Finally, here it is, folks! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations! I should probably warn you all that October may take a little longer. I do most of my writing over the weekend, and my weekends are pretty well booked with work conferences, etc. for the next month. I'll work on getting it out as soon as possible, but I can't guarantee how successful I'll be. However, for now, I bring you…
September
"You know, when you grin at me like that, it just makes me want to jump you," Lois muttered in an undertone so she wouldn't be overheard by Mrs. Kent in the living room. Clark had been grinning at her almost non-stop since they'd left the fair earlier that day, which was pretty unsettling since she'd long ago realized that she had absolutely no immunity to his grin whatsoever. Every time he turned it her way, her knees would go to jelly, her mouth would go dry, and she would spend the next few minutes trying to find devious ways to get her boyfriend in a room alone for a while. Preferably a bedroom. Since she didn't really want to be thinking those sorts of thoughts in front of his mom, she really wished he'd cut it out. She'd withstood his grin – and its effect on her – as the two of them broke the news to Mrs. Kent and even managed not to let it affect her as she made the requisite phone calls – first to General Lane, then to Chloe, and finally to her sister Lucy. Eventually, when Lois couldn't take it much longer, she'd oh-so-casually asked for his help in washing up their coffee cups and all but dragged him into the kitchen to tell him to cut it out.
"Oh, really?" Her plan didn't have its intended result, as Clark looked intrigued and only grinned wider. "And how is this supposed to discourage me, exactly?"Lois was startled when, instead of appearing properly chastised, he rested his hands on the counter on either side of her body, trapping her between his arms. "Clark," she said warningly, "Stop it." However, he must not have been too concerned by her tone, as his expression didn't so much as flicker. Leaning around his body as much as she could, she tried to peek into the living room to see what his mom was doing. Unfortunately, with her vantage point, she couldn't see much of anything. "I mean it, Clark!"
He leaned down so that his face was only inches from hers. "What are you gonna do about it, Lois?"
"Cheater," she groused. "That's not playing fair, and you know it!" But even as she chastised him, she couldn't resist the temptation he offered, and her lips met his in a kiss. As the embrace continued, Clark took his hands off the counter and rested them lightly on her waist, and Lois took advantage of the opening. She quickly spun away from the counter and out of his arms. Laughing, she danced around the island, using it as a barrier between them, and said with a cheeky grin at his befuddled look, "Ah, ah, Clark! I'm not going to make it that easy for you! If you want me, you're going to have to catch me!"
As soon as the challenge left her mouth, Lois spun on her heel and darted out of the kitchen, heading for the stairs. On the way, she passed by a clearly startled Mrs. Kent, but she didn't have time to stop for a chat; she could hear Clark catching up to her. "Night, Mrs. Kent!" she called as she hit the bottom of the stairs and raced up them two at a time.
Clark finally caught up with her at his bedroom door. He spun her around, kissed her, and all but picked her up and carried her inside the room. When he kicked his door shut behind them, Lois howled with laughter and set about showing Clark exactly what his grin did to her.
A few hours later, Lois groaned softly and looked over at the bedside clock. It was almost four thirty in the morning, and she couldn't seem to get to sleep. There was still something she had to do, someone she still had to talk to, and she didn't want to put it off.
She had to tell Superman of her engagement. They had once been involved in a rather odd relationship at one point, but even after their relationship had ended, he'd made it clear that he cared about her still. He had to be told that she was getting married to somebody else, and he deserved to hear it from her.
Very slowly, Lois turned to look at Clark in bed beside her. He seemed to be asleep, so she tried cautiously to slip out of bed, doing her best not to disturb him. She'd almost made it when he murmured sleepily to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back against him.
Lois chuckled and turned to kiss him softly. "I'll be right back," she whispered as she tried to break out of his embrace. "Clark, come on," she murmured when her efforts had no noticeable effect. Finally, he murmured something and released her, and she climbed quickly out of bed before he could catch her again.
The bedroom was dark; the only source of light was from the full moon shining in through the window, and she muttered a stifled curse when she stubbed her toe on the bed frame as she felt around for some clothes. Finally, she managed to locate her pair of jeans and the old plaid shirt Clark had worn that day. It still smelled like him, she noticed, as she slipped it on with a happy sigh. With one last glance at the bed to make sure Clark was still asleep, she picked up her discarded shoes, tiptoed over to the bedroom door, and let herself out.
After Lois had managed to creep out of the house without disturbing anybody, she made her way across the field in front of her. She didn't have an ultimate destination in mind. She didn't even really even know how she was going to get into contact with Superman; he always just managed to show up when she needed him most. Where was a crazed lunatic when you needed someone to threaten your life? She supposed she could jump into Saunder's Gorge, but if Superman happened to be someplace like Guam or Bangkok, he might not hear her cry for help. Although she wanted to tell him that she was engaged, she would rather the discussion didn't happen as he rushed her to the hospital.
