"I suppose patient/doctor confidentiality doesn't come into play when you're dealing with the Turks, does it?" she asked, almost offhandedly. Dr. Richardson paused, taking a deep breath. "Mr. Miller was beaten, repeatedly, by Rudolph. The last time, right before the assault charges against his brother, it was near-fatal. Mr. Miller was in a coma for six months before he finally recovered... However, he never fully recovered."
Reno gulped. ..shit. ..this WAS what he was dealing with. .."I. ..I need a second. ..excuse me a second. .." He got up, his face was white as a sheet, darkness flickering at the edges of his vision, he was headed for the bathroom.
She waited, sitting in the chair while she heard Reno retch in the bathroom.
Then the sound of a thud. ..he'd collapsed next to the toilet, the shock, combined with the lack of sleep, he knocked him right out.
Dr. Richardson calmly stood up; she was not a woman who was easily riled up. She poked her head into the bathroom, then moved to stand over Reno, adjusting his position so he wouldn't get a crick in his neck from it being in that position.
"President ShinRa," she called out to the other room, "I need your assistance moving him."
Tseng exited, helping her move the slender redhead. ..he too noticed how he was still under fighting weight, though not by as much.
Then a knock at the door. "It's Gladys, boys. ..I heard what happened. ..at least my son's side. ..may I come in and get yours?" Ever sensible Gladys. . .good woman, very good woman.
Rufus answered the door, offering the woman coffee as she sat down. Ever the gracious host.
Dr. Richardson frowned at the woman's entrance. "Mrs. Urar," she said in greeting, though how greeting like it was could come into question with the way she was clenching her jaw.
"Listen, I don't know what's going on here, but I'd like to. Believe it or not, I care about my son in law. ..I refused to bail my son out when he was doing things he shouldn't. I fully believe if someone does something wrong they should pay the consequences."
"Just like you cared about Joshua Miller, Mrs. Urar?" Dr. Richardson spat. "How could you fail to notice the resemblence between your son in law and the man your son almost killed? If you cared about your son in law, then you would've gotten Rudolph psychological help as soon as you met Reno. However, you refused my recommendation for a halfway house for those with anger management problems back then, so how could I expect you to act in anyone but your son's best interest now?"
Rufus stepped inbetween the women before anything else could be said. "Ladies, let us be civil, please."
"If I didn't care, Mrs, Richardson, it would have been my money that paid his bail. .it was not, my elder boy did that. And my son, unfortunatly, is a grown man, unless he is declared incompetant I can't FORCE him to do what I think he should. ..Do I regret Joshua? You bet your ass I do. "
"Dr. Richardson," the doctor said, irritation at Rudolph's mother's lack of using her title obvious on her face. "And I believe you underestimate the power you have over those boys of yours. Do you know what the first thing Rudolph said after mentioning that he didn't need a psychiatric evaluation was? I believe his exact words were 'Momma's gonna kill me.' As for your regret over Mr. Miller's fate, you clearly show next to none since you're letting it happen again to another man!" Okay, so that thing about her not getting riled up easily? Some things were more likely to affect her than others.
"Ladies..." Rufus warned, then looked over to Tseng. He really hoped he wouldn't have to have them seperated...
Reno stepped out now, his face still pale, but his eyes flared in fury. "Why. ..why didn't any of you tell me?"
Rufus shook his head, almost sadly. "We didn't know." It pained him to say that he didn't know something, pained him greatly. However, he couldn't lie to Reno, not about something like that.
"Yes, Mrs. Urar," Dr. Richardson said. "Why didn't you mention the resemblence to Reno?"
"He acted so loving. ..I had thought perhaps he'd chosen to get help on his own. ..particularly since so far as I know there had been no other incidants.I know. .I should have."
Dr. Richardson just shook her head. "Regardless of how many or few incidents, Reno had -- has -- a right to know."
He sits down on the bed, STILL shaking. ..He had NEVER had it directed at him, NEVER until the night of Meteor fall. .a Turk had to be able to rely on his partner to have his back...besides the fact that despite what he'd learned.. .he still loved Rude.. .still wanted to make it work.
