Chapter 19
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Author's Notes: I am actually a bit nervous about posting this last chapter.When I started this story, I had a different ending planned. However, the characters had other ideas ... Atsuko demanded this. Really. And she's very hard to ignore.
I think the ending works, but I'm sure not everyone will approve. Ah well. I like it ...
One more chapter to go.
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Kenshin realized as he stepped off the elevator that there was another Immortal in the hospital. Soujiro, behind him, tensed and stopped short. "MacLeod's here."
"Or it's someone completely unrelated, that it is." Kenshin said, hooking his fingers behind Soujiro's elbow and giving him a bit of a tug to move him along. "Let's find out. I don't know about you, but I do like knowing who the other Immortals are in my area."
As it turned out, the other Immortal was in the room with Heather -- and it was MacLeod. Mac emerged from the room as they approached, looking remarkably hostile.
"Kenshin." He didn't even acknowledge Soujiro.
"MacLeod-san," Kenshin said, politely. MacLeod didn't correct him and tell him Call me Mac, which told Kenshin that MacLeod was, indeed, pissed off.
"What's he doing here?" MacLeod glared.
"You were wrong about Seta-san, that you were," Kenshin said. Soujiro seemed to be smart enough to keep his mouth shut, so Kenshin continued, "Heather was about to jump off the pier, or fall. She was on something. Soujiro tackled her to keep her from leaping. That's all you saw. He was not trying to violate her."
MacLeod blinked. Frowned. Kenshin guessed he was mentally replaying what he had seen. Then he said, "That doesn't excuse him from all the people he's killed, Kenshin. Stay out of this. This is between me and Soujiro."
Stubborn, judgmental old man. You don't like admitting mistakes, do you? Kenshin thought, with irritation he didn't allow onto his face.
Soujiro finally spoke up, "I don't understand, MacLeod. You will lose if we fight again; I will not make the same mistake twice. And I no longer wish to fight you."
MacLeod growled, "I'd beg to differ on the assumption that you will win."
Kenshin rested a hand on Soujiro's arm, "This is not the place for this discussion, MacLeod. I will talk to you later. In the interim, if you challenge Soujiro and survive, you will face me next."
"You won't kill me, Kenshin. That's a pretty empty threat," MacLeod said, dismissively.
Soujiro had a bit of a smile on his face and it held real humor. He said,"I wouldn't assume that, MacLeod-san. Kenshin doesn't take your head, he just screws with it."
"Only if necessary," Kenshin responded, glancing at Soujiro. Soujiro met his look, grinned, shrugged, and then walked past MacLeod and into the hospital room.
"You're just going to ..." MacLeod spluttered. "Shouldn't we stop him?"
"MacLeod," Kenshin said, very seriously, "You will not be fighting Soujiro."
"He's a monster!" MacLeod glowered. "My friend in the Watchers -- he gave me some numbers this morning, and some names. That man has murdered hundreds. I knew some of them. He killed friends of mine. I never even knew who the bastard was that did it, in some cases, just that they had died."
"You don't have to like him," Kenshin said, quietly. "How many people have you killed in your life, MacLeod?"
Mac folded his arms. "None who didn't have it coming."
"By your judgment. I've seen quite good evidence of your lack of good judgment just yesterday -- at the very least, you should get all the facts before executing someone. You just assumed the worst and tried to murder him. He didn't even commit the crime you were accusing him of. Kenshin's expression darkened briefly. "Had he done what you were accusing him of, I would ensure that it would be the last time he could do that to a woman."
"This isn't about me." MacLeod pointed an angry finger at the hospital room. He hissed, very low, "It's about him. He's a monster! I do not take a head unless it is deserved!"
"Let's see ... What about mortals killed during wars? We've both been soldiers, MacLeod." Kenshin closed his eyes, for a moment. "I was an assassin. I've killed children. That makes me a monster too. I cannot pass judgment on Seta without also passing judgment on myself."
"I don't believe you killed children. You?" MacLeod blinked.
Kenshin said, very quietly, "Aa. Yes. There was a man -- a Westerner, sent as a diplomat from somewhere, I don't know where, during the revolution. His name was Dr. Adam Pierson -- I still remember it, to this day. I was sent to kill him. He had two boys; they came at me with swords drawn. I cut them down. They would have killed me, otherwise. They were maybe nine and ten. Children. I was sixteen years old. Killing the kids was not part of my mission, but it became necessary.