She walked for a while, enjoying the cool early morning air. She hadn't really had a moment to herself since Clark's proposal, so she hadn't really had time to process the idea of their engagement. Holy crap, she and Clark were actually getting married. She still found it almost impossible to believe that it had actually happened; if it weren't for the ring she wore on her finger, she might think she'd dreamt the whole thing.
Lost in her thoughts, Lois noticed with surprise that she'd wandered as far as Chandler's Field. While she certainly hadn't meant to leave the Kents' property, she eyed the windmill in the field speculatively. It was as good a place as any to try to get Superman's attention, and it had the advantage of being isolated enough that nobody would be likely to overhear her when she tried. She took a deep breath, climbed up the ladder, and seated herself on the platform before calling, "Superman, I don't know if you can hear me, but I need to talk to you! I'm not in danger or anything, so, you know, take your time!" She paused, wondering whether she should amend her statement to remind him that she wasn't the most patient person ever, so if he wasn't handling an emergency, she'd appreciate it if he hurried. Deciding against it, Lois sighed and sat back. He no doubt knew that patience wasn't one of her virtues, and she already felt enough like an idiot for calling into the empty night sky that she didn't need to compound the feeling.She wondered how long she should give him before she gave up or tried again. Why couldn't he have a beeper or something? She didn't want to spend the next couple hours sitting up here if he was on the other side of the world and couldn't hear her. Or asleep. "Great. It's five in the morning, and I'm sitting on the top of a windmill waiting for a guy who, for all I know, could be in Outer Mongolia."
"I'm here, Lois," someone said above her, causing her to jump, and Lois bit back a surprised yelp. "I told you before, I'll always come when you need me," Superman told her as he landed beside her.
"Don't sneak up on me like that! You want to give me a heart attack or something?" she chastised him as she pressed her hand to her chest and took a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart.
"I didn't mean to scare you," he said apologetically as she rose to her feet to face him.
"It's okay," she said with a wry smile. "I was just lost in my thoughts and didn't hear you approach, that's all."
As he crossed his arms over his chest, he asked, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
Lois cleared her throat. "Well, now that you're here, it seems a little silly, really. But I wanted to talk to you. Clark and I…well, we're engaged. It just happened today, in fact." Though she was trying to break it to him gently, she couldn't entirely keep the joy out of her voice. "I don't know why I thought you…well, anyway, I didn't want you to…we're friends, so I wanted to be the one to tell you," she finished lamely, wishing she'd spent some time planning out exactly what she was going to say before the man in the blue suit and red cape had shown up.
"That's wonderful, Lois," he said, and he truly did sound happy about the news. She wondered what she'd been expecting, but she sighed in relief.
"Good. I mean, I'm glad you're not upset. Not that you would be, of course. I just…I don't know. I wasn't sure if you were…uh…I mean, I thought, considering our history, you might, you know, want to know." Why oh why hadn't she stayed cuddled up with Clark in bed? she wondered. She could have saved herself this entire embarrassing scene.
Superman seemed to understand what she didn't know how to say, because he stepped closer to her and reached up to gently brush her hair off her cheek. "I just want you to be happy, Lois," he said softly as he gazed into her eyes. "That's all I've ever wanted."
"I am," she replied softly as she gazed up at him. "I love him, and I have for a very long time. I just wanted to make sure you knew that, because I know you worry about me."
"Always," he said with a slight smile.
Lois cleared her throat suddenly. Now that she'd broken the news to Superman, she didn't know what to do next. She wished she'd waited for a more reasonable hour of the day to contact him. It was going to be dawn soon, she still hadn't slept, and if Clark woke up and didn't find her next to him, he might worry about her. Typically, the only thing to get Lois out of bed before the crack of noon on a day off was…well, actually, nobody really knew, as it pretty much never happened. Clark might think something terrible and Smallvillian had happened to her. "Uh…okay, well…Now that you know, I really should get back. It's running on stupid o'clock in the morning, and I don't want to make anyone worry."
Superman gave her a bemused look and offered, "Would you like me to fly you back?"
Lois nodded and smiled at her companion as she wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her into his arms. Though she'd never consciously made a decision to pull away from Superman, she realized that her desire to fly with him had lessened as she and Clark had grown closer. In fact, she almost never flew with Superman anymore, barring disasters and rescues. She occasionally missed their trips together, but she couldn't help but wonder at the way she'd changed in the last few years. There had once been a time when she would happily have given just about anything for a shot at flying in Superman's arms. Now he couldn't fly fast enough to get her back to Clark.
"So, when did you know you were going to marry him?" he asked her curiously as they rose into the air.
Lois chuckled. She could identify the exact moment, in fact. "When his dorky plaid flannel shirt became sexy to me," she answered. "But that stays between us." The realization had hit during one of their many trips to visit Smallville for the weekend. Clark had come down to breakfast one morning dressed in an old pair of jeans and a faded flannel shirt, and the impulse to drag him back to the bedroom and tear both off of him had hit Lois so hard that she'd had to clutch her hands behind her back to ensure she wouldn't do anything embarrassing. He must have thought the look of horror on her face had been due to the clothes and not her reaction to how he looked in them, because he'd made a snide comment about working on the farm and hadn't once seemed inclined to drag her back upstairs and fulfill her wildest fantasies.
