A/N: Thanks again for all the great reviews. Enjoy!

CHAPTER 11: JUST ANOTHER PHASE OF FINDING WHAT I REALLY NEED

"How could you?" Severus asked, his face a mix of anger and worry. "How could you break that promise? And risk your life!"

More tears began to leak out of Morgana's eyes as she made a desperate attempt to look at anything besides the man standing in front of her. Both of them had committed their share of sins, but Morgana could not stand to explain to the man she loved why she did the things she did.

"Answer me, damn it!" he hissed, kneeling down beside her and clutching her arm.

"I cannot!" Morgana replied in a hoarse whisper as she made a break for her rooms. She heard Severus behind her, fast on her heels. But not for long, she thought, and hitched her robes as she picked up speed along the cavernous corridors of the castle. The door to her chamber was in sight; the door was just within her reach –

"Incarcerous!" she heard him shout.

The thick ropes snaked around her legs and pulled her to the ground. For a moment she was seeing spots, her head had hit the floor so hard. But Severus soon appeared, towering over her as he always did, pointing his wand at her.

"What are you going to do, Severus? Are you going to kill me, because I won't tell you the reason behind my foolishness?" she cried as she struggled against the ropes binding her. "Then do so, sir, and be quick about it!"

Severus rolled his eyes and pocketed his wand. "You are being melodramatic. Now hush," he said, and picked her up, carrying her into her chambers and placing her on the sofa in front of the fire.

"I nearly killed her, Severus," Morgana whispered. "I was so close…she was right there, I could have had her…"

"Yes, Miss Granger did seem a bit distressed after her latest encounter with you," Severus said offhandedly, examining his nails.

Morgana was shocked. "She…she told you about it?"

"She saw you leap out the window and disappear. She nearly ran me over in the hallway on her way to the headmaster's office. Of course I had to ask what was wrong, and she explained in some detail," he replied, making his way over to her. "Now I will ask you one last time: Why did you leave?"

Morgana opened her mouth, but no words could escape it. How was she to explain a feeling; a feeling that terrible? In what way could she possibly make him understand the insanity that drove her to the desperate act of hours prior? "Severus……I can't…"

"You lied to me! You made a promise and you broke it!" he yelled, his eyes burning with fury. "How can you expect me to believe anything else that escapes your lips now?"

"I didn't have a choice!" Morgana screamed, and made a mad attempt to remove the magical ropes still wound around her legs.

Severus pulled her hands away from her ankles and pulled her close to him. "You did, Morgana. You did have a choice." He let her drop back onto the sofa and paced the room, his brow furrowed and his mind racing. "And by my own actions I exposed myself to one of the Dark Lord's most powerful agents!"

"You didn't have to come."

"Yes, yes I did."

"And why is that?"

"Because I…" He stopped, the words balancing on his lips, unsure whether to speak them or silence them.

"Because you love me?" Morgana finished, with a hint of sarcasm, her eyebrow raised quizzically.

Severus stared blankly at her. "If you find that my actions were foolish, then I am terribly sorry that I didn't allow you to die in that alleyway tonight," he hissed, each word dripping with venom. "I am sorry you believe my feelings are nothing more than a joke." And with that, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door as he went.

Morgana closed her eyes and laid her head back as tears made their way down her cheeks and onto the pillow beneath her.

Severus stood momentarily outside the door, listening to the muffled sobs coming from the woman inside. Part of him yearned to sit by her side and let her cry on his shoulder, and wait patiently for an answer to come. But his anger won out, and he continued his frustrated walk back down the main staircase to the entrance hall. He didn't want to return to the dungeons; the possibility of running into a few of his students did not appeal to him, and so instead he exited the castle and made his way onto the grounds and down to the shore of the lake. A howl escaped the trees of the Forbidden Forest, and Severus was grateful it wasn't a full moon, or he would be wary to venture so far from the castle without protection. He stared out across the lake, the white moonlight dancing off the surface and giving the illusion that a thousand diamonds were lying just underneath the waves.

The question he had buried in the dark recesses of his mind surfaced again as he watched the small waves break on the muddy shores. What other explanation could there be for why, at the first sign of trouble, he had leapt impulsively into action and Apparated to London, searching high and low for her? How else could he explain his idiotic decision to attack Alistair Cimmerii in a blatant attempt to protect his daughter from an apparent attack?

You don't have time for love, Severus thought coldly, leaning against a beech tree near the shore. He grimaced as he recalled the incident that took place underneath the very same tree twenty-one years ago, where Potter and Black had made a fool of him in front of everyone, including Lily Evans. He pulled away from the tree as if it had burned him with the bad memories of years past, and instead decided to take a seat on the grass.

The sound of the waves calmed him, and he stared at the palms of his hands as he tried to think through the confronting emotions running through his mind. It was true; he didn't have time for love. He was being summoned on an almost weekly basis to divulge information about the movements of Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix to the Dark Lord. Shielding his mind was difficult enough as it without having to worry about Voldemort finding out about Morgana.

It's too dangerous, the voice in his head continued. If any of the Death Eaters caught wind of an affair between he and Cimmerii's daughter, there was bound to be trouble. Voldemort could use their relationship against the both of them; he could even pull Morgana over to his side simply by threatening Severus's life if she refused.

Severus hung his head in his hands and shivered as a brisk January wind kicked up, sending the remaining dead leaves scattering around him. The surface of the lake began to ripple, and a few large tentacles rose in and out of the water as the resident giant squid breached in the midnight air.

"You need to figure this out," he said quietly to himself as he began to make his way back to the castle. "Loving her is far too dangerous right now…and yet that seems to be the only word to describe what you feel for her." He was cut off in his monologue by a searing pain that shot through his left arm, and he clutched at the Dark Mark underneath his robes. There was no time to warn Dumbledore; he made his way to the gates and resolved to tell the headmaster everything that had occurred when he returned.

That is, he thought morosely, if you return.