Author's Note: I am back! Yay! I'm sorry I've been away so long but I've been working on my real fiction novel and I want to complete before next October. I'm 25 done! Anyway, please read and review. Part of why I haven't been writing is the reviews just aren't coming in like they used too and it brings me down because I'm not sure if anyone is even enjoying this story so please even two words is better than no words! I accept all kinds of critiques good or bad so bring em on! Thanks and enjoy... More chapters to come soon.

Listen to you Heart

I know there's something in the wake of your smile

I get a notion from the look in your eyes

You've built a love but that love falls apart

Little piece of heaven turns to dark

Mulder's hand fumbled with the keys as he drunkenly twisted them in the key hole. As quietly as possible, he made his way towards the bedroom and grabbed a small duffel bag from the closet; his travel pack. His eyes glanced towards the bed where she lay sleeping. Fighting the urge to crawl into bed with her, he shook his head and walked out the bedroom door. Down the hall, he peeked in on William who slept soundly in his crib. His tuft of crimson hair sparkled in the moonlight. Bending down, Mulder gently kissed his son goodbye before heading towards the door.

Listen to your heart

When he's calling for you

Listen to your heart

There's nothing else you can do

I don't know where you're going

And I don't know why

But listen to your heart

Before you tell him goodbye

The alarm droned on for what seemed like hours before Scully was able to drag herself from the bed. As she twisted around, she reached out instinctively for him. When her hand confirmed the night before she got up from the bed quickly and went out into the living hoping he would be in his usual spot, the couch. When she found it untouched, she went into William's room and checked the rocking chair. As she searched the remaining rooms, her fears were confirmed. He had not come home.

As she bathed, dressed and fed William her heart fell closer to the ground with each breath. Every imaginable thought scoured her mind as she sat there at the kitchen table. Was he really that upset? She brushed away the questions as she drove William to her mother's house.

"Dana! Oh honey, are you okay?" Margaret hugged her daughter tightly. Dana nodded profusely. Her mother respected her privacy and smiled back as Dana shakily walked back to the car.

She walked hurriedly from the elevator towards the all too familiar basement door. Doggett turned from the desk to catch her brushing her askew hair behind her ear.

"Agent Scully, what brings you down?" His eyes caught the nervousness in her eyes as she darted them towards the second room in the corner.

"Is Mulder here?" Her voice shifted uncomfortably.

Doggett frowned and stood up indecisively, "Uh no, he's not. Is everything okay, Dana?"

She nodded quickly as she turned on heel but Doggett caught her arm, "Hey what's wrong?"

Refusing to turn around she muffled an excuse, "Nothing, I was just looking for him."

Taking the plunge he reeled her around and stared into her glassy eyes, "Didn't he tell you?"

Slowly raising her eyes up she whispered, "Tell me what?"

"He requested an assignment this morning in California. He'll be gone all week. Surely he told you. Maybe he left a message?" Doggett searched her eyes but found nothing but shock and pain.

Shaking her head, she tried to wrestle free but Doggett didn't loosen, "Hey Dana, what is wrong? Did you have an argument?"

Feeling the walls crumbling she relaxed her arms and muffled a cry, "He knows, John."

Without another word, Doggett pulled his hand away from her and turned away indifferently. Mulling it over, he paced before he came back in front of her.

"How?"

She gathered the strength and spoke, "Bill told him. Mulder hasn't been home since last night."

"Surely he knows better than…"

"Does he, John? For god's sake, he probably thinks even now…" Scully broke off and sat down abruptly at the desk, "I can't even express that to him now, he won't see me." Pursing her lips together tightly she held the sobs back.

John came forward and kneeled in front of her, "He just needs time, he'll come back around, you'll see. If you want I could see if he'll talk to me."

"No, don't John. I'm not sure how he feels about you right now. Oh god, I've should have told him years ago." Her face fell in her hands.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I'm here for you; remember?"

Scully nodded slowly, "I know John," Locking eyes with him, she smiled faintly, "Thanks."