"President ShinRa," Dr. Richardson said, turning to face the blonde. "With your and Reno's permission, I would like to offer my services as a counselor for them both. While I do not specialize in marriage counselling in particular, I feel I have a unique insight into the situation at hand."
"Reno?" Rufus asked, leaving the decision up to the redhead.
He nodded, his eyes closing. ..just for a moment, then he looked up at her. "That's if he'll even still talk to me now. .."
She had nothing she could say to comfort him, nothing that she knew for sure. She thought Rudolph would likely still talk to the redhead, however... she wasn't entirely sure if the relationship would last.
"Sir. ..this would affect Rude's job performance if this isn't fixed. ..you could ORDER him to do it, and he would be obliged to do so."
Rufus looked torn. On one hand, he wanted to let Rude make the decision, on the other... he needed all the help he could get when it came to rebuilding ShinRa Company, and Rude was an excellent asset... "I would prefer if he chose to do it himself..." he said. "However, if needs be..."
Reno handed him the phone. "You talk to him first. ..he might be more inclined to listen to you right now. ..he's...sorta peeved with me
The conversation with Rude was quick, however, it did boil down to Rufus actually ordering him to go to at least two weeks of counselling before he would be let back on active duty. Before Rufus hung up the phone, he offered it to Reno. "He would like to speak with you."
"Hey. .I'm sorry about. .everything." His voice was so shakey. ..
"I can't begin to apologize for what I've done..." Rude started. He really didn't know what to say other than that. What more could he say?
"I love you. .I want to make this work. .but it's not going to if we lie to each other.. .or to ourselves.. I know I got problems, to, Gods know I know that.. but we both do. ..and if they aren't fixed. .one of us is going to end up killing the other."
"I love you, too," Rude choked out. He couldn't find anything more to say that hadn't already be said, so he just breathed.
"I'm gonna be with you every step. ..just like you were for me. ..even after what I found out about. ..all of it. ..I'm not gonna abandon you. ..partners, right? You had my back. ..now it's my turn to have yours."
Rude sniffled. "Partner," he replied, followed by another sniffle.
"I'll see you for supper tonight. ..maybe a club or something but no alcohol, and no mako. ..I'm not takin' any chances on either of our triggers coming into play tonight. ..I want it. ..to be us. ..to be like it was before alla this."
Rude paused as he thought. "There's a little diner around the corner from my parents' house," he offered. "But... I'm not sure I'm ready to see you again yet." There it was, the first totally, completely honest about his feelings thing Rude had said in weeks.
"I.. .I understand. .." It stung, hell it HURT. ..but he'd been expecting it. "I'll be at the hotel when ya are. .."
"Call me," Rude cleared his throat. "Call me again in a few hours. Please?"
"OK. .." When he hung up the phone he walked outside, anyone could tell he was swallowing back tears, and he didn't want anyone to see them. . .when he went out he lit up. ..taking a shaking drag.
Rufus waited for a moment before following Reno out there. He knew the redhead best -- at least he thought he did -- and in a situation like this, he wasn't sure Reno should be left alone. "What did he say?" he asked, figuring it was a good starting point.
"That he wasn't ready to see me yet. ..to call back in a few hours. . .he's scared too. ..shit. ..I can tell. ..he. ." he gulped back a lump. "He was crying. ..or at least it sounded like it. .."
Rufus knew Reno wasn't into casual touch, knew it, but that didn't stop him from pulling the redhead into a comforting hug. He kept the shock over the bald Turk's crying to himself. Seems those two were doing a lot of things he had never expected to happen.
Reno LEANED into it. ..he was trying so hard to hold himself together. ..to be the strong one, because someone HAD to be. ..but it was so, so hard.
Rufus caught Tseng's eye, and with a nod of his head told the Turk to clear the room. He knew Tseng would schedule another meeting with Dr. Richardson, but Reno... Reno needed him. And he knew the redhead wouldn't open up as much with an audience.
Tseng nodded to the psychiatrist to signal that they should leave for the moment, and as soon as the room was cleared, he shut the door.
"I never expected things to end up like this. ..never, ever in a million years would I'a thought this would happen. ..if someone told me a year ago I'd be looking at the shattered shards of my relationship with Rude laying scattered at my feet I'da told 'em they were nuts."