It was at that moment that she'd realized that she was going to marry Clark, if for no other reason than loving him had clearly stolen her sanity. She had been very cautious ever since that day not to let on that she found him so sexy in flannel; if he ever caught on, she didn't doubt that he'd have no problem exploiting her weakness.
Her confession must have surprised Superman, because he let out a sudden burst of laughter, something she'd never seen him do before. In all the time she'd known him, he had always had a firm hold of his composure. When his mirth ended and he grinned down at her, Lois caught her breath as something twisted inside. She knew that grin. She'd been swept off her feet by that very grin not many hours before, in fact.
He must have realized that something was wrong, because the smile fell from his face abruptly and he looked at Lois cautiously. "Lois? Is everything okay?" She felt the two of them descend and realized they must have arrived back at the farm.
Her eyes wide, Lois stared into Superman's face. Why had she never noticed it before? How could she have been so blind? She desperately searched his features, looking for any reason to believe that her mind had been playing tricks on her. But, no, he had the same cleft in his chin, the same full lips, the same breathtaking blue eyes.
Clark Kent, her fiancé, the man she'd been in love with for years, her partner and her best friend, was a superhero. And she'd had no idea.
"Uh…no. I'm fine. Everything's fine," she said belatedly. She was surprised to hear that her words came out evenly. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach; she couldn't quite seem to catch her breath.
Superman looked unconvinced. With a wary look, he began, "Lois, you aren't…" but his voice trailed off as if he wasn't entirely sure what he was about to ask her.
It took a few more minutes of reassuring him that everything was okay, but he finally seemed convinced that she was telling the truth. As Lois watched Superman fly away, she thought about going back upstairs to bed, but she really wasn't that tired anymore. Her mind was running in circles, and she knew she'd never get to sleep at this rate. She stared up at the window to the bedroom she was sharing with Clark and then very slowly turned away.
Lois knew she should go upstairs right at that very moment to confirm her suspicions; since she'd just watched Superman fly in the opposite direction, she had good reason to believe the bed she shared with Clark would be empty. But she couldn't quite get her feet to move in that direction. She knew she was being a coward and she hated it, but she wasn't sure she really wanted to know the truth yet. So instead of doing the logical thing, she headed to the barn. The loft had once been called Clark's Fortress of Solitude, and right now, that sounded like the perfect place to sit and think.
Lois didn't know how long she sat on the couch, lost in thought, but the faint rays of dawn had begun to shine through the window to the loft when a sound on the stairs caught her attention. She turned to see Clark standing on the landing, and she didn't know if she was ready to face him yet. There were still too many conflicting emotions to be dealt with, and Lois knew from personal experience that she tended to make rather a mess of things when she was put in a situation where she felt vulnerable. She wanted to have a better grasp on her thoughts before she confronted Clark with her suspicions.
He looked at her in concern as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Morning, Lois. I woke up and didn't know where you were." He gave her a questioning look, clearly wondering what she was doing in his loft so early in the morning.
She forced a wobbly smile and said softly, "I was just doing some thinking, and this seemed like a good enough place to do it."
He moved closer to her and asked a bit anxiously, "Anything bad?"
She shrugged. "I haven't decided yet."
"Look, Lois, I'm glad actually that I found you out here. There's something I need to tell you." He paused, took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and shifted uncomfortably as he stammered, "I-I don't really know how to say this. I'm…." he paused as if unable to finish the sentence.
"From a galaxy far, far away? Not from around here? Fond of primary colors? Superman?" she finished for him.
He winced, and Lois waited for him to deny it. She hoped he would deny it, actually. She hoped somehow she was wrong, but at the same time, she knew she wasn't. Instead, after a moment, he straightened his shoulders, took off his glasses, and suddenly became somebody she wasn't sure she knew anymore. He became Superman.
"Last night, when you were looking at me, I was afraid…I thought maybe you suspected something," he admitted ruefully.
"Is that why you're telling me now?" she demanded. "Because you thought you'd been caught?"
"No!" he exclaimed forcefully. "I'm telling you now because I want you to know! I just didn't want you to find out the way you did."
Lois took a deep breath to brace herself, crossed her legs on the sofa, and stared up at him. "Was there a way in particular you were wanting me to find out?" she asked in a deceptively calm voice. "On our golden anniversary? When the kids started to bench press the car?"
His shoulders lifted in a sigh. "I hadn't quite managed to work that part out yet, Lois. I have been trying to find the right moment to tell you, but things kept getting in the way. I knew you were going to be upset, and I…I guess I was just hoping to find a way to tell you that you wouldn't get angry." He looked at her with a hopeful expression on his face, as if there was a chance he'd succeeded.
