Chapter Three: Excuses, Excuses
The weather began to get colder at Shiz, and snow threatened often. Elphaba kept inside and would often refuse to go on group outings for fear of being touched by the harsh wetness of the snow. This disappointed Boq and Fiyero, as well as Avaric, who was looking desperately for someone to poke fun at.
Late one lazy afternoon, Boq, Fiyero, Glinda, Crope, Tibbett, Nanny and Nessa had joined forces to drag Elphaba out from the protective shelter of her dorm and they spent several hours at the café, playing cards and chatting. Nessa and Elphaba argued, as usual, mercilessly about religion, Avaric continually brought up the Philosophy Club and Tibbett and Crope kept coming up with various reasons to dress as women.
"Hey, Elphaba, you still suspect that tick-tock thing of having something to do with Dillamond's murder, right?" Crope asked.
Elphaba nodded and blew at the steam emanating from her tea.
Tibbett finished Crope's idea. "We could sneak into Morrible's office, dressed as elderly women who are also planning on funding schools for girls..."
"Do any of your plans ever include dressing as men?" Elphaba raised her eyebrows.
"That's no fun," pouted Crope.
"Yeah, really." Agreed Tibbett.
Elphaba and Boq rolled their eyes at each other and Boq suggested, "Why not just dress as women without an excuse?"
"Because then we have no reason to act like women!" Tibbett replied.
"Oh, of course," Boq remarked sarcastically, laughing. "Why not just act as women just for the fun of seeing how many people actually believe you?"
Crope and Tibbett looked at each other. Excitedly, Crope said, "I like the way he thinks."
"Hey, Boq, if you ever want to join us on one of our outings..."
"I'm going to have to decline that invitation."
"Yeah, no one wants to see him attempting to dress as a woman." Elphaba voiced. "I'd take a fork to my eyes and blind myself if I ever had to see that."
Boq looked offended, then realized it might seem a bit odd of a thing to be offended by. "Whatever. She's probably right."
Crope and Tibbett pretended to be sad for a moment and then began a private discussion of further cross-dressing plans.
Elphaba sighed, laughing helplessly. "Boq, sometimes I wonder about you..."
Boq looked terrified. "Elphaba! How dare you say that!" He lowered his voice. "Especially in front of Ms. Glinda."
"Oh, of course. Oz forbid." Elphaba mocked.
"Miss Elphie!" Boq scolded.
"Whatever."
"You'd resent me if I said that about you." Boq pointed out.
"No, I am a girl, thank you very much, Boq."
Everyone laughed. Avaric piped up, "Well, at least that's what the doctors think."
"Aw, shut up Avaric." Muttered Boq.
Elphaba glared at both Avaric and Boq (Boq only because she resented someone else telling Avaric to shut his mouth before she got the chance to). "However, Avaric, I'm sorry to say the doctors still aren't very sure about you. In fact, they're more positive about Crope and Tibbett than they are about you."
Crope spoke up angrily, "They are not!"
"Really, Elphaba, don't say such horrid things," added Tibbett.
Glinda put her word in, having a secret crush on Avaric, who was the only male at the table who was even close to what she thought of at her status. "Seriously, Miss Elphie, I'm disturbed at some of the things you say."
Elphaba was bothered by the prospect of Glinda sticking up for Avaric. "Miss Glinda, what has gotten into you today? Since when has anything I've had to say sparked any sort of opinion from you?"
"I just think it's rude, that's all." Glinda stuck her nose in the air.
Elphaba saw that it was more than this. But she was made uncomfortable thinking that Glinda could like Avaric rather than Boq, and she decided she'd talk to her roommate later when they were in their dorm.
"Glinda?"
Surprised that the green girl was making an effort at conversation, Glinda looked up from her drawer of blouses that she'd been reorganizing. "What?"
"Why were you so defensive about Avaric this afternoon?"
"No reason. I just think it incredibly rude of you to insult him so."
"Glinda, he insulted me first."
"Well... still."
After a long pause, Elphaba asked, "Do you like anyone, Glinda?"
"No, of course not. I don't bother with dating."
"Not even if you were to find someone of your honorable status?" Elphaba mocked.
"Miss Elphie, I am shocked at the way you talk sometimes."
"Well, Miss Glinda, I'm shocked with the way you act sometimes."
Glinda glared at Elphaba. "Well, I have class."
"I'm sure you do." Elphaba snorted.
"And you obviously do not. People who have class do not snort, Miss Elphaba."
"Thanks for informing me."
"You are so... just undignified!"
"Whatever." Elphaba shrugged. "At least I don't have a crush on nasty old Avaric."
"Neither do I. I just happen to think it is disrespectful for someone like you to throw such insults at someone like him."
"Someone like him meaning: someone of similar social class?"
"It means nothing of the sort!"
"Then what does it mean?"
"Someone from Gillikin." Glinda answered.
"Miss Glinda, I don't care where our dear friend Master Avaric is from, I think he's a bastard and needs to be put in his place."
"Your language is disgusting, Miss Elphaba."
"Sure, Glinda. Sure it is."
"I will not be talked to this way!" Glinda huffed, turning around to go back to her drawers.
"Whatever, Miss High and Mighty." Elphaba replied.
They didn't speak for the rest of the week, and by the time they spoke again, several things would have changed.