'No. No, no, no,' thought Sue. She refused to believe what Doctor Fraiser was telling them. Janet said that Terry had a lethal dose of radiation and was going to die. But she couldn't; Terry was invincible, a rock, this couldn't be happening to her.

She walked over to Terry's bed. Her friend was looking very pale and Sue was sure her skin would feel clammy if she had been allowed to feel it.

Terry looked up. "Hey. Looks like I got outta this one. I won't have to worry about gettin' anymore crap from the others here."

"Don't talk like that," Sue said sharply. She swallowed. "Um, wha-what happened, Ter?"

"Uh, well. Um, that Jonas Quinn guy showed me that experiment with the naquadria after you guys left to get a tour of the city. We were watching from the observation room...

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Jonas led Terry into the observation room. Looking out the window, they saw Tomas and the other scientists experimenting below. "So what is it again?" she asked, making sure she understood the schematics and plan correctly.

"Well, we discovered the element, naquadria, and found out it had explosive properties. Below, Tomas is experimenting with the nuclear qualities," replied Jonas.

"Exactly how what nuclear qualities and how much naquadria does it have?" asked Terry, getting a sudden feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.

He started rattling off the answers but Terry interrupted him as soon as he began naming the properties. "Who came up with that," she demanded. "A bunch of toddlers? Do you realize how dangerous that is?"

"Captain Roland, I can safely assure you that we are taking every precaution possible in the event something goes wrong, " Jonas protested.

"Then you are a bunch of idiots," retorted Terry. "There is absolutely no way that that mineral with those nuclear alloys are safe on those levels. If your calculations and my calculations are anything to go by, then the explosion caused by your experiment with blow this entire country to hell before you even get the chance to use it against your neighbors!"

Suddenly, some cries from the room below halted their conversation. Radiation was seeping into the room as a result of the experiment going too right. Everyone in the room had collapsed.

"Dammit! I told you!" shouted Terry angrily. The naquadria bomb now had no one to stop it from going off. The only thing to do would be to disconnect it at the heart and it was obvious that unless Terry herself did something, it would explode, and even if it didn't destroy this country, the radiation surely would along with this country's neighbors. Terry did the only thing she could think of.

Pulling out her hand gun, she shot the thick glass. Jonas ducked down all the while shouting at her. She didn't understand what he was saying; all she knew was that millions of people would die if she didn't stop the bomb. She backed up until she bumped the wall and took a running leap through the window. The glass shattered as all of her weight hit it. She landed on the floor stunned only momentarily. Standing up and looking around, she located the bomb. It was highly radio active, not surprising, considering it was poor judgement one the part of the Einstein who came up with the equations for it. There was no time for her to safely find anything to disconnect it with, so Terry pulled her sleeve forward to pull it apart. It was hard to do with one hand so she had to use the other uncovered hand to lift it as well.

When it was finally disconnected, Terry looked around exhausted. The adrenaline was gone, leaving the pain from the scratches to take its place. She saw Jonas looking around the room in horror, his gaze finally landing on her.

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"...and then Jonas had someone go get you guys and we came back here," finished Terry.

"You make that part sound simpler than it was," commented Sue. "You know, the Kelowans are saying that you sabotaged their experiment and that--that if you live, you will go back to face charges."

"Oh," said Terry.

Sue was flaberghasted. 'Oh,' was all Terry was going to say. Terry never said just oh, unless she was stumped. Which she couldn't be--could she? Maybe she was just tired, or something. Her anchor in the base's pool of anger was letting her float away. Sue felt like her world was going downhill. She was going to be all alone now. No one to stand by her and face the rest of the base with her. She hoped the rest of the base was happy that Terry was going to die; she really did. At least something good would come out of this for someone.

"Sue," said Janet from behind her.

Sue walked over to her. "What?" she asked weakly.

"If you don't get some rest on your own accord, I'm going to have to order you to," Janet said quietly.

"Then I'll have to disobey," replied Sue. Her voice began cracking. "I'm not leaving her. She was with me through the hardest part of my time here and I'm going to be there for her now." She stared Janet in the eye.

"She has hours left, not seconds," argued Janet.

"You don't know that!" Sue's voice rose an octave. "I am not leaving her." She closed her eyes tightly as her throat constricted and tears slid down her cheeks.

"Sue, remember what I said about stress when Orlin--"

"Yeah, I did try to relax and it still didn't help. I will not leave, even if it means I have to stand here and argue with you the whole time."

"Don't do this to yourself," said Janet, changing tactics.