"Oh, I think that ship has sailed, Clark," she retorted. "I can tell you that I am unequivocally furious. But, if it makes you feel any better, I also feel hurt. And stunned. And betrayed. And maybe like the dumbest person on the planet." She was also scared, but it had always been easier for Lois to express anger than fear.
"You're not stupid, Lois!" he rushed to reassure her, but her answering snort of laughter caused him to wince.
"Oh, yes, Clark. Yes I am. Should we contemplate just exactly how much of an idiot I am, in fact?" She jumped to her feet and began pacing furiously back and forth as she enumerated the various reasons. "One: I've been dating you for years now and I never knew you had another side to you. I mean, I never even seriously suspected it, which is pretty pathetic in fact when you consider it." She paused as something new occurred to her, and with a groan, she smacked herself in the forehead. "Oh, god, I'm such an idiot. A pair of glasses! Your clever disguise is putting on a pair of glasses? I'm a reporter, and I couldn't see that?" she demanded.
"Well, really, you weren't expecting me to…" Clark began, but she put up her hand to stop him."Oh, no! I'm not finished yet! You have to wait your turn! Let's see…One, I didn't think you had a secret side. I think two should be that a pair of glasses seem to have been an adequate disguise to fool me, don't you?" But before he could answer, she continued. "Three: I've never really wondered what was behind all the frankly pathetic excuses when you disappeared at inappropriate times; I thought you were just flaky. Four: I was genuinely concerned that you were jealous of the relationship I had with Superman! Five…"
"Okay, stop." Clark interjected before she could continue her rant, which was probably for the best, as each word she spoke only reminded her of just how livid she should be. "Lois, I understand why you're upset, but you have to understand that I never expected things to progress the way they did between us. When we first met, I would never have guessed that I would fall in love with you one day."
"No," she said curtly. "But I'm not talking about a decade ago. Of course you wouldn't have told me back then; I'm not saying you should have. What I'm saying is that it's something you could have mentioned at any time since we began dating! It's certainly something you could have mentioned before we got engaged!"
"It isn't that easy!" he retorted.
"Oh no? 'Honey, before we continue, there's one small thing I forgot to mention…' 'So, here's something interesting: One of the people in this relationship is an alien. Wanna take a guess as to which one of us that is?' 'Lois, I'm Superman.' I've just come up with three ways you could have broken the news that were all better than the way you chose. Which, in case you've forgotten, is to refrain from telling me at all! Or was it just that you were having too much fun at my expense? Because I can see why that might make it difficult for you."
"I wasn't having fun at your expense!" he responded, sounding angry at the suggestion.
"Why not? I mean, it's pretty hysterical, really, when you think about it. Bossy, rude, superior Lois Lane spends an embarrassing amount of time rambling on and on about how wonderful Superman is, and she doesn't have a clue that she's talking about her boyfriend the whole time? Seriously, it's sad that more people don't know, because that's definitely a story worth sharing. Just think of it!"
Clark stalked forward and tried to grab her hand to get her to stop pacing and look at him, but she jerked her arm away angrily. "I wasn't laughing at you, Lois! Believe me, I didn't find it funny at all," he contradicted her forcefully."Then what was it, Clark?" she demanded as she glared up at him.
"It was…intoxicating." He winced as the word left his mouth, as if realizing that this was maybe not the best choice of words. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that."
"Intoxicating?" she parroted in disbelief as she whirled on him. "Watching me make an idiot out of myself is intoxicating?"
"I didn't mean it like that," he said again, but she was in no mood to let him cover his mistake.
"No, I think you meant it exactly the way it sounded," she retorted as she angled her body away from him, not turning her back on him, but not facing him either.
Lois thought about all the times she'd confided in Clark or in Superman because she'd thought her confessions would remain private. She thought of the occasions she'd mooned over Superman like a lovesick calf, and then she remembered the time she'd cried on Superman's shoulder, convinced that Clark didn't love her. Suddenly feeling sick to her stomach, she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth and tried to get a hold of herself. She was certain she was only a few moments away from either bursting into tears or throwing up – or both – and she didn't want to give Clark the satisfaction of either reaction.
Clark stepped forward and reached towards her, but she shook her head firmly and stepped back out of reach. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and waited until she was reasonably certain she wasn't going to embarrass herself before she lowered her hand and looked at her fiancé again. "I told you things…I told Superman things that I…They were private, and I…I can't believe you would do that to me." She felt like he'd used to her for his own purposes, whatever they may be. As she looked at the man she loved, the man who'd made a fool out of her, she felt her eyes well up with tears, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop them.
"Lois, please," he pleaded with her, but she shook her head and whirled around to run down the steps to the loft. She didn't know where she was going, but it had to be somewhere away from Clark; she just couldn't face him right now.Lois almost flew out of the barn, but she stumbled to a halt when she caught sight of Mrs. Kent on the porch, ready to greet Lana and Chloe as they got out of their cars. "Hey, you two! You're up early! The three of us talked last night and decided to throw you a surprise enga…" Mrs. Kent's greeting trailed off as Clark raced out of the barn behind Lois.