"You would have told them more than that," Rufus said softly, still holding Reno in his arms. There was a slight smile on his face, and he hoped he could get the redhead to mirror at least that.
Reno let out a soft, but sad sounding chuckle. .."Do you think. ..do you think it is even salvagable?" He had a tiny, sad smile, but he was trying.
"I will take some work..." Rufus started, but he couldn't say for sure one way or the other. He wanted the two to work out, but with the way things were headed... he wasn't entirely sure.
"I'm willin'. ..I always have been, you know that." He shook his head "You three took me off the streets, helped me make a life for myself even when I was a scared-ass, scarred kid. And he's had my back since even before I came to Shinra. ..I owe ALL of you too much not to fight for I got."
Rufus kept his comment on how sometimes it was better for everyone to give up the ghost to himself. It was neither the time nor the place for such talk. That, and a small part of him was afraid that what had happened to Reno and Rude could possibly, someday, happen to him and Tseng.
He saw the police car pull up now Officer Daniels parking and stepping out. Tseng had as always come through.
"Will you be okay?" Rufus asked, standing and holding out his hand for Reno.
Reno nodded. "I gotta be the strong one right now, right? one of us has gotta be.. .it's Rude's turn to be able ta be weak. ..time for me ta be strong"
"You don't have to do it alone," Rufus said carefully, walking towards the door as he heard a knock at it.
"Thanks yo. ..really.. .thanks." He stepped out just as Tseng answered.
"Good, you're here."
Rufus nodded to the man who walked through the door. "Officer Daniels, I presume?" He held out his hand for the man to shake it.
"Yes, sir. " He shook it "President Shinra, how can I helpp ya today?"
"I'm not sure how much Tseng told you on the phone," Rufus said, gesturing for them to sit in the living room area of their room. "However, I require some additional information on a few arrests you made eight years ago... Regarding one Rudolph Urar, then age 20."
"Yes sir. ..his little brother Eric had apparantly stolen their parent's car and blamed it on Rudolph. .. which in turn of course had them very upset. ..I'm sure you can draw your own conclusions from there as to what occured."
"I would prefer to hear your conclusions, if you would, Officer," Rufus said.
"Well, the car was turned over to a chop shop. ..one of the boys he ran with informed the Urars that it had not been Rudolph who was responsible, but the youngest boy. It was after that that the assault occured."
"The medical report for Eric's injuries appears to be missing from the file," Rufus prompted.
"Yes sir, at his own request."
"What was in that report?" Rufus asked, his tone indicating that spouting anything about confidentiality would get him nowhere.
"He had a skull fracture, several broken ribs, all his fingers shattered, both legs and his pelvis broken, sir."
"And he survived?" Rufus asked incredulously.
"Yes sir, that boy's tough. .. but since then they've barely talked. ..Rudolph to his credit did feel remorse for it.
"I see..." Rufus said thoughtfully. He paused for a moment, then asked, "Officer, if I could, what is your opinion of Rudolph?"
"He's what we call an ostrich, sir. ..he's not someone who likes to admit ta bein' mad. .when he is, he buries his head in the sand, so to speak, to avoid admittin' to it."
"And your opinion of his mental state?" Rufus questioned.
"Unless he starts ta find outlets for his emotions outside of violence. ..he's just a bomb waitin' ta go off. .he needs ta face it. ..insteada lettin' it eat him up."
"I see," Rufus said quietly. He glanced over to Reno, then back to the officer. "Thank you, Officer Daniels. If I require more information, I'll be in touch."
"Yes sir. ..oh, and the Miller boy requested to see young Reno here. ..here's his number"
Reno sighed. ..Sam musta have contacted Joshua. ..told him Rude had brought him home
When the officer left, Rufus turned to Reno. "Tell me again what Rude did to the boy at the club. What exactly, were his injuries?"
"He had broken fingers, I could see that. ..broken nose. ..beyond hat I couldn't really tell, I was pretty much in shock by that point."
"I see..." Rufus' head was already forming an idea as to why things went the way they did. "If you feel up to it, I would like you to speak with Mr. Miller before you meet face-to-face with Rude. He might shed some insight that only you will find helpful."
"Yeah. ..I'm. ..the freaky thing sir. ..he looked like YOU."
