Loko: Well, the long-awaited appearance of the one-and-only: Naruto. Only oddly quiet. And apologies for the wait!
Disclaimer: Owning Naruto? I fail it. Also, although this is probably too late, spoilers for Valley of the End and anything after. Also AU post-End, I guess.
Summary: And thus conscience doth make cowards of us all. Neji and Naruto, and Sasuke present in the silence. SasuNeji, NaruNeji, implied SasuNaru
---
And Thus Conscience
---
Naruto picks the coldest day of the winter to tackle the issue.
Neji thinks, for a few fleeting moments, that perhaps Naruto will let it go and chalk it up to Hiashi's increased confidence in his branch clan. But really he should have known better.
(Neji thinks, a little sourly, that the only thing that can be chalked up to Hiashi's increasing confidence is a vague ache in his left shoulder, a sort of strange Hyuuga healing: as if abusing it more will force a faster recovery. Neji's hair is grown back by now, though, and the pain lessens every day. He can't say the same thing for Naruto, who still flinches every time someone mentions Orochimaru – a frequent occurrence in this pre-war calm.)
Naruto picks the coldest day of winter, as he and Neji stroll by the near-frozen river, hands jammed into pockets and chins tucked into collars. When they stop on a bridge, Naruto leans against the railing and puffs out a breath, illusion-white.
"Why did you join the Oto investigation?" He asks, a propos of nothing.
Neji blinks, somewhat off his guard. "Why not?" He says finally.
"You're a chuunin," Naruto points out, one golden eyebrow up and one down, mouth a softer curl than a smirk and a little too tilted for a smile: an expression meaning I'm trying to smile and be amused, but I'm too desperate to be convincing. "You're kind of low-level to be on a blanket S-rank group."
(Tsunade-sama has blanketed Orochimaru and Oto as S-rank and, recognising her experience with the topic, the other decision-makers in the village have left it as such. The unusual blanket does not, however, prevent new nin who under normal circumstances would be eased into their ranks with As and Bs from being assigned to missions related to Oto. Simply put: Konoha no longer has sufficient forces to stage a war, and has not been preparing the way Sunagakure and Otogakure have been.)
"Do you doubt my skills?" Neji asks, sort of rhetorically. Naruto has first-hand experience with not doubting Neji's skills: at least twice, now.
"Of course not," Naruto says too quickly, and sighs. There is soft, almost warm silence and then a shuffling of cloth as he turns around, brooding down at the river with eyes as dark as the winter-deep water.
"You want to know if there's anything about Sasuke," Neji says after the silence has turned frigid.
"Yeah," Naruto says, and looks abashed at his own lack of subtlety. "I mean, I made a promise, I have to keep it, it's -- "
"Your way of the ninja," Neji finishes, and smile and stands a little closer. Even in this gnawing cold Naruto is warm, eyes summer-blue and brighter and realer than the pale clean blue of the sky around them.
"Yeah," Naruto says. "So is there?"
"No," Neji lies easily. There isn't. Not on file, anyway. He thinks of Sasuke holed up in that snake's burrow, lighting candles for warmth and exchanging barbs with Kabuto. He almost laughs. Kabuto has no idea what he has in store, Neji thinks, Physical projectile arts are the least of it.
(Really, even Neji hasn't seen pale skin or dark hair or red eyes in a month, and he sometimes wonders if Oto goes into winter hibernation and laughs to himself.)
Naruto's face is as shuttered as a house against the wind whistling eerie and sharp around Konoha: Neji almost misses the Sand nin. They brought a little bit of desert warmth to Konoha hidden in green, a flashy gold against the muted forest. Naruto is a little sandy himself – looks more like he was raised on a beach than in the woods, all tan-dark and sun-blond and blue-eyed as enticing as the ocean cold on a hot day.
Neji thinks of water and wants to swim, suddenly, or wants to be flashing through the forest looking for Sasuke or almost anything, just not this awkward, slightly confused silence between them: Naruto who kissed Neji when he showed up at Neji's door and Neji who had blinked in surprise and had to think about the right response before kissing back.
