Chapter 18

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Kenshin had always loved the ocean. He sat quietly by the shore next to the pier, gazing out over the harbor. Sea gulls cried in the morning sun; several of them clustered around a dead fish on the rocks a hundred feet away. As long as one didn't look too closely at the color of the harbor water, it was a beautiful setting.

Maybe when Heather gets out of the hospital I'll take her and Atsuko for a drive up the coast. I have long wished to see Alaska. We could travel all the way to where the roads end and see what we find.

It had been a long time since he had last wandered just for wandering's sake.

Seeing the world might be good for Heather. And I would enjoy the time with Atsuko.

He felt the buzz of another Immortal, and glanced over his shoulder. Soujiro was finding his way across the rocky beach. The other Immortal paused, picked an interesting sea shell up, studied it, then tossed it out into the water. He was stalling, Kenshin thought.

After a moment, Soujiro made his way to Kenshin.

"Hello, Soujiro-san." Kenshin didn't stand up, a deliberate choice. Not a sign of disrespect, rather, he hoped to imply that he trusted Soujiro not to suddenly swing for his head. "Pull up a comfortable rock and join me."

"Why, Kenshin-san?" Soujiro said.

I'm not that much of a mind reader, Souji-san, that I am not. You're going to need to give me more than that. "Why what, Soujiro-san?" he prompted.

Soujiro was silent for a moment, then said, "I don't understand you, Kenshin."

"Soujiro-san doesn't understand people very well, does he?" Kenshin pointed out.

Soujiro gave Kenshin a brief smile, telling Kenshin he'd scored. He'd meant to. "I find people strange and often baffling."

"One must understand oneself to understand others," Kenshin said, serenely.

"I do not even understand why I am here, talking to you, today." Soujiro regarded Kenshin thoughtfully. "Perhaps it is merely curiosity."

"You've changed much from the boy you were, that you most certainly have." Kenshin said, quietly. "But your journey is far from done." Kenshin hesitated, then added, "I -- talked to the others about you, a bit -- spoke to some of Shishio's men. Sano and I both tried to find you, that we did. Several times. I always wondered what became of you."

"I wish you had found me," Soujiro admitted. He sat down next to Kenshin, a few feet separating them. The smile faded. "My life might have been a lot different had I you to look up to. I do not understand you, Kenshin, I never have. But I see how others regard you. Might I have been something like your friends, do you suppose, if I had known you as an ally and not an enemy?"

"Perhaps. I do not know. Have you really killed as many Immortals as they say?" Kenshin asked, quietly.

"It's the Game, Kenshin." Soujiro-san shrugged. "You should know that."

"I think the Game is an abomination." Kenshin threw a rock at the water, hard.

"If you don't play, someone will eventually take your head." Soujiro warned. "You cannot deny that."

"Soujiro-san, I've lived a long time, that I have. I'm at peace with what may come in my life. I do not wish to die, but nor will I not violate my deepest beliefs to prevent my own death. And even if I do play, someone would eventually take my head."

"You could live for thousands of years," Soujiro pointed out. "Don't you want that?"

"That is a bittersweet thought, that it is." Kenshin sighed, eyes gone distant for just a moment. "In a thousand years, will I remember Kaoru?"

"Why do you care for them so much?" Soujiro asked, sounding truly puzzled. "They'll be gone in such a short amount of time compared to the lives that we can live."

Kenshin blinked and glanced at the other Immortal. "Soujiro," he said, patiently, "The average human lifespan is seventy to eighty years. Time doesn't pass any faster for us -- it just passes for a longer period, that it does. I will cherish my friends while they live, and live on when they have passed."

Soujiro shook his head, "They're not like us."

"We are men, Soujiro, nothing more." Kenshin shook his head, then ran a hand through his bangs, shoving them back from his face. "It is a dangerous thing to think you are better than a mortal, that it is. It is dangerous even to think that you are different."