Rufus paused, frowning. "Excuse me?"
"The kid. .looked like you. "
"Curiouser and curiouser," Rufus said quietly, his hand going to his chin in thought.
"Honestly, I don't think you'd be in any danger, Rude's as loyal to you as they come. ..but it just struck me a lil' odd, ya know. ..he knows about. .well, us. ..he also knows about this. "Lifted his hair up to expose the scar. "I didn't know it was like this at the time. ..an' I thought bein' honest was the best policy. . .although I hadn't planned on mentionin' it, it just sorta came up."
A few years ago, when he'd been under his father's thumb, he would have turned away from that mark in shame. Now, however, he looked at it for what it was, a sign of his weakness. "I never did apologize properly for that," he said quietly.
"Nah, but I understood, yo. ..you were under a lotta pressure at the time, an' you wanna know why I broke it off? I knew what your father's reaction woulda been. ..you wouldn'ta deserved what woulda happened, and Rude wouldn'ta deserved what he woulda forced Rude ta do."
"Oh?" Rufus looked over at Tseng. Seems there were plenty of secrets coming to light as of late.
Tseng nodded "Your father would tolerate no one stepping out of line. ..he already had the orders made up for Rude to assasinate Reno should he be found to be 'with' you. ..he heard the rumors just like everyone else."
Ah yes. The rumour mill. However, parts of what they'd said, particularly his affection for taking Reno over his father's desk, were most very true. "Perhaps we should give thanks to Sephiroth for small miracles," he said softly.
"Yes sir. " Tseng smiled slightly.
"Might as well call Joshua, huh? Get this over with. ..before I call Rude back and get started on tryin' ta pick up the pieces."
Rufus nodded, unconsciously reaching out for Tseng's hand.
Tseng squeezed it, but felt. ..almost guilty. He and Rufus had each other for support. .Reno had only them, and it wasn't the same as having your partner around to watch your back.
Reno dialed the number. "Hey. ..Josh there?. ..it's Reno yeah. .."
"Officer Daniels came by to tell me that Rudy had come back into town..." Josh said carefully. Just speaking of his former lover was hard enough, but speaking to his former lover's lover?
"Yeah. ..we came in for the boss's wedding. .I. .I heard about you. ..n'." He gulped, not at all sure how to broach this. "He said ya wanted ta talk to me."
"Word on the street's that you look a lot like me," Josh said, going right to the point of his wanting to talk to Reno.
"Haven't seen you. ..but Doc Richardson said so, yeah."
"Has Rudy hit you yet?" It had taken years for Josh to finally come to terms with what Rude had done to him, but speaking of it still hurt. A lot.
"No. ..he broke shit a couple o' times. ..really scared me let me tell ya " He told him of the incident in midgar, this was the third time in as many days he'd related the tale, he had it fairly memorized now.
"I loved him, ya know," Josh admitted, his voice shaking slightly as he spoke. "And he loved me. But he... he would get so mad... when I would talk to other people... to other guys... or to girls..."
"Yeah, I know, he's alittle posessive with me, too. . .it's saved my ass more'n once though, so I haven't said anything about it. I love him, too, though. ..more'n anything He was my partner for 7 years. ..been lovers for 6 o'that. .. an' married for 3 months." Then something suddenly clicked. "Waitaminute. .are you the kid. .the redhead down the hall. ...the one who got out 6 months before I did?" He dimly remembered a scrawny kid about 5 months his elder who had picked the lock on his room door and slipped through the air vents to escape, that kid had given him the courage to try, though it had taken 6 long months to plan.
"I... don't know. I could've been... but it was so long ago," Josh said brokenly. "I... I still love him, I think. But I couldn't, just couldn't take being hit anymore. And the things he would say, the things he would tell me he'd do if I ever left him..."
"I wish I could hug ya kid. ..an' I wish I knew what ta say..but that I wanna make it work. ..but he has ta come ta terms with his own problems first. ..I can't force him to do it."
"I just... I don't want the same thing to happen to you what did to me." He paused. "I can't use my left arm anymore because of him... and I walk with a limp... and, he's just so... so messed up in the head, ya know? I mean, who would practically kill the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with? Why? Why did he have to hit me?"
