"I want to die... I want to die..." he whispered softly to the dark silence of his solitary cell as he grasped the cold metal bars in his frozen hands. "I want to die... but first... I want to be loved by someone."
As he laid naked under the many covers, snuggly cuddled up against his lover's side, he really had to wonder how foolish he had to have been back then. Had he really wanted nothing more out of life than to be loved by one solitary person? He couldn't remember anymore. Those memories had sat on the shelf too long and had collected too much dust and debris. Those memories were too cloudy now.
But, by God, if he had wanted nothing more out of life back then, he had truly been a fool, he decided as he stared over at the fireplace with hazy eyes. Laying there with his lover at night was becoming more comfortable with time, though he still found it difficult to sleep most of the time.
Laying there was nice though. He felt safe in his lover's arms, even if he wasn't as comfortable as he would have liked. He knew he would not be misunderstood here. There was a sense of peace that came with knowing that but still peace was not comfort. He wanted comfort.
The situation still cut the air short sometimes. It still suffocated him. He wasn't comfortable yet, though his lover was clearly trying to make it comfortable for him. He felt bad for taking as long as he was to adjust but his lover just kept assuring him that it was okay for him to take his time.
He turned over in bed, fidgeting a bit. Perhaps he still wasn't comfortable at all but he would continue to work at it. He wanted to be comfortable there. He considered just having that want enough progress for now.
"Aren't you tired?" his lover asked.
He was hardly surprised to hear his lover's voice. He turned over to face him, sighing, "I suppose."
"Then go to sleep already," his lover pulled him to his chest.
He relaxed in his lover's caring grasp and smiled. This was progress; this was change; this was a new meaning in life for him. He no longer needed to suffocate to feel alive; love made him feel alive now. "Alright," he whispered softly. "Good night, Kurogane."
"Good night Fai."