"Lois, please, you have to listen to me! At least give me a chance to explain!" he demanded before he, too, caught sight of their audience.
Ignoring his plea, Lois raised her chin and tried to pretend like nothing was wrong. She didn't want to have to explain to Chloe or Lana why she was so upset with her fiancé on the morning after they'd announced their engagement. "Hey, guys! Clark and I were just…we were just talking…about work." Lois scowled at her lame excuse; there was no way they were going to believe that. She tried to think of a better cover, but when she saw the looks being passed between Lana, Chloe, and Clark something clicked and she gasped, "Oh… I can't believe I didn't… You know, don't you?" she demanded. "Both of you know." She didn't need them to confirm it to know she was right.
Somehow this revelation hurt worse than finding out that Clark had kept this secret from her for so long. It would be one thing to discover that this abilities and secret identity was something he hid from everybody; she would have hoped that he didn't treat her the same as he did the rest of the world, but she could have at least understood that old habits are hard to break. A secret guarded that closely would be hard to divulge, especially if you'd never done so before. But to find out that everyone else knew and she alone was kept in the dark?
Lois clamped her lips together to hide any traitorous tremble and lifted her chin defiantly. She looked from Lana, to Mrs. Kent, to Chloe, and finally to Clark. She knew she was being unfair. Of course Mrs. Kent wouldn't have revealed Clark's secret to anybody, not even her. Lana had no reason to share it, and Chloe would never divulge a confidence. Clark was another matter entirely, but even he must have had his reasons. And while Lois tried to be understanding, she just couldn't find it within herself to be so magnanimous yet. It wasn't just Clark; just about everybody she loved and trusted in the world had been lying to her for years, even though they'd had good reasons to do so. The enormity of the betrayal she felt was overwhelming.
"Lois, honey," Mrs. Kent began sympathetically as she left the porch and approached the younger woman. She reached to touch Lois's shoulder, but Lois pulled away. She didn't want comfort right now, and she sure as hell didn't want pity.
"I'm going for a walk," she said abruptly as she stormed past the assembled group and headed towards the open fields on the side of the house. She had made her way to the far side of the Kent's property when she realized she wasn't alone. Turning, she saw that Clark had caught up to her and was keeping pace behind her.
"Lois, you can't leave like this. We need to talk," he said urgently.
Lois scowled. "And we will. Believe me, I'm not about to just let this go. But I need some time to think, and, frankly, I don't want you to be around when I do it."
Her words clearly wounded him, and he said softly, "You can't mean that."
"Why not?" she demanded. "Is it really so hard for you to believe? I shared everything with you, Clark! I don't trust people very easily, but I trusted you! But you couldn't do me the courtesy of returning the favor. You kept this huge secret from me for years; what else are you hiding? I mean, do I even know you at all? How can I be sure?"
"You do know me! You know everything important about me! You just didn't know…"
"That you wear tights, can fly, are invulnerable…"
"Not exactly," he muttered. "You know that sometimes I feel like I'm completely alone. You accuse me of trying to save the world, and you try to show me that I can't. You know me, who I really am; you just didn't know the details until now." He paused. "You know I love you."
Lois swallowed. "Do I?" she asked. "You say you do, but I don't know how I can believe that. You tricked me for so long…you used me! I told you things that I never would have confessed if I'd know that I was talking to…well, you! And you took advantage of my ignorance."
"How? How did I do that?" he demanded. "Tell me one time when I took advantage of you!"
Swiping a rogue tear from her cheek with an angry gesture, Lois looked away from Clark for a moment and took a deep breath. When she turned back to him, she said softly, "When you broke up with me, you let me believe it was my fault. You let me cry on your shoulder, on Superman's shoulder. You let me tell you every horrible thing I'd been thinking, and you didn't say a word."
Clark winced. "Lois, I never intended…"
"But you did. You made a fool out of me, Clark, and I don't know how I can get over that right now. I just…I need time to think. Please. We'll talk about this later, but I just can't…I need to be alone for a while." She didn't wait to see his reaction to her words, she just turned and left, but she felt Clark's gaze on her back as he stood alone in the field and watched her walk away.
Too preoccupied to care where she was going, Lois wandered for a while. She shoved her hands in her pockets and stared at the ground as it passed beneath her feet. When she finally looked up, she realized she'd somehow made her way back to Chandler's Field, and she shook her head as she realized she must have retraced her earlier steps. Just as she had a few short hours before, she decided to ascend to the platform at the top of the windmill, only this time it was for a very different reason. She usually found refuge on the roof of the Daily Planet when she needed to do some serious thinking. Since the Planet was far away in Metropolis and no other rooftops were in sight, the top of the windmill was going to have to serve as an acceptable substitute.