"He had no healthy outlet. ..he. .he buries shit. ..until it eats him up. ..then it gets taken out on whoever happens ta be nearest. ..But he's finally gonna get some help.. .he loves working where he does, loves his job, an' the people he works with. ..an' he knows it's gonna all be ggone if he doesn't.. .maybe. .maybe at least onea us'll be lucky, eh"
"I wanted it to be me!" With that, Josh broke down into sobs, gasping into the phone as he continued to speak. "Not a day goes by when I don't think of him. I want to hate him so bad, but I can't. If he were to come and ask me to be with him again, I would! I would! I could take the beatings, could take them, but I don't want him to almost kill someone else..."
"Kid. .let me tell ya somethin'. ..he made a promise ta me the first day we slept together never ta hit me. .because he knew I'd had a rough goa it. .he didn't know how bad until that protest in midgar last year when I got pretty messed up. ..sure ya saw about that on the news, Turk gets hurt the news crews eat it up. .. anywa, I told him a lotta what I'm about ta tell you." He then tells him about his parents. ..then the foster family, then Corneo. ..he holds back nothing.
"He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve him," Josh said, then stopped. "I... I'm sorry." One could almost hear over the phone how he cringed, almost as if he were expecting to be struck for his comment.
"I'd never hit ya kid. ..I was a whore, kid. ..if anything. ..I don't deserve him. ..even with all a this. .."
"No, no!" Josh's voice seemed to grow slightly stronger, as if all those years of therapy were finally coming through. "You're, you're a good person. I can tell. If you weren't he probably wouldn't have spoken to you in the first place. Rudy always was a good judge of character when he wasn't..." he paused, as if he couldn't put a name to what Rude was like. "He... he needs good people around him. More good people around him."
"Kiddo. .be honest with me. ..do you think he can be helped? I wanna make sure I'm not jkust pissin' in my own bed here ta hope."
Josh felt a nursery rhyme best told his answer. "There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad she was horrid."
Reno sighed, the sound audible over the phone. .."Listen, Josh. ..I'm supposed ta call him, ok? Thanks for. ..everything. ..if it's worth anything he cried when I talked ta him this mornin'."
"People don't change overnight, Reno," Josh warned, his tone suddenly more serious than it had been through the entire conversation. "That is, IF they change at all. Just remember, he always cried and took me out to dinner after he'd beat me. Sometimes he'd even buy me things, or be extra nice to me for a few days."
"I have faith he can. .he never acted like this for 5 o' the six years. ..not until after Meteor. .."
Reno was talking to a disconnected line. Josh had given up trying to make his case to Reno, so he just hung up. Resentment? Perhaps. Jealousy? Probably.
Next he sucked in a deep breath. ..dialing the number to Rude's parent's. ..hoping he'd be the one to answer.
"Hello?" Sam asked, answering the phone.
"Sam. .c'n I talk to him?"
"Reno..." Sam said, his tone unreadable. "He's... in the shower right now. Hold on a minute and I'll get him."
"Sam.. .sam, what is it. ..please...I know that tone."
"No, no, it's nothing," Sam said with a nervous laugh. "I just... I wasn't expecting you to call. He really is in the shower. Hold on."
"Sam. ..don't fuckin' lie ta me."
Sam didn't respond, and a light shuffle noise was heard before Rude spoke. "Hello"
"Hey.. .ya said call. ..so I did. .now. ..what was sam hidin' from me. ..I'm not mad.. .but I needta know. ..not lyin' ta each other. ..remember?"
Rude frowned, and one could hear it in his voice. "What did he say?"
"Just that you were in the shower. ..but his tone gave somethin' away."
"I was in the shower," Rude replied evenly. "Was outside with Dad working on the car all day. Got filthy. Decided to shower just in case you wanted to go out for that dinner."
"I do.. ." his tone was longing. .but curious as well. ."but I hate when people hide shit from me. ..you know that. .we need ta have shit out in the open. .oh. . .an' I talked ta Josh. ..he sounded..hell. ..jealous almost."
Rude had to rein in his inital comment of 'you did what?'. He settled for, "What did he have to say?"
"told me everything. ."" he said he wasn't hiding anything, and he meant it.
