Disclaimer: If it were mine you'd know about it.
Author's note: Thanks again to princess-dreamer, moonlitclarity, dshortklutz and bealicious for the reviews and rest assured that it's not the end yet, as if Ray could just leave that easily. Patience is a virtue and you will all be rewarded for yours…
…Eventually, lol.
"She did but that's not the only reason I'm here, Ray I'm sorry for…well everything. You were just trying to be a good friend and I pushed you away" She tried unsuccessful to sound strong to not let her rampaging emotions and shame at her behaviour flood her breaking voice.
"Neela, I'm sorry too…" His voice wavered slightly filled with regret.
"…I really am, but it hurt when you…when you cut me out of your life". His eyes met hers briefly and she could see all the pain she had put there. He looked away again.
"I need to get out of here for a while…. to think, you know" His words crushed her already fragile hold on her emotions, he was leaving her, She had damaged their precious and fragile chances at being friends beyond repair.
She no longer even tried to rein in the freefall of tears that slipped from her unchecked, the pain comforting in its own way, she deserved this punishment.
"I have to go, or I'll miss my flight" He told her looking towards the door eager to make his exit from her, she should have expected as much. After everything she had done and all the misery she had caused him at cutting him out of her life, she was wrong to expect him to just jump at the chance to be her friend again, to be hurt again.
His words from that night on the roadside echoed through her.
"You're the best friend I've ever had" She had loved and loathed those words at the same time.
She had been important to him, unique in the fact that he could treasure her as his best friend but equally special in that he could spend so much time with her and not feel the searing need she felt for him.
The want that had made her feel that she was betraying Michael yet still unable to push aside
She had reasoned with herself, told her psyche it was normal, Michael had been gone a while and she was just a normal woman focusing her needs on the nearest male, it was only because he was the closest available male, that she spent so much time with him it was bound to seem that she needed him.
When Michael came back it would be different, she had said to herself, she would be happy and sated and able to return to the friendship that had come so easy to her and Ray alike.
Except Michael had never come back and she knew it wasn't just about the need in her.
She knew she had been in love with Ray, was in love with him and no amount of denial or guilt filled tears could change that.
If it had really just been physical then she could have easily have given in to Tony's obvious attraction to her. Except she had never wanted Gates, he had been nice to her and made her feel less ashamed of letting Michael go to Iraq thinking she still resented him for his choices, but she didn't feel the same overwhelming need for him that Ray had so easily provoked in her.
She still couldn't stem the flow of her tears as they cascaded down her cheeks. She wanted to ask where he was going and for how long but she feared the answer.
"I'll call you when I get back" He said flatly and she felt sudden relief flood over her, he was going to come back.
Her relief was short lived when he didn't look at her again before leaving her in the eerily quiet apartment that had been home to her for so long.
She broke down the second she closed herself inside the apartment that wasn't hers, the place where she had once been so happy now cold and empty.
She slid to the floor and let all of her sorrow rip free, bawling uncontrollably like she hadn't done since Michael's sudden desertion of her.