Babyvengers
An MCU FanFiction piece by Bookwormninja710
Cover Summary: When Tony Stark has another ingenious idea for an invention, he has no idea the chaos that will follow. Soon, aided only by an exasperated fiancee, the villain in the basement, and an overly excited webslinger, Tony is left with the biggest task of his life: Babysitting.
Full Summary: Somewhat AU. After Ragnarok, Thor, Loki, and Hulk make it back to Earth without being caught by Thanos. The Asgardians have begun living in New Asgard, with Valkyrie as their leader. Thor and Hulk are back at the Avengers Compound, and Loki is being held prisoner. Again. After Civil War, Cap and Tony stopped talking to each other. Their teams went opposite ways, but when Steve gets into a sticky spot with the government (again), Tony is there to acquit him and persuade the government to pardon the entirety of Team Cap. Now, Bucky, Sam, and Steve have been working together with some Wakandans to try and take HYDRA out of Bucky's brain. Currently, they've only made it so that the Winter Soldier is buried and hidden. Clint and Natasha have just gotten back from another one of Fury's super secret assassin missions, and are looking forward to just relaxing at the compound for a while until Nick sends them off again. Long story short, a lot of Avengers in one place for too long is bound to turn into some sort of chaotic rescue mission or battle for their life.
Rating: T because I'm paranoid I guess. Nothing overly graphic (partially because I'm not good at writing that stuff), all the bad language is starred out with asterisks. Probably more of a K+ but you never know.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the legendary Stan Lee and the other iconic creators of Marvel. I am merely the messenger of this FanFic, and own nothing except the plot.
Disclaimer #2: The Marvel Characters curse. I do not. I use asterisks. Don't worry, you'll still know what they mean.
Chapter OneLater, Tony Stark swore up and down that it was originally meant to be a safeguard. A precautionary measure just in case they needed it. Something to save for a rainy day or an especially obscure fight, not meant in any way to be harmful to his fellow Avengers. Honestly.
"Hey, Bruce!"
The call was simple and straightforward. One genius superhero to another. It could've been about anything: what additional weaponry should I add to my next Iron Man suit, have you heard from Wanda or Vision recently, et cetera.
But, as we all know, when Tony Stark is involved, things are never quite that easy.
If he had chosen to spend his lazy Saturday morning with any other Avenger, the whole crisis probably could've been prevented.
Unfortunately, Doctor Bruce Banner heeded his summons and made his way down to his and Stark's shared laboratory.
"What's up?" Bruce asked.
Tony chuckled in a way that made Bruce feel like he was about to participate in an activity that was quite certainly illegal in at least thirty-seven of the fifty states.
"I figured something out." Tony held up a small vial with a light blue liquid. "Just cooked it up over the past few days. Could come in handy at some point."
"What does it do?" Bruce asked, eyeing the vial warily. "Things don't usually end well when you 'just cook something up.'"
"A way to manually reverse the effects of elapsed time on a person. You know… an anti-aging serum, if you will."
"Tony… I really don't think that's a good idea…"
Tony waved aside Banner's concern. "Name one time something of mine has gone wrong-"
"Ultron," Bruce said immediately. "The Iron Legion, making nukes and selling them to terrorists-"
"Okay, okay." Tony rolled his eyes. "It's just a precautionary thing. We've faced so many different things throughout the years that you never know what you're going to need. Plus, it was actually a lot of fun to make."
Bruce ran a hand through his hair anxiously. "Alright, Tony, but-"
Tony held up a hand. "Uh uh uh. I'm gonna stop you right there. See, you're not seeing the genius in this."
"Can't you just leave me out of it?" Bruce asked, exasperated. "So that I don't get blamed when this whole thing blows up in your face?"
"No, of course not!" Tony grinned, forcefully led Bruce to his extremely cluttered desk, and flung his arms out with overdramatic bravado. "We're mad scientists, remember? I need your skill set! I've already managed to snag a bit of magic from Thor and Loki without them realizing. I may be the world's greatest genius, but I admittedly don't possess all the skills needed to make this." Tony frowned at the vial. "Unfortunately."
"No." Banner turned around and started walking out. "If Asgardian magic is involved, I don't want a part in it. It's dangerous."
"Jee, Banner!" Tony called after him. "Why can't you bring out the other guy for a minute? He likes destroying stuff but at least he isn't a buzzkill!"
Bruce slammed the door shut behind him.
Tony sighed dramatically, turning to face his desktop. With a small flick of his fingers, a large holographic screen popped up, and Tony squinted at the numbers on it.
"We got that, FRIDAY, didn't we? Or do I have to call Mr. Melodramatic back in here for a few more minutes?"
"Yes sir, we did get it," a robotic voice said from the small comm unit in his ear. "Doctor Banner was able to withstand and release enough radiation that it reached the serum and mildly affected its molecular contents. Your plan worked perfectly, sir."
"As always." Tony smirked and rubbed his hands together, studying the bluish vial. "Turn off the Gamma ray emissions for the lab, and disengage invisible Gamma protection gear."
"Sure thing, boss." There were a few clicks and hums as FRIDAY completed the requested tasks.
"Perfect," Tony said when he felt his invisible protective barrier be removed from his skin. "Thanks, Banner." He shook the small vial a few times, until the liquid inside was frothy and bubbling. "I really am the smartest guy around, aren't I, F?"