"I can't help it," retorted Sue. "I always do this to myself. I'm used to it by now."

"I could sedate you," Janet threatened.

"I don't care. I thought I already established the fact that I will not leave." Then Sue decided to change tactics too. "You know how our motto is to never leave a man behind? Well, that's what I feel like I'd be doing to Terry if I left." Sue was still teary and her voice was beginning to crack. "Please," she whispered.

"How about a compromise?" asked Janet, her resolve at its breaking point. "I'll bring something in for you to lie down on so that way if you get tired, you can sleep there." She began to walk away.

"Did Major Carter and Doctor Jackson do this all the time too?" asked Sue quietly.

Janet paused before walking out. "All the time. If one was sick, the other would be in here with two cups of coffee. The second cup was usually for the one who was out of it, unless the first cup was finished. And they would always argue with me about the fact that they were not leaving until they knew the other was okay." Janet smiled sadly. She turned away as her resolve finally broke. She went to her office long enough to pull herself together before finding SG-1's 'special' chair and hauling it to Terry's observation room. She was just outside the door when she heard someone talking from inside.

"...and who knows? I hear SG-1 has a great track record for dying and coming back to life. We'll just have to see if it holds true for you too. If it does, then..." It sounded like Sue. She had drifted off and someone, probably Terry was nowtalking. The poor woman's voice was so low and weak, that Janet could only hear a murmur. Then Sue gave a sad laugh. "Yeah, hopefully... Did you want him to?... Yeah, when Janet comes in I'll ask."

Janet paused for ten seconds before knocking on the door. She walked in, dragging the chair. Terry was lying on the bed looking extremely pale. Sue was standing by looking upset, concerned, and tired. When she noticed Janet, she huried over to help the doctor with the chair. "Thanks," panted Janet. "It's a lot heavier than it looks."

"Um, Janet?" Sue asked hesitantly.

"What?"

"Uh, Ter was, she wants to speak with Colonel O'Neill. I was wondering if you could ask him to come and see her," said Sue, looking at her pleadingly.

"Why don't you ask him?" Janet asked gently.

"He won't come if I ask him. But I was thinking that if you asked, he'd be more likely to come."

Janet put her hand on Sue's shoulder. "You won't know unless you ask. And don't worry. I'll stay with Terry while you're gone. If something happens, I'll get you immediately."

Sue looked like she wanted to protest, but she just shook her head slightly and went out in search of Colonel O'Neill.

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It didn't take long to find him and Teal'c in Teal'c's VIP room. When she opened the door, both of them stared at her, waiting for her to explain her prescence.

"Uh, Colonel O'Neill," she began hesitantly. "Terry asked me to find you. She-she said she wanted to talk to you."

She had to keep swallowing to prevent herself from breaking down. O'Neill exchanged a glance with Teal'c before getting up and following Sue to Terry's observation room.

"Do you know what she wanted to talk about?" he asked gently.

Sue shook her head, forcing herself not to show how upset she really was. "No, sir," she managed to croak out.

He nodded and entered the room. This was his worst nightmare. He had tried so hard not to get close to the captains, but going out on mission after mission caused you to form a bond, no matter how distant. He didn't want to get close to anyone else just in case they, like Carter and Daniel, had something happen to them.

Roland was lying on the bed, looking like she was about to die any second. Her skin was starting to bleed, like Janet had predicted. Her arms and legs were covered in bandages.

"Captain?" he asked, refusing to let his facade down.

"Colonel," she said weakly. "Sir, I-I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

"I-I didn't mean to replace Major Carter. I was j-just doing my job. I didn't mean to come in and take over. Ap-p-parently that's what I did, 'cause--" she broke off and began coughing. "Sorry, sir." she said, sounding weaker than before. "I guess I wanted to tell you to your face that I was sorry. I feel so bad that--" she coughed again.

"Save your strength Captain," Jack said. 'Crap. I had no clue that she felt this way.' "You didn't do anything. I should be the one to apologize. I gave you that opinion of yourself. God, I am horrible at this," he said.

"With all due respect, sir," she said with a weak, humorless laugh, "but why do you care? Why are you even bothering to defend yourself and the entire base. Sue and I both...we both know that everyone thinks we replaced Major Carter and Doctor Jackson, and I guess I j-just wanted someone besides Sue, Jan-Janet, and Teal'c to know that we-we never meant to just take over and fill in their places. I just want one person to know that we're sorry. I know I can rest in peace knowing for sure that at least one person forgave me for-for whatever sin I commited to gain their hatred."

