Rude kept the humourous comment to himself. It wasn't the time or the place for such things. A few more phone calls -- and a few favours called in -- and they had a plot just inside the city limits of Midgar waiting, and a headstone waiting approval as well.
As they took the body out of the room, he turned away. That wasn't his mother there anymore, just a completely empty shell, he gave Rude a soft, shaky smile, seemingly drawing strength from him. "Thanks. .for everything...Elena took Josh into the fish tank yesterday. ..I doubt even SHION could get him out of there." The fish tank was how the clear plexoglass holding tank in Edge's municipal jail was referred to. It was designed for high flight risk criminals, and no one had ever escaped from it.
"I don't believe even Tseng's son would find use in Joshy--" Rude coughed, as it trying to expel the nickname from his lips. "--Josh now."
Reno lofted a brow, as if to ask 'Ok, what was that about?'. ..eyes suddenly growing just the tiniest bit suspicious.
Rude just shook his head. If he didn't absolutely HAVE to tell Reno what had transpired to get Josh there, he wouldn't.
With no answer forthcoming, he dropped it, he simply didn't have the energy to dig right now. ..and he thought maybe, just MAYBE he didn't want to know. He looks up as they coming in with dscharge paperwork, the doctor giving him one of those "looks" as if to ask if t was even any use to sign them.
Rude had picked up Rennan, holding the boy against his hip as he waited for Reno to finish signing. It was time to go home and have some normalcy for once.
Reno finished signing the paperwork. .there would be a funeral in a couple of days. ..the final goodbye to a woman he thought he'd finished mourning long ago.but this. .the finality of it. .hit him again.
Rude's hand moved slowly, but purposefully, as he leaned forward to take Reno's hand in his. He gently pulled the redhead close, whispering, "Let's go home," softly into his hair
"Yeah. .." He turned back, just a moment, and could have sworn he saw a slender silver-toned figure, like a character from an old black and white film, standing framed in the corner of the room as he let a small, sad smile. ..whispering "Goodbye, Momma" as he turned and walked out, hand in hand with his husband.
The drive back to the condo was quiet, only Rennan's occassional chatter about things they drove past breaking the silence.
Even Livewire, usually so boisterous, was silent, almost appearing sullen, echoing his master's mood. Appropriatly enough, it had begun to RAIN on the way back in. .the movers that had been called before they left had already moved their things from the one bedroom into the two, and Reno had even ordered a surprise for Rennan that should already have been delivered and set up, as he had given the landlord permission to let them in.
Rude had shooed both redheads in, helping Rennan take off his shoes and jacket before sending the kid towards his bedroom, waiting for the cry of excitement at his new bed.
The bedroomm also had a new oak dresser, and a little desk with his oown computer that was even hooked up to their cable modem through the wireless network, even if it did have anything innapropriate for a younger child password protected with algorithms even Reno HIMSELF would have trouble cracking.
Rennan squealed, running out of the room. "Thankyou, thankyou, THANK YOU!"
Rude just smiled, moving towards the kitchen to make something to eat. He was craving chili, slightly, and figured he could make a large pot and pick at it all day and most of the day tomorrow.
Reno came out, walking over to the window. "Smells good." he said as the chili began boiling, but the words had no enthusiasm behind them, as was expected at a time such as this. When it was done he picked at it, pushing it around inside the bowl more than really eating it.
"Don't play with your food," Rude said, scooping up the last bits of chili in his bowl with a piece of garlic toast.
Reno nodded, eating it finally, though the scold made him almost inwardly cringe. .his mother had always told him "Food is for eating, not playing with" when he was younger.
Rude sighed, putting his bowl in the dishwasher. "Why don't you lay down and take a nap. I'm sure I can watch Rennan for a few hours without too much trouble."
Reno nodded, walking into the room, laying down, Livewire curled around him. .it didn't take long before he was out, with the cat curled up around his back.
"Ya think Papa's ever gonna be really happy again?" Rennan's eyes held sympathy as he looked up at Rude.
Rude poked his head into Rennan's room, where the boy was making 'vroom' noises while sitting on his bed. "Papa Reno's sleeping," he said with a quiet smile. "We need to let him rest, okay?"
Rude sighed. He didn't know the first thing about discussing the 'hard' questions with kids, and truth be told, he just wanted a cigarette.
