(Es Charmed, thanks. Glad to hear from you.)

Part 14, Burned and Frozen

-'Carter'-

I don't know how long we were asleep, but Samantha is glad to wake up when she does. The first thing she notices is Martouf, which makes us happy. "Martouf."

"Do you feel better?"

We both notice our clothes have been changed. Though we know it was probably because we were freezing, it is a bit bothering. Samantha frowns slightly as she sits up. We notice others are in the room, and its then that we realize we were hoping for just Martouf. The others are men, one her father, and two we don't know. Uncomfortable, Samantha retreats.

I notice the reactions when I take control. One man looks a little annoyed. The second, whom I believe we saw on the planet, doesn't make much of a reaction. Jacob moves closer, looking a little disappointed. It makes sense that he would want to talk to his daughter. He glances to the second man. "Did Daniel tell you about Teal'c?"

"He did," I answer. So that is Teal'c.

"Well, that is Teal'c." He points to the second man again, then points to the first. "And this is General Jack O'Neill. He's Sam's commanding officer."

"Hello Teal'c and General."

Jacob continues. "When Jack came he brought some extra clothes for you. They are in your temporary quarters. They are fairly close to Martouf's."

"I can show you where it is," Martouf says. "It's a pretty room."

"Can I go there now?" I ask.

"Kilso will want to examine you first. He's on his way here."

When Kilso arrives, everyone but Martouf leaves. He gives us permission to leave after he is done.

"Is he the one who changed my clothes?" I ask as we leave the room.

"Yes. I was there as well. I helped." He sounds a bit proud as he says the last part.

I take his hand, glad he was there. Samantha and I don't know Kilso enough to fully trust him. "So, my room is pretty?"

"Yes, well, it's like all the walls here, but it's a little bluer." Martouf smiles. "It's shiny and blue, like Samantha's eyes when you glow them."

I glow them before turning to the men waiting outside the hall. They probably heard the last thing Martouf said. We head to Samantha's quarters. Teal'c leaves when we get there. It seems he realizes she needs privacy.

I look to the clothes Jack brought. They are similar to the clothes we first woke up in four months ago, but minus a jacket. We would look funny in pants.

It must be normal. We woke up in them. She takes control to look over the clothes. I can't wear this.

I agree.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asks.

Samantha looks to him. "I don't know if I would be comfortable in these clothes. These are pants and..." She holds up the shirt. "My arms would show."

Jacob frowns slightly, then grins. I have a feeling Selmak just explained normal Neerian clothes to him. "The Tok'ra have extra clothes. You can borrow anything you want."

Next, we all head to the room they keep their clothes in. Samantha's eyes widen as she looks around. "Wow." It's full of different types of clothes and accessories.

"Many hosts have different tastes in clothing," Jacob says. "We also like to keep a good supply for when we're going on mission."

Samantha looks around a bit before picking out a dress that looks similar to Neerian style. She grins to Martouf. "How does this look?"

"It looks similar to the dress you wore on the first festival."

"Amazing, isn't it? A fancy dress for everyday wear."

"That's a fancy dress?" Jack questions. "It looks kind of plain." He notices Martouf and Jacob frowning at him. "Well, to me."

It is one of the more simple dresses of the selection, but Samantha loves it. Dirt and weather haven't faded the colors. The fabric isn't worn down, and it's soft. She shoos everyone but Martouf away to select undergarments. Afterwards we find a hiding place behind the clothes to change. We find Martouf and Jack waiting for us when we come out of the room. Jacob is talking to another Tok'ra. Samantha smiles to the two remaining men. "How do we look?"

Martouf guides us in front of a glass that reflects us. "You can see yourself."

Samantha grins. "I heard Starna talking about one of these once."

Martouf adds a necklace to us while we are looking at the mirror.

In the mirror we see Jacob approach. "Kilso figured out a way that might get your memories back. He believes it would be too overwhelming for host and symbiote to get all their memories on the same times, so he thinks it would be best to start with the hosts. He wants a volunteer."

"Do the others know?"

"Yes. They haven't volunteered."

We can do it, Samantha thinks. I would like to remember them. With "them" she thinks of her father and the people she is told she works with.

It's up to you. It's your memories. I hug her gently.

"I'll volunteer," she says.

Martouf looks to her. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

All the work to pick out clothes other than your uniform, and soon you might prefer that anyway, I think.

Samantha chuckles.

Jacob looks uncertain. "You might not be getting just your memories. Martouf said you know you had once been..." He looks very uncomfortable for a second. "...unwillingly taken as a host."

Samantha frowns slightly. "Yeah, 'Carter' and I figured it out."

"After she was killed you gained some of her memories."

"I'll try to ignore hers." Samantha is uncomfortable. She doesn't like the idea that she was taken. It scares her. To be honest, it scares me too.

Martouf takes our hand. "I'll help you."

Jacob glances from Martouf to Samantha. "I think you and 'Carter' should be warned. He-" Jacob suddenly stops.

He? Who's he? Me? With permission I take over. "Am I he?"

"Y-yes."

"I already knew I was male."