"Kenshin, do you believe me when I say I wasn't trying to hurt Heather?" Soujiro asked, somewhat plaintively.

"That I do."

"Why? I don't understand why you'd believe me. You're a fool to trust me."

"I've been a fool before in my life," Kenshin said, mildly, provoking a snort of laughter from Soujiro.

"You? I don't believe that of you."

"Surely I have. Just go back in time and ask Hiko Seijuro the 13th." Kenshin closed his eyes. A cool breeze blew off the water, ruffling his hair and whispering across his cheeks. He could hear the distant chug of a boat motor, and smelled seaweed and the promise of rain later.

He paused and added, "I've been a fool over serious things, too, Souji-san. Kaoru would probably call me a fool for waiting as long as I did to propose to her. Kaoru was my wife -- I don't believe you ever met her." Kenshin paused, glanced at Soujiro, and grinned, and confessed, "And she'd be right, but that's another story."

"I've never loved anyone," Soujiro said, somethingthat surprised Kenshin -- not that Soujiro had never loved so much as that he recognized that absence. "After the battle, I thought I might find someone to love ... but it never came to me. That feeling."

A century and three decades is a long time for introspective thought, I suppose, Kenshin thought.

"I'm not sure that I can," Soujiro added.

"Aa." Kenshin said, quietly. I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know he never knew love himself. Maybe he never has, since, either. "You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to do so. Loving someone means trusting them, Souji-san. When you love someone, you're vulnerable. You give them the power to break your heart when you give them love."

"Is it even worth it?"

"Aa. It is." Kenshin said. "For all the pain, for all the grief, I'd do it again in a heartbeat ... when Kaoru died, I thought I should die too, but truly, I would not trade the pain at her death for the joy of her life with me. That I would ... not." He fell silent, eyes closing again, but he was no longer aware of the cool breeze and the cry of seagulls.

"Kenshin-san?" Soujiro said, after Kenshin hadn't said anything for a couple of moments.

Kenshin blinked, jumped a little. "Forgive me for my wandering attention ... I just realized something very important, that I did."

"Must've been pretty heavy. You weren't home for a moment there." Soujiro said, sounding mildly amused. "You know that I could have taken your head and you wouldn't have seen it coming."

"You wouldn't take my head," Kenshin said, calm confidence in his voice. He reached a hand under his jacket and pulled his sakabatou out somewhat awkwardly -- it was difficult to draw when he was seated on the tail of his long coat.

Soujiro went tense, instinctively, a grin flashing onto his face.

Kenshin gravely offered him the sword.

"You are a fool." Soujiro took the sword, stood up. He held it backwards, sharp edge in play.

Kenshin remained sitting. His eyes were closed and his face turned towards the wind. "If you decide to kill me, please make sure you make it a clean cut."

"Your faith in me is a bit excessive, I do believe," Soujiro pulled the sword back for the swing. "I'm not going to turn down a head freely offered."

"You would break Heather's heart," Kenshin said, as Soujiro swung.

The sword connected with Kenshin's neck -- but not with killing force. Soujiro staggered back, dropping the sword. He hadn't completely been able to stop the blow entirely, even though he'd tried.

Kenshin didn't even flinch. He sat very still, eyes closed, blood streaming down his neck. "I said make it clean, Soujiro. You do know how to do that?"

"No." Soujiro whispered.

Kenshin opened his eyes, and touched the cut, which was already sealing itself. All things considered it was rather minor; he'd had a far worse injuries in the last few days. With a flash of light, the gash disappeared.

"I could have killed you. Why? Why would you let me?"

Kenshin stood up, picked his sakabatou up from where Soujiro had dropped it, sheathed it, and said quietly, "I knew you wouldn't."

"Why? I don't understand!" This was almost a wail.

"Because you needed to know I trusted you," Kenshin said, quietly. "And in order for you to trust me, I had to give you my trust."

"You are insane, Kenshin." Soujiro eyed him suspiciously. "You can't trust another Immortal. Not so long as we're playing the Game."