Rennan nodded and walked over to his desk, getting onto the computer, he smiled as he pulled up one of the card making sites. "I'm gonna make somethin' for him...maybe if I make it nice enough, it'll make him happy again."
A tiny smile touched the corner of Rude's mouth. "I'm sure he'll like that," he said, then turned with an, "I'm going out to the balcony for a few minutes."
"k, Papa Rude." And he began industreously working on a card.
Rude pulled his cigarettes and lighter from his pocket, waiting to spark them outside rather than in. He leaned against the bricks, looking out over the metal railing that kept people from falling off the building. What was he going to do?
Rennan finished his little card just as Livewire trotted out of the bedroom. He printed it off, decorating it with glitter and marker from the craft box Tifa had given him.
Rude flicked his cigarette butt off the edge of the balcony, sliding back inside the condo with another sigh. He looked down at the cat. "Outside?" he asked it.
Livewre trotted onto the balcony, mewing softly at Rude, watching the rain fall from the awning.
Rude nodded. "Let's take you outside," he said, gesturing for the cuahl to head towards the door while Rude found and put on his shoes. "Rennan," he called softly, poking his head into the boy's room. "I'm taking Livewire out for a minute."
"Allright, Papa Rude, I'm gonna get somea the chili and a drink, k?"
"Get the drink and have a seat at the table. The pot's still too hot for you to be messing with," he said with that tiny smile. See? He could be all domestic and shit.
"k" He got his drink and sat down, just as Reno came out, looking for a cup and putting a fresh pot of coffee on.
Rude was already on his way downstairs, cuahl at his heels. He thought for a moment, then took out his cell phone, calling the condo's landline.
Reno picked up. "Hey. .came out for some coffee."
"What wine goes good with chili?" he asked, and his smile could be heard over the phone line. He HAD promised Reno a good dinner and a bottle of wine earlier.
"Anything red pretty much with beef. .a good merlot or a burgundy."
"Knew I kept you around for a reason," Rude teased. "I'll be back shortly. Just running to the corner. Need anything?
"I'm almost outta smokes, if you could grab me a few packs. ..and some flowers for. ." his voice got hushed. "for me to set on the casket."
Rude grunted in response, a combined 'okay' and 'love you' in that one noise.
"Love ya too, big man." He tried to make himself sound cheery.
Rude's trip to the corner market was, thankfully, uneventful. He smiled at the man behind the counter, bagging his wine bottle with extra care. He opened his phone when he was back on the street, calling for a delivery of a bouquet of flowers to their condo the morning of the funeral. When he walked back up the block, he let Livewire inside with him, the cuahl having done its business and ready to get back into the warm building.
Reno when he came back in was smiling at Rennan, holding up the card that said "Cheer up, Papa, we luv you" in letters done in glitter and glue.
Rude shook his head, seeing just how glitter covered Rennan's hands and face were. "Wash up," he told the boy, "I have a present for you."
Rennan's eyes lit up as he ran into the bathroom to wash his hands and face.
"Got one for you, too," he told Reno, setting the paper bag on the counter.
Reno smiles a little, he looked like he was holding up a little better now that he wasn't so tired.
Rude pulled out a three pack of cigarettes, tossing one pack to Reno and the other two into the freezer. "That's not it," he said, his face holding that tiny mischevious smile. "Want to take a guess?" he asked.
Reno shook his head, but a slightly wide smile lit his face. as he began rifling through the bags.
"It's not the candybar, either," he said, taking out the bottle of wine before the redhead knocked the whole bag over.
Reno dug through the bag some more finding a leather collar, one with metal spikes, and a pair of matching gloves with spikes on the knuckles. "Wow. ..they match yours, thanks yo!"
"They're not combat grade," he said offhandedly, waiting for the youngest of the bunch to return from washing off the glitter. "But I thought they'd look nice on you."
"These'll look good next time we go out.. add to the flirty image you like so much"
Rennan came out with hands and face clean, he giggled at the gloves and collar.
"And for you, young man," Rude said, pulling out the chocolate bar and handing it to Rennan. Before the boy could tear into it, though, he told him, "Sit at the table and eat it, though"
Rennan sat down, grinning excitedly as he ate the candy.
"He's gonna be hyper, ya know."
"You should be fine," Rude said, that tiny smile still there. "YOU had a nap."
Reno chuckled softly, then looked out. "You think we're gonna be ok now? I mean Shion's still out there, even if Redhaired and Crazy ain't goin' nowhere."