"Oh." Such the elegant speaker, that Rude. As much as he wanted to know everything, word for word, what Reno and Josh talked about, he thought it wasn't his place to ask.
"About. ..all the stuff ya said to him. ...an'.. the last time you. .well. ." and he gulped. ..he couldn't picture his Rude.. .the one who'd always held him so lovingly when he'd been frightened or ill or hurt, hitting anyone he loved that way.
"I didn't know better, back then," Rude said carefully. He knew it sounded like an excuse, and in a way it was, but at least it was the truth. He really, honestly, didn't know better than to rein in that anger. "I was young. And stupid. And careless."
"See . ..here's the thing, aibou. ..you need ta learn how do more than just repress it. ..ta rein it in. ..ya need ta learn how ta let it out in ways that don't involve other people gettin' hurt."
"I know," was all Rude could say.
"I know. ..you'd hate ta have me in the shape Josh is. .becausea you. .You'd probably end up doin' yourself in, and that'd kill ME..so. ..we gotta work on it. ..Dr Richardson's offered ta help us. ..an I don't know about you, but I personally plan on makin' use of it."
Rude's suddenly icy tone said more than his words ever could. "I am not speaking to that woman again," he spat.
"Then we'll find someone else. ..I don't care. ..but I wanna make this work. ..if you wanna tell me what happened between you n' her. .you can. ..this one I'm not gonna force."
Perhaps this was the first step in his turning over a new leaf. He really didn't want to talk about it, but he figured it was probably the best peace offering he could make at the time. "The rotten bitch could't get her head out of her own cunt long enough to realize her plans to have me committed were pointless," he said. Now, Rude did not use such language when referring to women -- Momma taught him better than that -- but he felt a special kind of hatred for Dr. Richardson.
Reno sighed. ..he wanted. ..soi badly to just be able to put his arms around the big man right now. .."We'll find someone else then. .I'm sure the boss has plentya resources ta help. ."
Rude sighed. "Okay." He really couldn't say, 'we don't need help'. It would just start another arguement with Reno.
"Now, yes, I do wanna see ya tonight. ..I want this ta work. ..if I didn't think it was worthwhile. ..if I didn't think YOU were worthwhile. ..I'da kicked ya ta the curb after Meteor."
A tiny, almost miniscule chuckle escaped Rude. "Probably should've. It would've been easier on you."
"Couldn't do that. ..I love ya too fuckin' much to."
Another tiny chuckle from Rude. "Love you, too." He took a deep breath. "This is good... right?" He was more than a little insecure about the whole rebuilding thing.
"Yeah, it is. ..we ain't COOL yet, but we're movin' in that direction. ..I'm gonna shower, then talk ta the boss. ..see what other resources he can find. ..we're gonna fix this, got me? We're gonna make it work."
Rude nodded, then realized that Reno couldn't see him nod over the phone. "Okay. I guess... just meet me at the diner when you're done."
"Will do."". ..with one last shakey breath." I'm not gonna stop lovin' you. ..never forget it. ..I promised forever an' I mean it." before he hung up. "Richardson's a no go, Boss. ..we need ta find someone else. ..she tried ta get him comitted when he was younger."
Rufus frowned. "I wonder why she didn't mention that little bit of information... and I wonder why it was not in his record or the psych evaluation..." Curiouser and curiouser indeed.
"Don't know. ..but all I know is that I know I don't wanna lose m'partner. .." Reno sighed again, he was pacing almost manicly now. "Let's start lookin'."
"Tseng," Rufus said, looking over at his lover. "I would not feel comfortable sending them to the usual ShinRa psychiatrist. Would you please find me the best partnership counselor you can"
"sir. ..I believe. .I have just the thing. .it's in Edge. ..in one of the newer buildings there, moved from midgar. .in fact, I believe you know him. ..Dr Chang and his son. ." yes. .the old man who'd been sent the mass of Corneo's prostitutes after his untimely demise. .tthe man was good. ..damn good.
"Ah, the Changs," Rufus said thoughtfully. He looked over at Tseng. "Tseng, please schedule an appointment as soon as possible. We'll be heading back to Edge ourselves with them."