"MacLeod-san, I have a thousand stories like that one," Kenshin said, arms folded, eyes gone distant and flat.
"If you're trying to shock me, Kenshin, it's not working. I know damn well what war's like. He's not in a war."
Kenshin glanced towards the room. "I was talking to Soujiro, on the way over here. He told me a little about his early life. He killed his entire family when he was eight."
"Doesn't surprise me," MacLeod said, cynically.
"They were trying to kill him. And nobody was there to help him. He was all alone. Even after, nobody was there for him. He's had to stand on his own in a vicious world his entire life."
"Doesn't make what he's done right." MacLeod glared down at Kenshin. "And and what he's likely to do in the future."
"Soujiro was an assassin too, MacLeod, just like I was. But where at least I worked for a cause I truly believed in, Souji-san worked for an evil, manipulative man named Shishio who was plotting overthrow of the government. For Soujiro, in some ways, the war has never ended. He just found a new enemy."
"And how many more people is he going to assassinate?" MacLeod said. "You're a fool, Himura. A complete fool."
"Aa." Kenshin agreed. "But I'm not wrong about this decision. Look."
Soujiro could surely hear them, but he was ignoring them. Kenshin stepped into the room, where he was unsurprised to find Soujiro seated beside the bed, Heather's good hand in his, head bowed. Heather was snoring thickly; she was a tiny, frail figure under the blankets.
Soujiro glanced up, and said quietly, "I'm done, MacLeod. Kenshin's right. There's a hell of a lot I don't understand, but I think I've figured out that the prize just isn't worth winning."
MacLeod said, sounding supremely disgusted, "Okay, you're both idiots, then."
He doesn't believe Soujiro, Kenshin knew. He wasn't sure what MacLeod was going to do about it, however.
After he'd stalked off, Soujiro said with some concern, "Wasn't he your friend, Kenshin-san? And thank you for standing up for me -- I was not expecting that."
"Aa. He was a friend. And perhaps he still is." Kenshin sighed. "He's a good man, Soujiro. That he is. I'll try talk to him again tonight. I do not want to fight with him and I do not want to lose either of you if you fight."
"Lose me?" Soujiro blinked at Kenshin.
Kenshin simply shrugged.
Soujiro frowned at him, "I do not understand you, Kenshin. But I think I like you."
"I am pleased that you like me, that I am.," Kenshin met his eyes for a moment, then they sat in silence for a long moment. Heather's morphine-drugged snores were the only sounds breaking the quiet.
Kenshin asked, after some time of silence, "Do you want to stay with her? Someone should be here when she wakes."
"Yes, I'll stay. But don't you ...?"
"Atsuko will be by in a few hours. If Heather wakes, it may not be a bad thing for you two to be here alone. I think you have a few things to talk about with her, that you do."
Soujiro gave him a shy smile. "Perhaps."
"May I give a word of advice?"
"I'm listening."
"Don't trust her yet. Let her earn your trust."
"Yeah, I was planning on that. I'm not that clueless, Kenshin-san." Soujiro sighed. "I'll be her friend; I'm not interested in anything more right now. Just -- a friend."
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Atsuko arrived at the hospital an hour or so after Kenshin left; she'd been on a conference call for a long while with her bosses and a couple journalists, discussing her next assignment. The real world was calling her back -- she had a career and an employer that couldn't be neglected forever. Africa, again, it sounds like.
The assignment started in three weeks. She'd have to leave here in two and meet the rest of the crew in London where they would catch a series of flights to their destination.
It was a juicy assignment. She was looking forward to it because she knew there were many stories that truly needed to be told -- realities that the world needed to be made aware of.
The crew she was going with was top-notch; one of the journalists had won a Pulitzer.
And I'll part ways with Kenshin again. Damnit. I'm going to miss him.
"Atsuko," Soujiro said, as she entered. "Good evening."
"Hello, Souji-san," Atsuko said, "Heather."
Heather was awake, finally; she smiled at Atsuko. "Aunt Atsuko. You came!"