"I think we'll be okay for now," he replied quietly. "Tseng's son will need to regroup, and that could take a while. As for Joshy--Josh, I think he'll finally be out of our hair."
Very quietly he said "I smelled his cologne on you. .but I'm not gonna ask. ..I doubt very seriously I'm up to the answer to the questions I got in mind ta ask."
Rude just looked down at his feet, the shame of what he'd had to do, and the mere fact that he'd actually ENJOYED it on some level, bothered him.
That expression confirmed what he feared, but surprisingly, he wasn't angry, he was too damn down to be angry, though guaranteed it would come out later. Instead of saying anything, he walked into the kitchen, making himself a cup of coffee, and Rennan a bowl of chili and a glass of juice.
"I'm sorry," he said with a sigh. What else could he say?
"I know.. .just. .too friggin' upset ta be mad. .not ta say you're off the hook, though. ..an' you're gettin' checked ta make sure you're clean before ya touch me again. Ya understand, right?"
Rude nodded, and found it best not to mention that Reno was actually the first person to give him anything contagious. Definitly not the best idea.
Reno knew that well, but he also didn't mention it, just shaking his head. "I'm gonna put Rennan ta bed, he has school in the morning, and I need ta make sure he has everything he needs put aside for him ta take."
Rude nodded again, making a mental note to make an appointment to get tested in the morning.
Reno helped Rennan finish up his homework, then gave him a hug and a kiss before settling him into bed. .before heading in to get ready for bed himself. He had a long day of planning, making the rest of the arrangements for the funeral.
Rude only felt uncomfortable once, at the goodnight hug and kiss from Rennan, before he smiled and sent the boy off to bed.
Reno when they went to bed, didn't curl up against Rude like he usually did, his shoulders were tight, the only sign of the fact that Rude's having sex with Josh upset him. Yes, he'd messed around prior to being exclusive, and yes, there were extenuating circumstances, he was sure, but it didn't mean it hadn't hurt.
Rude lay on his back, a sigh threatening to escape his lips. After a few minutes, he finally said, "I didn't sleep with him."
"You think it helps that it didn't go that far?" came the muffled answer." "The fact that you let him touch you that way at ALL. .." So, maybe he WAS a shade insecure.
"He had a gun to my head. It was the only way I could think of to get out alive," Rude replied evenly.
"Yeah...m'sorry. ..'sjust gonna take time. ..didn't need this on toppa everything else I got on m'plate."
"He doesn't give head anywhere near as good as you do," Rude offered, keeping the fact that he thought Josh the better kisser to himself.
He just sighed softly, that slight twitch indicating he'd dropped off.
Rude sighed as well, knowing that he wasn't going to be sleeping well at all that night.
Reno awakened at around 4, irrevocably wide awake. He got up, hopping onto the computer to order his mother's casket.
Rude was awake, still, but kept his eyes closed. Best not to bother the redhead with guilt over Rude's not being able to sleep.
Reno found the one he wanted, ordering it before heading out into the kitchen, making some coffee, then heading over to the piano, playing softly, his eyes closing. .. he idly noticed he'd wet the keyboard of the instrument as he began playing the concerto he'd written, again totallly random choice, his fingers had begun picking out the notes a good several minutes before he realized what he'd been playing.
Rude finally let the sigh he'd been holding in out. He knew the thing with Josh would cause a rift, but that much of a rift? It was life and death, in Rude's eyes, and the fact that he'd enjoyed it felt like a moot point. He knew Reno would have, so why was he being punished? Other than the fact that he and Joshy had history.
Finally he came back in, he felt horridly guilty that he was as upset as he was. ..a lot of it was of course that it was THAT on top of everything else hhe was dealing with. He probably wouldn't have taken it quite so hard if he hadn't already been grieving.
Rude rolled onto his side, facing away from Reno's side of the bed. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that he might catch an hour's worth of sleep before the alarm went off at 7.
Reno set his arm over Rude as a peace offering, not sleeping, just laying there, holding him.
The sigh finally escaped Rude, his body visably relaxing in the dim light.
"You sleep, I'll take Rennan ta school and deal with everything else today. .m'sorry I got so upset. ..just. ..wasn't ready for that on toppa everything else."
"I'm sorry, too," Rude replied, his voice gruff from not being used for the past few hours.