"I care, Captain. I think that's what my problem was," said Jack said, but Roland didn't seem to be listening. She looked like she was asleep. 'Poor kid,' he thought, 'First she thinks everyone hates her, now she's gotten tired trying to explain something she was never even responsible for.' He went back and got Sue, who was waiting in the hall with her eyes tightly shut, tear stains on her face.

"Captain," he said softly. Sue jumped to attention, unshed tears in her eyes.

"Sir, I thought I should tell you that Jonas was waiting for you in the observation room," she said, her voice surprisingly steady.

"Thank you Captain. I have something important to ask you though. Why didn't you come and tell me or someone that you and Rol-Terry felt like everyone hates you?"

"Because aside from Teal'c, Janet, and Cassie, everyone does hate us," said Sue. "I-I'm just go-going to go see Terry now." Without waiting for his response, she dashed inside.

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Terry didn't think she dozed off, but she must have because she went from lying in a bed and listening to Colonel O'Neill talking to standing in the gateroom.

"What the--?" she asked puzzled. The few bandages that Janet had just wrapped around her arms, chest, and legs were gone, she was standing in full uniform, and the place was completely deserted.

"Terry Roland," said a voice behind her. She turned to see a woman standing in front of the gate.

"Who are you?" Terry asked bluntly.

"It does not matter who I am so much as where I am on the path of Enlightenment. The same is for you. You have demonstrated some of the qualities needed exceptionally well," the woman said.

'Okay, new approach.' "Is there a name I can call you by?" asked Terry.

"I am known by many names, but you may call me Oma Desala if it brings you comfort." said the woman.

"How do I know that this isn't some creepy dream that I'm having as a result of radiation poisoning?"

"Knowledge comes with time. That, unfortunately, you do not have much of."

"Okay, what was that Path of Enlightenment you were talking about?" asked Terry.

"All answers will be found on the Path of Enlightenment, or else you have asked wrong question. But to answer yours, the path takes an eternity to complete. You must begin the first steps."

"Okay, how do I do that?"

"First, you must realize that this is not an escape from death only an alternative. Second, you have already completed the first step on your path," said Oma Desala.

"And that was?" Terry was beginning to sense there was an incomprehensibe amount of importance that she had yet to begin to even grasp the concept of.

"You released the foremost burdens on your mind."

"Oh. Can you explain the path to me?"

"It is something that you must experience. You must understand that this is not something that you should take lightly. When your time comes, you will not die, but become a form of pure energy."

"You're an Ancient," Terry realized with awe.

Oma Desala nodded.

"Hey, Terry. Uh, I can see that you're tired,so I won't say much, but uh." Terry turned to see Sue standing nearby, looking down. Her friend was trying desperately not to cry. "Jonas Quin came here from Kelowna. Colonel O'Neill went to the planet to see him a couple hours ago and Jonas...he-he's had a change of heart. He brought some naquadria back so we can use it to build defenses. Uh, he wants to apologize for lying and that it was because of your sacrifice that he--" Sue's voice broke completely and she began shaking with the effort of trying not to cry. Over the teariness in her voice, she managed to finish. "He said he would be considered a traitor to his country for doing the right thing, but he was so disgusted with his leaders and how-how gleeful they were to hear--" she broke off to regain some composure, "--that the weapon was so destructive and it hadn't even been fully activated. He wants to help us." She sat down on a chair that had just appeared behind her. "Oh, Ter," she sobbed. "I should have been the one to stay with Jonas so I would be the one lying on that bed, dying right now. I am so sorry."

"Would I-I be able to do more as an Ancient?" Terry asked, turning back to Oma.

Oma nodded.

Apparently Sue wasn't finished talking because she began again. "Gen-General Hammond also said that he was going to call the Tok'ra to see if one of then could come and possibly heal you. He's going to try and get Selmak, uh, Major Carter's father, to come. You shouldn't have to go though this Ter."

Terry turned back to Oma. "Can I think about this for a few minutes?" Oma nodded again in response.

The first thought that occured to Terry was that time was very different between where she was now and where her friends were because Colonel O'Neill had just been speaking with her what seemed like five minutes ago instead of like, three hours.

'Oh boy,' she thought. This was going to be an...interesting decision.

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Sue finally managed to regain her composure. The worst part was, she wasn't even sure if Terry was so far gone that she hadn't heard Sue. According to Janet, Terry only had a little bit of time left.