Jack is frowning, and he looks Jacob. "You know he's male...wait...you know who he is?"

Jacob looks annoyed. "Yes, I know."

"I asked you-"

"I said we couldn't be certain," Jacob interrupts as he looks to Jack. "That was the truth. I may have a good idea who 'Carter' is, but we won't know for sure until he gets his memory back." He looks back to me. "If you want to know who-"

"I don't," I say quickly.

Jacob nods. "About this symbiote..."

"I will help Samantha with the memories the symbiote left with her along with her own memories of the violation."

Jack looks a bit surprised while Jacob looks uncomfortable again. "The symbiote was a Tok'ra."

I frown as Martouf responds. "I thought Tok'ra only took willing host."

"This one kind of broke that law," Jack responds in matter-of-factly, what-else-is-new manner.

"Is this common?" Martouf asks.

"No," Jacob says, though Jack silently scoffs to the answer. It doesn't go unnoticed, and Jacob gives Jack a warning look. He looks back to me. "We aren't entirely sure why this Tok'ra did it. Samantha doesn't have the memories of what she was thinking at the moment, and we never asked her to remember. She panicked or made a mistake or was desperate..." He pauses for a second. "'Carter,' whoever you may be, at the very least, you were good friends with her. This is someone you knew for over a thousand years...and now you are going to see...and feel, exactly what it was to be taken over by her. You are going to feel everything she did that hurt, and then you are going to feel her die."

Now I feel very unsure about all this.

Samantha mentally reaches out to me. I'll help you.

"Uh..." Not sure what to say. It's not like I have a choice. "What is the highest relationship?"

"What?"

"You said at the very least I was good friends with her. That would imply at least one of us amnesiac symbiotes was something more."

"At most...her mate."

Now I feel sick. "Excuse me." I walk away, giving Samantha control after a few steps. She finds an isolated place and comforts me.

I should be the one comforting you, I think.

We always help each other.

I feel bad. After you get your memories back, if you don't want me in your head-

Of course I'll want you in my head. You may belong to someone else, but for the next couple days, I'm still your host.

Samantha...

Whatever she did, it doesn't negate the last four months. Whatever she did, I clearly still trusted the Tok'ra afterwards. I must have figured out a way to deal with it.

Martouf slowly approaches. "Jacob was standing there looking annoyed and uncomfortable, while Jack was... I don't think he likes Tok'ra."

Samantha chuckles.

"I also wanted to see how you and 'Carter' were doing."

"We'll be fine."

"Jacob told me a little more information about the Tok'ra. I wondered...well..."

"What?"

"Well, there is Amb, Gete, Freya, and myself...and... Well, Freya is female, and while Amb and Gete are male, they seem to prefer males."

Oh no.

He continues, "So out of the four of us, I'm the only one who likes females, and this Tok'ra you were all talking about was female, and-"

"Martouf," Samantha interrupts. "Was she your mate?"

He pauses. "Apparently." He lifts his eyebrows, expressing confusion. "When I asked Jacob if she was my mate, he apologized for not telling me sooner. I guess I'll remember being a widower soon. How soon depends on whether or not you still want to be first to get your memories back... Not really looking forward to it."

Do you still want to be first? I ask.

Yeah, but...

We should do this then.

She's worried, and sadly, she's mostly worried about me. Are you sure?

Yes. I want to get this over with. Besides, the sooner I see your memories, the more time I have to deal with them before I learn how close I was to her.

"We do. I should probably tell my father."

Martouf gives Samantha a small kiss. He leaves afterwards, and I hope he didn't notice that Samantha didn't really respond. Samantha, he doesn't remember her yet, and even when he does, she's dead. We haven't done anything wrong.

Remember that dream I had? I remembered loving him, but knew it might hurt him if he knew. What if this hurts him?

Saman-

I was right in the first place. She paces, shaking her head. We all had amnesia. The symbiotes are mixed up. Why were we stupid enough to start any relationship? We shouldn't have. At the very least I should have listened to the dream. As soon as I knew it could hurt him, I should have ended it.

We didn't know the Tok'ra would find us.

It didn't matter if they found us or not. Our memories were returning. It would have taken longer, but he would have remembered on his own. I knew I could hurt him, and I did nothing.

We! We knew what could happen. We knew it could hurt him. We said nothing. We did nothing. I was part of this, just as much as you were.

Yes, but I was-

It doesn't matter Samantha. I was part of it too. If it weren't for the capture, and the mix up, I wouldn't even be part of this whole relationship, but I am. I've been your symbiote for the past four months, and I will be for the next couple days. You said it yourself.

Samantha smiles. You're right.

We'll deal with this together.

-'Lantash'-

She didn't respond to me, Martouf thinks. I wonder if she's angry.

She wouldn't blame you for the actions of your mate.

Martouf finds Jacob and tells him that Samantha still volunteers. I shouldn't have asked. I should have left it alone.

You had the right to know.

Martouf finds a computer and starts staring at it. He's considering looking up his mate, but he's too afraid to.

What are you afraid of? I ask.

I don't know.

You don't have to look her up.