"Yes sir." He immediastly calls. "Monday morning, sir...He said he should have the last of Corneo's folk cleared by then. "
"Excellent," Rufus said, then turned to Reno with a smile. "I believe you have a date to prepare for?" he prompted.
"Yes sir." he headed back, putting on his leather and his net shirt. .then found something which made him tear up a little...one of Rude's shirts. ..he buried his nose in it, inhaling. Livewire, sensing his master's distress, mewed softly, licking his hand.
Rude had been sitting at the diner for an hour, and already he'd gone through half a pack of cigarettes. He resisted the urge to call Reno, to ask if he'd coming, but Rude didn't want to sound desperate. God, it was worse than when they first started dating... Actually, they never really dated. They were friends, partners, then after that drunken night in his bathroom, lovers. There was no dating stage in there at all.
Reno strode in in his leather pants... but it wasn't his usual, casual self-assured stride. ..he looked. ..almost nervous as he approached. ..he restrained the urge to run. ..to wrap his arms around Rude...not sure how he'd react. "Hey, partner."
"Oh. Hey," Rude replied. His sunglasses didn't do much to hide the redness around his eyes. Whether it was from lack of sleep, crying or all of the above, only Rude would know. "How..." he cleared his throat, then took a drink from the coffee cup in front of him. "How are you"
"Survivin'. .." his voice was shakey, his own eyes draped with black circles and bloodshot...even through the makeup you could see them. "She had tha nerve to ask me if you'd HIT me!"
"Rotten bitch," Rude muttered, taking another hit from his cigarette. He offered the pack to Reno. "Want one? Or some coffee?"
"Yeah ta both. ..thanks, yo. .." He let his hand drift over to Rude's. ..setting his fingers along the top gently.
Rude just smiled at Reno's touch, then motioned with his free hand for the waitress.
"I miss you. .." his voice was hushed now. ..the hand settled over his husband's shaking. ..
He was not going to tear up, not in public. Rude managed a nod... and a slight sniffle.
"Miss your touch. ..miss the way you hold me when I'm scared. ..when I'm hurt. ..miss the way you make me feel when we make love. ..'cause it's not just sex. ..it's more. ..it's always been more with you"
Rude just nodded again. He started to speak, but all that came out what a tiny squeak. He cleared his throat, face turning pink. "I... I don't sleep well when you're not with me."
"I haven't either. . .haven't eaten well either." The ribs that had begun showing more over the past couple of days attetsted to that.
A very nervous laugh escaped Rude after the waitress brought Reno his coffee. "I feel like a fucking teenager again," he said.
"Me, too, yo, an' I have no idea what being one even feels like."
Suddenly, he just gave in. ..hoping to God he wouldn't get pushed away, because it would hurt him beyond belief at this point. ..dragging Rude's lips to his his eyes finally overflowing. ..just tasting him. ..not fierce, not rough. ..just tasting. ..though it did have a hint of desperation to it. .
"Miss you," Rude said between kisses, his own lips and tongue desperate against Reno's. "Miss this." After a few minutes, the desperation passed and he pulled away slowly, catching Reno's eyes with his own. Just when had those sunglasses come off? "Please... please don't become another Joshua Miller. Please"
"Got no intention of it, yo...but 'swhy we need the help. ..Tseng set us up with Dr Chang back in Edge. .he's the one that resocialized all o' the prostitutes we freed. .If he can't get us through this. ..it's hopeless. .." .
Rude nodded. "I'm... I'm still sorry."
"I know. . .shit happens, yo. .I've already forgiven ya. ..now forgive yourself." He leaned into him now. .shaking with the need to be touched. ..to be in the big man's arms again.
He rested his head on Reno's, enjoying the never before missed smell of his lover's shampoo. "You were right," Rude said carefully, a sudden thought popping into his mind.
"hmm?"
"Sam was trying to hide something from you." Rude paused. "But it's not what you think."
"Talk ta me."
"He and Elena have gotten really close since you introduced them," he started. He wasn't entirely sure how to say it, so he just came out with it. "He's worried. He thinks he might have gotten her pregnant."
"Dayum. ..I know she'd be happy, though Tseng and the boss'll wanna have her hide."
"He was afraid you were calling to make claim on his boys," Rude said with a slight smile.
