Chapter Fifty-Five: Elphaba's Solution

But things never stayed perfect for long. One evening several months later, Elphaba walked in on Glinda in the bathroom vomiting and crying at the same time.

"Dear Kumbricia, Glinda, please tell me you're just sick." Elphaba said softly.

"Um, Elphie, I think I might be pregnant." Glinda whispered.

Elphaba took a deep breath. "You have got to be kidding me."

Glinda shook her head.

"Damn it, Glinda! What kind of idiot are you?" Elphaba placed her hands on her hips. "I thought you knew better. Sweet Oz, you haven't even known him that long. How long have you two been…?"

"A little while."

"Why?"

"I don't know! Drienna had gone to bed and we just got carried away, I guess."

"Do you know how many times Fiyero and I could've gotten carried away before we were married and didn't?" Elphaba demanded. After a pause, she asked, "And didn't it hurt?"

"For about a second. Then it went away."

"Damn, you're lucky."

"On the contrary, I am certainly not. Maybe if it had hurt, I wouldn't have been so easily swayed into doing it again, and I wouldn't be sitting here, on the floor of your bathroom, two months pregnant."

"At least you can get pregnant." Elphaba lowered herself to Glinda's level.

"What do you mean?"

"Because of the medication I took when Fiyero and I were first married, I can't have children, Glinda." Elphaba said softly.

"What am I going to do?"

"Well, you two can get married to make an honest woman out of you…"

"As you said, we haven't known each other that long. We agreed we won't."

"So he knows?"

Glinda nodded.

"That's one thing out of the way. Wear loose clothing for a while, to hide it. After that… you know what? I think I have an idea. I'm going to send a servant to fetch Kalendrio so he's here in about an hour, all right? Then I'm going to talk to Fiyero. You stay here until you feel better, but be downstairs in the conference room in an hour."

"Okay." Glinda said weakly.

"He's coming here?" Fiyero growled in the hallway as Elphaba dragged him out of the throne room.

"Yes. The four of us are going to talk." Elphaba said calmly.

"What do you or I have anything to do with this?"

"Think of how it would look if she had a child out of wedlock, Fiyero. And think of how it would look if I never had a child at all, Fiyero. If we can mask it well enough…"

"Are you saying we're going to pretend that child is ours?"

Elphaba played with her hands. "Something like that."

"Fae, that's…"

"A little absurd, I know, but…"

"It's brilliant."

She smiled. "I hoped you'd see it my way."

"Do you think they'll agree to it?"

"We'll see. It's not as if they can't raise it themselves."

"How? It'd have to live here."

"Glinda lives here, anyway."

"But Kalendrio…"

"We have enough room for him and Drienna." Elphaba said quietly.

"No way. I will not have that man living in my house!" Fiyero shouted.

"First of all, Fiyero, it's a damned palace. Second of all, it's the only way! Besides, you don't have to worry about him making moves on me, anymore. And we can watch the two of them so we make sure he and Glinda behave." Elphaba reasoned.

"Will the child look like ours?" Fiyero asked suddenly.

"It'll have half of your skin, since it's Kalendrio's. And my skin color would actually be something like Glinda's, if not for the green. So we can just say the green isn't genetic."

"You're good."

"I know."

Despite all of the evidence that Kalendrio now had no interest in Elphaba whatsoever, Fiyero held his arm around her tight when they all sat down across the table in the conference room. Kalendrio and Glinda held hands.

"Look, we're aware of your situation, and Elphaba has come up with an idea, a very good idea. I don't know how she came up with it, actually." Fiyero nudged her gently.

"The two of you can't really have a child, publicly. Fiyero and I can't have a child at all, biologically, because of some medication I took. If Glinda were to wear loose clothes, and I were to announce that I was pregnant and make it look like such, summer, coincidentally, comes just at the six month mark, when things would start to become very obvious. You two could live in the Palace, with Drienna, of course, and we'll pretend, publicly, that the baby is ours. You can raise it and it can know that you are its parents, but as a public front, it's ours. It would eventually inherit the throne, though."

Kalendrio and Glinda looked at one another. Finally Glinda said, "Could we have a moment?"

Elphaba nodded and she and Fiyero left the room.

They looked at each other as they stood outside the door. "Let's listen," suggested Fiyero.

Elphaba gasped and shoved him away from the door. "Uh uh. No, we won't." She tapped her foot. "Why can't you behave?"

"Because it's so much more fun when you have to keep me in line."

Elphaba giggled. "I love you."

He kissed her. "I love you, too."

A few minutes later, Glinda and Kalendrio called for the other couple to come back into the room. When they were all seated, Glinda said, "We'll do it."

"What else can we do, anyway?" Kalendrio mumbled, gently kissing Glinda's hand. He hugged her affectionately. "I'm sorry."

Glinda shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"I'm at least half to blame," he pointed out.

Elphaba cleared her throat. "When will you move in?"

Fiyero slumped in his chair.

Kalendrio bit his lip, looking at the Crown Prince.

"Ignore him." Elphaba suggested.

Glinda smiled at Kalendrio.

"As soon as possible," he answered.

"We can have someone sent out to help you with your things," Fiyero said dully.

"See? I told you he'd cooperate eventually," Elphaba ran her hand along Fiyero's arm, smiling inwardly. "Darling, could you please stop moping?"

"I'm not moping!" He argued.

Elphaba settled back in her chair. "Do you see what I put up with?"