I know. He scans through the computer and looks himself up. He grins when he's done. For the most part, I've had a good life.

Let's look up all the symbiotes and try to figure out which one is me, I think.

You could just ask the Tok'ra.

This is more fun.

Martouf starts doing this. I'll start with Lantash. He looks over the screen and grins. He has fairly high rank. Yea me. He studies a lot of things, but concentrates on security and diplomacy.

That's an odd little combo.

He's one of their best fighters. Martouf grins before looking up Anise. Anise studies ancient civilizations. She's in charge of that department. She designs and builds new technology based on what she has studied.

Technology is fun.

He taps a bit more. Aldwin is a Tok'ra/Goa'uld historian, and he's also security. He then adds cheerfully. I outrank him and Anise.

Hey, that might be me you're bragging over.

Sorry. He looks up Malek. Malek is a outpost commander and also studies technology. He chuckles. His fighting levels are low.

So what? He's an outpost commander.

Which is...

I'm not entirely sure, but it sounds important. Too bad he can't fight though.

I bet you're Malek.

I laugh. Why?

Because you wiggled in my head when his name came up.

I did not.

Yes, you did. He also sounds like you.

I take over to read about Malek. There is a lot to read about him. It shouldn't be surprising since he's over a thousand years. Wow, he's old.

Actually, he and Anise are the youngest out of the four I read about, Martouf thinks.

I backtrack. Aw, he is. He was in one of the few batches of symbiotes that weren't old enough to blend when Egeria was taken. That's depressing. I bet he looked forward to meeting her. I scan over the information. Hey, look, he was born in the same batch as Anise.

Someone comes in. "'Lantash,' it's time for Samantha to get her memory back. I thought you might want to be there." It's Jacob.

I turn to him. "All right."

"What are you reading?" He sees the screen. "About Malek."

"Yes." I blush slightly as I turn the computer off. "Uh...Martouf thinks I am him."

"What do you think?"

"I don't know." I have nothing against Malek, especially if I am him, but I was kind of hoping to be Lantash. Martouf and Samantha have something, and Lantash will be part of that. If I'm not Lantash, I won't be part of it. "What do you think?" I look to Jacob.

I don't think you should have it confirmed, Martouf thinks. He leaves it up to me though.

Jacob looks unsure.

"I know you probably have some idea of who I am."

"You really want to know what I think?"

"Yes." Now I'm worried.

"I think Martouf is right."

Hm. So I'm Malek.

Hi Malek, Martouf thinks.

I grin slightly. That felt good to hear. "It'd probably be best if we didn't tell the others. They don't seem to want to know who they are yet, and-Amb!"

Jacob looks amused. "What about him?"

"I barely paid any attention to him while on Neeria. What will he think of me?"

Jacob starts walking, still grinning. "I'm sure he won't judge you."

"What if all the other symbiotes spend a lot of time with their hosts. What if-"

"Did he pay attention to you?"

"No, he was paying attention to Gete." Great, I'll be leaving one relationship and intruding on another.

The conversation ends after that. We don't want anyone overhearing anything.

At least you aren't Aldwin, Martouf thinks. You'd feel really bad if you ignored your host and he was the only one not blended.

We enter the room. Samantha is already there, sitting on a bed. Amb is there, talking to Gete. He doesn't even acknowledge that I came in. I wonder who's in his head. What if they get along better than he and I do. What if-

This is why knowing who you were is a bad thing, Martouf thinks. Amb doesn't remember you...well, not as a symbiote. You didn't even know until a few minutes ago.

Martouf is right, and this moment is about Samantha. I hope she's not hurt by this.

At least you don't have to worry about it being your mate who hurt her, Martouf thinks.

I hug him.

Kilso comes and approaches Samantha. He explains things to her, but I don't hear a lot of it. I know she has to be in control for part of it. I move closer and take her hand. I feel her squeeze mine as she closes her eyes. She relaxes, no longer holding my hand, but letting me hold hers. Kilso runs a couple devices over her. Samantha's also wearing something on her temple. Her eyes are closed. Her expressions change as she remembers, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, and sometimes frowning.

She opens her eyes when Kilso is done. She looks tired and overwhelmed. "Samantha?"

Her hand pulls away from mine.

Kilso looks to her. "How do you feel?"

"Tired, but I remember who I am. A lot of the details are fuzzy."

"They should come back within the hour. The memory device will help. I'll keep it set on low. It's only aiding what should happen on its own."

She nods and gets off the bed. "Can I go to my room?"

"Yes, I'll be monitoring your vital signs from here, and I'll check on you in an hour."

She starts walking away. I give Martouf control and he follows a few steps. "Samantha?"

Samantha stops and looks to him, but not in the eyes. He goes to take her hand again, but she pulls away. She walks away, having never truly looked at us. The air feels thick, and Martouf feels as though someone burned his heart. I try to help him, but I, in contrast to his heart, feel frozen.

He looks to the floor. She hates me.

It must not be hate. She was willing to work with us before.

That was before...before we...

She looked like she regretted everything. What if she does?

What if we hurt her? I don't want to have hurt her. What if it was all a mistake?

To be continued...