"Of course I came," Atsuko said, with some irritation at Heather's surprise. What, did the kid think she wouldn't come? "How are you feeling?"
"My arm hurts," Heather had a distinct whine in her voice that set Atsuko's teeth on edge. She really does hurt, Atsuko told herself firmly, Don't get on her case right now.
"I expect that is a side effect of having it nearly cut off, Akane," Soujiro drawled.
Heather glared at him. He shrugged and smiled, then said to Atsuko, "Does she always complain this much?"
"I'm not complaining!"
"Yes you are!" Soujiro and Atsuko said, simultaneously.
Heather started to protest, then shot Soujiro a sharp look, shut her mouth, and said, "Sorry."
Oh-hoh! Atsuko thought, with sudden realization. Heather gets away with crap with us because she knows we'll put up with it. Kenshin never even raises his voice with her. She takes advantage of that, quite a bit -- that stunt with his money, for example. She knows we love her and neither of us have the stomach to be as hard on her as she really deserves.
But Soujiro's different. Unless I miss my guess, Soujiro is going to be completely unwilling to let her walk all over him. If she wants Souji as a friend? She has to behave herself.
Judging by the looks that Heather was giving the man -- quick, covert, interested, glances -- she wanted him as that friend.
The question will be, will she want him more than the drugs?
Atsuko had no idea if Heather could rise to that challenge. I'd have said not likely even a few weeks ago. Maybe she's hit rock bottom, though. Nearly getting killed twice in a week ought to make an impression even on someone as stupid as Heather can be.
Soujiro said mildly, "We were talking, Atsuko -- when Akane gets out of here, I've got a house in San Francisco. I've lived there for several decades. She's welcome to come visit for awhile."
Heather -- or Akane, Atsuko noted she wasn't correcting Soujiro's use of her real name -- smiled faintly. "I've got too many friends here who are into the scene. I think I want to go away from here. It'd be better for me." Drug scene, Atsuko mentally translated. "I'm going to get away from that. I promise, Aunt Atsuko. I promise I'm going to get better."
"Huh. Souji-san, it might be a good idea for your to avoid MacLeod for awhile, too," Atsuko said, to Soujiro. She wasn't sure she believed Heather's promise -- Heather meant it, but she figured things might look different to her later. Only time would tell on that score.
On the other hand, Soujiro's nobody's fool. If he's lived in San Francisco for decades, I'm sure he knows all about druggies. Atsuko had spent a few weeks in San Francisco on assignment two years previously; the town had left an indelible impression on her that was best summed up as, "Interesting place."
"Soujiro knows some Hollywood people," Heather said, sounding brighter, happier, than she had a moment before.
If she says he's going to make her a star, I'll strangle Soujiro myself. More than once.
"He says he might be able to get me work under a set designer he knows," Heather glanced at Soujiro, who smiled at her. "You're not upset that I'm going to leave with him, are you?"
"No, kiddo, not at all," Atsuko said. "I wish you two luck, you know."
"I'm gonna need it," Heather said, with a groan.
"Not luck," Soujiro said, quietly. "My luck? It's always bad. Anything I've succeeded at in life, it's because I've worked at it."
"Wise man," Atsuko grinned.
Soujiro gave Heather a long, thoughtful look. "I'd much prefer to trust success that comes from hard work versus that which comes from random chance."
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Later that evening, Atsuko arrived home with an armful of groceries and books. The books were from the local library and the stack was thinner than she would have liked.
Research tonight, she thought. They were sending her to a rather remote area of Africa; a bit of study on the local culture, history, and politics was generally a good idea. Damnit, I want to go -- somebody needs to spread the word about the famine there, and the horrible war crimes -- but I don't want to leave. I'm so enjoying this time with Kenshin. And if Akane goes to San Francisco with Souji-san when she gets out of the hospital, I might actually end up with a little bit of time alone with Kenshin.
She opened the door, and Kenshin looked up from his laptop on the kitchen table and said cheerfully, "Good evening, Atsuko."
"Hey, Kenshin. I got fish for dinner. They had a sale on salmon."
"Want me to cook it?"
"Nah, I'll get it." Kenshin cooked wonderfully, better than almost anyone she knew, but broiled salmon was simple and he looked busy.
