Chapter Thirty-Nine: Too Much

"You look much better." Kalendrio said first thing upon walking into the schoolhouse.

"Miss Elphie isn't so sad anymore, Daddy!" Drienna said, jumping up and down and running to her father.

He picked her up and pretended to grimace before putting her down again. "My, my, you are getting so big it's hard to do that! Have you gotten taller since this morning?" He crouched down and looked at her closely. "You look like your mother much more."

Drienna seemed not to understand his last comment. "I'm so tall, I'm taller than the doorknob!" She ran to the door to display this miracle. "Let's go, Daddy. I want to play outside. Herndon said he was going to start a big game of flower picking. I don't want to be late. If I'm late, I won't get the most flowers!"

"It is getting nicer, isn't it?" Kalendrio looked past his daughter and out the door. "You can go by yourself, if you want. I can walk you over, though."

"You'll let me go all by myself? Without even Nanny Liana?"

Kalendrio chuckled, "You're a big girl now, almost six." He watched Drienna rush out the door and said to Elphaba, "It's less than a few yards down the path."

She smiled. "She does look bigger. Did she grow over the weekend?"

"I don't even know. You really do seem a lot better."

"Good. I don't know how much longer I could've gone around with those huge black circles under my eyes without scaring the poor kids." She laughed. "One day was enough." Softly, she asked, "What did you say to my husband?"

"I just told him that I thought you were upset about more than just being incredibly tired. I'm assuming it helped a bit?"

"It sped things up a little. He probably would've figured it out pretty quickly, though." She nodded.

"I don't know."

"What are you saying?" She narrowed her eyes.

"He just seemed really surprised about it, that's all. Though it was fairly obvious." He was starting to wish he hadn't told Prince Fiyero anything, but he hated the way he'd seen Elphaba, and he'd had to do something. "Anyway, things are good between you and your husband, now?"

"They're always pretty good. They're just very good right now." Elphaba flashed a smile.

"Right. What happened?"

"Aside from him putting me to bed and letting me sleep from four in the afternoon to three o'clock in the morning, we talked. We apologized to each other."

"Shouldn't it just have been him apologizing to you?"

"It was, mostly. But I haven't been the best, most loving wife, either."

"From what I've seen, you haven't done anything wrong."

"And you haven't seen much. You've seen him with me a few times, but you don't know what I'm like to him sometimes. There are days when he'll have tramped through weather from hell just so he can be here and walk back to the Palace with me and I don't thank him, don't even speak to him, and then when we get home, I lock myself into the study and read, going to bed late. I tend to do that once a week, at the least, and that's not fair." Elphaba sat down at her desk and started sorting through papers. "I doubt your wife ever did that."

"No," Kalendrio acknowledged, sitting down as well, "she didn't. But even if she had I wouldn't have done what Prince Fiyero did."

"That's what you think. Maybe you would've. You can't know for sure. Besides, if you really wouldn't have, you'd do something that would have a similar effect."

"I doubt anything else would have the effect that your husband's tongue seemed to have on you."

Elphaba dropped the papers and glanced at him slowly. "What? How do you…?" She had never considered that she and Fiyero had been seen and still didn't consider it, then. Racking her brains, she tried to remember if she'd said anything that alluded to what he'd just mentioned.

Kalendrio realized what he'd said and backtracked quickly. "I mean the effect your husband's words had on you. I didn't mean literally…"

"I knew that." Elphaba said quickly, flushing and looking away.

Kalendrio said nothing. They'd both made potentially embarrassing comments and if he didn't say anything about what she'd implied, she wouldn't bring up what he'd alleged. Instead, he took her chin in his palm and turned her face towards him. Without thinking, he pressed his lips against hers.

Elphaba didn't move. She was thinking, he moved the wrong way. In a minute, he'll pull away and apologize. He'll say he hadn't meant to lean that way… But when she felt his tongue try and pry her lips open, she had to admit what was going on. Roughly, she pressed her palms against his chest and shoved him away, pushing him completely off of the chair. Standing, she demanded, "What in Oz do you think you're doing?"

He stared up at her, not affected much by the fall. Speechless, he shook his head.

"What sort of sign did I send that made you think it was right for you to do that?" She looked hurt more than angry, though there was no doubt of the latter. "Isn't there some sort of law against touching the Crown Prince's wife in any way that could imply sexual affection? I've got half a mind to inform my husband what you just did and…"

"Elphaba, please." He whispered. "I thought…"

"Oh, you thought? What did you think, exactly?"

"Prince Fiyero isn't treating you right, Elphaba! I would never do that sort of thing to you. You could be as individual as you wanted and I wouldn't turn into some sort of sappy, feeble nag who can't let you go."

Elphaba stepped backwards, horrified. "He loves me and he does what he can."

"But I do, too. And I could do better."

"No, you couldn't. He needs me. He can't even sleep for very long when he's not next to me. He tells me every night that he thinks I'm beautiful. He doubled his workload our third year of college because I asked him to. He stayed by my side every single moment I was sick, fatally sick. He took care of me, held me and whispered sweet things to me when he wasn't even getting any sort of response. He cried into my hair when he thought I was dying. He woke up every hour to check on me. All of that for a sick person who couldn't even say so much as 'thank you' for two months. He could've hired a nurse, a doctor, something, but he took care of me himself. I don't see anything better than that. There are very few people who'd take the time, the energy, the caring to do that for anyone, even someone they loved. Yes, he's a bit needy, but it makes me feel needed, like I mean something. I love him for everything he is, and I love him for loving me. You may think you could do better, but it wouldn't make me happy, would it? Nothing anyone else could do would, because I love him."

"But don't you wish you didn't?"

"Once or twice I've wished I didn't love him as much as I do because it scares me and I can't control it. But just because I've wished that doesn't mean it's going to change. You're grasping at straws. Did you really believe that I could return what you feel for me, whatever that is?"

"I thought maybe, in time…"

"Well, you were wrong, you're still wrong." She shut her eyes for a moment, trying to keep her calm. It wasn't helping. "Get out," she spat.

"Elphaba, I didn't mean…" Kalendrio stood and stumbled backwards towards the door.

"I said 'get out', and I meant it. Do you want me to runback to the Palaceand tell my husband what you just did?"

"No, if you'd just listen…"

"I'm done listening. Get out, now."

He didn't say anything more, which relieved her greatly. In a moment, he was gone.

Elphaba stood behind the desk, shuddering. There was too much to think about and suddenly she didn't want to be there anymore. Realizing this, she flew out that door and headed home. She knew Fiyero spent much of the day with his father when she was gone, so she headed to the throne room the minute she got in. After being admitted and noting Fiyero wasn't there, she asked his father, who looked bewildered, where he was. He sent her to the royal study.

When she opened the door, she knew he was in the room before even looking in. He was relaxed on one of the luxurious couches, flipping through an old book of constitutions. But he could always sense her presence better than she could sense his, and he looked up even though he hadn't heard the door. "Fae? What are you doing back?"

She shut the door behind her and scrambled into his lap, smiling when he took her into his arms. "Yero my hero," she murmured sweetly, "I love you. I love you so much more than I show or tell you. I just… I missed you today."

He furrowed his eyebrows, obviously wondering what had caused this strange behavior. "But, Fae…"

She cut him off with a kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him fervently and passionately. "Don't," she said when the kiss was done, "please."

He gave in with an exasperated sigh, hugging her close as she rested her head against his chest, shifting in order to make holding her easier. "If I didn't love you so much, Fae, I wouldn't listen to that. But I guess I love you too much."

"No," she whispered, nuzzling against his loving arms, "You could never love me too much."