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worth while

The precious moments are all lost in the tide

They're swept away and nothing is what it seems

The feeling of belonging to your dreams

Scully sat at her office desk staring at her cell phone. It was Wednesday and still no call. If he didn't call then she shouldn't try calling him, she tried to reason with herself. Still it was hard trying to pretend everything was okay. She felt so alone at night reaching out for his warmth and she felt guilty pretending she was fine when she went to her mother's. The family had left and that was fine with Scully as her brother was at the bottom of her list. Margaret didn't try and intervene fearing worse consequences.

Doggett found a reason to come down to Quantico and see her. She was busy filling out papers when he knocked quietly.

Dropping the pen, she looked up to find Doggett at the door, "Oh John, hi."

"Agent Scully, how are you?"

"I'm okay. Has he called?"

Doggett shook his head solemnly.

"I didn't think so," Scully answered.

"He checked in with Skinner though, he should be home on Friday afternoon."

Scully nodded. Silence passed for moments before she spoke again, "Was it wrong? Should I feel guilty?"

"How could we have known?" He asked innocently.

"I know but what if he doesn't see it that way? What if he feels that I abandoned all hope? That I moved on too fast?"

"Then maybe you need to tell him why. He has a right to know." Doggett answered.

"I just didn't want him to worry, to think me fragile. I just didn't want him to blame himself but I know you're right."

Listen to your heart

When he's calling for you

Listen to your heart

There's nothing else you can do

I don't know where you're going

And I don't know why

But listen to your heart

Before you tell him goodbye

Scully scribbled down notes as she sat down at her desk. She glanced up at the clock and sighed at the time, four-thirty. Only thirty minutes left before she was leaving. Noticing a file missing she got up and went for the lab.

"Helen, have you see the…." Scully called at the doorway. She stopped and caught his figure standing there, "Oh…hi…"

Mulder nodded nervously as he came forward, "Scully, I…"

"Listen Mulder, I need to…" Scully began but Mulder interrupted her.

"Scully, I need to say this." He pleaded anxiously.

She stopped and nodded waiting for his response. Her hands idle at her sides.

"I've been thinking for some time now and…"

"I know and that's why I wanted to…" He stopped her again.

"Please Scully let me get this out."

She stopped again and fell silent.

"I need to know if you have ever hated me." He blurted out.

"What?" Scully asked completely dumbfounded.

"I need to know. I need the truth." Mulder stepped forward slightly.

"That's absurd, Mulder. Why would you think something like that?" Scully retorted.

"Just please answer the question. Have you ever despised me or been disappointed with me? I need to know." His voice quaked with nervousness as he spoke.

"Mulder, please what does this have to do with anything? You know I love you." Scully asked feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"I didn't ask that. Just tell me the truth." Mulder insisted with more strength.

Scully shook her head and she turned on heel and headed back towards the office.

Mulder followed egging her on, "Tell me Dana. Was there even one time when you couldn't stand the sight of me?"

Scully brought her hand to her head and backed up towards the corner, "This isn't about how I feel about you! It's about what I did!" She raised her voice defensively.

"I know that. That's why I need to know. Just tell me the truth! How do you really feel about me?! Was there ever even a moment?"

Feeling cornered, Scully lost it, "Yes, I hated you! Are you happy!? I despised you so much!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she pushed him out of her way.

"Every time you ditched me! Every time you dragged me out at three a.m. to chase aliens! Every time the truth became clear it was yanked farther away! I hated you for all of that! I lost my chance for children! I lost my sister! I lost you…" She sobbed as she came forward towards him, "All that bullshit about not giving up when I was sick! It was all a lie! You gave up! You left me! You left your son! I hated you!"

She backed away pulling her copper strands from her face, "But I never stopped loving you." She added morosely before she grabbed her files and left. Mulder turned to face an empty doorway.

And there are voices

That want to be heard

So much to mention

But you can't find the words

The scent of magic

The beauty that's been

When love was wilder than the wind

Feeling completely moronic, Mulder stayed out long into the night. Of course she hated him, how could she not? She had made it clear; he had treated her like shit. Why wouldn't she have wanted someone else? Staring down at his whiskey, he realized even now he should be at home with his pregnant fiancé and son but here he was in a bar. Some role model he was. She had every right to be angry with him; he abandoned her just when she needed him. All the whispers behind her back about the alleged missing father and all the condolences she had received would have left anyone bitter with hate.