"I refuse to play." Kenshin looked up at Soujiro, noting the real dismay showing in his eyes."You once told me that the strong shall win and the weak shall lose. But that implies a prize and what if the prize isn't worth winning?"

Soujiro swallowed hard and looked away.

"How many people have you murdered, Souji-san?" Kenshin's voice was harsh, now. Anger -- not at Soujiro, but scary amber-eyed anger all the same -- glinted in his eyes. "Was it worth it? Some of those people were good, decent, honest men and women. They had friends and family and lovers and dreams and lives they were living. And you cut them down."

Soujiro smiled, and said, "But that is the nature of what we are."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Kenshin's balled his fists and took another step towards Soujiro. "I want you to think about something -- how would you feel if Heather died?"

"Horrible." Soujiro swallowed hard. No smile. His eyes were wide, and somehow very scared and incredibly vulnerable. He hugged himself. Somewhat nonsensically, he said, "Damnit, Kenshin," and paused, and then said, plaintively, "I don't understand."

"You did that to other people. There are people mourning their loved ones. Because of you." Kenshin made a short, sharp gesture with one hand. "You don't even know her, but you care about her and it would break your heart if she died, wouldn't it? Why do you care about her so much?"

"She would have died if I had not jumped into the water ..." Soujiro whispered. "I ... how can I not care about her after saving her life?"

"Aa." Kenshin agreed, "Every time you murder another Immortal, you may hurt the hearts of many people who aren't in the Game. Is the prize worth that?"

"I don't ... I don't want to be killed." Soujiro whispered quietly.

The gleam faded from Kenshin's eyes. He said quietly, "Neither do I, but death is not an end, Souji-san. It's merely part of the journey. Think about that."

"I'm not sure I believe in a divine power," Soujiro whispered. "If there is one, it's never been there for me. Nobody has ever been there for me."

Kenshin snorted. "I'm not sure what I believe, but -- go take a good hard look at Richie Ryan. Look at his ki. Tell me you don't believe in reincarnation after you do that. Kid's got a soul older than Methos."

"Methos is a myth."

"It's an analogy, Soujiro, that it is," Kenshin said, with patient forbearance. His anger had completely faded. "Soujiro, do you see what I'm saying?"

"You never ask easy questions, Kenshin-san," Soujiro complained.

"Soujiro," Kenshin said, "Why do you care about Heather?"

"I ..." Soujiro swallowed. "You already asked me that."

"I ask it again, because I do not believe that your first answer was complete. You told me once that Shishio taught you that the strong shall live and the weak shall die. You did not let her die, yet she was weak. Why?"

"Because ..." Soujiro suddenly turned away from Kenshin, staring out across the water. In a choked voice he said, "What good is my strength if I cannot help the weak? What point is there to being strong if I do not use that strength for something good?"

"You understand, now." Kenshin's voice was very soft, very gentle. "That you do."

"I don't understand at all," Soujiro shook his head. "Damn you, Kenshin Himura. You never make things easy or simple."

"That," Kenshin said, with a ghost of amusement touching his words, "Is generally the way of things. Neither easy or simple. I can't give you the answers I know you want, Soujiro. But I can make a suggestion."

"Which is?" Soujiro was still not looking at Kenshin. His voice was thick, suspiciously so.

"My niece is weak. She could use a strong friend to look out for her, to guide her. She needs somebody she looks up to, whose opinion matters to her. Right now, that's not going to be me. You have that strength within you, Soujiro. I am sure of it."

Soujiro gave Kenshin a startled look. Tear tracks lined his face, and his eyes grew wide. "You would trust me?"

"I already do."

"I couldn't possibly be worse than Shark." Soujiro snorted, sudden amusement touching his eyes.

"This is very much true," Kenshin smiled suddenly, an expression that was genuinely matched, with honest feeling, by Soujiro. "Come on, my friend. I am sure Heather will be glad to see both of us."

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