He'd been home for some time, she thought; he had on an old , comfortable gi -- the one he often wore to bed, when he actually went to bed rather than sleeping against the wall -- and his hair was hanging loose, a wild, wavy, hard-to-tame mass. He had a workout, then a shower, she thought, taking in his appearance. I hope he took the time to soak in a hot bath or he'll be hurting in the morning. And the workout may well have been because he's frustrated.
Kenshin asked, "How is Heather doing?"
"She seems to be in remarkably good spirits. Soujiro said he'd stay with her until visiting hours were over." Atsuko regarded him thoughtfully. Kenshin looked tired despite the three quarters empty cup of coffee on the table beside his computer. She picked the mug up, felt the temperature and established it was ice cold, and said, "Want more coffee?"
"Thank you, yes. I have not read my messages in several days and I am afraid answering them all may take some time." Kenshin gathered his long hair up in one fist and retrieved a leather thong from his pocket; he tied it back, somewhat to her regret. Kenshin with his hair down was always of the good, but he seemed to feel it was a state of semi-undress, like walking around without a shirt. Convincing him to wear his hair loose and long was impossible; she'd tried.
And if he ever cuts that hair, half the women in Tokyo -- and a certain percentage of the men -- will go into mourning, Atsuko thought, with some personal amusement.
"How many e-mails are from Toshio?" Atsuko said, with a good bit of snark in her voice. She walked into the kitchen, found half a pot of coffee in the machine, sampled it to verify that it hadn't gotten too bitter, and then poured both Kenshin and herself full cups.
"Many." He kept typing. "Mostly unpleasant."
"He's such a charming man."
"I do not react well to threats." Kenshin said, leaving her to wonder exactly what Toshio had said in his latest round of e-mails. On the whole, she decided she didn't want to know -- Kenshin could handle Toshio, and had on multiple occasions in the past.
Kenshin sipped the new cup of black coffee she handed him, then regarded her for a long, silent moment while she added cream and sugar to hers.
"What?" she said, finally, after trying hard for a moment to pretend he wasn't staring at her.
"Maa, it is nothing." He turned his attention back to the laptop.
"It's something, Kenshin."
"I am being rude. I apologize." Kenshin wouldn't meet her eyes now.
Hmm. Something's up with him. Atsuko claimed the chair opposite Kenshin, made an educated guess as to what was bugging him, and said, "Heather's going to be okay, Kenshin."
"She'll have a bad scar." Kenshin sighed. However, it was more of an sad sigh than a guilt-ridden sigh, so she didn't think Heather's injury was the reason why he was acting oddly. Still, a bit of guilt-intervention might be called for, since this was Kenshin, and Kenshin had guilt perfected to a fine art.
"I seem to know a certain samurai who has so many old injuries that he can barely move in the morning until he's had a hot shower," Atsuko said, pointedly. She sipped her coffee. "And that certain samurai does very well and doesn't consider himself crippled or disfigured. Kenshin, the doctors will do a good job at patching her up. Life will go on. I figure she's responsible for what happened, anyway, given what actually happened. I don't feel all that sorry for her. She rather caused a mess."
Kenshin sighed. "I'm not so much worried about her arm itself as what effect it may have on her. That was very traumatic, that it was, and she already does not deal with unpleasant things well."
"Actually, I have more hope for her than I ever have had before," Atsuko said, after a moment. "Because she has hope. I talked to her a bit. She's sounding brighter than she has in since we got here."
"Maa, maa, that's good," Kenshin put the laptop to sleep with a firm tap of the off button. He added, changing the subject, "I went by MacLeod's place before coming home."
"Are you guys good now?" Atsuko said, with some concern.
Kenshin stood up, and walked to the sliding glass doors. "Nobody was home. I'll try again in the morning. I want to talk to him, both because I want him to know I still consider him a friend and because he needs to know what really happened. I don't like leaving these differences between us up in the air. Atsuko, he's a good man -- I'd like to consider him a friend."
She followed him across the apartment. It was raining hard outside; they stood watching the weather for a moment in companionable silence. Or -- at least she watched the rain. Abruptly, she became aware that a pair of violet eyes were regarding her, and not the storm, with a most intent expression.