Feeling completely drowsy and alone, he stepped out into the darkness and went back home to at the very least apologize for being such an ass; then would come the hard part when he would tell her that they needed time apart, maybe for good.

Listen to your heart

When he's calling for you

Listen to your heart

There's nothing else you can do

I don't know where you're going

And I don't know why

But listen to your heart

Before you tell him goodbye

Scully sat at the dining room table with her head in her hands. Her coffee mug full of ice cold coffee sat beneath her salty tear stained cheeks. She hadn't meant to yell. He didn't deserve to hear that. Her own personal anger wasn't all his but her anger towards the world. She sat waiting for him to show up. She knew he would come; she just had to hope he would.

Hearing the door knob turning, she looked up to find a bedraggled Mulder coming. He stopped when he found her sitting at the table in her robe.

"It's late you should be in bed." He replied to her.

"I could say the same about you. Sit down." She insisted.

Nodding slightly, he came to the table and sat down across from her. Awkwardly, he looked up at her noticing the signs of last week in her eyes. Her hair was mussed and her eyes shined like dull lamps. Sighing heavily she spoke after a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry for that outburst earlier. It was uncalled for." She began.

"Dana please…" He started but she held up her hand.

"I didn't mean to direct it at you. I have never ever hated you. I was only angry at the things you did. I hated that you left me. I hated the world. I hated everything. I was so lost and so hurt. I couldn't understand why you left. At first I lived in a world of denial. I kept telling myself that you were coming back but when we found you…" Her words fell silent as she sobbed back a muffled cry.

Mulder pulled a hand towards her but she brushed it back as she shook her head, "It took me a while to accept the fact that you were gone. It never really sunk in until I had to plan the services. I became really sick and depressed and even with William on the way, I found no hope." Scully set her hands on the manila folder that sat on the table and pushed it towards Mulder. He eyed her carefully before reaching for it. He pulled it open as she continued.

"I was admitted to ICU at St. Mary's after attempting to commit suicide. I can't remember exactly doing it but I remember feeling so lost that I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even see straight. I just wanted to be near you." Scully broke off as Mulder stared at the medical files in shock. Her admittance papers were paper clipped to a photo of her blue limp form collapsed on the floor in pile of blood. As he pulled the photo off, another photo fell out that was of her wrists some days later. Huge purple gashes lined across her wrists. He looked up at her and pulled a hand over. Feeling the softness, he turned it over and grazed across the wrists feeling faint scars that he had never taken the time to notice. His heart sunk deep as he realized she wasn't lying.

"I was so sick. I put my life in danger and William's. I don't know that I can ever forgive myself for that. I was put under supervision and medication. John took care of me for most of the time. That's when we began…" She left it open for Mulder.

"He saved my life. He gave me hope and strength that everything would be okay. I've wanted to tell you for quite some time but I didn't want you to think that this was your fault. It's mine for letting everything fall down on my shoulders. I never thought in my wildest dreams that you would ever come back; that I was supposed to bring a fatherless child into this world. When you did come back, John stepped back. He knew. I had told him from the beginning that I couldn't give him my whole heart. A piece was always with you. I've always loved you Mulder. Since that first day, I knew something was special about you. You were my perfect equal, my confidante and my best friend. There was never a minute that I didn't love you. I've just been so scared to let my heart open. I had to be protective with you. You have quite the dangerous occupation." Scully mused.

"But nonetheless, I let my guard down and I have not regretted it for even a moment. I love you Fox Mulder and I wouldn't give this up for anything or anyone."

Mulder moved forward and pressed his hands to her cheeks. She smiled as he came forward and pressed his lips to hers.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered in between kisses, "I never even imagined."

Scully pulled away and smiled back up at him, "It will okay now."

Listen to you heart

I don't know where you're going

And I don't know why

But listen to your heart

Before you tell him goodbye

Listen to your Heart

Lyrics By D.H.T.

To Be Continued…..