As she reached her perch, Lois sat and stared at the sky with a sigh. It was hard to believe that, just twelve hours ago, she'd felt like she was on top of the world. Now she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and all the thoughts running through her head were beginning to give her a headache. Too tired to sustain her anger any longer, she drew her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees as she idly played with the engagement ring still on her finger.
For a long time, Lois sat, lost in her thoughts. There was a part of her that was still angry. And hurt. She knew that she wouldn't feel so wounded if she didn't love Clark so much, but that didn't mean she knew what to do next. Everything she'd said to him in the past half hour had been true. She felt used, and betrayed, and right now she didn't know how she'd be able to get past that. At the same time, however, she didn't want to end things between them, so they were going to have to find a way.
Lois tried to view the situation from Clark's perspective. In all honesty, it had to have been an incredibly difficult secret for him to have carried for so long, and she didn't know how he'd managed. And though she wished he had felt comfortable enough to confess sooner, she winced when she realized that her reaction hadn't exactly given him incentive to regret not having done so.
She tried to imagine what it would be like to find out that you weren't just an alien but the last of your race. No wonder there were times when he seemed so alone. She couldn't imagine what it had felt like growing up with abilities he couldn't share, even with the people he cared about the most.
Lois sighed. Now that she'd managed to calm down and think things over rationally, she knew she really should get back to Clark. He was no doubt worried; there was no telling what he thought was gong to happen upon her return. He might even think the engagement was off, and, as mad as Lois had been, there was no way that was going to happen. But even though she knew what she should do, she couldn't quite dredge up the energy to do it.
She closed her eyes and tried to think about something else, but then a sound below her caught her attention. Clark was standing at the bottom of the windmill, calling her name. "Lois? I know you want to be alone right now, but I really need to talk to you. Can I come up?"
"No," she muttered. She still wasn't ready to face him; she was too drained to pick up the argument where they'd left off. Then, knowing he would have heard her refusal, she groaned softly, sighed, and called down, "Yes," before he had a chance to walk away. Lois started to shift away from the ladder to give him enough room to climb up when he rose into the air to hover in front of her.
At her look, Clark shrugged and explained, "I know you're angry, and hurt, and everything else, but I can't help but be happy that I don't have to pretend in front of you any longer."
"If you'd told me sooner, you wouldn't have had to pretend for so long," she reminded him as he landed and sat next to her, but this time it was more a statement of fact than an accusation.
"I know," he replied softly as he looked out over the fields. "I know you're upset, but can we at least talk about it? I don't want this to be the end of what we have together."
With a sigh, Lois said, "I don't know, Clark. I mean, there's just…I don't even know how to begin." She paused and considered her next words.
"I'm scared, Clark," she confessed finally as a shudder passed down her spine and she pulled her legs tighter to her chest. "This secret of yours…I don't know how you all have managed to keep it for so long. What if I can't? What if I somehow make a mistake and reveal to the whole world that you're…What if I put you in danger? I don't know that I could live with myself if I did that to you!"
Clark leaned back, bracing his weight on his hands, and looked out at the fields for a long moment. She was glad he wasn't looking at her. She wasn't sure she could get everything out that she needed to if he did. "How do you think you'd put me in danger?" he finally asked.
"Okay…what if I slip and call you by the wrong name the next time Superman swoops in to save the day? What if I find out that you've been exposed to Kryptonite, and I can't hide the fact that I'm absolutely terrified because I know that it's my husband out there risking his life and I can't do anything to help him?"
Clark considered her words as he turned to look at her. "I think you're giving yourself too little credit. You keep secrets all the time; I've never once heard you divulge a source…"
She interrupted him – something she'd been doing a lot lately. "This is a bit bigger than trying to protect a source! We're talking about your life, here! All it takes is one mistake, and I…" she shook her head, unable to even finish her sentence.
"Then we deal with it. Together. Lois, I know it's a huge burden to keep, and it isn't always easy. I know it's incredibly hard to have to lie to everyone close to you, and sometimes things happen. I trust you and I know that you'll keep my secret, but even if something did happen, I also know that we can handle it."
Lois looked over at him sadly. "And if it wasn't just us, Clark? What if we have kids, and something I do puts them in danger, too? What then?" She paused a second before asking, "Can we even have children, Clark? I mean, since we're not…" she trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought. They weren't from the same planet; there was a good chance that, outward appearances notwithstanding, they weren't biologically compatible.
A long silence was answer enough to her question, but eventually his gaze met hers. Clark's eyes were sad, but his voice was steady when he said, "I don't know." Lois nodded. It was what she had expected to hear, but it wasn't what she'd hoped he'd say. He continued, "I don't know any more than you do what's going to happen in the future, Lois, but I do know that there's nothing we can't deal with if we're together." Then, after a pause of his own, he asked, "Do you want kids, Lois?"
She knew he was looking at her face, trying to gauge her response, but she didn't know how to answer him. Resting her chin on her knees again, she looked down at her hands and considered the question. A small, wistful smile touched her lips as she said, "I've thought about it, Clark. I didn't…" she sighed and turned to look at him. "I'm not ready for children at this exact moment, but I would have liked to have kids with you some day, I think," she answered honestly. There was still something terrifying about the thought of being a mom, but she'd also found herself wondering lately what it would be like to have a child with Clark – a baby girl with her daddy's blue eyes.
