Disclaimer: I own jack.
Author's note: Okay I am feeling a little bit down so I thought I'd get all angsty and try and make you cry, Soz.
Ray was checking he had everything he needed when he heard a gentle knock on the door. He unlocked it and was stunned to find Neela standing nervously in the hallway.
"er, hi Ray" she stammered not quite meeting his stunned gawp.
"Neela" Was about all he could manage. If she had come to bitch at him for hitting Gates he didn't have time for it.
"Can I come in?" she enquired glimpsing over his shoulder.
"Oh yeah sure, I don't have long though, I've got a flight to catch" He moved out of her way, scrutinising his watch to convey the point.
"Oh" she eyed his full duffel sat on the couch. She shifted uncomfortably.
"I wanted to talk to you" It was quiet and for a moment he wasn't sure if she'd spoken or he'd just thought she'd said it.
"About Gates?" He felt his resentment rise, she'd come here to defend him, to scream at Ray for punching him.
"Amongst other things" she confirmed. "Gates told you we were together?" He wasn't sure if she was telling him or asking him. Then he was struck by something. She'd called him Gates not Tony.
"Yeah I kinda got that part, that's not why I hit him" Ray was all set to worm his way out of it tell her it was a work thing that Tony and him had an argument about a paient.
" Yeah well we're not, and after hearing what he said I'm not sure we'll even be friends" Ray glanced at her, shocked that she knew until it registered.
"Abby told you" He exclaimed. He'd asked her not to, he didn't want to upset Neela by letting her know her new boyfriend was a jerk. He should have figured Abby would tell her though, Abby's dislike of Gates was not quite as blatant as his own but Ray could see it everytime they were forced to interact.
"She did but that's not the only reason I'm here, Ray I'm sorry for…well everything. You were just trying to be a good friend and I pushed you away" She looked down at her feet suddenly finding them very fascinating. He could hear a slight waver in her voice.
He held back the urge to comfort her, his feelings for her had pushed her away once and she was presenting him with another chance to be friends.
"Neela, I'm sorry too…" He wanted to give in, to just tell her he needed her and that he'd missed her so much. "…I really am, but it hurt when you…when you cut me out of your life".
Her tear filled eyes met his overflowing with fear and pain.
"I need to get out of here for a while….to think, you know" He felt cold and hard and stupid. For months he had pined her loss, seeing her everyday had torn him apart. Shredded his insides from the heartache he felt and he was going to go, going to leave her crying reaching out for him to comfort her.
Tears fell freely down her smooth perfect face. He wanted to brush them away, to tell her it was okay that she had hurt him and that he would always be there for her, but he couldn't. He needed to think, to work out what the hell he was going to do.
He longed for her friendship, but what would happen when she met someone new, when she fell in love again and it wasn't with him.
He needed her so much but he couldn't handle losing her again, maybe he should make a clean break while he still could.
He had to be strong.
"I have to go, or I'll miss my flight" He said looking away hoping she couldn't hear the conflicting emotion in his voice.
His eyes burned, he couldn't look at her for fear of giving himself away with his own barely repressed tears.
"I'll call you when I get back" He said flatly leaving her stood in the apartment they had once shared.
He had to leave now or he never would.