"What's wrong, Kenshin?" She repeated, surer now that something was bothering him.
"Oro, it is nothing." One minute he'd been looking at her with his brow furrowed; the next he wouldn't meet her eyes at all.
"It is not nothing. What, are you about to proposition me or something? 'Cause if you are, you know I'd say yes."
She was trying to lighten the mood. Kenshin blushed, which she'd expected. She also anticipated his embarrassed, "Orooo, Atsuko!"
In perfect timing with him, she mimicked, "Orooo, Atsuko!"
He glared. It was a very good imitation; she had always been talented at doing voices. There was, however, a good deal of amusement in that glare; his eyes were trying to smile.
She grinned. "C'mon, Kenshin, you know I'm only kidding. You're gorgeous, which you well know, but you're my best friend. I know how it is with you and I understand."
"Do you?" His words were so soft she almost didn't hear them. He looked up at her, violet eyes searching her face. She'd never seen quite this particular expression on his face -- almost yearning, but with hints of fear to it. "Do you really know what's in my heart?"
"'Course, if you ever wanted to jump in bed with me, I sure wouldn't say no." Unsettled by that look she crossed her arms and said, "What is with you, Kenshin? You're acting rather weird."
He looked away suddenly, swallowed hard, then folded his arms and stared out at the rain. "It is nothing."
"Not nothing," Impulsively, she rested a hand on his shoulder and tugged until he turned back to face her. "Did I say something to upset you? If I did, I'm sorry. You know I'm not serious about the bed thing. "
Far too quickly, he replied, "It is nothing you did. I am sorry if you thought so."
"Baka Kenshin," she scolded. "I can read you like a book. Since you're not telling me what it is bothering it's likely something to do with me. And I'm sorry for whatever I did, but I can't fix it unless you tell me what it is."
He almost flinched at her words. "Maa, Atsuko, you worry too much. You haven't done anything. I, on the other hand, have been a complete and utter fool." Violet eyes searched her face. He added, with quite a bit of self-recrimination, "And I am also a coward."
"Never!" She denied this strongly. "You're the bravest man I know."
"Not in everything, that I am not."
"Will you just spit out what it is that is bothering you already?" She rested her hands on his shoulders and gave him a little shake. "I'm starting to get mad here."
"Heaven forbid that Atsuko be angry at this unworthy one," Kenshin said, with some amusement. "This has never happened before, it has not." Then the smile slipped from his face and was replaced again with that odd, serious expression. To her utter surprise he stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her and just held her, hugging her to him. "You're right. I've been such a fool, Atsuko."
Kenshin-hugs were rare things, given far more often (but rarely still) to the children than to any adults in his life. The man didn't really like to be touched, and in truth she was astonished by the gesture. Hesitantly, she said, "Kenshin?"
"Such a fool," he repeated, very quietly, a whisper next to her ear.
Belatedly, she realized she should probably hug him back, and did, tightening her arms around him. He was hard-muscled, but so very thin; the top of his head was just below the level of her nose. His hair smelled of shampoo and was still a little damp from his recent shower. And his closeness was doing pleasant things to the pit of her stomach -- albeit frustrating ones, because Kenshin wasn't ever going to be anything but a friend.
So she was surprised when he whispered a confession softly, in a tone of voice that startled her with its low, urgent intensity, "Atsuko, I love you."
"What?" She let go of him.
He folded his arms, hands disappearing into the sleeves of his gi. He wouldn't meet her eyes again, and stared down at his feet. Quickly, too quickly really, he said, "I am sorry if I upset you."
"No, I mean, I never expected to hear you say those words to me," she stared at him, truly shocked by the admission. Her mind was going in somewhat incoherent circles. Did he really just say that? In that tone of voice?
"Atsuko," Kenshin finally looked up at her. "I've been such a fool."
"Well, yeah, maybe, if it's anything to do with your love life." That provoked a brief smile from him but she still eyed him suspiciously. Atsuko wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hear what she now suspected he was going to say. I don't want to lose the friendship we have. This could change everything! "Kenshin, I'm no Kaoru. I'm rude and obnoxious and I tease to the point of offending people sometimes. I've got horrible manners and I'm far too forward and I'm far too quick to speak my mind and I ..."