But that was a discussion for another day. For now, there were still things she had to know. "Clark, why didn't you tell me?" Lois asked as she looked into those same eyes, but her question lacked the anger from before. She wasn't demanding an answer of him; she wanted the man she loved to tell her why he'd lied to her for so long. Had he truly not trusted her with his secret?
He cleared his throat but he didn't look away when he answered. "At first, it was because I told myself that you didn't need to know. We'd never been that close of friends; there were times we could barely stand each other. Even when we first were partnered at the Planet, we didn't get along that well. I never thought there would ever be anything more between us.
"But then you met Superman. And you were," he paused, his brow furled, as if trying to think of the right word. "You were different with him. I don't know how to explain it. You were…flirtatious and…every time you saw him, you…well, you glowed. There's really no other word for it. You looked at Superman in a way that you'd never looked at Clark Kent."
He sighed. "At first, I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be disappointed to find out that the guy you couldn't get enough of and the guy you barely spared a second glance were the same person. But the more I talked to you as Superman, the more I realized that I wanted you to look at me – Clark – the same way you'd looked at Superman – and not because I could fly you around the world, or for any of the other things I can do. I wanted you to look at me that way because you loved me. Not Superman. Me."He swallowed and looked away from her. "I know I should have told you sooner, but I…I was afraid I'd lose you when you found out. I stupidly thought that if I waited, maybe I could find the perfect moment, the perfect way to do it so that you wouldn't be angry or hurt. There have been so many times that I've wanted to tell you everything, but I could never seem to get the words out right. And the longer I waited, the harder it got."
"So tell me now," she suggested softly.
He did. He told her everything, from how the Kents had discovered him after the first meteor shower and taken him home, to the discovery of each of his powers. He told her about the significance behind the Kawatche caves, about Jor-El's claims regarding his destiny, and about the circumstances surrounding Jonathan Kent's death. He confessed that there were many times he'd felt like a freak growing up, how there were so many times that he'd longed to be normal, and how the need to protect his secret and the concern of what he could unintentionally do had brought about the end of his relationship with Lana. He told her how he'd become convinced he'd always be alone.
Her eyes didn't leave his face once as he shared everything with her. Finally, he explained how he'd decided to become Superman, how he'd managed to keep his secret for so long, and even how everyone had been adamantly trying to convince him to tell Lois everything for some time. She scowled when he admitted that Lana had come to him after he'd broken up with Lois and spent the better part of the evening trying to convince him to stop being an idiot and confess everything, but she still didn't interject.
When he'd finished, he fell silent and waited patiently for Lois's response. She winced and took a moment to stretch; she hadn't realized how long she'd been sitting in the same position as she listened to Clark's story. She wasn't quite sure how to respond to his confession; what do you say to something like that? Without a word, she reached out and linked her fingers with his, content for the moment to sit in silence, holding his hand as she digested his words.
The look on her face must not have put him entirely at ease, however, as he asked, "Would it really be that bad to be married to me?" Lois's heart ached at the plaintive edge to his question.
"No, Clark, I don't think it would be awful to be married to you," she told him. Then she took a deep breath and shook her head. "I guess I'm just selfish and petty. I hate having to share you with the rest of the world. It's awful to admit, I know, but I was happy to think that I'd have you all to myself, that you'd always be there when I needed you."
"I will, Lois. I promise you that."
"Don't be ridiculous, Clark. You don't know that you'll be able to keep that promise. If it were between saving me and a train full of people, you'd have to save the people in the train. Of course you'd have to, and the fact that you always try to do the right thing is one of the reasons I love you. I just never thought that was the kind of choice you'd ever have to make." She squeezed his hand comfortingly and threw him a shaky smile. "I can handle it; I just need to get used to the idea." She turned to gaze out over the fields again, knowing Clark was still looking over at her.
Clark regarded her for a long moment before he asked, "There's something else bothering you, isn't there?"
Lois scowled; sometimes she wished he didn't know her so well. There was something else, but she was ashamed to admit that it had even crossed her mind. She had tried to ignore it, but since Clark was looking at her so expectantly, she realized that she was going to have to confess. "I'm…What if I'm not enough for you, Clark? With all the things you can do, what if you grow bored with me?" she blurted and then caught her breath.
She couldn't even look at him. It was a shameful thing, having to admit to the person that you loved that they might grow tired of you on day. It was especially difficult for Lois to confess that the thought had crossed her mind, since pride and self-confidence were not attributes she could generally be accused of lacking.