Finally the blessed klaxons went off, announcing the arrival of the Tok'ra. Five minutes later, Janet, General Hammond, Teal'c, Colonel O'Neill and a man Sue assumed was Selmak/Jacob Carter entered the room.

"How is she?" asked General Hammond.

Sue shook her head, no longer afraid to be seen by her teammates crying. "She-I was talking to her but I'm not sure if she even heard me."

"Let me see if I can heal her," said Selmak. Sue jumped at the Tok'ra's voice but stood up to give him room. He held the healing device over Terry but nothing happened. "The damage is extensive. If I manage to heal her," Selmak said, "then she will not be the same. She will be crippled for the rest of her life."

"Do it," ordered Hammond.

Time seemed to stand still for Sue as Selmak stood over Terry. Suddenly, she was standing in the gateroom next to...Terry?

"W-what's going on? Who's that?" she asked, just noticing Oma Desala.

"That's not important," said Terry. "Look, you have to tell Selmak to stop."

"No," said Sue, shaking her head furiously.

"Sue, Oma, here has given me another chance. I can ascend like Orlin did, that way I can do a hell of a lot more than if I was crippled," said Terry. "This is something I have to do."

Without warning, Oma began glowing and went into the gate, becoming the horizon. "Please Sue," Terry begged.

Sue closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face. Finally, slowly, she nodded.

She was back in the observation room. "Stop," she whispered. No one seemed to hear her so she repeated herself a little more loudly, "Stop."

Everyone looked at her. "Are you sure?" asked Hammond.

The tears were still on Sue's face. "Yeah. It's what she wants." No one questioned her and Selmak stopped.

Suddenly, Terry's moniters flatlined. Janet made a motion as if to help but stopped herself and turned away. Terry's body did the same glowy thing that Orlin's did and she rose to the ceiling, and paused.

Back in the gateroom, Terry closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Thanks," she said.

"I would say, 'No problem,' but that's not true," laughed Sue humorlessly. "Uh, where are you going?"

Terry, who had already begun to walk the ramp, turned and looked at Sue steadily. "You know, I'm not really sure. But wherever it is, it'll be better." She gave Sue her famous Terry smile and walked though the gate.

In the observation room, Sue fell to her knees silently sobbing as Terry floated out of the room.

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A few days later, Sue was sitting on Terry's bed trying to remember why she had let Terry go. Nothing came to mind.

"Hey, uh, Captain Kelly?" asked Jonas from the door. It took him a moment to register the woman's appearance. She was becoming thin, almost to the point of gaunt. Jonas figured that she hadn't eaten a meal since Terry died. Humans could only live about a week without food, couldn't they? She must not have gotten much sleep either because her eyes were shadowed and swollen from crying. He was surprised that she had hardly left the room (if at all) and that Doctor Fraiser hadn't forced her to leave or eat.

She looked up and shrugged.

"I came because I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" she croaked.

"I feel as if it were my fault you lost your friend. I should have been the one to act and save my people, but I didn't. I just didn't. I'm so sorry. You probably hate me for killing your best friend, but that's okay, I deserve that."

Sue shook her head. "I don't hate you. Come here. This is something I want you to hear." Jonas walked over and sat on her bed. "Not quite three years ago, the team I belong to lost two of its members; two of the most important people on this entire base. General Hammond had me and Terry come and be the new teammates. Everyone hated us because we replaced to greatly loved and respected people. I could never hate you, Jonas, because I know first hand what it's like to feel guilty over something that wasn't really your fault in the long run and be treated horribly because you're being blamed for it. Terry, she-she told me that this is what she wanted. She could do more as an ascended being than she could if she were here and crippled. I honestly believe she was right."

"I'll do what I can to make up for my mistake. Call it what you want, but I feel I have to do this in honor of Captain Roland if nothing else."

"I for one, won't mind," said Sue.

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"Dammit Teal'c!" said Jack angrily. "This is exactly why I tried to distance myself from those two. They still managed to make me feel horrible."

"It was Captain Roland's choice in the end," Teal'c pointed out. "It is Captain Kelly that I am worried about. She has not eaten or slept since the death of her friend."

"I know Teal'c," said Jack. He hadn't felt this guilty since Carter and Daniel. "Whether I like it or not, I'm worried about her, too."

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So how did I do? This is the chapter I really want the comments on, cause I was curious to see if people thought I did a good job with the angst part. Don't think I have an obsession with this episode or anything (one of my other stories' first chapter is based after this episode of Stargate) but this chapter had to happen for reasons you will see later. Next chapter shouldn't be as sad.