Kenshin said, "Atsuko, you'd probably explode if you tried to keep your mouth shut for more than five minutes at a stretch. And then I'd have to find a new best friend. So on the whole, I'd appreciate it if you don't change. I like -- love -- you just the way you are."
She snorted a laugh at his dry tone. The banter was welcome; it was a familiar pattern in their relationship -- a relationship that he'd just completely turned upside down.
Do I want this? Really?
He looked up at her, violet eyes gleaming with emotions that shivered her to her core. He'd never looked at her like that before. It was as if his whole soul was focused on her, to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. It was an intimate look, one that promised many things. "I realized something, Atsuko -- for all that it hurt when Kaoru died, I would do it all again. It was worth the pain at the end for all those decades together."
He stopped talking and she waited, while he was quiet for a moment, recognizing that he was gathering his thoughts together. Finally, he said, "There was so much joy, so much happiness, during those many years, that there was. We had a good life together -- more than this unworthy one ever deserved, truth told. I grieved, and still have grief, but it was worth it."
Violet eyes searched her face and smiled faintly. "And I realized something else -- I will grieve for you, greatly, someday. I know this. I accept it. I cannot avoid it, nor do I wish to."
She swallowed and said nothing. It was so unexpected that she literally couldn't come up with anything to say.
"Atsuko, I want to experience that sort of joy with you. I am doing us both a disservice, I believe, by walling my heart off from ever loving again. What I do not want is to grieve for you someday without ever having experiencing the joy that I think we could have."
She thought that his next words, said in a thoughtful tone, were as much directed as himself as her, "I am not replacing Kaoru with you. I am simply moving on. Perhaps it is time."
"Some would say long past time!" Atsuko said. Her thoughts were still awhirl; the comment popped out by pure reflex.
His eyes danced with amusement. "You remind me I'm human and let me be myself when I'm with you. I treasure you, Atsuko, I truly do."
"You jerk, you could have figured that out years ago. And ..." The beginnings of a good rant were aborted when she saw the look in his eyes. It was frank amusement, at her expense, probably because he had anticipated the annoyed anger. She accused, "You're enjoying this, Kenshin."
"Well, yes," he admitted, lips twitching in what promised to turn into laugh with very little prompting. "It is rare that I see you this off balance. I have wondered how you would react if I ever said 'yes' to you. This is, by the way, an yes."
That completely stopped all thought and rendered her completely speechless. Had he just implied what she thought he'd implied? By the look in his eyes -- vastly amused now -- it had been."Kenshin?"
Oh, god. Her body thrilled at the thought, hormones chiming in with a strong vote for, Jump his bones right now because he said yes!
All she could seem to do was stare at him, though. The amusement faded and was replaced with something resembling fear. He hugged himself, doubt creeping into his eyes. He'd probably expected a reaction from her other than dumb shock.
Like maybe a kiss? A kiss would be good. She couldn't move, couldn't bring herself to make the first step. One of them was going to have to, and by the look on his face, he was had as many butterflies over the idea as she did.
"Maaa. Perhaps I should give you time to think. I am sorry if this was perhaps an unwelcome advance ... I know that I took great pains to make you believe we would never be but friends. I thought it for the best." He hesitated. "I'm sorry ... I have done you wrong, I think."
Oh, no. He's going to start apologizing now. Moron. Apologies I do not want to hear right now!
"If you give me time to think," Atsuko said, very clearly, "I'll probably panic and run gibbering back to Tokyo. Because I never thought you would say 'yes' in a romantic proposition sense and oh-my-God, Kenshin, one of us really has to make a move right now before we both grow old. This not unwanted, trust me, you idiot, and I think a kiss would be traditional right about now."
He laughed, relief lighting his eyes. "I didn't think it would be unwelcome, but ..."
"Shut up, Kenshin, and kiss me. You do remember how to kiss a woman, right? It hasn't been so long that you've entirely forgotten?"
He stopped laughing, and he looked at her from beneath his bangs with amber-eyed expression that completely took her breath away. Kenshin reached out, rested his hands on her hips, pulled her close, and said, "I'm going to take that as a challenge, Atsuko. That I am."
And that night he proved he did know how to kiss with great skill, among other things.
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