"Grow bored of you? Lois Lane?" he asked in disbelief. "The woman who's been in and out of Metropolis General Hospital so many times, they'll no doubt be dedicating a new wing to you any time now? My partner, the same person who regularly does things that may give me a heart attack at an early age? Believe me, Lois, when I say that you are many things: bullheaded, exasperating, impulsive, stubborn…" As Clark began to list off her attributes, Lois grinned and punched him lightly on the arm. "Captivating, brilliant, breathtaking, irresistible… But boring is one thing you can never be accused of being. I can't imagine anyone growing tired of you, least of all me."
"Well, you really know how to flatter a girl," she murmured, still smiling at him.
Grinning back, he joked, "Well, I do what I can."
"You know, we really should be getting back," Lois said reluctantly as she rose to her feet. They had been gone for hours, and Mrs. Kent had to be growing concerned.
Clark nodded and stood next to her. "Do you want me to fly you back?"
"I'd rather walk, if you don't mind," she confessed. "I'm stiff from sitting for so long, and I need a chance to stretch my legs." Plus, she still was working on processing the fact that Clark could fly.
He nodded and followed her down the ladder to the ground, but as they set off towards the Kent Farm, he grabbed her hand and asked, "So is…is everything okay between us?"
Lois stopped in her tracks and waited until he'd done likewise and turned to face her before she said, "Oh, don't even get your hopes up, Mr. Kent. You're not getting rid of me that easily." When Clark grinned down at her, she leaned forward to give him a kiss before they set off again.
Back on the Kent Farm, Lois found that her concerns had been valid. When she and Clark entered the kitchen, Mrs. Kent, Chloe, and Lana stopped mid-conversation and threw them both anxious looks. They seemed to relax and breathe a collective sigh of relief, however, when they saw that she and Clark were holding hands. Lois smiled reassuringly and said, "Sorry to have been gone for so long. Thank you both for coming down to see us. So, what'd we miss?" She spoke as if nothing amiss had happened that morning. She didn't want to talk about what had happened between her and Clark out in Chandler's Field. Their conversation was private, and she wanted it to remain between the two of them.
Happily, everyone seemed to pick up on her cue, as Chloe and Lana stood to extend their belated congratulations. Lois could tell that Chloe was about to burst from the desire to know what had happened in the last few hours, but even she thankfully refrained from asking any questions.
For the rest of the afternoon, Lois, Lana, Chloe, and Mrs. Kent discussed initial wedding preparations, while Clark wisely refrained from getting in their way. Lois rather wished she could join him on the other side of the room; she had never been one of those women who fantasized about her ideal wedding, and her head was already spinning when she realized the number of details that were apparently involved in planning such an event.
Later that evening, everyone had moved into the living room and was sitting around reminiscing about the past when Lois frowned into her mug and realized she was out of coffee. Excusing herself from the group, she wandered into the kitchen to refill her mug, since a steady intake of caffeine was the only thing getting her through the day. As she walked into the other room, however, a hand reached out and grabbed her, swinging her around the corner.
"What are you…?" she began, but Clark put a finger up to her lips to quiet her. Raising her eyebrows, she gave him an inquiring look as she noticed the mischievous glint in his eye. Nodding towards the back door, he gestured once again for her silence, and they slowly crossed over to it together. With one last look over his shoulder to make certain their escape wasn't being noticed, Clark quietly opened the door and pulled Lois outside.
She waited until the door was safely closed behind them before she asked, "Okay, Mr. Kent. What's with the covert escape? Just what are you up to?"
Clark grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I just needed some time alone with my fiancée. Is that hard to believe?" he asked as he brushed a soft kiss on her lips. Pulling away from her, he tilted his head back to look at the night sky, and she followed his gaze. After a moment, he looked back at her. "Fly with me?" he asked.
She tilted her head back to look at him. "When have I ever been able to resist?"
Clark grinned down at her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She looped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight as they floated into the night sky. When they had flown beyond the sounds of the world below, Clark stopped their ascent and Lois took a moment to marvel at the beauty of the moonlight shining off the clouds in the beautiful starry sky.
"It's amazing," Lois breathed, entranced by the sight. It had been so long since she'd really flown with Superman, she'd almost forgotten how peaceful floating above the clouds could be. When she looked back at the man in her arms, however, the rest of the world fell away and she lost herself in his eyes.
With a soft smile, Clark gazed down at her and murmured, "This is how I wanted to propose to you. Up here, where it's just the two of us." She opened her mouth to interject that she had absolutely no complaints with the way he'd gotten the job done, but the look on his face stopped her from speaking. "Lois, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met. Even when we're fighting, you take my breath away, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you." He paused and reached up with one hand to brush a lock of hair off her cheek tenderly before continuing. "I can't promise that we'll never face difficult times, but I can promise that I'll never stop loving you or wanting you as much as I do at this moment. Whatever the future brings, I want to be standing by your side. I want us to face it together.
"Lois Lane, will you marry me?"
Lois tightened her hold around his shoulders. She was always amazed by Clark's ability to take her breath away, to make her feel like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. She didn't know what she'd done in her life to make her deserving of the love she'd found with the man in her arms. "Yes, Clark. Of course I'll marry you."