All things considered, this isn't as bad as the last time. His breathing isn't as rapid, and he's not seeing Death everywhere he looks. He only sees what's there: a wall, a desk, a dresser, the end of the bed, the moon coming through a small window behind him. Still, he's uncomfortably aware of his own heartbeat and bulging eyes. Perrito is asleep in the next cabin, last Puss saw. If he really tried, he could probably force himself up to go get him.
He won't try.
Perrito's help in the Dark Forest was noble and very much appreciated, but surely Puss can learn to get through these "attacks," as Perrito refers to them, on his own. So he stays with his back to the headboard and tries to ride it out. He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath in, but the exhale sounds almost like a sputtering cough. He tries one more time. A deep inhale. An exhale that comes out more like a sob. Then a gasp when he feels something on his shoulder.
"Puss?"
The one thing he wasn't intensely aware of a moment ago was Kitty asleep next to him. He'd effectively forgotten she was in the room. At least where stealth is concerned, she might actually be the superior thief. Puss would feel almost threatened, if not for the fear in her eyes. He never wanted her to see him in the throes of an attack because he didn't want her to lose respect for him, or worse, pity him. It didn't even cross his mind that he might make her afraid. He would prefer it if she would yell at him, mock him, storm out of the room. The brief moment before she softens and seems to comprehend the situation is so much worse than anything he would have expected.
"What do I need to do?" she asks coolly.
Puss takes a long, shaky breath. "I don't – I don't know," he says.
She sits up and puts a paw near his. She doesn't touch him, just leaves it there in case he needs it. He squeezes it.
They sit like that for a while. He doesn't know how long. Eventually he comes back down. His breath quiets, and he strokes Kitty's paw with his thumb.
"I'm sorry," he finally says.
"Don't start with that."
He gives her a puzzled look.
"I am! I woke you up at God knows what hour, I made you sit with me until I –"
"You can't make me do anything, gato," she says. "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be."
"Well if I wasn't sorry, I wouldn't say I was sorry!"
"Well, you'll find this hard to believe, but you have nothing to be sorry for this time."
He groans and slumps down onto his pillow. "I shouldn't feel this way anymore."
"There's not a whole lot you can do about it," she says with a shrug. "Not hiding it from me might be a start, but you can't stop it."
His eyes widen. He looks over to see her lying back down on the pillow next to him. She stretches her paws up toward the ceiling and examines them.
"I still feel them sometimes."
"You've told me," he says.
She lowers her paws and rubs the pads. "I never told you how bad it got."
He furrows his brow.
"In the beginning, after they did it…I always felt them. They always hurt. There were times the pain was so much I couldn't think of anything else. I would forget where I was, what I was doing, who I was with."
She turns over on her side to face him.
"It never really stopped," she continues. "It's rare now. I can ignore it if it's just soreness. But every couple of years, it happens again, and it feels like forever."
Puss feels like an idiot to think he was somehow the only one to experience it.
"So," she says. "I never told you that, you never told me about this." She gestures to his whole side of the bed, and he notices he's taken the covers, now tousled and halfway on the floor. She reaches over and pulls them back over herself. "Now we're even."
He smiles, then sighs. "Perrito got me through the last one."
"He's a good therapy dog, then."
"He will be. I think he needs a…a certificate? Something like that."
"He should stay in here with us tomorrow night, in case –"
"No," he says sharply, which he quickly regrets.
Kitty frowns and raises an eyebrow at him.
He shakes his head softly. "I won't have him spend his nights worrying about me."
"We're a team, sí?" she says matter-of-factly. "We help each other."
"Claro, but I cannot make myself his responsibility now." He frowns. "He deserves his rest."
"Funny," she says, and shifts closer to him. "How you think the only way you can help us is by hiding."
He can't find anything to say. She props herself up to kiss the top of his head, then settles against him and closes her eyes.
He feels her start to purr softly. He closes his eyes and takes a long, deep breath.