Even F.R.I.D.A.Y, the insentient AI, sounded like she was holding back a laugh when she replied, "undoubtedly, sir, undoubtedly."
"Guys, Fury is calling in today, so be on your best behavior, got it?" Tony pointed at everyone in the kitchen
"Don't you think we should be telling you that?"
Tony rolled his eyes. "See, Rogers, sometimes I think you're halfway decent and then you go and make a comment like that." Steve Rogers, leaning against the kitchen counter, looked up from his newspaper and raised an eyebrow at Tony as he took a sip of coffee. "And for Thor's sake, who reads the newspaper anymore?"
"I do not understand," Thor said, frowning and pouring himself a mug of Asgardian mead that was most definitely not the best choice for breakfast. "Why is he reading the news pamphlet for my sake?"
"Because," Tony began, "the expression is 'oh for God's sake,' and you're a god- you know what, it's not funny if I have to explain it."
"Knowing your history with jokes, it was probably never funny at all," Bucky Barnes commented, walking into the kitchen and rifling through the cabinets.
"Speaking of history," Tony rebutted without missing a beat, "is the museum aware that two of their oldest relics are missing?" He gestured to Bucky and Steve, then filled his coffee mug to the brim.
"Very funny," Bucky replied sarcastically. "You're just jealous you're half my age and look ten years older."
"I think I pulled off the look well," Tony boasted, grinning at his reflection on the surface of the stove. "You, on the other hand…" He made it a point to avert his gaze to Bucky's messy ponytail and tattered sweats. "A hundred and one, huh, Barnes? You too, Rogers, triple digits in a few weeks."
Bucky just shrugged, using his metal arm to forcefully extract the almost-empty coffee pot from Tony's hands. He grabbed the largest mug in the cabinets and dumped the remaining drops of the caffeinated beverage into it. Knowing full well that waking up to an empty coffee pot would result in an incredibly angry Natasha, Bucky replaced the empty pot into the coffee maker, pressed a few buttons, and began preparing a new batch of the drink.
"Look at you, all tech-savvy," Tony quipped. "You've come a long way from the guy who completely demolished the microwave."
"It's not my fault the d*mn thing beeped at me," Bucky mumbled. "It sounded like a bomb. What was I supposed to do?"
"Not setting my Hot Pocket on fire would've been nice."
Bucky glared at Tony and delivered a swift kick to Steve's shin when he heard snickering coming from behind the newspaper. The ex-assassin grabbed his large coffee mug and stormed out of the room as intimidatingly as a guy with a white tank top, sweatpants, ponytail, and bright yellow Stark Industries coffee mug could.
Thor, his Asgardian mead already downed and his extra-large mug thrown into the sink, followed Bucky out of the room, swinging Mjölnir by his side carelessly.
"Woah, party in the kitchen and I wasn't invited?" Clint popped into the room as the other two walked out, his archery duffel slung over his shoulder.
"Fury's coming today," Steve informed him. "And we're out of coffee."
"Nat's not gonna be happy," the archer replied, pointing at the coffee pot that was slowly being refilled by the machine. "Why's Fury calling in?"
"Something about a follow-up or check-in of some sort, regarding… ah, how did he put it… Captain Rogers' most recent impromptu stay in a jail cell."
Steve's face reddened immediately at the mention of his most recent run-in with the law. "It was only for one night," he mumbled. "And it was completely unjustified. All I was doing was helping someone…"
"You broke into their freaking house, Steve." Clint poured himself a bowl of cereal and grinned.
"There was going to be a burglary," Steve protested.
"Burglary or not, it's still considered breaking and entering if you go into someone's house without permission."
"See?" Tony said, pointing at Clint. "Merida gets it."
Steve exhaled slowly as Clint chuckled.
"Merida," the archer laughed, "that's a new one. Beats Legolas, that's for sure."
"People don't understand what we have to give up for their protection, do they?" Steve asked, ignoring Clint's lighthearted comment about the red headed Disney princess and Ithilian elven prince. "I mean, they just barely pardoned Bucky for his crimes, and now they're trying to imprison me for every little thing I do."
"Well…" Tony started, stealing the box of Fruit Loops away from Clint, "your best friend did kill my parents. And quite possibly John F. Kennedy. And many others." The billionaire pointed his cereal box in Steve's direction. "And you're not exactly innocent either, Captain. Been on the lam how many times now?"
Steve grumbled an indiscernible answer, to which Tony smugly replied, "that's what I thought."
Clint, fed up with their feuding and bickering, grabbed his bowl of sugary, colorful cereal, along with the entire gallon of milk from the fridge, and walked out of the kitchen.
"There's no more coffee," he told Natasha as he passed her in the hallway. "Got some milk, though," he added, seeing her eyes darken. "Blame Barnes. He drank the rest of it."
Amused, Clint watched the still sleepy-eyed Natasha walk into the compound's dining room, take an unsuspecting Bucky's coffee mug, and dump the scalding liquid all over the Winter Soldier's head.
As the two ex-assassins squared up, Bucky dripping with coffee and cursing up a storm, Clint muttered, "just an average day in the Avenger's compound," to no one in particular.
If he only knew how wrong his words were going to prove to be in the coming hours….