guest room. Once she was settled there for the night I walked across the hall and tiptoed into Noah's room. He was out like a light, but that didn't stop me from sinking into the rocking chair by his bed. Watching his chest rise and fall in time with his breathing, I tried to calm my racing mind. The new information had been a lot to deal with.
Big brother, she has been crying for 4 years. 4 years! Her life still revolves around you even though you're gone. I can't believe things are still like this.
Tonight, for the first time, in years I cried…though not for you, Frank.
No, I cried for the family who had lost a son and brother. I cried for the child who would never know his uncle. But most of all, I cried for the wife who would never be whole again.
Joe