"I know..Just gotta transfer the bastard from the jail to the courthouse today, anyway. ..Boss wants at least one of us with the police and baliffs when they transfer 'im."
"And not me," Rude's tone was almost rueful. He knew he'd crossed a lot of boundaries with the whole Josh ordeal, and he knew he was going to be taking heat for it for a long time. But that didn't change the fact that he felt responsible for Josh's current state.
"They know you'd take it personal."
"I know," Rude said, but that didn't make him feel any better about it.
"A little concerned that I would too, but the boss is sendin' Elena with me to make sure that don't happen. In the meantime, I gotta get showered an' get Renna ready for school."
Rude nodded, rolling over to try and get comfortable to get some sleep.
Once he'd dropped off Rennan at school he was at the jail, 9 am sharp. ..he waved at Elena,"So, how much longer 'til they bring him out?"
"They need to finish processing him," she said, popping her bubble gum.
"Figured as much, I'm actually early, fora change." He looked up as two cops came out, with a wildly struggling form between them.
"He's not sedated?" Elena asked quietly, finding it quite odd that the volitile man wasn't.
"They said it would prbably be dangerous for him if we sedated him." One of them said, "So we're doin' the best we can."
Reno shivered as those cold green eyes, the same mint green as his own, pinned his.
Josh's eyes met Reno's and his struggling ceased. He just glared Reno in the eye, a tiny smile touching the corner of his mouth. "He still loves me."
"Come on, Aasshole, I have a bottle of wine waiting for me as well as having to pick up our son before heading home. Yeah, you heard me right OUR son, he considers Rennan as much his as he does mine. Stick that in your fucking crack pipe and smoke it." With that he fell into step next to him his stance said he'd kill him with no regrets if the bastard tried anything.
Josh's odd smile stayed at the corner of his mouth. "He tasted wonderful, better than before..." His tone had a dreamy quality to it, as if the man really were high on crack.
"Yeah, fuckin'; yeah, an' you better hope you were fuckin' clean, 'cause if he gave me somethin' when he was savin' my life from your idiocy I'm gonna take it outta your hide.
"He called my name, not yours, when he came." Josh's eyes held a slight challenge, as if daring Reno to get out of hand.
"Yeah, but he came home to me and our kid, so fuck you." He lhelped them load him into the car, sitting in the front next to the officer so he couldn't hear his taunts.
"Just imagine how wonderful it will be when he calls my name out when he's with you," Josh continued.
Reno ignored him, he was NOT going to let the bastard get to him.
Josh tried another tactic. "He calls me Joshy around you, doesn't he?"
Reno flinched, but only the tiniest bit, then shut the glass between himself and Josh, only saying "You are a dick" before doing so.
Knowing the glass was soundproof, Josh just mouthed the words, "He still loves me, and you know it."
Reno turned his back on Josh, he had enough to deal with with planning for his mother's funeral without dealing with taunts from a nutcase.
And Josh really was rather off his rocker. His thoughts turned back to Rudy, which made his pants feel tighter by the minute. Since he was a rather unashamed man, with little to no sense of decency, he unzipped those pants to stroke himself in the back of the car.
Reno turned around and mouthed "Fuck yo, put that back in your pants, yer makin' me SICK."
Josh just smiled, mouthing Rudy's name as his hand moved.
And Reno had to swallow back a lump, finally he could hold it back no longer and he opened the window at a stoplight, losing his breakfast on the street.
Josh only cackled, his laughter breaking into moans of the bald man's name as he spilled himself.
Reno only looked over at Elena, his face sheet white with a slight green tinge from still feeling faintly nasueous from the disgusting display.
"He's just trying to get a rise out of you," Elena said, her own face a little pale. "Ignore him and eventually he'll give up."
"We're almost there, thank Shiva." the words were spoken just as they pulled up to the courthouse. "With any luck they'll find him unfit to stand tril, put his ass away and I'll never have to deal with him again."
"We can only hope so," Elena said. She looked back at Joshua Miller and her jaw dropped. Somehow, the little shit had put himself away and looked as clean and respectable as ever.
Reno opened the door and pulled him out of the car, leading him into the courthouse by his shackles.
Josh's face was calm and serene, expression easy... except for when Reno looked at him. When the other redhead looked at him, he smiled slightly, licking his lips as if rubbing it in that he'd tasted Rudy.