Sasuke is different in that manner. Sasuke plays the aggressor, attacking first with red eyes and flying weaponry and Chidori (Neji has never seen the assassination technique before, although he's heard of it, and he doesn't really want to see it: yes, his own trade is precision, but there is something off-putting about an attack designed specifically for a sudden death and thinking about Sasuke almost killing Naruto in the scream of a thousand birds), but in reality he waits behind a wall which ranges into a cold grey sky, and more often than not it is raining with I hate you and You disgust me and How useless. And he waits for one to climb or slip through or utterlyandcompletely destroy the wall and then looks up in surprise, face open and unguarded and too innocent too startled too kissable.
"If you learn anything," Naruto says, slowly, heavily – older. He's been as unsettling and gold-lit obnoxious as ever since Kakashi brought him back, broken, and Neji pities Hinata-sama, who thinks that Naruto is okay and is normal. She will never have a chance, he thinks, and means himself. Every cell of Naruto is devoted to one goal, one person, and he may have made the promise to Sakura but here is the truth: it is because, without Sasuke, Naruto cannot be who he is. And somewhere flickering in all that clear-sky blue is death-deep recognition.
"Of course," Neji lies, smooth as his face and opaque as his eyes.
Naruto is chasing an illusion, Neji thinks. Uchiha Sasuke of Konohagakure is long gone, replaced by this icier, glacial Sasuke-of-Sound. No, not even: Sasuke has gone beyond glacial to just short of the point where matter ceases to exist. And Neji may be melodramatic at times but there it is: nothing matters to Sasuke except Itachi, and he has forced his soul and perhaps everything that feels in him to this lightless desolate narrow place where even Hyuuga Neji is cold.
Naruto waves to Lee and Gai, wading across the subzero river and shivering and waving back (sparkling something about the springtime of youth: which is ridiculous because it is about as winter as winter gets), and Neji has an entirely inappropriate vision of Lee force-feeding Sasuke curry. He wonders if Lee (who has taken up the position of Naruto's official ramen-eating-buddy when Iruka-sensei is busy) has ever even talked to Sasuke outside of the chuunin exams.
He wouldn't be surprised if no-one but Team Seven had. He remembers Sasuke from the Academy (everyone does; difficult for perfectly straight lines of shuriken ranged perfectly along diagrams of human vitals to escape the notice of shinobi) but can't recall ever hearing his voice until Sasuke had calmly broken through the illusion at the entrance of the exams.
He remembers feeling something at the back of his neck: something that whispered Watch him in more ways than one.
Naruto kicks a pebble into the water and is uncharacteristically quiet.
"What's the matter?" Neji asks, soft in the way he is when he is dangerous. He wishes he could tear the world down and present it to Naruto: here it is, take out what you don't want, but Naruto's life is a paradox and more likely than not he would put the world back exactly the same: Kyuubi-Naruto, Orochimaru-Sasuke, the Konoha will of fire forced into unwilling bloom for a war for which it is woefully unprepared.
He thinks of Naruto and Sasuke, harsh hot sun on smothering velvet night, and something curls beneath his ribs and his body feels empty, drained of everything and light enough to flutter away with the lugubrious wind.
His hand tightens on the railings.
Naruto says, "Nothing!" and grins, and it is all wrong: all of it, and Neji has never been quite as sure of what he is going to do.
And what he wants to do is say Hey, you know, I love you and Hey, you know Sasuke – Sasuke has you wound into every fibre of his soul and Hey, don't do this alone and Hey, I can take you to the bastard right now and –
And, he has to admit, he sort of wants to say Hey, you know, this is kind of weird and unorthodox and, okay, outright bizarre, I think I love you both. I think I love you both enough to die or explode or dissolve from it and sometimes it feels like I might do all three.
He thinks, almost amused, I can never think of anything to say, and when I do I can't say it, and instead of saying anything he leans over and kisses Naruto's nose, sweet like nothing real (but reality) is, and doesn't think (of Sasuke last month: dark and pale and beautiful against the weak light of late autumn and hot crimson with anger, whatever Neji had said) at all.
Naruto laughs, staccato breaths puffing heavy against Konoha's trees and what might be the first snowflake of this dry cold season, and nothing is right.
---
1537 words
As always, a massive thank-you to all reviewers. You are what bring the chapters, after all. ;D
Loko