"Nah. ..I'm happy for her, yo. ..tell him he better make her honest, though. .hey, if he does. ..you can call her litlle sister like ya used to an' it'll be all legal."
Rude chuckled slightly. "Sam's worse than I am with kids." He paused. "Besides, we won't know until she misses anyway."
"you an' I. .I think we'll do fine once alla this shit is fixed."
The smile that crossed Rude's face was shy, something rather unusual for the big man.
"I want one one day, ya know. ..but not now. ..we got issues of our own ta fix first."
"I think I'd be just as happy as 'Uncle Rudy'," he said softly. He knew he told Reno he was ready, but with all the shit that had hit the fan... he wasn't sure if he really was or not anymore.
"Like I said. ..we fix our own issues first. ..then we re evaluate things."
Rude nodded, smiling at the waitress as she refilled their coffee cups.
"First date?" she asked with a smile.
Michael TW Kelley: "Kinda. .. "
She leaned down closer to Reno to whisper quietly, "He was waiting for you for over an hour before you came. Woulda been a wreck if you didn't show up. Treat him good, honey."
Rude blushed, his mouth falling open in shock.
"I planta." then the ring would flash in the dim light. ..he'd put it back on.
Rude noticed, raising an eyebrow as the woman chuckled and left. He did feel a little guilty, though. While he was wearing his ring, he wasn't wearing it on his finger. It was currently residing on a chain around his neck, the ring itself resting over his heart.
"I. .I put it back on after talking to you earlier. .figured. .if we're gonna give it a go. .I go into it with no looking back."
"I'm not fit to call myself your husband yet," Rude admitted.
"I love you. .I want ya ta be. ..can we. .get a room at the hotel? I. .I need you."
Rude looked away. "I don't know if I'm ready for that... yet..." Well, that wasn't to say he wasn't willing -- far from it -- but he didn't want to sleep with Reno only to have a relapse happen before he could 'fix' himself.
Reno bit his lip. .he nodded. ..even though his face showed that it hurt. "We leave for edge in the morning. ..might be better. ..ya know, away from here."
Rude nodded. He'd seen how much his denial of the carnal pleasures hurt Reno, but he truly wasn't sure it was the safest thing for them at the moment. "I'm sorry," he whispered, looking at his lap like it was the most facsinating thing in the world.
"Nah man. .I.. I miss that. .but more. .I miss havin' your arms around me. .feelin' your heartbeat against my arm. ..the feel of your hands washin' my hair. ..the little things."
Rude nodded. He felt lower than a bug squished in dog droppings on the bottom of a shoe.
Reno slid next to him. .leaning against his chest, inhaling his scent as if to hold onto it forever. ...then. ..those shoulders, so much thinner than they'd been just a week before, begin trembling.
Rude frowned, and found that, for the first time in a long time, he was totally unable to read Reno.
Then he'd feel the moisture against his shirt. .the sobs were silent, but they shook the tiny frame so hard now anyone within two tables would notice. ..but he simply didn't care.
Rude lifted his arms awkwardly. He wasn't sure if it would be okay to wrap them around Reno to comfort him... but he had to try. He tentatively set his arms around the redhead's shoulders, trying to feel out his acceptance.
Reno threw his own arms around him as the stress of the past week flowed out of him. .this. ..this is what he'd wanted. ..what he'd NEEDED, so horribly.
Rude just held him, his arms tightening slightly. He... he could do this. He had to.
"I thought. ..I thought I'd lost you forever. .." the words were choked out between the sobs. "I couldn't stand that, yo. ..You're mi corazon. .."
Rude nodded, breathing deeply into Reno's hair as he held back his own sobs. He'd done more than enough crying over the past several hours.
"How'd it happen? How did shit get so fucked up? five years. ..not a sign o' somethin' like this then suddenly shit goes all ta hell in a Handbasket. .."
Rude took a deep breath before speaking. "I don't know"
"I want it ta be like it was before. ." He whispered. "I don't know how ta live without you." Before siezing his lips again, tears falling on his husband's lips as he pressed for entrence
Rude opened his mouth, allowing Reno inside. Whatever the redhead wanted, Rude would give him. Whatever repairations he had to make, he would.