Reno simply snorted. He wouldn't have put it past Josh to have found a way to slip a poison to his mother that would have caused her stroke, but nah, he was grasping at shadows there, and he knew it.
"He's going to miss me," Josh said softly, almost as if he were expecting sympathy from Reno.
"I got ta plan my momma's funeral I don't have time for your shit today, so come on, let's move it, judge is expecting you in ten minutes."
"My sympathies," Josh said, and it was the first human thing he'd ever said to Reno.
Reno looked a little shocked, shocked enough to say "thanks" before taking him into the holding room where he would stay until the bailiff came to get him.
Josh sat down, his moment of humanity having passed. "Rudy will visit me," he said, his tone knowing.
"not if I ask him not to." And he walks over to the water fountain. "Besides, you can't have aany visitors but family where I have a feeling you'll end up."
"Rudy IS family," Josh replied with that tiny smile
"Not unless you're married to him, no such luck." the baliff came in at thatt moment.
Josh just shook his head and mouthed three lettres. "P. O. A.
Reno just ignored him, doubting seriously Rude would endanger their marriage by dealing with that.
"Speaking of Rude," Elena said when Reno joined her in the hallway. "Where is the big guy?"
"I let him sleep. ..he didn't sleep well last night at all."
"Think what he said is true?" she asked, nodded towards Josh.
Reno sighed. .telling her all he knew or had gathered of what had occured between he and Josh while he'd been at the hospital.
"Eww. Rude let him touch him?" Elena asked, her face saying more than her words could.
"You think I don't feel the same, Laney?" He looked as if he could just collapse on the spot, it was almost the straw that broke the camel's back, dealing with it all.
Elena just frowned. There was definitly something wrong with Josh Miller, and she had suspicions about Rude's indulgences. "You're sure he didn't sleep with him?" she asked.
"He said he didn't. ..but I susppect Josh at least had oral sex with him. ..I smelled Josh's cologne on his crotch, Laney. .." He finally did ssink into the wall, his arms coming around his knees.
"Do... do you think he really wanted to?" she asked carefully.
"I think he was stuck in a position where he had to distract Josh, and it was the only thing he knew to do it. . .but the way he looked when I confronted him about the cologne. ..spoke volumes. .. he enjoyed it, at least some."
"And that's what's bothering you?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer. "That he might have enjoyed it?"
"That, is it in a nutshell. ..I mean, I know I did sleep with a couple of my old gang buddies when we first got together, but we weren't even exclusive, much less MARRIED.
"And you're worried that he'll make a pattern of it, until you finally kick him to the curb?"
"I don't know anymore. ..shit, I don''t even want to THINK that, Laney. .." He sighed, looking up at her with tired looking eyes. "I can't even deal with it right now. ..I got so much on my plate as it is. ..I don't have enough room on it for this!"
Time for a change of tactics. "What do you think the big guy saw in him, anyway?" she asked, sitting down next to him.
"Got no idea, really, except he's always been attracted to redheads. ..ever since Celia most of his GIRLFRIENDS were redheads, too."
"That doesn't explain why he put up with the psycho shit, though," she said softly.
"No, unless he was so deep in it he was afraid to try to get out by then."
"I don't think Josh was the aggressor in that relationship," Elena admitted.
Reno just put his hands to his temples, his head so full, he couldn't figure it all out. "I just don't have the answers. ..I wish I did."
"Maybe you need to ask the right questions of Mr. Rude," she offered. She couldn't help him with dealing with his mother's death, but she could help him with THIS.
"I needta get home, but I need ta see this through first."
"Go," she said with a smile. "I can handle this."
Reno nodded, out the door and heading back home.
Rude had just woken up, finally getting a few hours sleep. He yawned as he climbed into the shower, setting the water a little cooler than it usually was when he shared the shower with Reno. He, unlike his redheaded partner, prefered not to boil himself.
Reno strode into the house, he had 90 minutes until he had to pick up Rennan, and he had every intention of asking needed questions. ..when Rude came out of the bathroom he asked him to sit down at the kitchen table and pour them both drinks.
Rude frowned, but did as he was asked, some of the missed water droplets drying quickly on his skin. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Reno when he looked up at him gulped, his eyes saying he didn't want to talk about it, but he would. He told Rude everything Josh had told him during the transfer. .."Did you enjoy it?" his voice is soft. ."Would you really go to see him if he gets comitted?"
