Atlantis, "What Rodney McKay Did On His Earth Vacation", Intruder Episode Insert written for controlfreak80

Because being back on Earth really was as boring as Rodney had thought it would be, it only took about an hour for him to find his way to an empty lab. Because of the lack of ever-impending death here in the Milky Way, McKay finally had some time to spend sorting through and cataloguing the information in the Ancient database.

It was a consuming project, but there were only two things (besides the lack of impending doom) that Rodney had really and truly missed about Earth that he once again had access to. And an unlimited supply of coffee was one of them.

Fifteen cups of steaming hot java later, McKay stumbled over something…odd. Because he didn't know what to make of it at first, he decided to move on to the next file. But as it turned out, it was also a holographic image of similar content. As was the next file, and the next.

All told, there seemed to be several hundred files that consisted of little more than recordings of various Ancients…standing. And, usually, glowing.

Thankfully, the only other thing he had really and truly missed about Earth was due for a video conference (he reluctantly admitted to himself that it was not a date) at 9 am precisely. And Samantha Carter was unfailingly punctual.

Sure enough, right on time, her delectable face popped up on his laptop. "Enjoying my lab, McKay?"

"Not nearly as much as I would be if you were here," he pointed out. "What in the world made you transfer to Nevada?"

"I thought I'd try getting a life." Ah. He had heard those could be nice. "So, what piece of astounding Ancient technology couldn't you make sense of without me?"

"What, I can't just call to say hello?"

She made a face. "You could. I'd rather you didn't, though…."

It was wonderful to know that she was as perfect as he remembered. "Yes, well. I'm sending you an email of some schematics I want you to glance over. My somewhat incompetent team has been having trouble with them. Oh, and I'm going to attach a holographic file. If you can make heads or tails of it, let me know."

Sam grinned. "I tell ya McKay, one of these days I'm going to get sick of doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship."

Before he could come up with an appropriate retort (or, thankfully, be too excited by the fact that she had referred to him as a relationship), the window closed and the conference was over. Or at least, it was for about ninety seconds after he sent the email, when her now somewhat scandalized visage reappeared on his screen. "Rodney!" she exclaimed.

Normally, that tone quickly followed some supposedly-inappropriate comment he had made. Seeing as she had signed off with the last word, McKay honestly had no idea what he had done to earn this particular level of outrage. "What?"

"I…you can't just send me things like this! It's taking our little you-flirt-with-me-and-I-try-not-to-wish-you-into-oblivion thing way too far!"

Pulling up the holographic file he had sent her and displaying it full size in the middle of the lab, Rodney failed to see what had her so wound up. He paused the recording of the two Ancients, studying it closely. "What am I missing?"

"Are you kidding me? You mean, you don't know that—"

That was when John walked in, only to have his eyes fall on the frozen image. Stopping in his tracks, the Major threw an arm over his eyes. "Whoa! Geez, McKay. You could at least lock the door."

Rodney now got the distinct sense that was being laughed at by two people, and he really hated it. "Would someone care to fill me in?"

Trying to sober up, Sam said, "Well, McKay, it's just that you've apparently stumbled onto…what I mean to say is…you see, the files are…."

"Porn," Sheppard said bluntly. "That, right there? Ancient porn."

"You're kidding!" McKay exclaimed, looking back at the frozen image. "Huh. Very…float-y, I guess."

Disturbingly, both Sam and John seemed to experience a moment of extreme self-satisfaction.

"Oh, yeah," they said in unison.

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Obviously, I'm not very good at grasping thing whole "one line fluff fic" thing. Oh well. One more fanfic10 down for me!