Rude sighed, dropping his eyes to the table before his forehead followed suit. After a moment of harsh breathing, he looked back up at Reno. "I did," he said softly. "And... I don't know."
"What did you see in him. ." the sound of his hitching breaths told how close he was coming to going into hysterics, not a good thing when he had to pick up their son soon.
"He... he used to be a lot like you," Rude said carefully, his eyes glancing away as if to say he really didn't want to talk about it. "He seemed to always know what I was thinking, knew just how to get me to feel better."
Reno didn't snap. ..just looked away. "And you're afraid. ..one day I'm going to snap like he did. .."
"No, NO," Rude said, standing up from the table. "That's not it at all."
"Then tell me. ..tell me dammit. ..because I just. .." he whispered brokenly. "I don't know where I stand right now, and it's fucking with my head..I want to tell you to never go see him, but would that even be right? would it be fair? Why didn't you tell me you had power of attorney for him?"
Rude's usual response of 'you didn't ask' wasn't going to be appropriate, so he took a few more moments to formulate the best way to explain his answer. "There's a part of me... that's just so angry... and sometimes, when you do things that make me mad, I have to bury it more than usual. But with Joshy... he took it. All with that goddamn smile on his face. And that night... when I did that to him... I didn't mean to go that far. I practically fucking killed him, Reno. And for some reason, he forgave me, asked me to come back to his bed, but I couldn't. I just couldn't look at myself after that. So I ran. I ran from Costa del Sol to Midgar."
"There are other ways of dealing with it, you know. ..healthier ways. ..but you've got yourself so convinced nothing's wrong that you've never dealt with the beast inside. ..I dealt with it, too, you know. ..only I turned my anger at the world and my own destructive impulses inward. ..onto myself because I swore I'd never turn into Dad and hurt someone else with it. .." He looked down at the scars on his arms.
"But that part of me... respects Josh, because he took it and still wanted me back," Rude said, then paused. "I didn't ask for Power of Attorney, but he insisted. After what I'd done to him... I couldn't say no, even after I'd joined the Turks. I owed him at least that."
"Even if you hurt me. .." his tone told it sickened him to know this. "I probably would too. ..even though I swore I would never tolerate it from anyone."
"It's not right, Reno," Rude's words were coming harsher, his voice nearly breaking as he continued to speak. "No one deserves that. No one. Not even Joshy. And certainly not you."
"Then it has to be dealt with. ..it has to be. ..or it's gonna happen again. ..neither of us deserve that. .You need to find healthier outlets for it. ..I need to find healthier outlets. ..I'm just as guilty as you. ..and I'm not gonna deny it."
"He always came back. He pushed my buttons, made me mad, MADE me hit him, then he came back, eating up my apologies like candy." Rude's voice was plainly breaking as he spoke, his breath coming in gasps. "It was so easy, back then. I would come home from work, bump a little of whatever Joshy'd gotten that day, we'd fuck until we passed out, get up, eat, fuck again until we passed out, then I'd get up the next day and start all over again. It was easy, Reno. Easy and..." Rude didn't want to say 'comfortable.'
"An' me.. what am I?" his own voice broke.. .his eyes swimming, but he wouldn't let them fall."
"You're my partner, mi corazon, you make me feel things that are both wonderful and terrifying at the same time," Rude's words were coming quicker, as if he could just spit them all out at once and be done with speaking. "But there's all this responsibility, responsibility that I never in a million years dreamed I would have, and it scares me. I'm going to be 29 fucking years old in--" he paused, glancing at the calander, "--four fucking days. That means I have exactly one year to do all those things I meant to do before I turned 30, before I got OLD," Rude spat the word out like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Don't you understand? I have to grow up, I have to act like an adult, and it SCARES the living FUCK out of me."
"You think it doesn't scare me sometimes? I'm gonna be 24 just 2 months after you turn 29. ..an' sometimes I wonder if I'm gonna be the man you need so bad. ..I don't want you to .." he gulps back a lump of emotion in his throat. "outgrow me. .if I lost you I don't know what the fuck I'd do, aibou. ..you're the other fuckin' halfa me.. ."
"And Joshy... he's the easy way back to being like I used to be -- a kid with no worries, no responsibilities... but that's not what I want." Rude took a deep breath. "Do you understand?"
Reno nodded. ..then got up...putting his arms around Rude and when he did, the tears did fall. "Shit. .please...don't go see him. ..I'm not telling you not to do it. ..I'm asking you not to. ..I can't lose you.. .I just can't."
"You won't," Rude said softly. "But... I have to see him. I HAVE to. I owe it to him." Rude paused, taking a deep breath. "But I'm not leaving you for him. Not now, not ever. We had our time, and it's over. Now I'm with you."
Reno nodded again then said "Can you at least. ..stay away from him until after all this shit with Mom is dealt with?"
"If he's committed, I'll have to be there to sign the paperwork for him, and do a monthly visit," Rude said carefully. "But if he's not, the POA's null and void... but I DO need to see him once more, if only to get some closure. I never really had that..."
Reno closed his eyes. ."I got one more question. ..it's been bugging me ever since I met Josh. ..did you. ..end up attracted to me because we look alike?"
Rude took one deep breath, then another. "Maybe... a little... at first..." he said slowly, carefully. "But not so much later on, and certainly not for more than a moment did he cross my mind THAT night"
Reno leaned into him now. then picked up the phone as it rang. "must be Laney callin' with the results from the hearing." He took a deep breath. "Yo."
"You sound like shit," Elena said, and her frown could be heard over the line.
"We had the talk, Laney. ..how'd it go?"
"He's headed for a padded cell until they can get a psych evaluation," she said. "Judge doesn't think he's competent to stand, and I think he's right. Guy's a total nutjob."
"Figured as much. ..shit. ..almost hoped he wouldn't be...Rude's required to go see him once a month while he's in. .."
"Sucks to be him," Elena said. "But, they'll call when Rude's supposed to show up to hear the results. Probably tomorrow or something."
"Yeah..I gotta go pick up Rennan. ..probably shouldn't be driving, but it's gotta be done. ..I'll talk to you 'bout how it went on the way."
Rude nodded as Reno hung up with Elena. "I can drive," he offered with a timid, almost shy smile.
"Thanks. ..I love you. ..so much.. .just. ..you know he was jacking himself off in the back of the cop car? Made me fuckin' hurl."
Rude frowned. "Josh did that?" He grabbed his keys from the kitchen table, gesturing Reno to follow.
Reno strode after him. "Yeah, yelling your name the entire time. . .sick fucker"
If Rude wasn't irritated, he would be appalled, and if he wasn't appalled, he would be a sick shade of honoured. But he wouldn't tell Reno that. He closed the car door, starting it up and waiting for Reno.
Reno stepped in. ..sitting down, his face four different shades of white and two of green at least thinking about it.
The drive was quiet, the school a little distance away. "I'm sorry you had to deal with this now," he offered, his voice almost timid.
"Shit happens. ..yeah, woulda been better if it had waited 'til Mom was in the ground, but things are never convienantly timed for us, are they"
There was that tiny, shy smile. "No, they're not."
When they reached the school, Rennan ran out. ..climbing into the backseat chattering excitedly. "We went on a field trip to the courthouse today!" Yes, Reno had signed the form but he'd forgotten completely that it was today.
Rude tried to hold it in, but the "Jesus Christ," slipped out. Bad Rude. Bad. No biscuit.
"There was this guy. ..he was talkin' about you. ..sayin' you were this bad person, but I didn't believe him." Rennan looked over at Rude with all of the faith in the world.
Reno had to smile slightly at his son's enthusiasm.
Rude was still mentally chastising himself for swearing in front of Rennan. What kind of an example was he setting.
Reno knew he'd said far WORSE in front of his son. .
Which was part of the reason it bothered Rude so much. One of them had to be the 'good' parent. "What else did you do today?" Rude asked, finding it safer to steer the conversation away from the courthouse.
"We did addition, and a reading circle. .." When they reached the house, Rennan went outside to play with Livewire, and Reno sank into Rude. ..just literally collapsing into him.. .it had been an exhausting morning, and he needed a few moments to regather his senses.
Rude would never admit to almost dropping Reno when the redhead slumped against him. He had an image to keep, after all. He just held his partner, waiting for him to be as close to himself as he could again.
After a few moments, he stood back up. ..smiling a little."We'll get through it, right?"
"We always do.
With that he gave him a quick kiss, starting on dinner. ..quesadillas just how Rude liked them.. .taking out the bottle of wine, chilling it on ice. "Tifa'll be picking up Rennan in an hour.we'll have the rest of the day to ourselves. Figured we could use it." ..